Wooyoung
I'm so relieved Yeosang has just given me a chance to explain everything to him. I know he is still not ready to forgive me but still, having him listening to me is a step forward.
Now I have an hour left before my first class so I push the gymnasium door and head to the library. I never had the opportunity to study there preferring staying in my room. I guess letting the dorm to Yeosang for a couple of days will help me go to public places more often. I started to like it actually.
I enter the library and sit down on the first chair that I see ready to keep up with my courses.
***
I almost arrived late to my first class, too absorbed by my research paper in the library.
I got lost in my thoughts after making a plan to intercept Yeosang by the end of this week so we can talk about us being friends again.
"Good morning my friend," Hyunjin's voice gets me out of my mind. I look around and spot his blonde hair at the back of the class.
When I join him, I raise an eyebrow concerned about my friend's sudden smile lightening up his face. Is it my presence that puts him such in a good mood? Something must be up.
"Are you alright?" I ask, uncertain while he gives me an amused look.
I stare at him waiting for an explanation but he turns his attention to his phone. "Can your friend not smile for no reason?" he says almost sarcastically.
"Not really." I let go. "There must be a reason," I say while getting my books out of my bag.
"Okay fine, there is." He starts while showing me a post on his phone. "I've been invited to my first fashion show in two weeks, crazy right?" I read the post carefully and was really impressed by the different celebrities invited. My friend is finally getting recognized.
"Wow that's super nice, I know you've been modeling for a while but that's a greater opportunity," I praise him.
Hyunjin smiles, happy with my reaction. He then looks back to his phone and suddenly, his smile disappears. "The only thing is that I'm gonna miss the swimming competition," he adds looking a little disappointed.
"Oh, you wanted to cheer Felix up don't you?" I say remembering they've been dating for a month now. Hyunjin was actually the first guy in the university I told I was gay, after that, we began to hang out more, and now we are quite close.
"Yes, he's probably going to be happy for me, he knows I've wished that for a while, but I know Felix really wanted me to be there too," he continues looking even sadder. I put my hand on his shoulder showing that everything is going to be fine. "I'm sure Lix will understand," I assure him.
Hyunjin deep sighs. "I don't know about that, he really swims better when someone's there for him..."
And he's right, Felix has had better scores ever since he started dating Hyunjin.
A moment of silence passed, both of us lost in our thoughts.
"Maybe you could go for me?" He says out of the blue, looking at me with so much apprehension.
"I don't know... You know I hate those kinds of events." I add, remembering that water and I make two. Just the thought of being close to a pool gives me goosebumps.
"I know, but it's for a good cause and it's only for a couple of hours," he insists, making me feel bad if I were to say no. "Think about it okay?"
"Okay." I simply say, still not convinced. I turn my sight and get lost in my head looking at the teacher opening his PowerPoint.
"Omg..." Hyunjin lets go with a shaky voice making me panic a little.
"What?" I say, my heart racing in my chest.
"Felix just texted me that some guy, San, passed out in the pool during the swim training this morning." He announces with wide eyes still staring at his phone.
My breath gets stuck in my throat. What the hell...
***
All day I could not think of something else than what Hyunjin told me in my economy class. In each of my courses, I was not able to listen to anything the teacher was saying or answer any of his questions.
"Mister Jung, can you resume in one sentence what was the main idea of this critique?"
I raise my head and look around noticing that every eye is on me even the teacher's.
"What was the question again?" I ask completely caught off guard.
"I expect you to be more attentive in my class Mister Jung," the teacher says firmly.
"Sorry sir," I mumble embarrassed.
And everything was getting worse as the hours passed. I just couldn't focus, I was too stressed out.
After my last class was finally over, I almost ran to the nursing center.
I was so desperate that I almost skipped the registration office. "You need to register first," the lady says keeping me away from seeing San in the instant.
The nurse informs me that I only have ten minutes because some patients need to sleep as well. I acknowledge and enter looking for one person in particular. I search around but most of the chairs around me are empty, people probably prefer staying in their dorms rather than staying here. I can understand that, the smell of medical products triggers me and it's not even been a minute.
