When I landed in Feldcroft, it was early afternoon. I had made a brief stop to eat something not far away from here.
The small village was as quiet as ever when you visited, except for that one time when Sebastian made sure a goblin stabbed himself.
The sun shone over the village, bathing it in a warm light. The sky was cloudless, which was rare in Scotland.
Today was June third. It was Sebastian Sallows' 18th birthday.
I had wanted to write to him and of course I wanted to give him a gift, but now I was here. Without a gift. Without a good mood, I couldn't even speak to him. I just had to see if he was okay.
I used the disillusionment charm again and approached the small house where the Slytherin lived. I wanted to talk to him, hug him and hide with him, but that was impossible.
Just as I looked through the window, the door of the house opened and a shirtless Sebastian stepped out.
This has to be a joke.
I had seen him like this before, several times, but now the sun was shining on him and made him look irresistible. How could it be that I was devastated and still longed for him? He was safe and sound, I knew that if I touched him, he would be warm and familiar. His hair was tousled and he looked like he had just gotten up.
He went to the clothesline in front of the house and put on a shirt. That was my chance to hide against the wall. The charm was strong enough, but Sebastian had taught it to me, he was good at detecting others who used it, especially me.
He didn't go back into the house, instead he sat down on the small step in front of the door and just looked into the distance.
"I wish you were here, Anne," he whispered. Of course, it was not only his birthday, it was also Anne's.
I wondered where she might have been? None of us knew, she regularly wrote that she was fine and safe, but Sebastian was still sad that she wasn't there.
I sank down against the wall and watched him as he sat there alone on his birthday.
Could I risk it? One last conversation, so he wouldn't be alone? Just for a few minutes? I bit my lip, I could hardly stop myself from going to him. I would just leave him like so many before. I would abandon him and he would hate me for it.
It was selfish.
If I left, he would be safe, but I would be alone. If I didn't leave, he would be in danger, but we would be together.
I hated myself so much for what I was doing, but maybe it was the better decision in hindsight.
"Expecto Patronum," I whispered and held my wand where he was sitting. The fox appeared in front of him on the meadow and ran around. Sebastian stood up and drew his wand, but when he realized what was running around in front of him, he quickly let it sink and looked around almost frantically.
"Beth?" he called and I came out from behind the wall. The disillusionment charm had been lifted.
A smile appeared on his face. "Happy birthday, darling," I whispered.
He had a twinkle in his eyes, as if he were seeing me for the first time. "What are you doing here?" he exclaimed joyfully, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me up. I put my arms around his neck and let myself be drawn into his embrace for a moment.
I wanted to enjoy his warmth and calmness before I had to say goodbye to him. Maybe I could wait another day? I didn't have to bid farewell on his birthday. "I wanted to surprise you", I said against his neck, planting a kiss on it.
We stood there for a few minutes until he let go of me. "I was hoping for an owl. I didn't think you'd be here", he said.
Neither did I, my love.
I hated my face for not being able to hide my emotions better, as it was marked with concern. "What is wrong?", I clenched my hands into fists.
No, this was unfair.
It was his birthday. I couldn't just ruin it. I tried to fight back the tears that threatened to overwhelm me. The pain was unbearable. The death of my mother, the thought that I would never see Hogwarts and my friends again, and the fact that I had to say goodbye to my true love.
"I just missed you so much", I lied, looking into his eyes. How could I look him in the eye and lie like that? Had I become such a bad person?
"Three days and you already miss me. I must be irresistible", he said, laughing. "I'm sure you already knew that", I said, putting on a tired smile. We went into the house, and I took off my cloak, sitting down on the small sofa in the middle of the room.
"I just don't have a gift for you", I admitted as he sat down next to me and put his arm around me. "You being here is enough", he whispered, planting a kiss on my forehead. We just sat there, enjoying each other's closeness. I struggled not to cry. So much had happened in the last two days that I wasn't sure if it would finally break me.
I thought about how yesterday I had wished to drown in the bathtub. I still wished I had succeeded.
I barely noticed as tears welled up in my eyes. I stared into space as Sebastian told me about how he and Anne had spent their birthdays in the past. I tried to listen to him, or at least, I wanted to. I wanted to hear the story about how he had shoved Anne face-first into a cake and how she had spread the rest of the cake on his head. It was a nice story, something to laugh about, but I only smiled tiredly.
