Wang Yibo's legs were starting to feel numb from squatting for too long, and he began to sweat, unsure of how much time had passed. Wang Yibo wiped his face on the pillow and slowly stood up, leaning against the wall. He tried lifting his leg and then put it down, grimacing as he waited for the tingling sensation to subside. Just as he lowered his head, he saw a sliver of light coming through the crack in the door.
A buzz echoed in Wang Yibo's mind, and he completely forgot about his numb legs. He straightened up and turned around, and as the door was pushed open from the inside, he exclaimed, "Fuck!"
Clearly startled, Xiao Zhan jumped a little, and Wang Yibo didn't know what expression to make. Awkwardly, he smiled and said, "Um... I..."
"You scared me to death! What are you doing standing here instead of sleeping?" Xiao Zhan finally recovered after a while and pushed the door wide open. The light illuminated Wang Yibo's profile, and Xiao Zhan noticed the pillow he was clutching and the slightly reddened eyes. His heartbeat skipped a beat, and he said, "What's wrong, Yibo? Did... did you cry?"
"Are you feeling unwell somewhere? Weren't you fine earlier in the evening..." Xiao Zhan grabbed his shoulders and examined him up and down.
As Xiao Zhan's voice grew more anxious, Wang Yibo inexplicably felt his nose sore for no reason. Perhaps people were just vulnerable in the late night, especially when approaching their heat period. Fragile like glass, easily shattered with a touch. He called out, "Zhan ge" and tears fell uncontrollably, completely startling Xiao Zhan.
"What's wrong, Yibo? What's happening? Stop crying, don't cry"
Xiao Zhan hurriedly wiped away his tears, and Wang Yibo had never seen him so flustered before. The fingers clumsily wiped his tears and the messy gaze cast upon him seemed more touching than his usual thoughtfulness and understanding. Wang Yibo didn't know why he felt so wronged, staring at Xiao Zhan but unable to utter a single word, crying more and more.
"Don't cry, okay? Nothing's wrong. If something happens, tell me, I'll solve it. I can solve it." He felt as if he had returned to the day of the plane crash a year ago – Wang Yibo, soaked in rain, tears streaming down his face, looked at him through the heavy air, and he felt the pain as if it were his own.
He couldn't bear to see Wang Yibo cry. This child bit his lip and cried silently – like a burning candle, tears falling drop by drop, body melting second by second, fire burning silently.
He pulled Wang Yibo into his embrace, and Wang Yibo buried his face in Xiao Zhan's shoulder, dropping the pillow. Xiao Zhan caressed the back of his head, holding him tightly, and said, "Listen to me, okay? Stop crying, or your eyes will swell. I'm here, everything will be fine."
"Actually, there's nothing wrong" Wang Yibo managed to calm down and said, "I just can't sleep, insomnia. It's been a few days now, as soon as the lights go out, my mind starts wandering, and I don't know why. Maybe it's because the heat period is approaching. I feel so strange lately." As he spoke, he pouted, and his voice choked, "For no reason, I'm constantly conflicted, inexplicably afraid, and I cry for no reason. I can't understand anything anymore."
His words were somewhat incoherent, and Xiao Zhan didn't fully understand what was happening, but he could tell that Wang Yibo's thoughts were muddled, and his emotions were in a terrible state.
He could only attribute Wang Yibo's unusual behaviour to the impending heat period. Perhaps it was the side effect of long-term suppressant use, or maybe their long-delayed bonding process was exacerbating the effects of the heat period.
"Okay, don't be afraid, Yibo. You're feeling this way because the heat period is approaching" Xiao Zhan comforted him in a soft voice, holding him close. "You can't sleep every night?"
Wang Yibo turned his head to look at him, sniffed, and said, "Basically."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Xiao Zhan brushed aside his messy bangs and gently touched his face. "Tell me everything that's bothering you, all the confusion, fear, and sadness. Even if I can't solve them for you, just by telling me, you'll feel much better."
Wang Yibo blinked his eyes and leaned closer to Xiao Zhan's neck, asking, "Really?"
"Of course. Venting your negative emotions through sharing helps alleviate them and allows others to share the burden with you. Every time you talk about it, you'll feel a bit lighter" Xiao Zhan said, noticing Wang Yibo's actions. He placed his palm on the back of Wang Yibo's head, releasing his pheromones. Wang Yibo eagerly sniffed at it and murmured, "More."