I walk to another room where there are more beds and freeze completely when my eyes catch him, alone, in a small bed.
"San, I..." I start walking fast towards his bed, but as soon as I step in I notice that his eyes are closed.
Is he... Is he dead? I sense my whole body tensing and my heartbeat accelerating.
What if he is? I couldn't... I couldn't survive that. I feel my breath hitching and my eyes watering.
This can't be happening.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. There are still chances he's not.
Without hesitation, I take his wrist to check his pulse. I sigh in relief. I feel it. He's alive.
Thank god.
I sat down on the bed next to his to regain all my senses; I got scared to death for a second.
I watch him sleep peacefully and wonder what happened in the pool today. I know San used to do swimming competitions back in high school, but I didn't know he joined the university club. Why didn't Seongwha tell me about it? He's not the team captain for nothing. Maybe it's because I never asked about any of it ever so he thought I wouldn't care.
And besides, he doesn't know that a shirtless San is not something I wouldn't care about. But I do care.
In the end, it doesn't matter because San doesn't want to be friends with me anymore.
Should I just leave him alone then? He probably doesn't even want me here.
I stood up and took one last look at his beautiful face. He seems so serine like that, the opposite of what he looks like when he's with me. Maybe San was right, maybe we're better off without each other.
Still, I can't help but not be mad at him. For everything. I can't act like I don't mind anymore.
I sigh and start playing with the bracelets on my wrist before looking back at the man in front of me. "I never thought I would be ever scared again of losing you, but today.. I did." I stop talking, somehow expecting him to say something but he doesn't reply, still sleeping deeply.
I continue, feeling like I need to let everything out of my chest.
"I was scared something really bad happened to you, I..." I look away embarrassed to tell the truth but I decide to finish my sentence nonetheless.
"I can't lose you".
These were the last words I pronounced before taking his hand in my hand for the last time. His palm feels so cold in mine but I don't mind, just this simple contact makes my heart racing and it makes me feel better.
I really thought San would be always my person, but everything just seemed to drag us apart. I just need to accept that and move on.
I'm about to leave him when I feel his hand gently squeezing mine and I feel my heart skipping a beat.
Did he really move? Did he?
"San?" I say, convinced that my imagination was tricking me.
His facial expression tense and he slowly opens his eyes.
"Woo... Wooyoung?" I hear him say in a whisper.
"It's me San, it's me," I say moving my hand from his hand to his face, almost feeling that none of this is real. I caress his black hair behind his ear and smile after noticing that his dimples are showing up.
"Why are you here?" San asks me in one breath looking at me curiously.
"I..." I started but got cut off by someone's else voice.
"San, we have to go," the man says behind me. I turn around and meet a tall guy with brown hair standing not too far away from San's bed.
"And you are?" the new coming asks me as soon as our eyes meet.
"I should ask you the same question," I simply say unbothered.
"I'm Mingi," he adds with a smile, probably finding my comeback funny, but I wasn't, still feeling bitterness about the interruption.
"Wooyoung," I say before moving to the side awkwardly to let Mingi talk to San since they seem to know each other.
"I'm bringing you, home man, is that okay?" he tells San while the other nobs.
I see the guy helping San to pack his bag and I instantly feel like I don't belong here anymore.
Why was I staying? San isn't even my friend no more. I should go and leave him with his real friend.
"I'm gonna head to my room if you guys don't need me," I announce starting to walk away.
I really thought I could face San, but now that he is fully awake I just find it more difficult.
The last time we talked he said that we shouldn't see each other anymore. I just don't want San to be angry at me for being here.
"Wait, maybe we'll need you if he can't walk." The taller says to retain me. Great.
I walk back but get stopped by San's voice. "No. No, don't worry I can walk," he says before standing up without much difficulty.
"Okay then, bye," I conclude, giving him one last sight and he smiles at me, thankful.
"Alright, bye," Mingi says before I walk out of the room.
After all, I'm just happy he's okay.