The next couple weeks were extremely difficult. I was hating the lack of independence and I was hating getting accustomed to the new dosage of medication I was on.
I had seizures a lot in the beginning due to the stress but I was doing much better the past couple days.
Juniper was healing nicely, already going back to school. I was happy that she was going better than I was because she deserved to feel better.
She was just a passenger in the car that I crashed. I deserved to feel this pain and I deserved to feel every emotion I have been feeling.
My sweet siblings did not.
"Alright, sweetheart. Ready to go?" Colby asked as I shook my head. "Not really." I said with a sigh.
Today I was going to physical therapy which I knew was going to hurt like a bitch. I was still on my crutches but was slowly getting better.
"What if I get you a treat after?" Colby asked as I rolled my eyes. "I'm not a dog, Colby." I said as he nodded.
"But you are a good girl." He said causing me to punch him in the arm as hard as I could. "Ouch!" He said as I rolled my eyes. "That didn't hurt." I said as he chuckled.
"You got a good arm, Jules." He said then helped me stand up. "Whatever." I mumbled then reached for my crutches.
"I can't believe I fucked up the same leg that I broke." I said as he grabbed my purse for me. "Yeah, it's not the best but you've been doing so well." Colby said as I made my way downstairs.
"Yeah yeah. As much as I love being with you, I am over being with you every minute of every day." I said as Colby nodded.
"Do you want me to leave?" He asked as I shook my head. "No, I just want to have my independence back. Not being able to drive fucking sucks." I said as he helped me get in the car.
"I get that. You're almost a week seizure free though." He said as I grumbled. "Five months and three weeks left." I said as he kissed my head.
"It'll fly by, darling." He said then closed the door and went to the drivers side.
I was starting to get annoyed with how lovely Colby has been. I knew that was a backwards way to think but I missed my kinda mean crime boyfriend.
As happy as I was that he changed his whole life do this for me, I felt like I was dating a different person.
He was so nice to everyone now, whereas before he was only really nice to me. It was such toxic way of thinking but I missed his grit and anger.
"You alright?" Colby asked as he started the car. "I'm fine." I said and looked out the window.
"You seem more annoyed than usual." He said as I shrugged. "I don't wanna talk about it." I said with a sigh.
"Okay, sweetheart. Whenever you're ready." He said as I rolled my eyes. "Do you think you've changed a little too much?" I asked as he chuckled.
"I mean I'm not killing people and I'm planning my day around picking kids up from school so I think I've changed a lot." He said as I sighed.
"Why? Are you falling out of love with me, Jules?" He asked as I chewed my lip. "Jules?" He asked after a couple minutes."It's not that." I mumbled and looked down.
"Then what is it?" He asked and kept the series tone he usually sported. "I don't know what to say." I said quietly.
"Do you not love me anymore?" Colby asked as I looked up at him. "I love you but I miss your grit. I feel like you're a different person." I said as he nodded.
"Do you want me to go back into the crime world?" He asked with a hopeful tone.
"Absolutely not. It's too dangerous and you know that." I said as he nodded. "So you want me to be mean to you?" He asked as I shook my head.
"No. Ugh, just forget I said anything." I said and looked out the window again.
"I just want you to be happy, that's all I've ever wanted for you." He said as I nodded. "I'm happy but I just feel like its not the same." I said as he took my hand.
"I get it. I think us being around each other so often is really kinda driving a wedge between us. I'll try to find a job to get out of the house." He said as I frowned.
"You can't now because of my driving issue." I said as he squeezed my hand. "Alright, well I'll get out of the house when I can to give you some space." He said then brought my hand to his lips.
"Thanks." I whispered as he lowered our hands back down to his lap.
The rest of the drive was silent, neither of us knowing what to say.
The tension that was between us was always there for some reason and I was struggling with it.
I knew there was going to be a honeymoon stage in our newfound freedom but I wasn't expecting this tension when it was over.
When we got to my physical therapy place, Colby helped me out of the car. "Want me to come in or do you want me to give you space?" He asked as I frowned. "Is it mean if I say give me space?" I asked as he shook his head.
"No. I wouldn't have offered it if I wasn't going to let you take that route." He said then got out of the car. I sighed and unbuckled my seatbelt as he walked around the car to help me out.
Once he helped me out of the car he looked down at me.
"I'll come pick you up in an hour, okay?" He asked as I nodded. "I love you. Thank you for being so understanding." I said as he grinned.
"I love you too, Jules. Thanks for being honest." He said then took a step back.
"Good luck in there, sweetheart." He said then got back in the car. I frowned, hating how awkward things seemed.
I didn't mean to cause any tension between us because I truly did love him deeply, it just felt different.
Obviously it was going to feel different because we were in a totally different space with different goals and scenarios.
I didn't want the change to break us apart though.
I slowly made my way inside then walked over to the front desk. "Hi, sweetie. How are you feeling today?" The front desk lady, Charmaine, said as I hobbled over.
"Sore. I can't wait until I'm fully healed." I said as she nodded and typed something into the computer.
"Soon! A couple more weeks and you'll be feeling more like yourself again." She said as I nodded. "Great, then I can ditch the crutches." I said as she nodded.
"Yup. You can go on back, Dr. Leen is ready whenever you are." She said as I nodded and started to walk towards the door that would lead to the back room.
When I got to the room I was usually in, I was met with my doctor. Dr. Leen was a twenty five year old physical therapist who Colby was insanely jealous of.
Sure, he was an attractive guy but he had nothing on Colby. Part of me loved the toxicity of the jealousy Colby had while he was here.
He sat in the room with me for the first couple of appointments because I was sensitive around men after everything that happened, but once I was comfortable he would stay in the waiting room.
I think this was the first time he wasn't even in the same building as me.
"Hey, Briana. How are you feeling?" Dr. Leen, who went by Justin, said as I hobbled into the room. "I'm in so much pain." I said as he nodded.
"Yeah, you're in probably the worst stage of recovery. After today and the next couple weeks you'll start to really feel better." He said and took my crutches from me.
I whimpered at the pain in my hip, since I had nothing to lean on. "Let's stretch that leg out." Justin said and helped me lay on the table.
"So, what have you been up to?" He asked and slowly started stretching me. "Same old same old. Resting, crying in pain, sleeping. The works." I said as he nodded. "Have you been doing your stretches?" He asked as I sighed.
"I haven't been doing anything, Justin." I said causing him to laugh. "You gotta do those stretches, it'll help. I promise." He said as I nodded.
I knew I was supposed to be trying my hardest by doing my stretches and exercises but I knew if I was mobile right now I would go searching for the drugs that were hidden in the house.
Colby claimed that Juniper ran out of her pain pills, but I didn't know if I believed him.
Sure, Juniper was doing much better now so it would make sense but I didn't want to believe him.
I wanted there to be drugs for me to find.