From the moment I wake up, I can't sit still for a single moment. Ella is already fed up with me by the time we get down to breakfast, but I just can't help myself. I'm too nervous about telling Ella. I've decided to do it tonight, right after dinner. So we can have some time to talk about it. This isn't the kind of thing to mention randomly at lunch, of course.
And then, this relationship with Negan will actually start. Another thought that fills me with nerves. But it's a better kind of nerves. All laced with excitement. I can't wait to be with him again.
But first, I'm going to have to make it through this damn day. Myeong and I are both in the doctor's office and she is getting agitated with my jittery behavior as well.
'What is wrong with you?' she asks exasperatedly when I bump into the counter, toppling everything over, for the second time today.
'Nothing', I say innocently, hurrying to put everything in its place again.
I gotta get it together. But I can't help myself. I just don't know how to break it all to Ella. Maybe I should start with the good news, tell her he'll let us visit Alexandria when it's safe. Maybe it will convince her that he's not as bad as he seems and she'll be happy for me when I tell her I want to be with him.
Yeah, I'm sure she'll be super excited! Maybe she'll break out in dance and sing you guys a love ballad!
Oh, who am I kidding? No matter what I say, she'll never understand. I'll just have to hope that she'll come to accept it in time.
I've just put everything back when all of a sudden there is a loud noise, startling me into tumbling everything over again. Myeong shoots me an annoyed look, but before she can say anything, the sound happens again, longer this time. Shortly after, we can hear people yelling outside and two Saviours run past our office in the hallway.
'Was that... gunfire?' Myeong asks, sounding scared.
'Sounds like it', I say uneasily. We both move quickly to the widow to look outside and see what's going on. What I find there, chills my blood.
Cars and other vehicles have lined up in front of the walls. Some sort of armour is attached to it, protecting the people behind it from bullets coming from the Sanctuary. Of course, there's no question as to who might be hiding there. It must be Rick and the others making the first move in this goddamn war.
'Open the window', Myeong says. 'I want to hear what's happening.'
I do as she says and we both strain our ears to listen. They're not that close to us so it's difficult to make out what they're saying exactly. But it's definitely Rick that's talking.
I can hear Negan too now, but I can't see him from here. He must be on the platform overlooking the courtyard. My anxiety is going through the roof. What if he's in danger? I don't want him to get hurt and at the same time, I don't want anyone from the communities to get hurt either. Ugh, why did they have to do this?
'Doc.'
A voice coming from the door startles us both and we practically jump to turn around and see who it is. I should have recognized him by his voice, but I was too distracted by what was going on outside. Simon is leaning against the doorpost and beckons me to come with him.
'Negan needs you.'
'Why?' I ask worriedly. 'Is he hurt?'
'Just follow me, doc', he says, already turning around. I throw a look at Myeong and she looks as confused as I feel. Negan's talking to Rick, right? What could he possibly need me for right now? We just heard him a few seconds ago, didn't seem like he got shot or something. But I suppose maybe he wants me close by in case something happens.
'Doctor!' Simon calls out from the hallway. I know better than to keep this asshole waiting, so I pull myself together and follow him.
'Come on, we haven't got all day', he says, urging me to walk faster. Other than that, we walk in silence. He takes me to the large room where Negan holds meetings with his officers. I know that the room is connected to the platform and a pit forms in my stomach. I'm not too excited to jump right into the line of fire and Simon's still hasn't told me what Negan needs me for.
Simon makes me follow him into the room and we walk all the way to the door outside. My heart starts to pound louder and louder as I hear Rick and Negan outside, testing each other out. I don't care what he wants, but I'm not going on to that platform. I know Rick. It wouldn't be his intention to hurt anyone innocent, but I also know that he's willing to make sacrifices if he thinks it's necessary. If Negan doesn't give him what he wants, I think he will open fire and anyone around will be in danger.
Fortunately, Simon does make me stop right before the door.
'Wait here', he orders me shortly, getting ready to walk back outside himself.
'Wait for what?' I hiss at him anxiously. 'I'm not going out there.'
'You will do what your leader demands of you', he says, sounding rather gleeful to me.
'If he wants something, he can tell me himself', I retort.
Why would Negan want me to go out there? I don't get it. It's not safe and all Negan's talked about is how he wants to keep me safe. Was I stupid to believe him?
'I get it, Rick', Negan calls out loudly from outside. 'You don't like me. Everybody gets a chance to live if they surrender, except for me. But as you see, no-one walked away. So you're gonna have to kill all of us. Are you that ruthless?'
'It's not what I want', Rick responds. 'But this is the only time that I can guarantee your safety. Anybody that chooses to stay with you's gonna have to deal with the consequences.'
'There's a lot of good people in here, Rick. They can all just go to hell, for all you care?'
'Good people don't follow you', Rick says, his voice full of disgust.'
This isn't going to end well. I need to get away, get to Ella if I can. I'm about to make a run for it, Simon be damned, but just at that moment, I hear Negan call out again.
'That might be easy for you to say about a bunch of people you don't know shit about. But what about someone you do know?'
Fuck, he's not talking about me, is he?
'Simon', he says loudly. 'You got our friend here?'
'Yes sir, I do.'
