chapter 23
THEME SONG • 'You Are The Reason' By Calum Scott
"I'd climb every mountain,
and swim every ocean,
just be with you,
and fix what I've broken..."
•
MIA'S POV
TW - ED
(skip between the two * if you don't want to read. the divider after is where it will stopped being mentioned in any depth)
Sometimes, we try so hard to be the 'perfect' person in order to impress people. Sometimes, we step out of our boundaries because we trust someone, and trust them to help us through the unknown. Sometimes we try to save ourselves before we think we will get hurt, but its the people who don't try to protect themselves, they are the ones who actually get hurt in the end.
I didn't protect myself, I trusted. I stepped out of my known, into the unknown, without protecting myself.
That's where I messed up.
•
"Mia, cmon babe, we're home." Nina, pulling me out of my thought, lightly squeezes my arm to get my attention.
I don't respond. I just nod slightly and unbuckle my seatbelt as quickly as possible, wanting to get inside as soon as possible.
There is a chill in the air tonight. It had been raining all day, and the trees around the college turn brown and fall from their branch, the winds are picking up and people are getting ready for the hurricane that is supposed to hit us Monday, which classes have been canceled for.
I continue to walk in, Nina guiding Aiden who can thankfully walk himself now, and try to get up to my room as soon as possible.
We get in the elevator, and I keep my head down feeling the two pairs of eyes on me
"I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch." Nina mutters under her breath, Aiden whispering "I'll help you, when I'm sober..." finally having caught onto the situation that had occurred earlier.
Getting up to our floor, I quickly open the door, and place the food onto the kitchen table. However the urge comes once again, and I run into my room, and immediately run to the toilet, where I throw up every possibly thing I can from my body, this whole situation making me feel sick.
"Mia, what the fuck happened?" I hear Emma come over, kneeling beside me and pulling my hair pack, while rubbing my back to comfort me.
Comforting me the way I wish Jackson would, when he would tell me this is all a nightmare and he would never have actually done what I just witnessed.
And suddenly I break.
Bursting out into tears, I hear the girls gasp quietly. I close my eyes, trying to catch my breath, feeling overwhelmed by everything happening, and feeling panic arise on my body.
Emma could tell what was happening, and immediately signalled to the girls to give us some space. As I kept crying, I felt my body being lifted into someones lap, and Emma's arms wrap around me, and I rest my head on her shoulder, continuing to cry.
"What the fuck happened Nina?" Emma whispers, "All you did was go pick up food?" she says, confused.
"We picked up Aiden, and um, well Jackson was... kissing Cynthia."
"Oh my god, I'm gonna kill that fucker" she sighs. Emma tightens her arms around me and squeezes me to her chest.
Feeling my breathing calm a bit, but still crying I say "I was stupid, I was stupid to thing that he would every like me. It's my fault. You had all warned me and I still didn't listen, and now he's off with Cynthia, who is blond, and beautiful, and literally everything I'm not, so I'm stupid, aren't I?" I ask, sniffling.
"You are not stupid, do you hear me Mia? We all thought he had changed, and we all thought he was a good guy. He really likes you Mia, even if he did that, you can see it in his eyes. We will sort this out ok?" Emma says.
"Where's Grace?" I ask, ignoring their comments, they are just trying to make me feel better, there isn't any point to that though, he still hurt me.
"Um, she is just on the phone, cmon Mia, let's get you cleaned up."
"No no, seriously, I just need to be alone, you guys go watch your movie. I'm just going to have a shower, and get into bed." Squeeze my eyes shut and look down, trying to avoid both their gaze, and tears from falling down my face.
"Are you sure Mia? You know you can talk to us, hun."
"Yes, I'm sure. I think I just- need a minute to myself, ok?"
I take a deep breath, trying to calm the bubbling emotions I feel rising in my body. The girls remind me that they are there if I need absolutely anything, and then leave the room, and me alone, just me and my thoughts.
*
Tears start to stream down my face again, but I don't bother to wipe them. There is no use, more will fall soon after, and there is nothing I can do to stop them at this point.
I feel so alone, and I've never felt so alone since high school.
And leaning back over the toilet, I stick my fingers at the back of my throat, emptying out any contents left in my stomach, reverting back to my old ways and habits, they only thing comforting me, like they used to.
*
•
JACKSON'S POV
"Fuck!" I yell, turning the corner of the street and kicking a trashcan out of anger. Seeing Mia drive off, I felt rage take over me. Of course this would fucking happen. I'm a shit person, a shirt guy, and I'm even shittier for even allowing that to come close to what it did. I don't deserve Mia, or anyone for that matter. Of course my stupid past had to ruin it too.
