SANTIAGO'S POV
Saturday, the one day of the week I don't have to wake up at the crack of dawn to attend to my kitchen duties. That is supposed to be a nice thing except my body is accustomed to waking up early so no matter how hard I try to sleep in I am never able to.
I give up trying to fall back asleep at four am and get up to go shower before everyone else wakes up for breakfast. It's quiet since it's so early in the morning, the perfect time for me to be alone with my thoughts. Sometimes when I manage to ignore all the steel bars and uniformed CO's I can imagine myself free and back home with Diego living my life. But then I'm forced back to reality when I walk into a multi shower bathroom with moulding curtains. The inmates in charge of cleaning do their best to keep the place neat but there's only so much they can do when men prove themselves to be disgusting pigs over and over again.
When I get into the shower, I find the cleanest one towards the end and get in making sure I have all my products with me. I've always kept my hair short so when I notice it falling to my forehead I know I'm due for a haircut. I'm also spotting a stubble that needs to go as soon as I'm done showering. I've always kept a clean shaven face.
The water is cold because someone botched the heater trying to boil a chicken they stole from the kitchen in it so we are stuck talking cold showers until they fix it. The water is freezing cold but it doesn't eradicate the morning wood I'm spotting.
Since I'm alone in the bathroom I take advantage of the solitude to get some relief. I wrap my hand around my stiff rod and groan out in pleasure. It feels good but I need something more to get me over the edge. My mind drifts to the playboy magazines that circulate around the cells but the images of those sexy models only gets me so far.
"Fuck."I groan out loud when an image of Hannah pops into my head.
It feels wrong but I can't help myself or get rid of the sight of her in my mind. She's not even wearing anything sexy, just her in a pair of pink scrubs, twirling around an empty hospital hall with her stethoscope around her neck. She's smiling and I feel as if that smile is all for me.
Her scrubs are hugging her curves perfectly, I can almost see the outline of her nipples stretching against her top. She is curvier than the average woman which I love about her, means there's more of her for me to admire.
"Yes! Fuck yes." I moan as I increase the speed of my hand against my cock.
I tug at the tip and squeeze harder letting myself imagine Hannah kneeling at my feet her hand around my dick instead of my own hand, her mouth open wide to receive me. That image alone is enough to send me over the edge as I cum all over the wall in long spurts.
"Fuck."I cuss out in shame once the high is over and the reality of what I've done hits me.
I feel as if I've disrespected Hannah by jerking off to a fantasy of her. Hannah is the purest human being I know and I've just ruined my thoughts of her by relieving myself to conjured up images of her. Sure it felt good in the moment, best orgasm I've had since I was incarcerated but it was still all so wrong.
I finish showering quickly and clean up after myself erasing all evidence of my disgusting act off the wall before getting out. I shave and wash my face before getting dressed. I dump the dirty towel into my laundry bag and make my way back to my cell. I am so mortified with what I've done that I can't bring myself to look at the photo of Hannah that I have pinned to the wall. It's still early so even if my body is fighting me against it, I force myself to go back to sleep. I need to escape the reality of what I've just done.
I wake up a couple of hours later, after the breakfast rush is over to find the prison a buzz with excitement. I can hear people cheering and talking happily which is rare in prison. Maybe they changed the breakfast menu and served something great but I would know about that since I help Ronald in preparing the menu if there are any changes which is rare.
I get out of bed and spread it nicely before leaving my cell. I run into Julius at the door.
"Good morning boss." He greets bowing respectfully.
I knew it was only a matter of time until I got to train him to be the perfect inmate. It's only been a month and he has made great progress. Now the kid has a job in the laundry room and I'm helping him with a work out routine to build up his muscles.
"Morning kid. What's with all the excitement?" I ask.
"All work has been cancelled today. Apparently there's a band that is coming to perform here for us." I reply.
"Really? What band?"
Something like this has never happened before. I know it happens in other prisons but definitely not here at FCI. The inmates are too unruly and its a risk to any guests that come to visit.
"The warden didn't say. He just ordered all of us to congregate at the chapel after lunch." He explains.
"Okay so that means we have time to get some work out done. Ready?" I ask him.
"Yes sir." Julius nods.
I wrap my hand around his twig sized shoulders and lead him outside to the yard. I can feel a couple of muscles coming in but by the time I am done with him, the kid will be more than capable of holding his own in a fight.
"Santi." Moreno nods at me once we make our way outside.
"Jefe." I bow in respect hitting the back of Julius' head when he doesn't do the same.
The kid is learning but he still has a long way to go. He bows in respect mumbling a quick sorry under his breath.
I lead him to the weights in the far corner and we begin working out together waiting for lunch to roll around. The morning sun is scorching over us and we manage to work up a sweat meaning I'll need another shower after I'm done.
Thoughts of what I did during my morning shower invade my mind and I close my eyes in shame. I still can't get over how disgusting I was. Hannah would be mortified if she learnt what I did. It's a good thing we aren't exchanging letters anymore otherwise I would be too ashamed to send her one after what I did.
