-• what should I call you as? •-
Taranya
He's here.
And yet I can't go to him.
I don't know what's more terrifying. The fact that every inch of my body desperately wishes to be in his arms, or that I wanted him to return to me like a dying man gasps for air, or that I'm not supposed to feel this way towards a man who has always broken my trust.
It doesn't matter anymore.
Because he's right in front of me, and circumstances have changed.
I knew I had committed an irreversible mistake when he blackmailed to tamper with Shourya's health. It's because of me the boy lost more than seven years of his life. And now he's a man, unnamed, without an identity, sans the memories, clinging to me because he thinks I'm his wife ever since he saw the magazine cover.
Shourya & Taranya. The Royal Couple.
It read on the cover page.
I can't blame him for thinking that I'm his wife. My husband stole his life, and he doesn't even know. I couldn't him tell him the truth when he assumed the worst. What would I even say? No, you're not my husband. It's Rudra. Your half brother. He made sure you were in coma for seven years so he can replace you and become the heir of Rajawat Empire. I'm sorry. But can you please slip back into coma? Thank you.
He looked so lost when he first met me. It's when he assumed I'm his wife that he settled, was grounded again, and obeyed Yuvraaj's wish to stay in the hospital until Rudra returns from Scotland.
Which was supposed to be only a three-day stay.
I played along as Shourya's wife for his sake, and because I was guilty too. Like it or not, I'm partly to blame for his condition. But I had hoped Shour- Rudra will return soon. I had hoped I won't have to string along with the lie for more than a day. I was proved wrong the very next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, until the lie lasted a week, and Shourya had accepted the lie as his only reality, his only hope to start anew.
"Now that Rudra is here, I can be discharged and come home with you, right?" Shourya asks as I unpack the tiffin on the makeshift table over his lap.
My eyes flicker to Rudra.
It hurts.
The way he's watching me, looking at me, as if he'll break apart if I don't go to him now.
"Ye- Yeah," I whisper shakily.
My hands tremble too. I feel like crying. I feel like hugging my husband. My real husband.
A hand lurches forward to grab my wrist. Startled, I drop the spoon, and it clatters to the floor. "What's wrong?" Shourya leaves my hand as I step back in surprise. I glance towards Rudra.
He's furious.
Before he can react, I pick up the spoon and reach around the bed, grabbing Rudra's arm before hoisting him up. Shourya stares at us befuddled. "I need to talk to him about your discharge process. You should have the lunch. I'll be back in five." And I drag him outside the room.
The door swings close behind us. Rudra pins me to the wall next to it. I look up at him stunned. "What the fuck?" He growls, slamming his hand next to my head. I flinch.
"Rudra!" Yuvraaj tears him off me. "Control yourself. That's my sister!"
Rudra doesn't stop glaring at me. I shrink behind my brother's back. "And that's my wife." I hear him say, enunciate, word by word, slowly. "That's my fucking wife. How dare he call her his?"
"It's a misunderstanding." Yuvraaj pacifies.
"And you didn't bother clearing it up?" Rudra snaps.
"Please, not here. He might hear you." Nurse Farida says softly. "Go to the empty room at the end of the hallway."
Yuvraaj grabs Rudra's wrist and makes the unwilling man follow him. I walk behind meekly, standing at the entrance when the door falls close. Yuvraaj releases Rudra in the middle of the room and turns, raking a troubled hand through his hair. Rudra stalks back towards me. Instinctively, I stumble closer to the door.
"Rudra, stop!" Yuvraaj commands.
Surprisingly, he does.
I swallow.
I don't understand why he's so pissed at me. I did nothing. In fact, I'm pulled into this without my consent. I had no idea where Shourya even was before we met in the shopping mall. I should be the one getting angry and demanding answers.
"We need to think rationally."
"Say that when it's your wife being claimed as someone else's!" He bellows, turning around to face the man.
"That's my sister too."
"That doesn't mean you understand how I feel." Rudra grits out.