Tickled by his gesture, Xiao Zhan felt playful and patted Wang Yibo, saying, "Stop tickling me, little one. Pick up your pillow, shall we go back to the room? Weren't you coming to sleep with me?"
"What are you saying? Who said I came to sleep with you?" Wang Yibo glared at him, bending down to pick up the pillow. Xiao Zhan raised an eyebrow teasingly and said, "If you're not here to sleep, what else do you want to do? Don't tell me you think my suggestion of sleeping means something else?"
"It depends on what you understand" Wang Yibo patted the pillow, looking at Xiao Zhan with disdain. "Do you think I'm a three-year-old child? Can't you comprehend that?"
Xiao Zhan laughed, "If I treated you like a three-year-old, would I still tell you dirty jokes? We're both adults now, so late at night, let's not be so serious." He held Wang Yibo's hand and led him back to the room, closing the door behind them.
Wang Yibo also laughed and glanced at Xiao Zhan, saying, "Okay, let's not be so serious. In the middle of the night, all alone, if we're not sleeping, is sleeping with you an option?"
"Yes." Xiao Zhan returned to the bed, pulling Wang Yibo along. He turned to look at Wang Yibo, his eyes still slightly red, and his eyelashes seemed damp, softening the sharp edges, especially suited for the wee hours and the hazy light. Xiao Zhan gazed at him and said, "Actually, I've always wanted to ask you. It's been a year, living together, and I can do something for you effortlessly. Yibo, tell me honestly, have you ever been scared?"
"No." Wang Yibo didn't hesitate at all. "You wouldn't."
"Do you trust me that much?" Xiao Zhan couldn't help but smile. "You make me feel embarrassed. I've never even trusted myself that much."
"It's not just about trust" Wang Yibo shook his head and said, "You wouldn't do something so shameless. I wouldn't allow it. Could you rape me? Forget it, Zhan ge, if you try halfway, you'll end up turning yourself in."
"Damn it, are you praising me or scolding me?" Xiao Zhan slapped him lightly. Wang Yibo buried half of his face in the blanket, laughing before raising his head. He cleared his throat and said, "But I have been scared..."
"What?" Xiao Zhan asked.
"I'm scared of losing control." Wang Yibo looked up at the ceiling, his left hand intertwined with Xiao Zhan's right hand. He let out a long sigh and said, "I was thinking about this when I couldn't sleep just now. The suppressants don't work as well anymore due to prolonged use, and the symptoms are more severe. But what about the future? Will there come a day when the suppressants completely lose their effect? Will the heat period become so severe that I lose my sanity and even my self-awareness? Regardless of the Alpha in front of me, as long as he's an Alpha, will I beg him to claim me."
He instinctively tightened his grip on Xiao Zhan's hand. "I'm a little scared."
"Yibo." Xiao Zhan watched as Yibo closed his eyes and furrowed his brows, his Adam's apple rolling with difficulty, once and then again. He pulled Yibo's hand and said, "Don't be afraid, it won't happen."
Yibo opened his eyes, and Xiao Zhan reached out his hand, calling him over. Yibo moved into Xiao Zhan's embrace, leaning against his chest. Xiao Zhan's gentle pheromones gradually enveloped him. Yibo held onto Xiao Zhan tightly and said, "In case that day really comes, Zhan ge, don't let me be marked by someone else."
"I've actually thought about it. If I had to be marked, I could only accept it from you." Xiao Zhan tried to keep his voice steady and even laughed. "Ge, are you willing?"
Xiao Zhan fell silent, then said, "But that's something far, far in the future. By then, you might have found true love, and we might have divorced, and I won't be by your side during your heat period."
"It won't happen." Xiao Zhan's chin rubbed against Wang Yibo's head, and he caught a whiff of the sweet scent of figs—that was the smell of the Tree of Life's sap.
He recalled the scorching summer day many years ago.
He pushed open the door to the instructor's office, and Wang Yibo, who was tiptoeing to reach a model plane on top of a cabinet, turned around. He had just finished training, covered in sweat, with his training uniform dirty. He was fair and clean, with a pair of slim and straight legs under his shorts. Xiao Zhan walked over and helped him retrieve the model plane, saying, "I'm Xiao Zhan. The instructor is busy, so he asked me to keep you company and play for a while." Wang Yibo nodded and held the model plane, saying, "Dad told me about you. Thank you, Zhan ge." He smiled obediently at him, and the air conditioning breeze blew against his tank top, but he only felt hot.