It had been foolish to come here. I was ruining the day even more.
"Did you eat anything before you came here?", my boyfriend asked me now. I had eaten something, but that was hours ago. "I could eat some food, I think," I replied.
I didn't know that Sebastian could cook, but he could. I helped him. We were so busy preparing something decent to eat that I was distracted enough to forget the past few days for a little while.
Cooking was definitely more fun with magic than having to do everything ourselves, even though we left our wands lying around when we had the idea to bake bread. It was a mess that was worth seeing.
"Do you even know how to do this?" I asked, earning an annoyed look as he blew a handful of flour in my face.
"Sebastian!" I exclaimed and grabbed a half handful of flour to throw at him, and we were both covered in flour.
"I was going to take a bath anyway," said the freckled wizard, shrugging his shoulders.
I grinned at him. This was good for my soul, for my nerves.
We managed to bake a decent loaf of bread, but it looked like it had been baked by moon calves who were completely stoned from the moon. At least it tasted good.
As we were almost finished with our meal, we heard a noise at the window. There was an owl.
Anne's owl.
"Archibald!" Sebastian exclaimed, getting up to go to the owl, who had a letter in its beak. When he took the letter, the owl didn't fly away immediately.
"It's from Anne," Sebastian exclaimed, excitedly tearing open the envelope and immediately reading it aloud.
Dear Sebastian,
Happy Birthday.
I didn't expect to live to see this day, but I'm glad I did.
I'm still safe. I'll soon tell you where I am, but please give me some more time.
Love, your sister
I stared at Sebastian, his eyes shining with pure joy.
"She wrote," he said, smiling and sitting back down at the table.
"You could reply to her," I suggested, pointing to the brown owl, who was still sitting at the window, waiting for him to give her a letter.
"Do you think she wants a reply?" he breathed uncertainly, and I placed a hand on his that was resting on the table. "If she didn't want a reply, Archibald would have already left," I assured him.
Sebastian didn't wait long. He rummaged through a drawer to find some parchment, ink, and a quill, and began writing a short letter, which he put in an envelope and gave to Archibald. The owl immediately flew away.
"I didn't think she'd get in touch today," he said.
After we cleared the table, we took a walk around Feldcroft. The night was clear and, apart from the usual sounds, quite calm. In Feldcroft itself, the lights in the houses' windows were on, and it was peaceful.
Perhaps now was the right time to tell him that we would see each other for the last time today?
"Sebastian?" I whispered into the night and stopped, he followed suit. He looked at me, his gaze at first curious, then giving way to concern as he saw my expression that only conveyed sadness.
"What's wrong, darling?" he asked, placing a hand on my cheek. I nuzzled my face against it, the tears again, which by now seemed to be a constant companion. I felt like I was just crying all the time.
"I'm going away," I whispered. Now I couldn't stop it anymore, I would have to end things between us. I had to set him free so that he could move on and live his life, so that he could fall in love again. I knew Sebastian deserved the truth, but if I told him too much, he might be hurt to find out everything he knew.
"What are you talking about?" he asked uncertainly, his hand becoming looser on my cheek, he wanted to let go, but I held his hand tightly. I wanted to feel his touch as long as possible.
"I have to go into hiding for a while... I don't know for how long and-" I couldn't finish because he interrupted me. "Elizabeth, what is this, what's wrong?" he asked, taking a step back, moving away from me, as if I were a stranger.
"I can't tell you anymore."
"Elizabeth, what's wrong?" he asked insistently, and I looked at him desperately. Yes, of course, he deserved the truth.
"My mother," I whispered, my knees went weak and I felt sick again. The images appeared before my mind's eye needles that pierced into my lungs and threatened to bleed me out.
Sebastian's eyes widened, he knew what I was trying to say without me having to say it, and pulled me into his chest.
"When?" he whispered, stroking my hair gently, holding me tight so I wouldn't collapse, "When I came back, she didn't pick me up, and I had to drive to the cottage alone, and when I found her-" my voice broke and I could only cry. I had ruined his birthday.
Now I let everything go, all the tears I hadn't cried yet, the screams, the pleas, everything I had still held back, now broke out.
Sebastian picked me up and carried me into the house while I just cried and sobbed. He sat down on the sofa and rocked me as I drowned in my emotions. I literally cried myself to sleep.