"It happened so unexpectedly, Rudra." Yuvraaj starts to explain. "He woke up the night you left. Miss. Farida was asleep in the hallway. He just disappeared. We were finding him like mad men. If not for Taranya, I don't know what would have happened. Imagine if he had gone to the palace! The hardwork of twenty five years, all to waste! You want that? You want to give up now that we're so fucking close to our goal, our revenge?"
Rudra falls quiet.
"Taranya didn't tell him she's his wife. He assumed. Because of the magazine cover." Yuvraaj adds calmly. "We couldn't refute. We had no way to."
"So, what now?" Rudra inquires defeatedly.
"I'll take him to Veer Mahal until I find a good place. It's safer there." He replies, "try not to make too many public appearances for a while."
"And what about your brothers?"
"I'll sit them down this evening and explain everything. It's time they know the truth."
"It's only the twins and Agastya who don't know the truth. It'll be fine." I say softly.
Yuvraaj nods.
Rudra doesn't bother to look at me. I feel vexed at his way of treating the communication withdrawal between us. I'm not at fault for everything that's happening. I'm not elated to be acting as someone else's wife.
"Taranya will stay at Veer Mahal for the next few days. She'll help him get settled in the palace."
Rudra's head snap towards Yuvraaj. "What?"
"He won't come unless there's someone around that he trusts. And as of now, he only trusts Taranya." Yuvraaj emphasises.
"You want to go?" Rudra looks at me accusingly.
Taken aback, I stare at him speechless.
"You do." He nods.
"What?" My face screws in disbelief. "It's not like I've a choice, Shou- Rudra!"
His eyes grow colder hearing the name I address him with.
"Can you step out for a moment?" He looks at Yuvraaj. "Please." He adds forcibly.
"I better not see tears in her eyes." Yuvraaj warns, then sighs in defeat and walks out of the room, pulling the door close behind him.
I look back at Rudra.
"What did you just call me?" He demands, his voice gravelly deep, rugged.
"Should I still call you Shourya? Do you really believe that's your name?"
He frowns. "Because it is, Taranya." He rarely uses my full name. The realisation leaves me feeling uncomfortable. "My mother named me Shourya." He points at himself.
"It's not about who among you is Shourya. The name doesn't make you him. You simply don't want your name back, you want to replace him. But he too exists, Rudra. And it's not his fault that his father-" I suck in a deep breath when he stiffens. "If you were deprived of your rights, so was he. And it's time you realise, it's not in the name, that's not where the value, and the individuality of a person lies. It's in the person itself. You're not Shourya. Yes, it was supposed to be your name, your position, your status. But you've to accept that's it's no longer yours. It's his. And he has the world to prove that. If he returns to the palace now, he won't have to put fake lens in his eyes to be accepted. He doesn't need to become someone else. You do. Then tell me, how can you call it yours, when it never accepted you for who you really are?"
He sits down on the bed, breathing deeply. I make a move to approach him. He raises a hand. Stopping me in my place.
A chuckle escapes him. I freeze. The sound of his mirth mirthless, ironic, shallow.
"Who am I?" He looks down at his hands, tracing the lines, the ups and downs of his palms with his fingers. "I spent all my life becoming him, and you're telling me I still won't be accepted? I feel like a fool." He buries his face in his hands. "I feel like a Goddamn loser."
My eyes tear up.
"So, what do you want?" He looks up at me.
"What?" I frown.
"You're telling me I can never be Shourya. But you're Shourya's wife."
I'm your wife.
"On papers, in front of the world, in front of the families, you're Shourya's wife. You're his wife. Then who am I to you?" He asks, and chuckles. "Niharika will have a field day with this." He shakes his head in mock amusement.
"Rudra-"
"Did he touch you?"
"What is wrong with you!?" I snap.
"Did he touch you?" He repeats.
"What do you think?" I counter.
He doesn't answer. But those ebony eyes speak more than the verbal words can convey. I step back feeling hurt. "You really think I'll allow a random man to come and touch me? Is that what you think of me?"
