Chapter Nine
I don't know how long it's been since I spoke to Eli. I'm still laying on the bathroom floor, my eyes puffy from crying and my head is pounding. My sobs have now subsided, but I'm angry at myself. I let my guard down; I told him something I shouldn't have. I can't believe I did that. When Eli is involved he seems to break down my walls just a little bit. I don't even know if he realises what he's doing, but he's worming his way into my life and if I'm totally honest, my heart too. It's a strange feeling really. Thinking about him terrifies me, but the thought of him also brings a tiny smile to my lips. Then I remember who I am and what I've been through. No one in their right mind would give me the time of day, which brings me back to the reality that something is wrong with this situation. He's too good; too perfect. He's too nice to me and that must mean it's a set up.
My phone ringing brings me out of my own head space. It's gotta be Eli again. He's been alternating between my house phone and my cell. He's left a number of messages on my machine, but I can't bring myself to get up off the bathroom floor to listen to them. My body aches, my head aches, and my heart aches. This causes me to choke back another sob. I need to pick up the phone. I need to know if I've made him angry so I'll know to avoid him more carefully when he gets back. I just can't force myself to press that little green button. I don't want to know that he's angry. I don't want to ruin my view of him, my dream view I guess. I don't want reality to hit me even harder than it already has.
After another 20 minutes or so, I pick myself up off the floor and trudge to the shower. I turn the water as hot as I can stand it to try to work out the knots and kinks in my body. As I do this, I realise just how broken I am and the thought hits me like a freight train. It almost knocks the breath right out of me. I guess I get so caught up in making it through each day, that I don't take stock of my life and what my future will be. I am embarrassed by myself and how stupid I actually am. I'm stuck in the past. I can't get through that and it's going to mess up my future. The only way I can convey it is, it's a bit like I'm stuck in a dark, cold room on my own. I don't know where to go or how to get out of there, but every time I try to take a step, a thick substance stops me from moving and sucks me back to where I started. I just feel..... stuck.
I manage to pull myself together and get through my shower. I get dressed and go to the kitchen to grab some tea to try to relax myself a bit. I pick up Eli's messages. They are all variations of him asking me if I'm ok and if I could please ring him to just let him know I'm alright. He sounds really worried and before I can second guess myself, I grab the phone and dial his number.
He doesn't even say hello. The first word that I hear is, “Dani?”
“Yes sir?”
“Oh, thank goodness! I thought something had happened to you. Are you ok?”
“Yes sir. I'm sorry for hanging up...”
“It's ok. I was just worried out of my mind. Did I upset you?”
“No sir. I'm ok.”
“Sure? I'm trying to get home earlier than planned...”
“You don't need to do that, sir...”
“I want to. I want to be at home. I miss home, I miss my family and I miss you... I'll let you know if I can get away early, ok?”
“Yes sir.”
There was a knock on my front door and I held my breath for a brief moment. Eli heard it and asked, “Dani? Everything ok? I heard your breath hitch.”
“My door...”
“Go see who it is. I'll stay on the line. Don't open it if you don't know who it is.”
“Yes sir.”
I put them phone down and walked slowly to the door. I looked out of the peephole and saw my groceries on the floor. I'd totally forgotten that it was Saturday. I breathed a sigh of relief, opened the door and grabbed my groceries quickly before picking the phone up again.
“It was just my groceries, sir.”
“Ok, good. Thank you for calling me back Dani.”
“You're welcome. I'm sorry I worried you.”
“It's ok. I have to get to training, but I'll check in with you later on, ok?”
“Ok. Bye.”
I hung up, feeling somewhat better that I'd called him back. I didn't want him to be mad at me or anything.
Eli must have got caught up in training, because I didn't hear from him that evening. I decided not to go to bed, just so I didn't dream. I grabbed a book and curled up on the couch to read for the night. I nodded off a couple times, but not long enough to dream thankfully.
Sunday was boring and slow. I just cooked meals for the week so I only had to reheat meals. That worked best, especially seeing as work was keeping me later and later. I managed to grab a couple fitful hours of sleep before work started on Monday morning, but I felt absolutely awful when I got into work. I know all the lack of sleep is catching up with me and I don't know what is going to happen when it actually hits me.
I quickly get to my desk and start working. I need a distraction from everything that is in my head. I grab a file that's on the top of my stack and start reading the contents. I was so caught up with my work, that I didn't realise someone was standing in front of my desk until they cleared their throat. I squeaked and looked up before apologising profusely. “I'm so sorry sir. I didn't see you there...”
The Captain smiled and said, “It's ok, Danica. I see you were working hard.”
“Yes sir. Did you realise there's a terror threat in my stack, sir?”
“No. Which one?”
“The one in Arabic.”
