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Soo Hyun-
She just asked me two questions, questions I very well know answer of, questions that will bring us the end but the anger building inside of me since I saw her in my territory would not satiate me. I want her to crawl, to run, to cry, to scream just the way I have lived my life.
I don't understand how can someone like me with everything ends up with nothing and how can someone like her with nothing ends up having the best of her life. I envy her but above all, I hate her for being in my place, I hate her for living, I hate her for showing this kind side of her, being this goody-to-shoes when I know how much fucked up she is.
She acts so innocent and beautiful inside-out but all I see is a pathetic submissive girl who likes to please everyone, and I can't stand her, I can't stand the fact I almost killed myself because I didn't want to hurt her. But my anger takes a toll on me, everything feels so blurry.
I wanted her to rot in that cold storage, I wanted to claim her mine the day I saw her in that wedding gown, but then I recalled whose daughter she has been living as, my blood boils whenever I see her laugh or even smile, happiness is what I had to earn all my life and I was still deprived of it and yet she was gaining all of it, sitting here laughing at something Hae ri said or whoever her friends are.
Seeing her in this state almost made me drop everything and run, but then I see her with them, how with nothing she lived such a happy lie with that man. And I want to kill everyone around her just to make her realize the pain of what I have been going through all my life.
"So, you want me to keep asking you questions and then when I'm done, you'll decide what things you want me to do for you?" Exactly, there are no things but just one thing... I want her to go through one last thing and she'll know how to live like me, to live as an orphan with nobody around him.
"Yes..." I say keeping my cool although I want to burn her to ashes and then bring her back to life and make her go through each pain I have been through, just to kill her again.
She opens her mouth and then closes it, opens again, and then closes it again... Fiddling with the hem of her dress and I couldn't help but look at the frightened expression on her face. I am not this, I am not a monster I wanted to scream it in her face but all of my memories, my past experiences, my pain, it comes back like a wrecking havoc and I have nowhere to go.
This build-up of tension, this build-up of pain and sorrow led me here that all I think about is revenge, vengeance is all on my mind, and yet I'm breaking, breaking her, breaking with her. I just want her to sign the damn document and leave those friends of hers and be with me. But was it that easy? Do my bloody hands have some love in them?
I want her all to me but she is not accepting it... She is running away from me, and this is absolute torture. I can handle any sort of physical pain but after having a taste of her, I don't want to let go.
"I want to know, why are you doing this to me... What does it mean if I don't comply with your requests?" Her tear-stained cheeks did something to me like they always do. I don't understand this stupid heart, I have bottled up every emotion inside me to work, earn and live like a robot. But when my eyes meet hers, it's like the sun meeting the horizon. PERFECT.
And yet I couldn't bring myself to not hate her, she has had this perfect life with perfect friends, and on the other side, I was this lonely kid who had everything in life, well monetary.
A deep chuckle leaves my throat at her question, my lamb is afraid of me, she's afraid I might do something to her again, and she's curious about me. And well if we are to spend this life together, she should know what monsters and demons I hide beneath not that she doesn't know any but she doesn't know the reason behind my demons, and opening up to her will be the last limit I cross here.
"You want to know why, sweetheart?" I question and she shudders in her seat, oh how much I hate myself for making her feel like this, but this thing is out of my hands. I'm aggravated with myself for letting her feel this way, for letting her bring emotions in me.
I want to hurt her, as much as I have felt over 17 years and yet I want to hurt myself for hurting her but I can't help whenever I see her the life I should have been led. I don't know how much longer I can withhold with this, how much longer until I lose my mind.
She nods keeping her hands clutched around the manila folder that is now placed on her lap. "You know what your father did to my family?" My rage was uncontrollable whenever I thought about my parents and unborn sister... The day was by far the most excruciating for me and yet that man left, left me with broken pieces, left my father with nothing, and left breaking my whole world apart.