I missed her and her big bold handwriting but it was over and for the best because I don't know what I would do if she kept sending me letters. Hannah is a temptation I need to stay away from. And besides she will never be with a convict like me. There are too many negative variables keeping us apart. Hannah will always be the moon and I will be the waves that she controls without ever coming in contact with each other.
"Hey boss, you okay?" Julius asks.
I look down at the kid and realize that I'm supposed to be spotting him yet I'm distracted which is dangerous.
"Yes I'm fine." I mumble knowing my thoughts are for me and me alone.
"I'd ask if you are having lady troubles but this is prison so..." Julius laughs getting off the bench to begin another set.
"You have no idea." I mumble under my breath when Julius comes so close to the truth.
I am having lady troubles with a woman who is so out of my league she is basically living on a other planet.
"Speaking of women, do you have a lady on the outside boss?" Julius asks.
"No." I repent curtly.
"Really, I thought I pegged you for a ladies man." Julius teases.
"Well you pegged wrong." I retort.
"That's too bad. I have a lady or had, she broke it off when I got arrested, said she didn't want to be with a criminal. June Whitley, cheerleading captain, the one who go away." Julius laughs bitterly to himself once the memories hit.
"You only got three years kid, you'll be fine once you get out as long as you don't go hacking the government again." I reply.
"My hacking days are behind me." Julius assures me.
"Good, now let's finish this set and hit the showers. I skipped breakfast so I can't skip lunch." I say urging him to get back to work.
Julius is a good kid, he just made a bad decision and now he is paying for it. Hopefully he will get parole after serving half his sentence so that he doesn't have to complete his full sentence. I was denied parole due top my gang affiliation but I accepted my fate. Hopefully Julius will not have to suffer the same.
Once we are both done working out we head back inside to shower. By the time we get out its time for lunch.
"Bologna, not bad." Julius comments as we stand in line to our food.
Julius is not part of the gang but he is under my protection so he sits with me and the rest of the members during lunch. They were a bit skeptical at first but once Moreno approved, they had no choice but to accept it.
The excitement about the band coming to perform builds as the time wades closer. I'm not a huge fan of music myself but it will be good to get some entertainment. The inmates could also use some cheering up. Hopefully it will help lessen the tense mood that is always floating in the air.
We all flood into the chapel sitting into our segregated groups and gangs. It's a bit of a squeeze fitting six hundred inmates into the chapel but we make it work.
All the CO's on duty take strategic positions to make sure there is peace just in time for the Warden to appear.
"Order." He bellows from the pulpit and everyone goes silent.
The pulpit has been modified to accomodate a make shift stage which has been set up with a full set complete with drums and guitars. Whichever band it is, they have an awesome get up.
"Today's event is organized by the Federal Prison Committee to improve inmate morale. It's a privilege to have these guests come out here to perform for us so I expect order. Be on your best behavior unless you want your time here to be worse than it already is. You behave and maybe, just maybe we can make this a regular occurrence. Now without further ado, I invite Imagine Dragons onto the stage." Warden McKinley announces.
All the inmates go crazy as the band members pile onto the stage. For a group that is about to perform infront of six hundred criminals they look happy and bold.
"Good afternoon FCI, we are Imagine Dragons." One of the members announces causing my fellow inmates to into another frenzy.
"This is so cool. Do you know how expensive their concert tickets are?" Julius yells excitedly next to me.
"I wouldn't know but it seems like you do." I laugh getting pulled into the excitement floating around.
"Without further ado, let's get this show on the road. This first song is a crowd favorite, gentlemen please enjoy, Believer." The lead artist announces strumming a couple of chords on his guitar.
All the inmates go crazy from the first song and I am surprised when they actually do behave themselves for the next couple of hours. Dinner is served later than usual because the concert runs longer than anticipated but it's a good thing.
Three hours of entertainment and singing our lungs out later, the band leaves the stage after getting a standing ovation from all of us.
"That was sick." Julius cheers as we make our way out of the chapel to the cafeteria.
"It was fun."I admit.
Imagined Dragons have managed to put the whole prison in a good mood, so much so that no fights break out during dinner.
I break away from the gang as soon as I'm done eating to go make my weekly call to Diego. I missed it on Thursday when I usually call him so I'm hoping to make up for it today. There's no line so I go directly to an available phone and punch in his number.
"Diego." I greet once the call connects.
"Hi big bro. You didn't call on Thursday, is everything okay?" He asks sounding worried.
"Yeah it's all good, I had to replace someone in the kitchen that day thus why I didn't call but I'm here now. You okay?" I inquire.
"I'm relieved to hear that, I was a bit worried and yes I'm great. Guess what?" He answers and I don't miss the excitement in his voice.
It's a wonder how Diego can shift from one mood to the next in a matter of seconds.
"What?" I ask with a smile.
"My final letter came in today. I got into all the universities I applied for." He announces cheerfully.
