Falling into a normal routine was hard. The weekend flew by and it was easy because we could stay home.
Carter and Sam were obsessed with the video game console that Colby got them and Jenna was fully content with sitting in the back room and reading to her hearts content.
I think she was craving fall weather since it was October, but it just wasn't getting any colder here.
That was something I really truly missed about Seattle, but I was happy with our life here.
Juniper and I hung out all weekend, doing arts and crafts, since it was the best way to keep our minds occupied.
Today I was going back to work and I had to bring the kids to school.
I was very nervous to start driving again, considering the last time I got behind the wheel I nearly killed my siblings.
I think the kids were just as nervous as I was though, which made it all the more difficult.
"Are you guys ready?" I asked and finished packing their lunches.
"Are we sure this is a good idea?" Sam asked as I nodded. "I've been seizure free for almost a month and a half. You guys have to go to school, so we're gonna make it work." I said with a reassuring smile.
"If we die then we don't have to go to school so I'm ready." Carter said causing me to laugh.
"That's the spirit. Let's go." I said then grabbed the keys.
Once we were all situated in the car, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes before starting the car.
"You got this, Jule." Jenna said as I nodded. We haven't really talked about the conversation I had with her friend's mom, which made everything a little awkward.
I didn't want her to know that I was upset about it and that it felt like she was right.
These kids were growing up quickly and I had no idea what I was doing.
Maybe it was all a mistake.
The drive to school was quiet since I was focusing on not having a seizure or crashing the car and the kids didn't want to distract me.
"Alright, have a good day at school. I'll try to get off work early but if I don't just sit and wait inside...I'll text you when I'm off." I said to the three older kids who were getting out of the car.
It sucked that Colby wasn't here because it made our schedules much harder to work around.
Relying on him for drop off and pick up was a key part to our plan but while he was away, we were going to make it work.
"Okay, be safe Jule." Jenna said as the boys waved. Once the door was closed I looked back Juniper. "Ready, love?" I asked as she nodded. "Are you gonna pick me up later?" She asked as I sighed.
"Yeah, I have to work so I may be a little later than usual but I'm gonna try my best to get there on time." I said and started driving to Juniper's school.
I was so grateful that they had after school care at her school because I don't know what I would have done.
This felt like old times, when I would run around like a chicken with my head cut off to get the kids where they needed to be.
I knew Colby did a lot for us but I didn't realize how much easier it was to have two people caring for the kids.
When we got to Juniper's school I got out of the car and got her out of her car seat.
"You seem down. Are you okay?" I asked as Juniper sighed dramatically.
"I miss my best friend." She said quietly. "Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?" I asked as we walked towards the school. "Noooooo." She said then hugged my legs.
"I know, he's super cool and handsome and fun. We'll call him later and you can talk to him, how about that?" I asked as she nodded.
"Yeah." She said as I crouched down. "Okay, love. I'll see you after school. Remember to give your teacher the paper I gave you." I said as she nodded.
"I will." She said as I grinned. "Promise?" I asked and held my pinky out.
"Promise." She said then linked her pinky through mine. "Have a good day." I said then stood up and watched as she ran inside.
I sighed then went back to the car, knowing I was running late for work. All I could think about was what Jenna's friend's mom said to me.
Maybe I was completely over my head.
Keeping up with everyone in the family by myself was impossibly hard and she was right, I was never going to be their mother.
I shook my head, trying to clear it so I could safely but quickly drive to work. I wouldn't be doing myself any justice by beating myself up.
I was trying my best and the kids knew that.
When I got to work, I ran inside. "I'm so sorry I'm late." I said to my manager Stephanie.
"Only like five minutes late, you're fine." She said causing me to sigh with relief.
Everyone I worked with was pretty chill and nice. I felt so comfortable working here because they really all accepted me right from the beginning.
"Bri!" Kate said as she ran up to me. "Hey, what's going on?" I asked and tied my apron around my waist.
"What are you doing after work?" She asked with excitement.
"Well, I'm gonna run out of here and pick up my brothers and sisters then go home and help with homework and make dinner and stuff, why?" I asked and pulled my hair into a ponytail.
"Some of us are going out and I wanted you to come. Can't your hot boyfriend watch the kids tonight?" She asked and pouted her lip out. "He's out of town." I said with a sigh.
"Ugh. That sucks, we really wanted you to come." She said quietly.
"Next time. When he comes back." I said as Haley came over.
"Did you convince her?" She asked as Kate shook her head. "She's gotta watch the kids. Hot boyfriend is out of town." Kate said with disappointment.
"Can't you just leave the kids at home by themselves?" Haley asked as I shook my head.
"I'm sorry guys." I said quietly. "Hey, don't worry about it. We'll just have to hang a different time." Kate said then patted my shoulder.
It made me sad that I couldn't hang out and I had to act as a mom.
Sure, I loved my brothers and sisters more than I loved myself but I didn't deserve to miss out on everything.
The work day went by fast since we were pretty busy. I wasn't able to get out in time to get the kids from school on time but it wasn't so long that it would really raise any red flags.
I decided to go to the middle school first since the older kids weren't being watched like Juniper was.
I texted Jenna and Carter when I got there then sighed and leaned my head back.
I was exhausted from today but knew it was only the beginning of the night.
After a couple minutes of waiting, the kids were coming up to the car.
"Sorry, I couldn't get out." I said quietly as they got in the car.
"It's fine, Jule. Don't worry about it." Sam said as I shook my head.
"I am worried about it." I said and looked back at them. "I'm gonna try and keep everything together..I promise." I said then turned to face forward.
"We know you're trying. Don't listen to what Karli's mom said. She's wrong." Jenna said as I started driving.
"What did she say?" Carter asked as I shook my head.
"Nothing. It doesn't matter." I said and started driving to Juniper's school.
"She said that Julia isn't equipped to take care of us. It's bullshit." Jenna said as I gasped.
"Jenna, language!" I said with wide eyes. She had never sworn like that in front of me so hearing that genuinely shocked me.
"Sorry, it just makes me so mad. You're doing you best you can." She grumbled as I pulled into the parking lot of the elementary school.
"Yeah, Jule. You're the best non mom mom ever." Carter said as I parked. "Thanks guys. I'm just your sister though, not a non mom mom." I said then went to go get Juniper.
When I got inside I went to the gym where the after school care was.
"I thought you forgot about me." Jumper said as she ran over to me. "I could never." I said then looked at the lady who was holding a clipboard.
"Signing her out?" She asked as I nodded. "Yeah, here's my ID." I said and handed her my driver's license. "Perfect. Have great day." She said then signed Juniper out.
When Juniper and I got to the car I got her strapped in then started driving home.
"Guys...I'm really tired. What are we think for dinner?" I asked as I drove down the road.
"Can we get pizza?" Sam asked as I nodded. "Great idea. Any objections?" I asked.
"Pizza!!!" Juniper squealed happily. "Yeah, pizza is fine." Carter said as Jenna hummed with approval.
"Great." I said then started driving us the rest of the way home. I was glad that they wanted pizza because I could order it for delivery and we could be home for the night.
"Alright, homework." I said as we walked inside. "What about me?" Juniper asked with a giggle.
"Coloring. I have to take a shower, then I'll come hang out with you." I said as we all dispersed to our respective rooms.
When I got to my room I went into the bathroom, pulling my phone out of my pocket and taking my hair out of its ponytail.
I looked into the mirror, flinching at how bad I was looking. I knew I was tired but in this moment I felt like I was going to both pass out and throw up.
"Oh..." I whispered and looked at my shaking hands.
In the back of my head I knew I was about to have a seizure but my body wasn't listening as my vision blurred to nothing.