Summary:
TW: Discussing regression, implied fire, causing someone else pain, implied ruining someone's life, talking about prosthetics, discussing diapers, crying, panic attack, scared of committing and scared of hurting someone else.
-
-
Title: I don't love you by MCR
~~~Present: Blitzø and Stolas ~~~
"Shit." Blitzø mumbles. "I'm- sorry, Stolas, I- ." He says.
Blitzø had crawled into bed with Stolas- while fucking little! What is wrong with him?
"There's nothing to apologize for." Stolas says. "I didn't mind in the slightest."
"Great, so...I'll just be going then." Blotzø says, about to leave; But, Stolas grabs his arm to pull him back.
"Blitzø, we have to talk." Stolas says.
"Nope." Blitzø tried to leave again with the same result.
"Blitzø." Stolas says firmly.
"Stolas- do you just not understand the word no?" Blitzø asks. "It means fuck off."
"I'm sorry, if last night didn't happen, I would have left it alone. But, you seemed so happy to have someone around to take care of you." Stolas explains. "How can I just allow a kid to be left alone without a caregiver?" Stolas asks.
"I'm case you've forgotten, I'm not a kid!" Blitzø shouts.
"Sometimes you are!" Stolas shouts back.
Blitzø sighs. "Yeah! That's the fucking problem! I'd be rid of it if I could, but I can't!"
"Why don't you want me to take care of you?" Stolas asks. "I'm a good caregiver, and I care about you." Stolas asks.
"Okay- you want to know the reason?!" Blitzø asks.
Stolas crosses his arms. "Yes."
"Really?" Blitzø asks.
"Yes, really. I do." Stolas says.
"Because- because we're not friends, okay? We're business partners." Blitzø explains.
Stolas rolls his eyes. "I'd like to think we're a little more than just that- but, alright."
"I don't know!" Blitzø sighs. "I cant have someone I work with have that much control over me." Blitzø explains.
Stolas stops to think it over. He considered Blitzø to be a lot more than just a mere friend, but also a lot less than that...
Their relationship really was complicated. But,That didn't change his feelings towards the Imp. Since the night at Ozzie's...things have been weird for them, they've been awkward, yet, surprisingly more friendly and joking around with each other, it felt rather genuine...
It felt great. But awkward and a bit passive aggressive aswell.
Then...
Blitzø's shoulder happened.
Everything suddenly seemed okay again- and Stolas thought maybe everything would actually be okay.
Then the regression thing happened...
He considered wether or not he'd tell Blitzø if the roles were in reverse...
perhaps not.
"That actually makes sense." Stolas says, trying to understand Blitzø's point of view.
"See?" Blitzø asks.
"I know we have an odd relationship. But, maybe that's why it will actually work for us. I adore you, and I would never judge you for any reason. Personally, I think we could get through anything."
Blitzø sighs. "It's not just that, Stolas. I don't need people to witness anything- Wait, I didn't do anything too...I don't know, weird, did I?" Blitzø asks.
"You mean when you regressed?" Stolas asks.
"Yeah."
"No," Stolas admits. "You were a perfect angel."
"See, that's weird!" Blitzø says. "I could never be so innocent!"
Stolas laughs. "Blitzø, you really don't have anything to worry about. I'd never hurt you, you do know that, right?"
Blitzø sighs. "I guess..."
"You can trust me." Stolas promised.
But, can he trust himself?
Could he allow himself to get close to Stolas?
He wasn't sure, most the people who were closest to him just hated him, and he was fine with that.
But Stolas? Stolas cared about him- maybe. He can't have that. The people who cared about him were the ones who always got hurt...
His mother...
His sister...
Fizz...
He can't go through that again.
~~~Past, Blitzø age 18:~~~
Blitzo sat at the table of his apartment in greed.
He hardly ever moved unless he had to, at least for a few days, and for that matter, his sister didn't either.
Things were painfully quiet, too painful, too quiet. But, at the same time, not quiet enough.
The circus was gone.
His mother was gone.
His sister was miserable.
And it was all his fault!
"Blitzo, someone's here for you." His sister said.
"I don't want to talk to anyone." He says.
His sister sighs. "For Satan's sake, grow up and talk to him! Don't you think you owe him that much?" Barbie asks.
Blitzo sighs.
Barbie walks out and says something before the visitor walks in...
Blitzo already knew it was Fizz, he just didn't want to talk to him. What could he say? Everything has already been said and done.