"Your father worked for mine, he was his right hand... Most of the business decisions were based on what Mr. Kang said, my father didn't want any more subsidiary companies under Kim Corp. but your father insisted and maybe even started a firm without my father's knowledge, the papers in your hand are proof." I could see the color drain from her face as she got to know the things, bad things her father dearest did but it was just the start... Just the beginning.
"He also left the company on the verge of bankruptcy, leaving my father to deal with the documentation alone when he very well knew, everything had his signature on it." The next part would definitely break me but she needs to know, she has to know how he left because he was a coward, because he wanted a serene life after everything happened.
"He left and my father couldn't handle the stress, he..." my voice cracked but I don't have to show any emotions, I don't want to show how broken I still am inside, she will be the last person on Earth I'd cry my worries and sorrows to. She presses her lips together keeping herself content, not slipping any sobs in between.
"He killed himself... my mother, she was the sweetest and purest soul I have ever known, she was pregnant with my baby sister, 7 months." I was so into the story of my life that I didn't see her tears, didn't feel her reaching out to me, "She couldn't handle his death and she died a heart attack." I couldn't keep my voice content anymore and I let slip a tear, a tear of pain, a tear of my lost sister.
"That day I lost my everything and I was just a baby... a 13-year-old boy Y/N... Just a boy," I felt her closing the distance between us, she cups my face before bringing me closer to her torso. And we were hugging, I have never felt so home in a long time.
"That still doesn't answer why am I being tortured to death Soo Hyun, my father is dead and if you want the firm, I'll sign it for you... I don't even need it." My heart ripped open, I didn't know what to say to that but it was red covering my eyes.
I tear myself apart from her with a scowl on my face,
"You have been living a perfect life, with so much love... YOU GAVE HIM LOVE, you brought so much happiness in his life that it hurts me to even think about it. Even being adopted, and abandoned by your biological parents, you had this life full of love, friends, parents, you name it you had everything. It pained me to even look at you, even now... after knowing what have I done all I see is pity in your eyes for me. AND I HATE THIS SHIT."
I don't know what was happening to me but I needed to be apart from her, she put a curse on me... The way her eyes are shedding tears for me is breaking my heart, and yet I want to be apart from her...
I have lived a life of an orphan and neglected kid, I had money but I had to work to earn that shit. The board of directors was pieces of shit and I made myself the man I am now, but still, the emotions and love were locked away... Love is not for me.
As people say, 'you give what you receive', and all my life I have just received pain, hurt, and more pain... That is the only thing I have with me to give.
My phone rang loudly breaking the silence between us as she looked at me like the world would just swallow us whole and this might be the last she is seeing me.
It was the security team, and I had to pick up the call...
Receiving the call, I made my way to the kitchen, "Yes, what's the issue?" I ask as I intently listen to the other side of the call and slowly all my senses were getting back, like father, like daughter. I knew I should never trust anyone apart from myself... But I started to incline toward her which was the biggest mistake in my 30 years of life... Never trust a woman who loves some other man.
I was ready... Ready to give her my all, I wanted to ask her, beg her to fall for me instead. Falling in love with me would be dangerous yet I'd be happy for a moment in my life... Before I go back I want to take her in, take everything about her in me before I push us both to the verge of death.
I stand there at the periphery of the kitchen, forcing my eyes to look at her and when I did, oh it kills me to even think about the things I did, I was doing and I shall be doing further... Just a minute more, I want to look at her for a moment more, I want to draw her in my heart for a moment more, because the things she does to me, she brings in me... I am afraid I'll die.
And still, I want to break her, hurt her... I am sick. I feel sick.
I storm back into the room, fire igniting my bones and all I see right now is her and my wrath which will bring her death, she was still seated in the same position...
"You said you'd do anything for your answers... Then I ask you to get changed into something comfortable, we are going for a drive..." I could see the confusion on her face, and I smiled, the drive is nothing like she ever had gone to. If we go down, we go down together, if I can't have her completely... NOBODY WOULD.
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