I'm ashamed of my past. And fuck me, I used to be proud of it. I used to be proud that girls like Cynthia would back me into a wall and kiss the shit out of me. But god to I regret every minute of it, especially because it has lead me to loosing the one girl I have ever cared about.
"Come on Jackson, I saw everything that just went down, we're going home." Grayson come out and says, trying to pat my back, but I jerk away when he touches me.
"You have to understand Grayson. I didn't, I swear. I would- I didn't kiss her, I wanted Mia, I swear I wouldn't do that, you know that. I really like her Gray, I swear on my mom's life that I didn't to that."
"I know Jackson. I saw the whole thing. I saw Cynthia backing you up, and I saw you try to get away. I know you like her dude, I know. Anyone who has their brain on straight knows that you wouldn't do this to Mia. But right now, I'm worried about you. We need to get you home. You are too far gone to be worrying about this until we get some food and water into your system. Let's go."
I nod, following behind Grayson, as we quickly get home in a taxi he called from the side of the road.
As soon as we get home, I slam the front door open and I storm towards the stairs, but am yelled at to "Get your ass in the kitchen for some food, or you are not getting any help from me when the girls find out about this and come to kill you."
That turns my ass around real quick.
I pull a stool out at the counter and aggressively sit down in it.
"I fucked up, I shouldn't have gone out. I was gonna ask her out, after lunch, I had it all planned, and now I'm gonna loose her."
A peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a tall glass of water is placed in front of me ,
"I'll help you sort this out, I promise you, ok? Just give her a day, just to let her be, I promise it will be better in the long run."
I hear a phone ring, and I look over, noticing my love with a love heart come up on Graysons phone.
Grace. Shit.
"I've gotta answer this. Keep your ass on that seat until you finish that." Grayson picks up the phone and puts it on speaker, lifting his finger over his mouth, signalling for me to stay quiet.
"You better explain what the fuck happened when you boys were out tonight Grayson, because if this shit I'm hearing actually happened, and you were in charge of that man when my best friends heart was broken, you are not going to want to be alive."
"You better tell me this is a lie Gray. I mean, what the fuck happened, Mia came in and ran straight to her room, throwing up, because Nina said they were making out at the bar?" She sighs, and Grayson follows my actions.
"t was Cynthia babe, I promise. Jackson wanted Mia the entire time we were there, Cynthia pushed him against a wall right as she knew Mia was looking and kissed him, and he couldn't move. I swear, you know I would be the first to beat his ass if something happened."
I hear people talking in the background and I huff. I quickly scull the rest of my water and storm off too my room, not wanting to be around anyone.
I slam my door shut behind me, and collapse into my bed, the tears finally breaking.
I just lost her. I just lost Mia.
•
"You dick! I'm gonna kill you!"
I open my eyes, realising I must have fell asleep still in my clothes, and above my sheets. However I don't have much time to think, because my shirt is suddenly pulled, my body following, as someone slams me against the wall.
"Aiden! Stop!" Grayson and Mattie come running behind him, pulling him away.
"No! He hurt her! He- you promised you wouldn't hurt her! I should have never trusted you with her! She's broken! she was up making herself sick all night, because you, you son of a bitch, broke my best friend!"
As he screams at me, and I let him. I deserve it. He's right. I don't deserve Mia, at all. She deserves so much better than me.
"Aiden, take a walk." Mattie says sternly, causing Aiden to storm out, slamming the door behind him
"He's right. I'm a fuck up. I'm so sorry for hurting her, Mattie. I promised you, and Grayson and Aiden that I wouldn't hurt her, and I hurt her. I could see the pain in her eyes when she looked at me. You both have every right to hate me, especially you, Mattie."
"It's not your fault Jackson. Aiden just doesn't know your side of the story. I know it's not your fault. Sit will be ok, I'm gonna try and see if she will talk to me, she has kept her room locked all night, so no one has been able to check on her, and she's not answering her phone." Mattie sighs, ands walks out, I'm assuming to head over to the girl's apartment.
"I think I'm going to head home, maybe for a couple days. Clearly Aiden doesn't want me around. And I want Mia to be able to come here if she needs, without me being there." I move around to start getting my things. I have plenty of what I will need for the week at my parents house, including football stuff, clothes, and any other necessities. My book bag is in my car, so I just grab my keys and phone, and make my way out of the house.
I promise that I will text them when I get there, and that I will see them tomorrow morning at practice, before jumping in my car, speeding home as quickly as possible, needing to leave my thoughts for any possible moment.
•
:) Mia xo