The next couple days were tense. Colby and I were hardly talking which wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
If we were talking we weren't fighting.
I couldn't help but feel insecure that Colby was still talking to Sam. He told me he wouldn't but he also said that when we ran away from it all.
I was almost fully healed at this point, ditching the crutches completely.
I was almost two weeks seizure free but it was nowhere near where I needed to be. I was still in pain and I was craving pain medication because its been a long month of nothing but pain.
Since I couldn't leave and I was ignoring Colby for the most part, I was getting severe cabin fever which reminded me of my time behind help captive.
I knew I was being ridiculous about Colby and I fighting, but I wasn't going to be made out to be a fool.
That wasn't going to happen.
"I'm gonna pick up the kids. Wanna come with?" Colby asked as I shook my head. "No." I said, focusing on the counter I was cleaning. "Alright...I guess I'll be back then." Colby mumbled and grabbed his key.
"Okay." I said, not looking up at him. "Jules." He said with a sigh. "Yes?" I asked and finally looked up at him. "I love you." He said as I nodded. "I love you, too." I said then turned away from him.
I genuinely did mean that, and I would say it to him even when I was angry but it didn't make any of this okay.
Everything felt so different now, and like we were different people. I expected him to get more angry with me for fighting with him but the angry spark was gone.
It left when everything became normal.
Colby turned and left the room, leaving me alone in the house.
What he didn't know while he was away, was that I was constantly looking for the pain meds that were given to Juniper.
I just wanted to feel high one single time. I wanted the pain to go away for just a day.
That's all I wanted.
As soon as I knew he was gone I went to go look around. There were only a few places I haven't looked yet so I was bound to find it soon.
I went into the office, going over to Colby's desk. I didn't think he would hide the pills in such an obvious place but I had to look.
I needed the high.
"Where are you." I mumbled, going through the drawers. When I didn't find it, I groaned and left the room.
I was so frustrated that I couldn't think of many more places to look. It wasn't until I saw the little door in the ceiling that led to the attic.
"That son of a bitch." I said then reached up and jumped to grab the rope to pull the door, revealing a ladder.
I climbed up the ladder then looked around the dusty attic.
There were a few boxes and a few abandonded pieces of furniture but what I noticed first was a safe along the back wall.
"Gotcha." I said then crouched in front of it, groaning at the pain in my hip.
It wasn't too intense but it was still annoying that my body was hurting so bad.
"Hmmm..." I hummed then put my birthday into the keypad, hoping he was dumb enough for that to be the code.
When I pulled the handle, I couldn't help but laugh as the door opened.
"Whipped mother fucker." I said then went to grab the bag of pills, only to be distracted by everything else in the safe.
There were guns and knives and even a bag or two of drugs in the back, causing my heart to race with rage.
What if the kids found this safe before I did? It wasn't like he picked the hardest passcode ever.
I grabbed the bottle of pills and took three of them, closing the bottle and throwing them back into the safe before slamming the door again.
I was angry with Colby all over again because he hid those things from me, knowing how I felt about guns.
Not to mention that fact he had illegal drugs in our house, which was filled with kids who could be taken away from us.
When I got back downstairs I went to the living room and grabbed my art supplies.
I started to draw, letting drugs overtake my body. It felt so good to finally feel numb after a long month of nothing but sheer pain.
I wanted this feeling forever.
When I heard the car pulling into the driveway I went to the bedroom so that I could hide from everyone.
Jenna, Carter, Sam, and Colby would know I was high the second they saw me so I had to be a little more stealthy.
I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling, giggling at the high I was feeling.
It had been so long since I have gotten a taste of the numbness I always craved. I knew when I came out of it I would feel guilty, but right now I didn't give a fuck.
I heard the door start to open so I pretended to be asleep.
"She's sleeping, kid. Maybe she'll color with you later." Colby said as Juniper huffed out a breath.
"Wake her up." She said causing Colby to laugh. "I'm not gonna do that. You can help me figure out dinner, Cmon." He said then left the room.
"Losers." I whispered then opened my eyes and giggled. I was so glad that they were tricked by my sleeping trick because I just wanted to enjoy this high.
I ended up "sleeping" for a while before the high really started to wear off.
When it did, the comedown was much worse than I was feeling before I took the drugs.
It made me want even more.
I got out of bed then made my way out of the room and down the hallway. I heard giggling in the living room which meant it was safe to try and go up to the attic again.
I pulled the rope down then started to go up the ladder. When I got upstairs, I went over to the safe and started to put the code in.
"What are you doing?" Colby asked, causing me to freeze. I didn't know what to say or do, so I just stayed frozen.
"Julia. What the fuck are you doing?" Colby asked as I deflated. "Nothing." I said then stood up and turned to him.
"I can't fucking believe you." Colby said and clenched his jaw.
"And I can't believe you." I said as he breathed a laugh. "Please enlighten me on how I could possibly be more in the wrong than you right now." He said as I laughed.
"How about the fact that you put the code to the safe as my fucking birthday! Are you kidding me, dude? And you have guns and drugs in that safe!" I said and pointed to it.
"Could you imagine if the kids found that!!" I yelled as he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and how would they do that, Julia?" He asked and crossed his arms.
"I know you can hardly even reach the rope to get up here. How would you expect those kids to do that?" He asked and raised his brows.
"Whatever. I don't care that you're right." I said then turned to go into the safe.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Julia?" Colby asked and rushed over to me. "What? Since we are hiding things from eachother I thought you wouldn't mind me taking these." I said and pulled out the bottle of medication.
"Fuck off, Julia." He said then went to snatch the pill bottle from me. "Don't fucking touch me!!" I screamed and pulled away from him.
"JUST STOP IT!" Colby screamed with so much anger I actually froze from fear which caused him to pull the bottle away from me.
"I'm sick of this shit, Julia!" He yelled, throwing the bottle across the room. "I have been doing EVERYTHING in my power to show you how much I care for you but it's never enough!" He yelled as I shook my head.
"I don't know what you want from me!" He said and huffed out an angry breath as I sniffled.
"Maybe this isn't working out." I said as he breathed a laugh and looked away from me.
"Maybe it's not." He said quietly as my eyes watered.
I didn't want this to be the end of us, but something felt so wrong about our relationship now.
All the trust and passion was gone and I didn't know if it was fixable.
I didn't know how long we would be able to survive if we kept this up.
Instead of responding I just burst into tears and rushed towards the ladder so I could go back downstairs.
My heart was shattered even though I knew this was all my fault.
When I got downstairs I turned to go towards our room, sobbing loudly.
"Julia?" Carter asked with concern as I pushed passed him in the hallway, going into the bedroom and slamming the door.
If I knew that Colby and I would start to struggle with a normal life, I would have told him to stay in Seattle.
I would have let him go if I knew that we were possibly falling out of love.