Hello everyone!
It has definitely been a while but I think I'll still be busy because I'm juggling my internship and thesis as of the moment. BUT, since Apex hit 500k a few days ago and it's been more than a year since I started writing Lock Up, I wanted to give an update. You guys are amazing, btw!
Welcome back to the present :)
Enjoy!
*****
January 27, 2028 - France
The weekend was difficult for both of us.
For me, it felt like going through hell for the third time again, having to experience all of my pent-up trauma, and sharing it with the person who knew how much it changed me was like doing the impossible. There were so many times when all I wanted was to stand up and have a few minutes to myself, but I knew he needed to see me like that. Ever since he woke up, he's only seen the post-trauma Nadia. He needs to see me at my lowest point and that includes trying to avoid a panic attack.
As expected, the first thing I saw on Charles' face was guilt. It happened when I told him about my family and if I hadn't given him a hard stare, I'm sure his eyes would've shown pity as well. He didn't know who I was. He wasn't the same Charles who hooked his ankle around mine upon hearing the tragic story of my personal life. Right now, he looked at me like I was a stranger he just started a conversation with.
It was when I shared what happened with Manuele that I saw remnants of the Charles I fell in love with. I didn't miss the way his hands turned into fists as I relayed what happened, his knuckles turning white.
"How," He began but nothing else came out of his mouth. We were on the patio, the two of us having our morning coffee. We were going to leave in a few hours, our time in Nice coming to an end. I waited patiently as Charles composed his thoughts, sipping on my coffee as I looked at the view in front of the house. "How are you even standing right now?"
A bitter laugh escaped my lips as I put down my coffee on the small table between us and leaned my head back on the wooden chair I was on, massaging the sides of my head. "It took a lot of healing." I gave him a sad smile before turning my eyes back to the ceiling of the patio. I've noticed that whenever I talk about the past, I tend to avoid his eyes. I could feel him looking at me, gaze burning a hole in the side of my head.
I just can't look at him, knowing that he doesn't have a clue as to what I was talking about. I can't bring myself to see it in his eyes that this is the first time he's hearing about what has happened to me– to us. I can take knowing that I would have to inform him of how he proposed, what happened with Ferrari, or our wedding day.
It's the small things that hurt the most. It's painful that he doesn't remember how he used to come to my apartment at exactly nine in the evening to eat the dessert I bought. It's painful that he doesn't remember how flustered he was when we talked about moving in together. It's painful that he doesn't remember the first time he called me Nova.
A huge part of me was hoping that this weekend would be a trigger for him— that at some point, his eyes would flicker and a memory would come to light.
But I never saw it.
"So no one knows about Ferrari?" He asked, linking his fingers together as he frustratingly played with them.
I shook my head. "None of our friends do. The closest ones would be Andrea and Nicolas."
The two of us were silent as he tried to absorb everything he could. I know it was a lot. If I were him, I'd be freaking out too and most likely will be having an internal battle with myself.
"I'm sorry." He blurted out and I bit my lip, looking away from his eyes.
"Don't." I could see the change in his body language at my reply, probably thinking I was still furious at him. I wasn't. "If you're apologizing because you don't remember, there is nothing to apologize for. This is not your doing, Charles."
"I'm apologizing because of what happened with Rose." He said and my lips parted, not expecting it from him. Deep inside, he was still the same Charles I know and I was sure he'd be too stubborn to mention her.
"I'm listening." I raised a brow and crossed my arms over my chest, catching the slight uplift of his lips at my tone.
God, I miss this.
"You have to realize that she was all I knew. I woke up with my memory of the past two years gone and a life I never expected thrown into my lap. I think it was inevitable that I gravitated towards her." I didn't let the hurt flash through my face, but with the way his eyes watched me, it was obvious he saw right through it. "But, I should've taken your words and actions over hers. I'm sorry I forced you to share things you weren't ready to air out in the open."
"Thank you." I sincerely said, sighing deeply. It's been one hell of a weekend for the two of us. It was both emotionally and mentally exhausting, seeing how different we are today. The fire is still there, but now it feels like there's a wall separating us both and we have our own fierceness, unrelated to the other.
"So, what now?" He asked, eyes looking defeated as he returned to his seat. Charles looks awful, to say the least. We took some breaks throughout the weekend, especially during the hard moments we had to recall. The last thing we talked about last night was the issue with Manuele and it took a toll on us both.
"I have an offer." I leaned my elbows on the table and he copied my stance, eager to hear what I had to say. "I would like to assume that this weekend has changed some things between us and we now have a little bit of trust with one another."
"It's not a little." He interrupted, surprising me. "You know how much I love Ferrari and that team has been a dream of mine ever since I began my racing career. I wouldn't just leave it behind for something that isn't worth it. I may not have my memories, but at least I know that."
Alright, maybe it's okay to add a little more hope in him.
"You don't know how glad I am you think that." I said and Charles nodded his head, feeling awkward at my gaze. I cleared my throat and straightened my back, returning to my previous words. "Since all of this began with a crazy deal you offered, I was thinking we make another one. Only with less drama and more rehashing. It's sort of like how we were when you got out of the hospital, but I want to request some things on my part."