Fizz saw Tilla's necklace on the table and he slowly took it and put it on Blitzo. "It's suits you." He says.
"What do you want, Fizz?" Blitzo asks, angrily. He refuses to make eye contact with him, he was still mad about him leaving to work with Mammon! They've barley spoken since his announcement, despite the many times Fizz tried to.
Fizzarolli sits down at the table folding his prosthetic hands. "I just wanted to see you since you didn't visit me in the hospital; I had to get my hands and legs replaced, prosthetics have really improved the past couple years." He says, holding his hands up and showing them off a little. Mammon certainly spared no expense; they were robotic, and very well made.
Blitzo looked at Fizz's hands, then down to his legs with no response, he didn't even look upset about it.
He would be, but he was so emotionally numb at the moment, he just couldn't react anymore.
"It was really scary with the amputation and putting them on...I wished you were there with me- not to hold my hand or anything, I mean, you couldn't do that," he jokes. "I just-"
"Yeah, well, you know what? I was kinda busy watching my mother die!" Blitzo snapped. "Sorry I just couldn't take time out of my busy schedule to visit." He hissed.
Fizzarolli sighs sadly. "Yeah... I heard. I am so sorry, Blitzo. Tilla was very good to me. To everyone actually. She was the closest thing to a mother I had. She really deserved better."
"Yeah. She did." Blitzo agreed sadly.
"Blitzo, please talk to me." Fizz begged.
"About what, Fizz?" Blitzo asks annoyed.
"I'm just- I want to work this out! I don't want this to be the end for us." Fizzarolli says.
Blitzo glares daggers at his former lover. "There's nothing we can work out, alright? It's too fucking late for that."
"No, it's not." Fizz says.
"Are you still working for Mammon?" He asks.
"Yes."
"Then, we're done and that's it." Blitzo says.
"You like mammon. We've always loved Mammon! Why are you acting like this is a huge betrayal?" Fizz asks.
"Because it is! You don't seem to grasp it! All the work I've done, all I've sacrificed for-"
"That was all for you, Blitzo! You never cared about me or what I wanted!" Fizz says.
"Of course I fucking care!" Blitzo shouts.
"No, you really don't! Otherwise you would have been the one to run in the tent to save me, not Tilla!" Fizzarolli shouts.
"Get out! Get the fuck out of here!" Blitzo shouts.
"Fine! But you know I'm right! You treated me horribly, you did this to me! And, you've hurt me way worse before I could ever hurt you! And worst part is, I don't even know what I ever fucking did to deserve it!" Fizz ran away and slammed the door behind him.
~~~Present~~~
He never apologized to Fizz...not that he ever would.
'This is all your fault. You ruined my life!' His sister, Barbie's voice echoed in his head.
And she was right.
Blitzø could never forgive himself if that was Stolas next.
~
"Blitzø?" Stolas pulled Blitzø out of his thoughts.
Blitzø shakes his head. "Stolas, It's not you, okay? I'm the one with the problem. I can't... I can't get too close to people." He admits.
"Does it hurt to?" Stolas asks.
Blitzø was surprised by the question, but he nods.
Stolas smiles, Blitzø didn't hate him, he was just scared. Who knew. "Blitzø... it's going to be okay." He says.
"There's no possible way you can know that." Blitzø says.
"You're right, but, I'm not scared. You can't hurt me." He says.
Blitzø thought about it...that's true. Wasn't it? Stolas is immortal, but he can still get hurt emotionally right?
But, if he could break Stolas, wouldn't he have done it already? He's already done a lot of horrible shit and Stolas still cared...so?
"And me, well, I could never hurt you. You're the strongest im- no, person I know." Stolas says.
Blitzø looked at Stolas confused.
"I'm serious." Stolas says. "You're so resilient and long suffering- I don't know how you do it."
"...lots of practice I guess." He admits.
"Blitzø, I know you're scared. But, your regression isn't something you can control. It's honestly amazing that you're okay having doing this by yourself for so long." Stolas explains. "Pushing down your regression can and probably has had a negative impact on your health. Besides, You could get hurt. Or get caught and taken away from your friends and family. I can make sure that doesn't happen. I won't let you down, I promise."
Blitzø shrugs. "I guess you make a good point."
Stolas smiles. "We can always call it off if you ever feel uncomfortable. I just want to make sure you're taken care of properly." Stolas explains.
"Okay. Fine." Blitzø agrees.