“Arabic?”
“Yes, sir. It's here.”
I pulled the file out and placed it onto the side of the desk where he was standing. He looked over it before saying, “It's all in Arabic. I can't read that.”
“Oh.”
“You speak Arabic?”
“Er, yes sir?”
“Is there anything else I should know, Danica? How many other languages do you speak?”
I dropped my head to cover my burning cheeks before whispering, “Just a couple, sir.”
“Which ones?”
“Russian, Spanish, Italian, French and Arabic.”
“Wow. Is that because of your photographic memory?”
“Yes sir. It's easier for me to learn other languages.”
“That's amazing. What does this file say?”
“Basically, it's a list of Afghan nationals that have moved here and are on the terror watch list. They've been linked with a rebel army out in Afghanistan. Are we supposed to have that file, sir?”
“Probably not. Can you translate it and type it out for me please? I'll take it to the director and see what he says.”
“Yes sir. Captain? Can you leave my name out of it please? I don't want anyone else to know I can read it.”
“I'll try, but if the director asks, I'll have to tell him.”
I nodded and got to work, wondering how out of all the desks in the precinct, the file ended up on mine.
I cracked on with the translation, skipping lunch and not even noticing it. Ash sat on the edge of my desk later on in the day, making me jump and squeak. He jumped up and said, “Sorry, I didn't realise I'd scare you.” He eyed me cautiously, expecting me to have a panic attack I think. I quietly counted, trying to calm my heart rate down. “Hey, I really am sorry, Dani. I didn't think it would be such a big deal.”
I whispered, “It's ok, sir. I didn't know you were there.”
“You leaving soon?”
“Leaving?”
“Yes, ma'am. It's almost 8.”
“In the evening?” I was shocked.
Ash chuckled and said, “Yes, in the evening. Wow, you were concentrating that much, huh? What you working on?”
“Something for the Captain. I have to take it to him.”
He nodded and said, “I'll wait for you.”
I grabbed the files, my translated one and the original, and I headed for the Captain's office. I knocked quietly and waited for him to grant me entrance. I handed the file to him and said, “It's done sir. I've brought the original too.”
“Thank you, Danica. Will you remember that whole file?”
I stared at my shoes and whispered, “Yes sir.”
“Good. We might need that information later. Thank you.”
“Night sir.”
Sure enough, when I got back to my desk Ash was waiting for me. I quickly grabbed my stuff in the hope that I could lose him at the stairs. Of course, luck wasn't on my side, again, and Ash walked with me. He just watched for a little while, which really unnerved me, and then he finally said, “You seem to be settling in better. How you finding it here?”
“Ok, sir. Thank you.”
“A few of us are going out on Friday night. Do you want to join us?”
“No thank you, sir.”
“Eli will be there.”
“No thanks.”
“You set on avoiding us?”
I was trapped. Technically I was, but I couldn't just tell him that. So I just said, “No sir. I just don't want to go out.”
“Ok. So, do you have any family here?”
I frowned, not knowing where this came from or where this was going. Ash explained, “I'm just trying to get to know you better. Eli seems to be quite taken with you, so I'm trying to get to know you better.”
I narrowed my eyes slightly, trying to figure out if he was telling the truth. I decided to just go with it. I could always run away if he went too far. So, I took a deep breath and whispered, “No sir.”
He looked shocked, like he had other information. To my knowledge I had no family in this country; no real family anyway. And the 'family' I did have, I disowned a long time ago.
“Really? So, how did you come to this country then? Were you born here?”
I sighed, stared at the wall and quietly said, “I'm not really comfortable talking about this. Sorry sir, I have to go.”
I picked up my pace and headed out of the building. When I got home, I did a thorough search on any and every database I could think of, trying to see if anyone had accessed information about me. I knew I couldn't go back and delete anything, because that would jeopardise my job at the precinct, so I had to find out if the information was accessed. As far as I could tell no one had searched for anything about me, but they could have covered their tracks.
There was not much I could do about someone like Ash trying to find out things about my past. I had scrubbed as much as I could out, but when dealing with things like that, you have to be a bit careful. Trying to get a job when you have no history is a bit difficult, but you also have to have a believable history. With my real history I would never have even got near to the police or the precinct for a job interview, let alone a place on the SWAT analytical team.
As I was lost in my thoughts, my phone rang. I let it ring through to answer phone and when I heard Eli's voice I picked it up.
A/N: Hey guys! This is sort of a filler chapter. I can't move on too quickly. Please let me know what you think. I'm starting to think no one is enjoying the story. If you have any ideas for the story, I'm always open to them. I'm writing as I go along, so there's room for change. Anyways, thanks for reading and hit those little vote and comment buttons...... please? :-)