Days just wouldn't seem to pass. Minutes felt like an eternity of hell. It was too hard to distinguish reality from daydreams, and it was getting harder each day to function.
Even working wasn't easy. Every paper I would pick up would magically be blank, and my thoughts would turn back to Freya.
Now that I knew she was alive and well, I was seeing her everywhere. Slowly, it was turning into an obsession I couldn't shake off. Her eyes, the look of pain and hatred on her face when she saw me was embedded in my mind.
Perhaps, it wasn't hatred that I saw. However, since I'd been blinded by fury since finding out that she was alive and well — all these years, it was me that felt nothing but hatred. I was projecting and it was making me lose my mind.
Celine was the first one to notice the drastic behavior change. Sebastian wasn't in London, but our sister made it her mission to keep him posted. Regardless, I dismissed any attempt of Celine trying to get information out of me. What the fuck was I supposed to tell her, anyway?
Not like it would've been a believable story.
She probably would've thought I'd completely lost my mind. It'd been five years since Freya's supposed death, and aside from Cora, Luka and myself, no one had seen her. So, there was no chance in hell I was telling Celine anything. She would've sent me to a psych ward.
''What is going on, Elijah?''
I jolted from my seat. I slammed the laptop shut at the sound of Nina's voice. I wasn't doing anything but work, yet, I still had the urge to hide whatever it was on the screen from her. Her voice was soft, as it always had been, so it was a surprise to myself as well as to why I'd been startled.
''That's what I'm talking about,'' she swallowed harshly and leaned against the doorframe. Her gaze was tender, worry laced her pretty eyes. ''You're so... jumpy. I honestly think it's time for us to go home.''
That gained my attention quickly. ''What? Why? I can't leave now, I still have some unresolved business.''
Nina blinked. ''We've been here for a while, and I don't mind moving anywhere on the globe for you. I don't know what is it about this place but you've changed so much recently.''
I paused to think. She was correct, but there was no way I was going to admit it. I sighed, and pushed myself off the chair. Slowly, I walked towards her, and the sleepiness became visible on her face. She had bags under her eyes, and I knew it was because she was worried. Nina was worried about me.
''It's just stress,'' I lied easily. ''This time of year is really busy and it will all be over soon.''
Nina shook her head, though didn't distance herself when I tried to hug her. ''Why don't you start hiring interns again? From what I've heard, they're actually helpful and it might help get some load off your back.''
''It's not that easy,'' I shut her idea down, and that caused her to raise an eyebrow. ''The season is almost over. I can do that starting next year.''
A low laugh slipped her lips as she took a step back. Her eyes were glued to mine, and a look of disbelief, mixed with sadness flashed on her face. ''When did we start lying to each other, Elijah?''
I didn't respond. I couldn't. Unless I wanted to tell her the truth, there was nothing I could've said that would've helped the situation. I bit my bottom lip to prevent another ugly lie from escaping and Nina simply sighed before turning around.
''And do something about that freaking cat,'' she mumbled. ''It's getting on my nerves.''
As if on cue, Lilith emerged from the shadows. Whenever Lilith and Nina were in the same room, Lilith was... a handful. The dislike towards Nina was evident, and she would hiss and even piss in Nina's shoes.
Even over the period of time they'd spent together, it seemed that instead of growing to like each other, they just hated the other one more. Lilith scratched her more times than I was able to count, and Nina threatened to get rid of Lilith at least four times a day.
I didn't have it in me to give Lilith away after Freya's death. Well, fake death. Lilith was the only reminder of her, and I was treasuring her dearly. Lilith was with me every day in the office, always with me on business trips. The two of us were inseparable.
Never in my life had I thought I'd become a cat dad, but here we are.
And there was no chance in hell I was getting rid of her. She was mine, and I had her since she was practically a baby.
My phone rang and it broke my train of thoughts. Slowly, I picked Lilith up and she began purring almost immediately. With a chuckle, I whipped out the phone from my back pocket and responded without looking at the caller ID.
''Hello?''
''Hey, man,'' Luka's voice surprised me. Him and Cora visited me in the hospital, but it meant that he was still in London, since he was calling me. ''Do you have some time to grab a drink?''
I glanced at my wristwatch. It was almost midnight. ''Right now?''
''Yeah, it's kind of an emergency.''
''Give me the address.''
I'd gotten ready in record time. Nina tried to prevent me from leaving, and that failed. Then, she begged to tag along and I shut that down, too. I used the excuse of Luka needing to discuss something personal and she dropped the subject.
As soon as I read the address, I knew where this conversation would go. Without wasting a minute, I was ready and out of the door. My chest tightened whilst I was driving. It was a record time before I arrived. Reckless driving wasn't my thing, ever, and I was surprised as to why I was rushing.
Perhaps it was because a part of me was hoping to see her there. It was weekend, and the chances of her working were high. Unsettling feeling was in the pit of my stomach and my throat tightened.
I walked inside, and Luka waved me over. His booth was in the far corner, and since it was crowded, I couldn't see from the entrance who was working behind the bar.
''Hey,'' he greeted as I sat down. I raised an eyebrow at the sight of a champagne bottle and a glass ready for me. ''I ordered for you, hope it's all right.''
''Yeah, it is.''
I didn't have to question him, he simply started speaking.
''You and I both know what's going on here,'' he motioned with his eyes towards the bar. I resisted the urge, though barely, to look at where she was standing. ''And something needs to be done.''
I closed my eyes for a brief moment, overwhelmed for a split second before I pushed it to the back of my mind. ''How long have you known?''
''A month.''
I chuckled. ''And you didn't tell me?''
''How was I supposed to tell you something like this? It wasn't my place, but that wasn't the issue. The issue is that I would've looked like a lunatic.''
''I dug up her grave.''
Luka blinked and went silent. The music wasn't as loud, but the silence sure as fuck was.
''You did what? Are you insane?''
I took a deep breath. ''She visited me in the hospital and left some marks.. that only she would've been able to leave. And it was definitely on purpose. She could've done it anonymously. Why reveal herself?''
His shoulders slumped. ''I don't know. She's been through a lot and I do understand why she did what she did, but still... It's hard to accept that all this time, she's been well and alive.''
It was instinct at this point. My eyes traveled all across the spacious club until they landed on her. Her hair was in a half-up, half-down style, her uniform ironed to perfection. Even over the loud music, I could hear her laughter. It remained the same, pure, angelic, blissful. It was hard peeling my eyes away from her outstanding beauty.
Especially because she was smiling and laughing at something that idiot was telling. I did some digging on every single man who had entered this bar in the past decade, and this motherfucker kept on coming only when Freya was working.
He didn't deserve to hear her laugh. He didn't deserve to have her looking at him like that. Hell, he didn't even deserve to speak to her.
I did.
It was anger, jealousy and envy that were slowly threatening to break through. None of it hurt as much as it hurt when our eyes met. In an instant, that smile, those warm eyes vanished. Her face went pale, lips thinned into a line and a sharp look was in her eyes.
It took Luka shaking me out of the staring contest to realize that even thinking like this was wrong. It was wrong on too many levels.
It was Luka who had to remind me that I had a fiance at home.
And that broke me even more.