A month had passed since Alex and I retrieved the Tibetan boy, whose name turned out to be Kalden. That first mission, Alex told me, would haunt me for weeks to come.
"It's normal," he told me one day while we were stretching for a game of basketball. "You'll wonder what you could have done better, what mistakes you could have avoided. If you'd have taken this or that shot, if we went fast enough, if we would have made a right turn instead of a left turn. Don't let it get to you. And as far as the Americans go... well, stuff happens, doesn't it?"
Every day I wondered how we made it out alive, how we'd gotten past the Americans who had tracked us down, somehow. It wasn't a stroke of luck on their behalf, though. I knew that they'd seen me on the cameras in the airport at Shimla. I didn't want Alex to take them out, but they were dangerous looking, almost vicious. When they began to pile out of their vehicles, weapons drawn, Alex put bullets into each of them before they knew who exactly they were dealing with. I didn't protest due to the fact that I was in complete shock. What if they weren't evil people? What if they wanted to help me? Help Alex? I didn't say much to him on the trip back. I made myself useful by placing a stun dart in Kal's chest every time he woke up and began muttering in a language we didn't quite understand.
It was funny, however, because as soon as his first week in brain wave monitoring passed, a period we all went through so that they could monitor us and make sure we were who they thought we were, Kal began speaking perfect English. He was a quiet guy, tall and muscular, tan skin and black hair. He blended in soon enough with the r
I didn't bother talking much after that first trip. I'd been on two other trips since Tibet: a trip to Yokohama, Japan with Alex and Enzo, and a trip to Lima, Peru with only Alex. Lima was pretty much a scouting run, where we went and scoped out a potential target that Scott wasn't too sure about. It was a dry run, something that Alex told me happened more often than they'd like. It was costly to send two people to another country and have them stay a few days just to come back empty handed.
In Yokohama, however, we'd retrieved Rin. We (Alex and Enzo) had ambushed her while she was on her way home from a school function one night. I watched as she kicked Enzo's ass before Alex could get a hold of her, restraining her arms behind her back as I put a dart in her stomach. She slid down Alex's legs, out cold, her jet black hair falling in front of her face. She was nineteen, two weeks away from finishing high school.
Standing there, watching Enzo catch his breath while Alex laughed at him for being a wimp, I thought about how cruel the world was. Two weeks away from graduating high school. We couldn't have waited two weeks and one day later to do this?
That night, back on the plane to Toronto, I thought about the two weeks that were stolen from Rin. The life that would be stolen from her. As I drifted off to sleep, a memory came back to me.
I sat in a warm house on a leather couch, the familiar Asian guy sitting across from me in a recliner with his lean,strong legs kicked up. Though the house was warm, the atmosphere was made cold by the handsome man. We were talking. He looked disgusted with me, like I had disappointed him somehow.
"I hit you, and you think I'm too nice still?" I asked him.
"Do you see a black eye?"
I shook my head. "Well, no, but....I still tried. And I'm proud of that."
He rolled his eyes. "You shouldn't be."
"Why are you so mean?" I asked.
The words I said to him replayed over and over in my mind. Why are you so mean? That was the first memory I had of him where he felt mean, as if I could feel the anger coming off him in waves. After that memory, more angry ones followed. I'd try to fall asleep in the living quarters back in Toronto, only to get on the edge of unconsciousness and have a memory of him return to me. In one memory, he stood in the kitchen of the warm home made cold by him as he sipped on one of the many bottles of alcohol he had stock piled in his cabinets. In another memory, we were on a plane. I'd made him angry, made him stalk away from me to the back of the plane. I made the mistake of following him to the back, only to have him spin around and get in my face about something. I never knew what it was he got in my face about because I'd always jolt awake, afraid of him, not wanting to see that side of him.
On each trip I considered pulling the same camera stunt I'd pulled in Shimla. I didn't show my face to a camera in Japan for three reasons. One, Enzo was with us. He was improving overall with his skills. His aim was improving. His fighting was improving. Deebo told us all that he was a natural sneak, able to move from place to place with a stealth mode that would have made James Bond bow down to him. But he was still Enzo to me, the same dorky kid I'd only met a little over a month ago, the same one with the babyish features that made me want to protect him from all of this. There was no way I was going to let the same showdown happen again between the Americans and Alex and I, especially not with Enzo involved. Reason number two, the areas we were assigned to go were densely populated; if one died in Tibet, a hundred would have suffered in Japan or Peru. Number three, I didn't want him to die, the one I'd kept seeing in the memories that were coming back to me more rapidly now. I knew him, knew that he meant more to me than just a grumpy young beautiful model of a man who chewed me out and told me I shouldn't be proud of myself. If he were to show up in one of the American's groups and Alex just so happened to kill him... I thought of the first mission, of how Alex killed the Americans. I thought of how I walked to each body to make sure it wasn't him while Alex walked to each body to salvage any usable weapons they'd had. If he would have been among the dead... I couldn't think of it. It hurt to think of it. It hurt so often that I'd have painful pings in my chest, as if my heart was tired of sustaining such a worthless person like myself and wanted to no longer keep me going, trying to claw its way from my chest and find someone better to live in.
In short, the last month wasn't easy.
Enzo looked at me funny now, as the weight of life as I knew it came crashing down on my shoulders again. In the middle of lunch, like it always did. It wasn't like I was going to eat today, anyways.
I put my fork back on my plate of baked chicken and mashed potatoes when Enzo tapped me on the shoulder.
"Hey, you okay? Not hungry again?"