"You said I suffocate you. You said you want me off your back. That's your opportunity." He splays his hand to the side, referring to Shourya in the hospital room.
"You've lost it!"
"It was a simple question, Taranya." His chest rumbles, the dark tone threatening, seething. "Did he or did he not fucking touch you?"
"Yeah, he did." I answer. "In the one week that you were gone, we slept seven times in seven days. Do you want the details?"
It takes him a split second to throw me on the couch and bend over to seize my jaw. I see every trace of gentleness leave his eyes. It reminds me of the night we first met in Rajawat Palace. He didn't care about me back then. And he doesn't care about me now. All he wants to protect is his heart, his woman, his wife. And not me, not Taranya. Does he even see me as a person? Or am I only someone he loves, is possessive about, perhaps can't live without. Am I simply a drug keeping him addicted, alive, sane?
"Don't provoke me, Taranya. I don't mind slitting that man's throat. I wouldn't care if he's my half brother." He says it, and he means it. I know he does. The way his eyes darken, jaw clicks, muscles flex, he's dying to get rid of every possible threat between us.
I swat his hand away and slip off the couch, fixing my hair and appearance. I can't let my brother see me like this. Taking a deep breath, I look at his side profile. And I notice the sunken cheeks, the haggard eyes, the messy hair. He hasn't slept, hasn't eaten properly. My heart clenches. "You need to get your head back straight. Don't contact me until then." I leave the room and slam the door close.
Yuvraaj stands up from the visiting chairs. Before he can ask me what's wrong, I walk over and hug him tightly, sniffling in his embrace. "Is he still angry?" I nod. "Should I talk to him?" I shake my head. "He needs to understand this is the only way."
I pull away and wipe the tears away. "I don't think he's even trying. He's only focusing on the fact that someone else called me their wife. He's insecure, jealous, and angry. And he's right to feel all of that. But I can't stand while he projects those negative emotions on me. He needs some time alone. Maybe he'll think clearly once the shock and rage wears off?" I look up at the dark onyx eyes.
Yuvraaj nods and pats the top of my head. "You should stay in the car. I'll get him approve the discharge process." I take the car keys from him and head towards the elevator, stepping inside and letting the doors slide close. The metal box opens directly on the ground floor. I walk out of the hospital and make my way towards the black Escalade in the parking lot.
I sit in the passenger seat and drop the windows to let the fresh air cool me down. I'm furious at Rudra. But I also pity him. He really thinks he's that easy to replace. Did he forget what he told me two months ago?
"That no matter what face I put on, what identity I use, what story I make up, you'd still recognise me, still want me, still see me for who I really am, and not who I pretend to be."
He said those words to me, and yet he's the one unable to believe them. I didn't care who he was as long he was him. He must have been my biggest mistake, my only regret, but the seventeen year old Taranya can never forget the man who introduced her to the world of infatuation, who showed her the beauty of first love, and taught her to be delicate with it for how fragile it is. I lived all kinds of love with him. The risky, the forbidden, the fairytale, and the tragically stricken. Not because he's Shourya or Rudra, but because he's him.
I compose myself seeing the men come out of the hospital. All of them have masks on. My eyes gravitate towards Rudra automatically. He stops at his car and watches as Yuvraaj and Shourya approach the Escalade. I look away when our eyes meet.
Two doors open before simultaneously slamming shut. Yuvraaj starts the car and pulls out of the spot. I fist the hem of my dress as the car drives slowly, passes Rudra, and then exits the hospital premises. I look at the wing mirror. He stands in his spot watching our car. My heart thuds erratically in my chest.
"Tara, come to the backseat."
I startle.
Yuvraaj glances at me. I force myself to look over the shoulder and meet the familiar brown eyes. I know I said he's the real Shourya, but it still feels weird to think of him as Shourya. "Bhai will feel like a driver." I squint my eyes sheepishly.
