"I will meet you inside," Xander told Rhys as he jumped out of his arms. Rhys nodded his head and entered the house of wind through the sliding glass doors. Azriel walked towards him with a smile on his face. He looked spectacular this eve. He always looked spectacular. But tonight though he had this glow to him that seemed flow out of him like rays of sun shine.
"Hey minxie," he slid his hands around Xander's waist and pulled him closer. Xander shied into his chest and let his own shadows free. Both of their shadows danced around them excitedly. "I want to take you somewhere after dinner. You up?" Azriel asked him as he kissed Xander's hairline. "Sure," Xander propped his chin on Azriel's broad chest and looked into those lovely hazel eyes of his mate. He got lost in the love of them and became high in the affection they held. He couldn't have asked for better.
"Amren should not have said those things," Azriel tucked Xander's hair behind his ear and cupped his cheeks. His thumbs drawing lazy circles on his cheeks.
"It's fine. I am fighting a losing battle," Xander told him. He wasn't referring to his struggle with Amren. He was talking about his twin sister.
"Hey, hey, hey, look at me," Azriel told him. "We will find a way, minxie. We will find a way together. Remember it's we, not you alone. You are never going to be alone. I promise my love," Azriel let his lips flutter over Xander's.
Xander looked at Azriel. Something flashed in the latter's eyes. Pain. Not his pain. His mate's pain. Together. They were together. They would do everything together.
"I want to marry you," Xander told him suddenly. Azriel choked on his spit. "What?"
"I said I want to marry you," he repeated again. Azriel searched his eyes for any indication that he was kidding. He found none.
"You want me to go and find a priestess now?"
"No not now. But sooner. I want you to be mine in everything. And I want to be yours in everything."
"Sweetheart you are my everything. And I don't need a ring and some priestess's word to be yours. I am yours from the moment I met you. I am yours from the moment you hurled that dagger at my high lord and threatened to skin us alive. I am yours," Azriel had a smile on his face. And just like that Xander fell in love all over again.
"You make it so much easier, you know," Xander waved his fingers between them. "Love you is like an instinct Az. Like breathing. Every breath leaving me sings your name shadow singer. And I swear on everything that is holy that I am the luckiest male in the world. I must have done something right in past lives to have this. Have you."
"You are everything I thought I didn't need and mother am I glad I was wrong. You are in my heart minxie," Azriel placed Xander's palm over his heart, "my blood, my bones and being. My very own soul. And I wouldn't trade it for the world, my love."
Xander was in love. He wondered even if he could use such name as love to describe what he has for the shadow singer. Something so strong couldn't be explained in a single word. Love. It was beyond them. It was beyond the world. It was beyond everything. It was what they were for each other. Everything. Xander leaned up and kissed Azriel's lips. He felt Azriel relax immediately. And it was time. It was time for Xander to tell Azriel everything. If he couldn't tell everyone about it. He would tell his mate. And tonight he would do it.
"Let's go in before Cass comes out," Xander tugged him towards the door. Azriel's chuckled and let him pull through the doors. He would let Xander pull him through hell and it was what made shudder in his wake.
When they entered the dining area together all eyes slid to them and paused their conversation. "Don't stop on our account," Xander kissed Azriel one last time and walked towards the table.
Xander snatched the seat next to Nesta and kissed her cheeks. She just looked at him and went back to staring or more like glaring at his twin's mate. Feyre sat on her other side. She gave him a small smile and Xander winked at her.
"You are real piece of work," Amren drawled from where she was swirling a goblet of wine in her hand. Xander suppressed a groan and it went straight down the mating bond. Azriel was at his side in an instant.
"Why do your eyes glow?" Nesta asked Amren. "You know none of these busy bodies have ever asked me that."
Nesta waited and so did Xander. "They glow because it was the one part of me the containment spell could not get quite right. The one glimpse into what lurks beneath. Just like your brother," Amren drawled. Xander's hand stilled when Amren looked at him. He blinked. And blinked. His eyes prickled. A warning growl from Azriel made her turn away.
"And what is beneath?"
"That's enough Nesta," Xander told her silently. If what lurks inside Amren was danger, what was inside him might be plain terror and annihilate them entirely.
"We are the same us three," Amren said looking between them. Xander wasn't sure he was breathing, and through the bond he wasn't sure if Azriel was either. The whole table held their breath. "You did not fit the mold that they shoved you into," she told them with a little nod. "When you erupt," she looked between the siblings, "make sure it's felt across the worlds."
