Is life sweet? I don't think so. Life ain't life without its bitterness. That's exactly why I say life's bittersweet. It's not an original or innovative phrase, it was just a thought I had stuck between my braincells.
The twin's birthday is this Friday. They're turning sixteen. Emma and Rory were so excited about it, they had a plan: dinner at the grandparents on Friday and a town party at their house on Saturday. I repeat, they had a plan.
"Hey." Tristan was leaning against Emma's lockers.
"What, Tristan?"
"I just wanted to say 'Happy Birthday'."
"It's not my birthday." She was very confused.
"No, but it will be." The confusion worsened when Tristan pulled a white shiny paper out of his pocket. He starts reading the meticulously written words. "On Friday, at 4:03 in the morning, Lorelai Leigh Gilmore and Emma Ro-"
She interrupted his reading and took the paper out of his hand.
"What is that?" She looked at in disbelief. It was an invite to her and her sister's birthday party, a party she didn't know she was having. "Who else got this?"
"I don't know. Everyone in our class, I think."
"I have to go." She closed her locker.
Emma was too deep into distress, she was too focused on finding Rory. Coincidently, Rory was looking for her. Paris approached her with a similar birthday joke.
The twins saw each other's pale faces and immediately ran to each other. Rory was about to say something, a confirmation that their panic came from the same deep dark well, but some girl's voice got their attention:
"That's them." It was Summer.
"My parents are making me go." It was one of Summer's wannabes called Clarissa.
"Another obligation party?!" Another one whined.
"It's so sad. They didn't have enough friends for a party and their grandparents had to come for the rescue." Summer laughed at her own joke. "Thankfully, my parents aren't forcing me to go. But have fun, girls!"
The twins' faces got even paler. It was an actual nightmare.
Summer walked away and bumped into Emma's shoulder on purpose. Emma was about to say something when she saw Summer's destination: Tristan. She hugged him from the back and he didn't seem surprise, he didn't flinch, he didn't move at all. Summer whispered something into his ear, then he moved, but the movement wasn't the one Summer expected. Tristan muttered something in a emotionless sense and walked the other way, Emma's way. Summer's lips pouted angrily.
"I'll see you Friday, birthday girl!"
He completed ignored the fact that it was Rory's birthday too. Oh well.
✯✯✯
It's 7pm. The girls arrived at their grandparents an hour before. They were already dressed in their dresses painted in different shades of blue. The guests entered the front door and the boring party full of the classmates they barely talked to was starting.
Emma excused herself out of a dull conversation with some family friends she just met and passed through the front door. Tristan walked in.
"Coming to greet me?"
"Hello, Tristan." She pronounced the words curtly.
"So, where's my birthday kiss?" He always had that half smirk half smile on his face that infuriated her.
"It's my birthday."
His smiled brightened.
"Then I'll give you a birthday kiss." He took a step closer. She took a step back.
"Ew. What is wrong with you?" The party wasn't going well, she didn't want to spend the evening with people she didn't care about and that didn't care about her. To top it all, Tristan's playfulness was making everything worse. If it was a different occasion maybe she would've played along, but not tonight.
"Emma! Who's this friend of yours?" Richard meddles in.
"I wouldn't say friend—" She tried to hide her bad mood.
"Tristan Dugray, sir." He interrupts her and introduces himself.
"Dugray?" The grandfather sounded impressed. "Are you related to Janlen Dugray?"
"That's my grandfather, sir."
The way Tristan always ended his sentences with the word 'sir' while talking to adults made Emma's heart race a little. Don't ask her for confirmation, she would deny it.
"I've done business with Janlen for years. He's a fine man."
"He is."
"Emma, you have very good taste in friends." He turned his attention to his granddaughter. That didn't last long. Some grey haired man in a suit called his name.
"He likes me." Tristan was genuinely happy.
"He's drunk." Emma was full of it and left. Tristan was still smiling.