Shourya nods, smiling softly. "It's okay, I understand. I'll adjust for this time."
I give him a last smile and shift my attention outside the window, allowing my face to drop the inhibitions and express the melancholy freely.
"Nurse Farida told me I was in coma for only a month. But everything feels so different. As if years have passed." He says distantly.
I sigh.
That's another lie we had to come up with when Vivaan told us the less shocks he receives, the better for him. The potent Virendra used has potential to cause more damage than it already had. It slowly needs to release his system using medicines, diet, and most importantly, good energy. You can't tell a man he went in the coma as a sixteen year old boy and woke up as a twenty three year old man. I'm sure the inability to remember anything is already messing up with his head.
"It's a fast moving world. Sleep tonight and you'll see cars flying in the sky tomorrow." I jest.
"True." He chuckles.
We reach Veer Mahal and Shourya steps out with me. The security bows. It feels weird. As if they can't see the difference between him and Rudra. And even if they do, they don't care. As long as it's Shourya, they need to bow.
Yuvraaj leads us inside the palace. Thankfully, no one's around to bother us with questions. We pass dad's room and open the door next to Yuvraaj's room. I remember Dad had once suggested I stay here since Agastya and Arush had problem with me staying in their late mother's room.
I hate that I can't think about Dad without acknowledging this gaping hole in my heart. As if the only recollection of my beautiful man is in his loss.
"You'll stay here." Yuvraaj announces.
Shourya walks in, looking around, before he shoves his hands deep into his trousers pockets. Rudra had to lend one of his formal outfits to the man and they fit him perfectly, at least height and body structure wise. "How long until the threat on me is eliminated?"
"Rudra and I are working on that." Yuvraaj nods. "Hopefully, soon."
"I can't believe someone wants to kill me." Shourya looks down at his feet. "I don't remember anything." He sighs. "Does Rudra hate me?" He regards me with the question.
My spine straightens. "Uh, no? Why- Why would you think that?" I glance towards Yuvraaj in panic.
"I mean, the world thinks he died. And while I was in the coma, he had to replace me. What about my grandfather, does he know the truth?"
I swear, I fucking hate internet.
"He doesn't." Yuvraaj answers. "He loves you too much. He couldn't have handled the fact that you were bedridden. So we had to act immediately."
"But why is there no news about the incident? I looked up tons of news articles from last two months. There was nothing." Shourya frowns.
"We took them down. We needed the world to forget about it and move on so we can protect you in secret."
Shourya nods. "Is Rudra okay with posing as me given the open threat around me?"
"Yeah, he doesn't mind. He wants to protect you."
"And-" suddenly he sways on his feet, his hand flies to clutch his head. I reach for him, holding his arm and guiding him towards the bed. "I'm fine," he whispers.
"You shouldn't think too much. Take rest." I tell him.
He looks up at me with dazed eyes and nods. "Thank you," I resist the recoil as he cups my cheek. "When I woke up, I found myself completely alone and lost. But now I've you, him," he glances towards Yuvraaj before looking back at me, "and my half brother."
I force a smile back, helping him lie down on the bed and pulling the cover on top of him. He grabs my hand as soon as I turn to leave. "Yes?"
"Stay here. Until I fall asleep."
I look at Yuvraaj. He looks like he's a second away from ripping my hand off the man's grip and locking me in a Rapunzel's tower. "Go Bhai, I'll join you in the study once Shourya falls asleep."
He sighs. "Let me know if you need my help." He says pressingly.
I blink in assurance. "I will."
Defeated, he walks out, but doesn't lock the door, just pulls it close. I sit down on the bedside and smile at Shourya.
"I can't wait for things to go back to normal."
I hum.
"You know what reassures me the most despite having lost all my memories?" I raise a brow. "That I've you. I've my wife with me."
I smile awkwardly.
"Were we in love?"
My toes curl uncomfortably.
"Tell me, na, was it love?"
I give up. "Yeah. It was. It was love."
😔
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