"Amren, it seems, has been taking theatre classes down the street," Rhys drawled. Azriel's hand gripped Xander's tightly. Xander looked at him. He caressed the bond slowly.
It's ok. The shadows whispered. Xander gave him a smile.
"I- shouldn't you sit at the head?" Lucien asked Rhys when they were all seated. "For fucks sake sit at any place you want, I just want to eat," Xander exclaimed. "What he said," Rhys pointed at him. Based on how Lucien sat it would seem that he was sitting atop a wild beast.
"Honestly Azriel is the only polite one," Feyre told them after some time.
She would not say that if she knew better, would she shadow singer?
Xander sent one of his shadows to him.
Of course, she wouldn't my love. Do you want to see how polite I am?
Later, maybe. If you behave. Xander smiled.
I always behave, minxie.
Xander chuckled out loud. Everyone's attention turned to him. He shrugged his shoulders and loaded his plate. He got lost in his own thoughts thinking about how to say the secrets he has been keeping for a long time from his mate. The secrets which would have devastating consequences once let out. The secret which would render him and all of his family tongue tied.
"What time are we back in training ring tomorrow?" Feyre asked Cassian. "I'd say dawn, but since I am feeling rather grateful that you're back in one piece, I'll let you sleep in. Let's meet at seven."
"That's hardly sleeping in," Xander scoffed. "It is for an Illyrian," Mor murmured. "Daylight is precious resource," Cassian shrugged.
"We live in the night court," Mor countered.
Cassian turned towards Rhys and Azriel. "I told you the moment we started letting females in our group, they'd be nothing but trouble."
"As far as I can recall Cassian," Rhys said drily, "you actually said you needed a reprieve from staring at our ugly faces and some ladies would add some much needed prettiness for you to look at all day."
Xander choked on his wine and Azriel rubbed his back.
"I was a young Illyrian and didn't know better," Cassian said, then pointed his fork at Azriel. "Don't try to blend into the shadows. You said the same thing."
"Oh did he now?" Xander drawled and turned towards his mate. Amusement danced in everyone eyes as they watched both of them interact without opening their mouth.
I promise I was stupid, minxie.
Yes, you were.
If it's any consolation you are the only one that matters.
It should be.
Soon the conversation turned towards the high lord's meeting. And Xander wondered if he was ready to lay himself bare to a room full of strangers. It took him nearly a month to swam to the surface where his mate was waiting for him. But telling it to a group of strangers, he wasn't sure if he could do it. And to thinking about court of nightmares made him shiver in place.
"I want to learn how to fly," Feyre told them. Mor's wine spewed across the table and hit Azriel's chest, but he was too busy staring at his sister to notice.
"I'll teach you," his mate said, his beautiful face uncharacteristically calm and soft. The mask he wears for the outside world. To hide the golden heart within.
"Are you certain?" Feyre asked him.
"Rhys and Cass were taught how to fly so young that they barely remember it."
But his mate, he was locked in a dark dungeon by his father, stripped off his very nature and instincts.
Darkness leaked out of Xander and the chandelier above them rattled because of his fury. But nobody noticed. Engrossed in silent fury.
"It's different. When you are older, the fears, the mental blocks... it's different."
His mate.
Locked in a dungeon.
Image of Azriel bloodied and battered flashed before his eyes.
Pain.
The pain his mate went through.
The scars they left behind. He was seeing red now. The wine glass shattered in his hand and everyone's attention slithered to him.
"Shit," Cassian cursed.
A scarred hand slipped into his wine coated hands and Azriel kissed it. Xander slumped in his seat.
Do you want to leave? Azriel's shadows asked him.
Yes please Xander sent back his shadows.
"I think we are going to retire for the night," Azriel stood up from his seat and guided Xander out along with him. Xander hurled his dinner out the moment they stepped out of the dining room. Azriel smoothened his back and rubbed them till he was feeling better.
"Come on let's go to the cabin," Azriel hoisted Xander up in his arms carefully.
"No. You said you want to take me somewhere, let's go there," Xander told him and linked his hands around Azriel's neck.
"It can wait for another day, minxie. Aren't you tired?"
"I am not tired Az. Let's go."
Azriel looked at him. Stubborn as hell. He shook his head and scooped him into his arms. With a single beat of Azriel's mighty wings they were in the air. Xander let the night wind caress his cheeks and ruffle his hair like a touch of lover. He snuggled his head against Azriel's neck and inhaled deeply.