Rory was in the living room alone, watching groups of kids laugh and talk at her own birthday party. They probably didn't even know who she was and whose birthday party this was. She wasn't judging them or anything. She tried her best to even try to remember their faces, but she just couldn't.
One face she definitely remembered entered the crowded living room.
"Paris. You came?"
"My parents forced me." Her voice was as cold as ice. Rory was simultaneously happy and angry. The thing is, Paris' parents didn't force her into anything and if Rory knew, if Paris let Rory know, maybe Rory's anger would disappear and transform into a beautiful and heart-warming feeling. "Great party." The ice melted into sarcasm.
"I know. The event of the year." Rory matched Paris' tone.
Neither of them knew what to say next. It was their first conversation outside of school. It was the first time they saw each other without the preppy blue uniforms. It was the first time silence came instead bickering. Rory felt a little weird.
✯✯✯
Emma looks at the window and sees a person sitting next to the pool. It was a cold night in November and no one dared to go outside. She got worried.
"Excuse me, don't you think it's a bit cold to be here at these hours?" The person looks at her and Tristan's eyes appear. "What are you doing here?"
"Catching a cold." He smiled. She sat next to him. Emma wondered how could he always find the energy to smile. "I just needed some air, don't worry."
"I wasn't worried."
"I'm going to pretend I believe that."
They stayed in silence for a while, watching the light hit the pool and hearing the murmuring in the background.
"Can I ask you a question?" Emma inquires.
"Sure." He was playing it cool. It was stupid.
"What's your thing with Summer?"
He was startled.
"It's complicated."
"That I figured. Some days you're all over each other in a sickening way and other days it's like there's a cloud of hating thunder above your heads."
"You've been watching me?" He smirked.
"It's more of 'looking' than 'watching'. It's kind of hard not to look at something that's everywhere." She got nervous.
"Of course. Of course." He stops looking at her and finally answers the question. "She's my rebound."
"What does that even mean?"
"I don't know. It's like a bad habit you go back to every time life punches you in the face."
"I get it. Some people have nicotine, alcohol, porn, drugs or other unhealthy addictions... and you have Summer."
"That's one way to put it." He comments between his laughter. Emma liked his laugh.
"And why do you go back to your bad habit if you know it's bad?" She tried to deny her curiosity, although deep down she really wanted to know, just like a child asking the 'why's' of the world.
"It's just easy, I guess. Life is too hard sometimes. I'm not using her or anything, it's mutual, at least now... This thing with Summer started at the end of last year, I liked her, which I think it was the first time that happened to me, but then I found out she was cheating of me, I mean, it wasn't even cheating, we weren't together or anything even though I thought we were. I made a fool of myself and did not see her for the whole month of August. When school started I intended to avoid her and live my life, but, I don't want to sound braggy, she wouldn't stop throwing herself at me and stuff like that. I felt lonely so I gave in. And then you came in."
"Me? What do I have to do with anything?"
"Summer is jealous of you."
"Why?"
"She thinks I like you."
"I already thought she was crazy in the head, but the woman is in fact mad." He faked laugh at her joke. Summer was crazy but not about everything. "You know, it was brave of you to open your heart like that."
"You asked a question. I answered. Where's the courage in that?"
"You didn't have to answer, but you did."
"Yeah, yeah. Okay." He was doing his best to play the role of the 'I don't care' guy. I think he was failing miserably. However, Emma was starting to believe it, especially when he pulled a flask out of his jacket.
"What are you doing with that in my grandparent's house?" She was doing her best not to freak out.
"Drinking it." He was about to open it when she stole the metal recipient from his hand. "Hey! Where are you going with that?"
She stood up and walked into the pool house. He followed her.
"Pouring it down the toilet."
"God, please no." They were in the bathroom and she didn't pour the flask. "Give it back, please, Emma."
"Don't you dare to drink it. At least here."
"I promise." And he hid the flask again under his coat. Tristan's hand was on the handle and the door wasn't opening. "Hum..."
"What?" She was infuriated.
"We're stuck."