Looking back now, that was probably the moment when he fell in love with Wang Yibo—the first time they met when Yibo was fourteen.
How strange it was that he could develop feelings for a child. But he should have realized it earlier, to express his feelings before Wang Yibo went through his split. Perhaps Wang Yibo would have liked him and eventually accepted his Omega status.
Unfortunately, there is no remedy for regrets. If you want to make do with life, you shouldn't dwell on "what if" and "I could have."
The light brought him back to reality, and Xiao Zhan lowered his gaze, saying, "I won't let anyone mark you. If you don't want it, no one can mark you."
"Including myself."
He had never said how much he cherished these moments of holding Yibo. Yibo also didn't know that he had entered his bedroom in the early morning multiple times, adjusting the air conditioning temperature or tucking him in, and then quietly hiding by the bedside to watch him for a while. Those lingering late-night gazes were just as solemn as the moment he put the diamond ring on Yibo's finger.
Wang Yibo nestled closer to Xiao Zhan's embrace - without even realizing it, Xiao Zhan held him tighter. "I promise. Yibo, no one can hurt you."
Wang Yibo was moved, at least Xiao Zhan could feel his shoulders trembling. Xiao Zhan patted his back and said, "Don't cry."
Wang Yibo shook his head and then chuckled, "I don't know why, but when you say those things, it makes me feel incredibly safe. It doesn't feel empty at all." He buried his head in Xiao Zhan's chest, his voice muffled. "Is it because you're a soldier? Because I know you're fierce in fights?"
Xiao Zhan laughed and said, "You're teasing me again. I'm being so serious, can't you show a little appreciation?"
"I'm moved, why wouldn't I be?" Wang Yibo lifted his head to look at him, then raised his hand and patted Xiao Zhan's chest. Xiao Zhan made a clicking sound and swatted his hand away, causing Wang Yibo to burst into laughter. He said, "You haven't been exercising either, how come your chest is so big? It's soft and comfortable. Let me bury myself for a while."
"You brat, hey, I'm going to hit you."
"Who are you trying to scare? If you dare hit me, I'll accuse you of domestic violence." Wang Yibo playfully buried himself in Xiao Zhan's "soft" chest, and Xiao Zhan grabbed the back of his neck and laughed, saying, "You're insane. And hey, don't breathe so heavily, it tickles, Yibo."
Wang Yibo said, "You're talking nonsense. If I don't breathe, won't I suffocate?"
Eventually, Xiao Zhan got used to it and stopped laughing, letting him lie there while Wang Yibo settled down as well. He smelled the soothing scent of cedarwood and thought, telling Xiao Zhan about his fears was it just for seeking comfort? Why did he feel scared and want to hide even after Xiao Zhan made a sincere promise?
But this fear wasn't dread, it was apprehension and restlessness, similar to the feeling when he received the watch. It wasn't about rejecting but feeling unworthy.
"Ge" he rubbed his lower leg against the bedding, as if lying in a cold cedar forest after the rain, gradually overcome by drowsiness. He asked Xiao Zhan, "Can you keep holding me like this until I fall asleep?"
"Mhm." Xiao Zhan actually disliked Wang Yibo being so polite. He arranged Wang Yibo's pillow, turned off the light, and then embraced him, saying, "Sleep now."
Wang Yibo gazed into the dense darkness, unable to see Xiao Zhan's face, but he didn't feel his back cooling down either. He softly asked, "Will I be a burden to you?"
"Hmm?"
"I haven't been able to control my pheromones recently, they might leak out" Wang Yibo said somewhat embarrassedly. "I'm afraid it will make you uncomfortable..."
"Don't worry, I received professional pheromone blocking training in the military" Xiao Zhan reassured him with a pat on the back. "Unless I want to, your pheromones won't affect me. I won't take advantage of you while you're asleep."
Wang Yibo pursed his lips. "I'm worried about making you uncomfortable, not about that."
"I know," Xiao Zhan said. "I was just joking. Don't get worked up, sleep now."
The room fell into silence, enveloped in the strong scent of cedarwood with a subtle hint of fig. With his eyes closed, Wang Yibo said, "Goodnight, Zhan ge."
"Goodnight, Yibo."
His gaze was like water, silently and hopefully nourishing him in the darkness, longing to show him the blue sky, and the world, and have conversations with free-flying birds. But he only wanted to hide in the dark corner, not even lifting his head.