I forced a smile at him, something I'd became good at. Not only forcing smiles at him, but everyone. If anything, everyone thought I was only a little withdrawn, maybe trying to take in the first full month of being here. "No, I'm not hungry. And I'm alright. Want my food? A growing boy has to eat," I joked as I pushed my plate toward him. A few aww's came from Deebo and Addie as I stood. Deebo began calling me Mama El after the first couple of weeks, seeing how I took up for Enzo, how I wanted him on my team during training even when everyone knew I was sending myself up a creek without a paddle. They saw how much I cared for him. Enzo didn't mind, either. He knew most people were afraid of me here, except for Alex, and joked about getting his mother to beat up those who bullied him. He came to accept the joking role of my adopted son, who actually happened to be a few months older than me.
I stood, told everyone I'd see them in forty minutes to begin afternoon training. Told them not to eat too much or else they'd puke, and I wasn't cleaning it up. Gave Enzo a kiss on the forehead, saying, "Behave, son." That got several more people laughing. From the corner of my eye, I saw Alex smile.
I went back to the empty living quarters. Everyone always piled into the cafeteria to eat, never bothering to come up here for lunch. I was thankful for the quiet as I plopped down on one of the couches.
A few seconds passed. I sat up, wide eyed, almost driven insane by the silence that crashed down around me. Until I heard sounds from outside on the balcony.
"What are you doing out here?" I asked Piper after I'd opened the door, letting the warm air rush inside.
The little girl looked up at me, upset that I'd interrupted her. She sat at the small round table, a game of chess laid out in front of her. "Are you playing yourself?" I asked her in bewilderment. This kid scared me.
Her light blonde hair whipped around her face from the wind, blue eyes piercing mine. "So what if I am?" she asked, her tone not matching the look her face gave. Her voice sounded small, as if she were worn out. She gave it her all in morning training, like she always did. Maybe she was tired. Maybe this was just her quiet time.
"Sorry if I bothered you, I just heard a noise and didn't think anyone was up here. Holler if you need anything," I said as I closed the door.
"Wait," she called out.
I poked my head around the door, raised my eyebrows and smiled nicely. This time, the smile was genuine.
If anyone was withdrawn around here, it was Piper. She was a threatening little girl, something normal seven-year-olds weren't supposed to be. She only ever talked to Alex, making me afraid of what garbage he was shoveling into her already disturbed brain. She never floated around to everyone to socialize like the rest of the people here did. She always kept to herself, or to Alex. She was always in the training room or out here on the balcony, by herself, playing chess. I realized that I never saw her smile.
The scenario wasn't unfamiliar to me. She was a wounded animal. I wanted to help her. The only problem was that I didn't know how to help nor how to approach this wild child.
"What do you mean?" she asked me, her voice skeptical.
"What do you mean, what do I mean?"
"You know what I mean," she said calmly, moving another chess piece.
I did know what she meant, but I also knew that she could keep up with me, which was something I liked about her. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to call me."
"What would I need from you?"
I pursed my lips, shrugged my shoulders. "A drink? I could get you some water. Or make you some sweet tea, assuming that there's a box of Lipton lying around here. Or if you needed someone to hang out with or talk to-"
"No, thanks," she said in an unsure tone.
"Alright. Just holler," I told her again, shutting the door.
I went back to sit on the couch, having no idea of how to waste the rest of the thirty minutes I had for lunch. Luckily, Piper all but ran through the door, afraid that I was leaving.
She stood in the doorway, regarding me. I sat on the couch, forcing my lips to stay in a straight line.
"Do you like chess?" she asked.
"I have no clue how to play it, to be honest."
She rolled her icy eyes. "What do you know how to do?"
I thought for a moment. What could I and this girl possibly have in common?
"Do you like basketball?"
She stared at me. "Alex and I play basketball sometimes. He always beats me."
"Do you guys ever play horse?" I asked, moving to sit on the arm of the couch so that I'd be more eye-level with her.
"Horse?"
"Please tell me that you've played horse before!" I gasped, trying to get her to smile.
She looked at the floor, then back at me, and I wanted to hurl myself off the balcony. There was no telling what this small child went through before she came here. There were endless possibilities that led to her not knowing how to play one of the most common, normal childhood games I could think of.
I got up from the couch. "Okay. Let's go."
"What?"
"We're going to play a small game of horse. And later you can teach me how to play chess. Though it might take me some time to learn chess. Looks difficult."
"It is difficult," she said slowly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Why do you want to do anything with me? No one ever wants to."
I had the feeling that my offer for her to call me if she needed anything was the first offer of its kind to her, as was the notion that I wanted to do an activity, just the two of us. She was suspicious, and rightly so.
I had a feeling that this kid and I had more in common than we realized.
So I walked up to her, knelt down in front of her to look her in the eyes. She was a little taller than me when I knelt, but it was better than me towering over her with my tall frame.
I didn't smile at her. I didn't try to win her over by niceness. She was a straightforward kind of person, a person who didn't deal with bullshit, a person who wanted others to get to the point with her. And she was only seven.
"I know why you tolerate Alex," I told her. "The same reason I do. Most of the time he's a humorless, no-nonsense, cold-hearted guy. But that's not why we like him, is it? We like him because he's straight with others. Doesn't play around like the rest of the goons in this place. Am I right?"
Piper looked at my face, neither agreeing or disagreeing, which meant she agreed.
I continued. "The way I see it, both of us are going downhill. And quick. We can't change the situation we're in, but we sure as hell can make the most of it. I can't mope around and you can't sit outside with your solo game of chess going all day long. If we're going to make it, we have to stick together. We're alike, you and I. There's not many people I trust in here, Piper, but I have a feeling that I can trust you. Now let's play some friggin' horse."