"What?" Emma tried to open the door, but the handle didn't even move. "No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No."
"Calm down. Do you have your phone?"
"NO!" She yelled. "Do you?"
"No... I left it charging." He was scared to answer. Her panic was scaring him. Emma was claustrophobic. Small places sucked out all the air inside her. Now, her breathing was speeding and oxygen wasn't really reaching her lungs. "It's okay. Somebody will notice we're gone." That didn't help, her anxiety didn't slow down, so Tristan put his hand on her back as an attempt of comforting her in some way.
"Don't touch me!" She yelled again and her breathing slowed down a little. "I need my inhaler..."
"Sorry." He looked down. "Do you feel okay?"
"No! What kind of question is that? Do I look okay? I feel like I'm about to suffocate and that the walls are closing in and that the world is shrinking!" Her eyes were watering as guilt was added into her already full box of emotions. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. At least you asked."
"You're right, it was a stupid question. Just breathe, please. You don't have to worry." Tristan's half smirk half smile was long way to be found. He only had empathy and sympathy in his blueish eyes. "It could be worse. It could've been a dungeon in the middle of nowhere with a dragon breathing down our necks. It's your birthday, someone will notice you're gone. You're unforgettable."
Emma looked at Tristan with a single tear falling down her face.
"How can you say such soulful things and act like a jackass right after it? How can you be so sweet and bitter at the same time?" Her voice cried. I want to describe it as a mermaid with a shattered siren song, but that sounds out of place.
He was speechless. He felt a lump in his throat. There's nothing more devastating than seeing someone you care about in a state of pain, surrender and despair. The only thing Tristan managed to do was empty the flask, he flushed the alcoholic liquid down the toilet.
She was speechless. She didn't know what to do. To be honest, Emma didn't condemned drinking, her mentality was based in 'you do you'. However, she condemned herself for believing, even for just a second, that Tristan could care.
Not care about her, but care about anything at all. She always hated the kind of people who acted like that, who pretended they lacked caring. She tried to be one of them. She failed. She befriended a bunch of them. She sinked. Why would he be any different? Why would Tristan not fail her like all those people who 'don't care' did? That's what hurt. That's why she was full of sadness and rage. Emma was angry at herself for imagining an explanation, a reason, a 'because'.
The silence didn't go away.
After what seemed like an eternity, the door handle moved.
"Who's in here?" Rory opened the door and was too stunned to speak when her eyes landed on Tristan and her sister with their bodies too close. "I'm going to close this-"
"No." Emma stormed out of there. She wasn't exactly angry anymore, she just needed oxygen.
"Wait!" Tristan ran after the storm. Emma turned around to face him. "I'm sorry if sometimes I'm a jackass. I don't want you to think of me like that."
"How do you want me to think about you, exactly?" The playfulness in her voice gave him a sense of peace.
Rory took this opportunity to leave them alone, again. She really felt she was interrupting something and at night she was going to bombard her sister with a numerous amount of questions to find out.
For a few seconds, the two of them just stood there looking at each other in pure silence. Emma's heart was beating faster. That reminded her of drums. Drums reminded her of Lane, obviously. And Lane reminded her of the home birthday party she was having tomorrow. She wanted Tristan there. She wanted Miss Patty to scare him. She wanted Kirk to annoy him. She wanted to sit next to him as Babette and Morey, mostly Babette, talked about the newest adventure of their cat Cinnamon. She wanted him to meet the band and to hear her sing. She wanted him to meet her mother and for Lorelai to scare him, but in a different way than Miss Patty. She wanted him to taste Sookie's food. She wanted Luke to be all protective over her because he had his arm around her. She wanted his arm around her. She liked him. Those are all the reasons why she didn't say anything about the party, she didn't invite him like her heart craved, she listened to her brain instead.
"See you on Monday, Dugray."
She knew he liked when she called him by his last time.
"Happy birthday, Emma Rose Gilmore."
She didn't even ask how did he knew her full name. She wasn't thinking about that.