Our stay at the hospital was far from fun. I was glad that Juniper was able to sleep and didn't suffer from any nightmares that I could see.
I was in so much pain and my mind was racing with unease. It was annoying and borederline sad that I was having a hard time sleeping without Colby here.
Since moving here I have spent every night with him by my side and I didn't realize how much comfort that he brought me on a day to day basis.
Spending a night without him made my paranoia worse than it's been.
When the sun finally came up, Colby eventually came to the hospital.
I was surprised he didn't bring the kids with him but apparently they were down to go to school.
It kinda shocked me that they weren't going to at least take the day off but I didn't question anything.
"Alright, Briana. A couple things to go over before you leave." The doctor said as he grabbed my chart.
"I'm going to send your prescription to the pharmacy so you can pick it up on the way home. There will be seizure medication for you and pain medication for Addie." He said as I looked up at Colby.
I was nervous about narcotics being in the house but I wasn't going to let Juniper be in pain because of it
"No more driving until you can go at least six months without a single seizure." He explained as I nodded.
"As for the staples in your head. Keep those dry for the next couple days then for the next week or so clean them with hydrogen peroxide or rubbing alcohol. Come back in a couple weeks and we'll get those taken out." He said then sighed.
"Uhhh...as for your hip, stay in bed as much as possible. We'll send you home with some crutches to get around if you need to but seriously stay in bed as much as possible for the next month." He said as I looked at Colby, feeling overwhelmed with all this information.
Colby sighed and reached his hand down, caressed my cheek gently, before tuning back into what the doctor was saying.
I could hear the doctor talking by my mind felt like mush as my head throbbed with pain.
"Any questions?" The doctor asked as I shook my head. "Okay, I'll get those discharge papers going then you two are free to go." He said then left the room.
"I didn't hear half of that." I mumbled as Colby nodded. "I know, sweetheart. I got it all, don't worry." He said then looked over at Juniper.
"Ready to go home, kid?" Colby asked as Juniper nodded. "Can we get apple slices?" She asked sweetly.
"You want them again?" Colby asked and walked up to her. "And a toy." She said as Colby chuckled and smoothed her hair back against her forehead.
"We can do that." He said then looked up at me. "We can swing by and get you some Chinese food if you want, love." He said as I shook my head, causing a shock of pain.
"I wanna go home." I whispered, picking at my nails. I was sick of being in pain and I wanted nothing more than to be home.
It was hard knowing that the addiction monster which I had locked away was struggling against the cage.
I craved drugs and I craved the feeling of being numb.
I was in physical pain for sure, but the mental pain I was feeling was much worse,
Knowing what I did and how I could have killed us all was taking a toll on me. It was because I was selfish and insecure in my relationship with Colby.
I didn't realize how terrified I was about Colby leaving again. I realized that I turned his life upside down like he had done to me multiple times.
I knew that there were moments where I wanted to run away from the crime world.
There were probably moments where Colby wanted to run away from the regular world, too.
"Jules." Colby said, breaking my thoughts. "Huh?" I asked and looked up at him.
"You okay? I lost ya there for a second." He said as I nodded. "Lost in thought." I said quietly then looked over at Juniper.
"Ready to go home, love?" I asked as she nodded. "Sissy, when will the ouchies go away?" She asked, breaking my heart. "Hopefully soon." I said as the doctor came in.
He went over a couple of things regarding paper work and doctors notes for Juniper's school and my work.
I was frustrated that I had barely even started my job before having to fucking deal with this.
I wanted nothing but a normal life but here I was, in a hospital bed with a fucked up hip and staples in my head.
Maybe I wasn't meant to be normal at all.
"I'm gonna bring you to the car then grab Juniper in just a second." Colby said as he helped me get into my wheelchair. "Okay." I whispered as pain coursed through my whole body.
"Be right back, don't move." Colby said to Juniper causing her to giggle. "Pinky promise." She said and held up her pinkie.
"Air pinky." Colby said and help up his pinky before leading me out of the room.
"I know you have a lot going on in that head of yours. I hope you share those thoughts with me so I can help you." Colby said as I nodded, tears welling in my eyes.
I was trying so desperately to keep it together in front of Juniper because she was young and impressionable.
If I cried and melted down in front of her, she would probably feel worse than she currently did. I had to be strong for her so she could be strong for herself.
When we got to the car, Colby walked in front of me and crouched down to be eye level.
"I love you and I'm sorry for being so distant." He said as I shook my head. "I-I'm so-sorry." I blubbered out as he shook his head.
"Don't do that, Jules. It's not your fault. None of this is." He said then kissed my forehead before pulling me into a hug.
I knew I was being overly dramatic and emotional, but I was under a lot of stress and in a lot of pain. I was going to be a little fucked up for a while.
Colby helped me get into the car, then gave me a gentle kiss. "I'll be right back." He said closed the door and went to go back into the hospital.
As soon as he left, I burst into tears again. It was starting to piss me off a little bit that I was feeling so many emotions.
Clearly all of this was an accident and that things were going to work out eventually, but my brain was giving me such a hard time.
When Colby came back with Juniper, he lifted her into the car and went to buckle her in.
"Ouch." Juniper whimpered, breaking my heart. "Sorry, kid. I'll try to be gentle." Colby mumbled then clasped her in.
"Sissy, I want the ouchies to go away." Juniper said as Colby ran back inside for a minute.
"I know darling. We'll get you some medicine when we get home." I said with a frown.
It was so hard to see her like this, since she was always so strong and happy.
I knew she would bounce back once she had some pain meds, but I didn't want her to rely on them.
I didn't want her to end up like her big sister.
Colby came back after a couple of minutes with a pair of crutches in his hands. "Your arch nemesis is back." He said as he got in the car. "I hate crutches." I grumbled as he nodded.
"Luckily you won't be using them much." I said as he started the car. "Apple slices?" He asked and turned to look at Juniper. "Yum." She said as Colby chuckled then started driving.
We stopped at McDonalds then went to the pharmacy so we could get all of our meds.
I was nervous to start my new seizure medication because I've been on the same one for my entire life.
It had worked for so long, but recently has been shitting out on me. Seizures came closer together and they were always so intense.
I'm surprised that the seizures haven't killed me yet.
"Bag secured. Let's get you girls home." Colby said and handed me the medications.
I looked at Juniper's bag seeing that they prescribed her with some oxycodone. My fingers ached with the desire to open the bag and pop a couple of those pills.
Obviously they were in a dosage that were for a child but if I took the whole bottle it might help me escape the pain.
I shook my head, looking away from the pills in my lap. As much as I wanted to relapse, I also didn't want to relapse.
This was going to be the ultimate test to my sobriety since Colby and I didn't keep pain pills in the house.
Obviously I was okay with these being in our possession because it was for Juniper, but it didn't make it any easier.