"Which are?" I fought my smirk at the impatient look on his face.
"You have unlimited access. Ask me whatever you want about our life before the accident and I will try to give a detailed answer as much as possible."
"Is it okay if you share some things like before? Where I don't need to ask about specific stuff?" He stated and I nodded my head in agreement. "Okay. What do you want in exchange for it?"
"I'll share stories, but you have to let me take you to some of the places we've been to." I don't think it'll be hard since we have the upcoming season to travel. I've spoken to Adeline a few times and have taken up her offer to take a break and spend some time with Charles. At first, I refused because I needed a distraction. But now, I think it's the perfect time to do so.
"So, you're coming with me for the season?" He asked and I didn't know how to comprehend the look he had on his face.
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
"It's a good thing." He smiled and I felt my shoulders sag in relief. "I know I've been spending a lot of time training with Toto and the team. They've been a big help, especially with the new regulations, but I have this feeling that..." He trailed off, his hands moving as if he was trying to figure out which words to use. Eventually, Charles ran a hand through his hair and looked me straight in the eye. "I need you. You're the one who's been right by my side the past two years and I figured if I was going to try and bounce back, you'd be the perfect person for that."
"I'm always here." I smiled and he returned one with his own. "Alright, as much as I'd like to stay here longer, we have to get back to our life." I picked up the mugs and made my way back inside the house. I was just about to open the door when Charles' hand grabbed my arm.
The smile was gone from his face as he bit his lip in apprehension, eyes showing an expression that was unknown to me. "I want to try something."
"Okay?" I trailed off, not being able to read him as easily as before. His eyes moved down to the mugs before turning to me. Without another word, I bent down and put the mugs on the table again before standing back up, my arms on either side of my body. "Is everything alright?"
"Don't punch me." Charles said and my eyebrows scrunched up in confusion.
Why would he think I'd punch hi–
Oh fuck.
My eyes widened as Charles stepped forward and without thinking twice, leaned down to press his lips against mine. His right hand moved to the side of my neck before he turned it and caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. The other had curled around my hip as he pushed me against the door, his height making him tower over me. He pulled away for a second, green eyes lit with fire as they met mine.
Why on earth would he think I'd punch him because of this? Were the last words in my mind before I leaned up and kissed him again, this time, giving as much passion as he was. It had been too long. With him travelling to races before, we've never gone this long without any type of intimacy and kissing him felt like the empty spaces engraved on my skin were filled up with the puzzle pieces placed on his.
Every touch of our lips felt like a memory that had swam to the surface. Each small intake of our breaths felt like the last second of air that we'd get before diving into the water. Each move, each caress, and each burn of his skin on mine made me feel alive, the love I have for him surrounding us both. It felt like the love I had for him was enough for the both of us– enough to show him that I'm in this for the long run.
That I'm in this for a lifetime and the others to come.
He didn't stop as my arms wrapped around his neck, my hands running through his hair. It seemed like this only urged him on even more as he pressed his body against mine, practically erasing any type of space between our bodies. I let out a gasp when he bit my lower lip, seeking for entrance which I enthusiastically gave.
Things didn't stop there.
I hiked my leg up his, and Charles got the idea as he swiftly gripped my thighs and picked me up. My legs wrapped around his waist as the two of us continued, never letting go of one another. I moved my lips down to his jaw, and then to his neck, feeling him stiffen when I grazed his sweet spot.
"God, you're insufferable." I smirked against his neck as he said the familiar words, not wanting to point out how he used to say that all the time because that would mean we'd have to stop doing this.
And I never want to stop doing this.
Charles sat down on one of the chairs with me on his lap. As soon as he was able to let go of my thighs, his hand crawled up my neck so that he could look into my eyes. We were both trying to catch our breath. His hair was a mess and I bet mine was too with the amount of times he gripped the back of my head earlier. With each of our lips swollen, I couldn't help but laugh at how messed up everything was.
Ten minutes ago, we were recalling my entire life story. Five minutes ago, we made a deal. And then a minute ago, we were making out against the front door like a bunch of teenagers who just went on their third date.
"What's funny?" He grinned, fingers fixing the strands of hair that had fallen near my eyes.
"Our life is literally a soap opera."
"I bet we'd win a soapie." He joked and I laughed even harder, head leaning back as one of his hands pressed against my lower back for support.
"Joey Tribbiani would be proud." When I met his eyes again, there was a certain lightness in them as he looked at me with intrigue. "What?"
"I never thought it'd be like that." He said, voice growing more serious. "Has it always been like that?"
Instead of answering him, I leaned forward and gavr him a slow but passionate kiss that was just as intense as the previous one. I only pulled away for a few inches, lips brushing against his as I opened my mouth to speak.
"Yes. Yes, it has."
*****
My life is so stressful right now. I don't think I need more stress with Nadia and Charles 🤣
✧Reese✧