"What?" Stolas asks.
"Don't make me say it again." Blitzø asks.
"This is marvelous, Blitzy! How about once a week?" Stolas asks.
"That's too often." Blitzø says.
"Alright, every two weeks then. I won't settle for less." Stolas says, firmly.
"Fine." He reluctantly agrees.
Stolas smiles and kisses Blitzø's cheek. "Thank you, Blitzø. You won't regret this."
He doubted that.
~~~~
Stolas made both him and Blitzø breakfast for that morning.
The two sat down at the table, each with a little stack of pancakes. "How are they?" Stolas asks Blitzø.
Blitzø nods. "Surprisingly really good. I usually just use the box stuff." He admits.
"Really? They're very simple to make, just flour, oil, sugar, milk, and eggs. And personally I add a splash of vanilla."
"And why would I keep any of that around?" Blitzø asks.
"To make delicious pancakes?" Stolas suggests.
"Or I can just come over here and steal the supplies from you." Blitzø jokes.
"At least you have a plan." Stolas jokes back.
"Seriously, they're really good." Blitzø says.
"I'm glad to hear it." Stolas aays, he uses magic to get a small notebook from his room. "Now then, shall we get started?" Stolas asks.
"I'm sorry, what?" Blitzø asks.
"Well, If I'm going to be watching you in the future, I thought I should know what I need to prepare for. Do you mind me asking a few questions about your regression?" Stolas asks.
"I told you, I don't remember a lot of what happens in headspace." Blitzø says.
"Just do your best, I don't expect you to know everything." Stolas says.
Blitzø shrugs, but nods.
"Alright, first: how old are you in headspace?" Stolas asks.
Blitzø shrugs. "Shit, I don't know."
"Do you use sippy cups?" Stolas asks.
Blitzø looks down at his plate to avoid eye contact. "Yes."
"Bottles?"
"Sometimes."
"How about functions? Can you walk when you're in headspace?" Stolas asks.
Blitzø thought about it. "Yeah...sometimes, and sometimes I crawl-" Blitzø answers. "I don't know, most of these are going to be the same answer."
"That's alright." Stolas nods, writing more stuff down. "You must have a spectrum of ages. If we can figure out exactly how old you regress to at your oldest and youngest, that would certainly help. However, that may take some time to figure out. Now, what other supplies do you use most when you slip?"
Blitzø thought about it...
"You know what... maybe this isn't such a good idea." Blitzø says.
"What? Blitzø, we've been over this." Stolas says.
"I know, I just-" Blitzø blushes.
"What is it?" Stolas asks.
"I just- it's..."
Stolas tilts his head. "Yes?"
"Sometimes... I can't control my bodily functions when I regress..." Blitzø admitted.
"You wear diapers, don't you?" Stolas asks bluntly.
Blitzø blushes a deeper red. He covers his face by resting his head in his arms on the table.
"It's alright if you do." Stolas says. "It's quite normal; You can't control that."
"Doesn't make it any less humiliating though." Blitzø mumbles into the table.
Stolas gives him a sympathetic smile. "It's alright, it's just me. I really don't mind at all. I do understand." He says. "Now, do you always need diapers when you regress?"
Blitzø looks up at Stolas. His heart is pounding in his chest. "Uh- no...but, I-I always...do anyway...just... in case." He admits, his breathing is shallow, he may be experiencing a small anxiety attack.
Stolas puts down the notebook for a moment. "It's alright. Breathe in through your nose for me, darling." He says.
Blitzø does, or- he tries but fails.
"A little deeper, inhale until you can feel it in your chest." Stolas guides.
Blitzø closes his eyes and tries again, taking in a deep breath.
"There you are, now hold it for me..." he instructs.
Blitzø does.
"Now slowly exhale through your mouth." Stolas says.
He does.
"Good, now again." Stolas says. "You're doing so well." He tells the imp, Blitzø does it about ten times before he's completely calm.
"Thanks..." Blitzø says, a little embarrassed by having an attack, even if he couldn't control that.
"It's alright." Stolas says. "Would you like to take a break for now?"
Blitzø nods.
"Alright, dear. Thank you for being so honest with me. I'm very proud of you." Stolas says.
Blitzø smiles at him...
Maybe this won't be so bad...?
-End Notes:
What's this? Foreshadowing? Lol
Plz comment if you like this fix and want to see more! ❤️❤️❤️ Ty for all the support!