I'm too slow. Before I can get away, Simon had already grabbed my arm and drags me outside with him. I struggle against his grasp, but just like when he brought me here, it's no use.
I know I must look scared when I catch Negan's eyes, but his face betrays nothing when he looks at me. He just holds out his hand and lets Simon takes me closer until he can grab me and pull me to him.
'What are you doing?' I ask, sounding panicked when he holds me in front of him. I'm very aware that I'm right between him and any potential bullets flying his way.
'Trust me', he whispers to me.
I did. But now, I'm not so sure. I want to flee back inside, but I can't get away because he has a firm grasp on my arm.
'I know you remember Christina', he tells Rick. I flinch a little at the sound of his booming voice so close to my ear. 'Now, you've already proved that you don't care about your people by bringing them here, but are you willing to sacrifice your lovely former doctor just to get to me?'
I can hear people whisper behind the makeshift armor they've brought. Here and there, I can see some faces peeking through the cracks. I spot Rick too. Even from the distance, I can see the determination on his face. He is here to kill Negan and he won't settle for any other outcome.
'Let her go, Negan', he yells. 'She doesn't have to die.'
'Remember how easily you let me take her?' Negan continues. 'All those people with you, do they know how little you care about them?'
'You wanna hide behind her like a fucking coward?' Rick calls back. 'Let her go, she doesn't have to be a part of this.'
'Oh, everybody is a part of this, Rick', Negan responds, his grip on my arm tightening. 'You came here and got everybody involved. Men, women, children, doctors... I'm gonna give you one chance to turn around and let all this shit go. You really wanna see all these people die just because you wanna play my dick's bigger than yours?'
'Negan, we gotta get inside', I hiss at him. 'He's not going to leave.'
'It's gonna be okay', he mumbles softly, so only I can hear.
Rick seems to walk back and forth for a moment, appearing in and out of view. But I know Rick. There's no way he's gonna back down. I try again to free myself from Negans grasp, but in response he throws his other arm around me, the one holding Lucille. I end up pressed even more tightly to his chest.
'You lieutenants, you're gonna have to make up your minds', Rick calls out. 'You can save yourselves and get her out of here. You really want to die for a man that hides behind an innocent woman?'
'Maybe we can take a time-out here', Gavin says, earning himself a sharp look from Negan.
'No. This has to happen now', Rick responds. 'This is the only way.'
'Maybe your people should be the ones asking themselves if they wanna die for someone who sacrifices innocent lives', Negan calls out.
I can hear people talking to each other behind the shields they put up. I suppose it's smart to take me out here. It's one thing to shoot at your enemy, but I'm not the enemy. I've seen how crazy Rick can get, but surely the others will stop him from firing at me, right?
'Please, Negan', I try again. Still, he won't budge.
'He's not going to shoot at you', Negan whispers to me. 'This way, we can talk without anyone getting-'
'You're gonna make me count?' Rick interrupts him. There's eery silence after that, broken only by a soft chuckle escaping Negan's lips.
'Okay. I'm counting', Rick starts.
'We have to go', I yell out now, trying to get way.
'10! 9!'
'He's bluffing', Negan says.
'8! 7!'
'He's just trying to scare us into-'
BANG! BANG! BANG!
I scream when bullets start to fly past my ears. Negan curses and ducks, dragging me with him to escape the bullets. He tries to hold me, but in the confusion, he lets go and before I can find my footing, I fall off the platform on the ground beneath it.
I scream again when I land hard on my shoulder and I can feel immediately that I hit it in a wrong way. But there's no time to concern myself with it now, because there are bullets coming from every direction. Shaking like crazy, I crawl to my feet and run over to a car to hide behind it.
Nothing hits me. They're not aiming for me. But there's no way I can get back inside with all the bullets flying past. I pant heavily and grab my shoulder.
'Fuck!'
It's definitely dislocated and it hurts like a bitch. But I can't fix it now. The gunfire is making it hard to think. I put the hand of my good arm over my ear to try and block the sound out, but it's no use.
I look around wildly for some way out, and my eyes land on Negan. He must have fallen off the platform too, because he's on the ground hiding behind the stairs. Bullets are raining down all around him and my heart nearly stops when I watch him trying to dodge them.
What if he dies? I don't want him to die.
But just as importantly, I don't want to die. And I don't see a way to get out of here alive right now. What if I just ran? They wouldn't fire at me, would they? All I'd have to do is get up the stairs and run back inside. Maybe I could even take Negan with me.
Then they'll definitely shoot at you. Rick proved that, didn't he?
Of course. I can't think. I can't think! All I can do is focus on Negan and hope I don't have to watch him die. He turns to look over the edge of the stairs a little and immediately a bullet shoot right past him. He ducks away, but in his movement, he has spotted me. He locks eyes with me and yells something. What, does he think I can hear him over the noise of gunfire and breaking glass?
Splinters of glass have been falling on me, but there's nothing I can do about it. Rick and the others are destroying all the windows for some reason. Oh my God, I'm going to die if I stay here. Walkers have made their way into the grounds, they're passing by me pretty close. The only reason they're not attacking me is because they're distracted by all the noise.
I whimper when a large piece of glass hits my head and raise my arm to shield myself. I have to run. But run where? I just want it to stop. I don't know what to-
BOOM.