Pride wells in my heart at his words and I can't hold back my cheer. Lipp the CO at the door looks at me strangely but I ignore him.
"Wow, that's great Diego. I am so proud of you. So have you picked the one you want to go to yet?" I ask matching his excited energy.
I know for a fact that Diego worked really hard to get into his desired colleges. Nobody deserves this win more than he does and I am really happy for him.
"Not really, I did expect to get into all of them so I haven't really had a chance to decide." He explains.
"There is still time so don't rush. Take your time and make the best decision for yourself." I encourage.
Now that he has many choices, it'll be easier for him to go to a college of his choice.
"I will." He mumbles and I notice that his tone has taken a nose dive.
"What's up? I thought we agreed that you aren't allowed to mope around when we talk. What's bothering you?" I inquire.
I hate it when my brother is so down and I am not there to do anything about it.
"I'm graduating next week." He answers.
"I know, I already made plans for your graduation present. It'll be there on the day before." It was a bit hard to arrange while still in prison but I ordered him his dream car.
I know he has been driving my old beat up truck but I wanted him to have something nice to call his own thus why I ordered him a Ford Fusion Sport.
"What is it?" He asks getting a bit excited.
"It's a surprise." I reply not wanting to ruin it.
"Okay, I can't wait but still I wish I could trade if for you being here." He confesses tugging at my heart strings.
It breaks my heart that I am missing all the milestones in Diego's life but it's a sacrifice I had to make that I would do all over again without regret.
"I know hermano, I feel really bad that I won't be there for you. It breaks my heart that you won't have any family cheering for you in the audience." I console.
"Tough luck right." He mumbles sadly.
"I'll make it up to you I promise." I assure him.
I have no idea how but I will do my best to turn his frown right side up.
"You already do enough Santiago. It just sucks sometimes." Diego admits breaking my heart some more.
It really hurts when he is hurting like so and my hands are tied and to what I can do to make him feel better.
"It will all work out someday don't worry. I'll get out and we can make up for lost time." I promise him.
"I can't wait." Diego replies.
"You're still coming over next Saturday right?" I ask him.
"Of course I wouldn't miss it. I'll even bring my cap and gown." He answers.
"Perfect, we'll take pictures then."
"Awesome, anyway I gotta go, the basketball team captain is hosting the a party for the seniors and I promised Sofia we would go together." Diego says.
"You two are getting pretty serious huh?" I tease.
"Shut up." Diego groans in embarrassment.
"I'm sorry, I'm just happy to hear you so excited about something." I chuckle happy to hear him so cheerful.
My nerdy kid brother finally has a girlfriend, I am allowed to be happy about it.
"She's really nice, I like her." Diego confesses.
"I am glad to hear that. I won't hold you up any longer. Have fun tonight and be responsible." I request him.
"I will, I promise. Bye Santi. Te amo." Diego concludes.
"Bye Diego, te amo." I reply.
As soon as the call ends I hang up but hesitate moving away from the phone. Something about my conversation with Diego won't get off my chest and I know that I need to make things right.
I can't allow my baby brother to graduate alone. I can't be there for him but I can make sure that someone else is. None of the gang members would be caught dead at the event so my mind drifts to the other person I can think of. She does owe me a favor and said to call her incase I ever needed anything from her. I never intended to take her up on that offer but I am desperate and know that I can actually depend on her.
"One call a day Delgado." Lipp reminds me when I pick the phone up to make a second call.
"That's a bullshit rule considering I'm paying for the call." I retort punching in her number from memory.
Darius made me memorize it together with his house address incase anything ever happened to him. Something did happen and and now I'm about to ask his sister for a very huge favor that I hope she'll agree to.
"Delgado." Lipp growls warningly but I ignore him.
He knows there's not much he can do since that rule is there to avoid crowding in the call room but there's only one other inmate in here with four extra phones.
"You get a pass today." He retorts and I hold back the urge to laugh at how pathetic he is.
I wait for the call to connect and once it does, I'm left speechless once I hear Hannah for the first time.
"Hello." Hannah's calm and sweet voice answers.
"Hannah." I reply and hear the hitch in her breath.
"Cesar." She breaths after a long moment of silence.
The sound of my name coming from her lips is more of a turn on than I braced myself for.
I am so fucked.
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So most of you skipped over my SOS from the last chapter but that's fine, thank you to the one person who reached out 💕💕.
Oh and I've got an announcement. I've been out of work since January and I'm getting kind of desperate. I've blown through all my savings so I am thinking of selling one of my books. Not literally selling but uploading it on a site that will pay me for my work. I don't feel comfortable with this since I did it with "Lost Ego" and it earned me some cash but they screwed me over and I never earned any promised loyalties once the full book was uploaded.
I don't know what to do anymore so unless you guys can hook me up with a job, I'm afraid one of more of my books will have to go since I need to earn some money if I'm to keep living.
I'm still deciding which one will have to go but I hope it doesn't come to that. Keep me in your prayers.