-• a decision •-
Taranya
Agastya gets off the car door the moment he sees me. His face lights up and I reveal a smile of my own. Dumping my stuff on the ground, I rush to fling myself in his arms. His arms wound tightly around my waist. Pulling away, he kisses my forehead, and the top of my head before hugging me back again. "You've no idea how badly I wanted to do this yesterday," his big build sways us side to side.
"Then why didn't you?" I ask, my jolly voice muffled against his dark hoodie.
He huffs, and then unexpectedly deepens his voice to say the next words, "Chauhans have a reputation to uphold. I expect no misbehaviour and tomfoolery, especially from you, Agastya."
I burst out laughing, pulling away to look at him. "Yuvraaj Bhai doesn't sound like that!"
"He does!"
"No, he doesn't." I insist. "He's sweet."
Agastya gasps. "Tara!" Dramatically, he holds my shoulders and shakes me violently. "What has gotten into you? Remember, he breathes, he's scary! He exists, he's scary! I thought we agreed on it?"
I laugh softly. "We did." Then my hand rises to cup his face. "Are we okay now?"
He sighs. "You know I can't stay angry at you for long. I was hoping my disagreement to your decision will make you rethink. But it still happened. You still got married to the most undeserving man in this world. So, I just have to make amends with that."
"I'm sorry." I rest the side of my face on his chest.
"Why am I kind of unsettled that you did not defend your husband when I called him undeserving of you? Not once, but many times."
Words fail me.
"Because I'm undeserving of her." The familiar, deep voice speaks, stiffening me even more. I pull away to stand straight. Shourya walks out and commands the guards to give us some privacy. They obey immediately. "Because every man on this earth is undeserving of her. Isn't that what you think? And that's valid. As a brother, I too used to think Yuvraaj did not deserve Sara Di either."
I hold back a scoff. As if ever knew Sara personally.
"That's a worst example to say. You know they're not together anymore, right?" Agastya counters.
"That's on him. All I'm saying is your feelings are valid. And so is her not defending me needlessly. It's when we arrogantly defend a new relationship that we automatically feel this undeniable need to put that relationship above every other so we can prove the people around us wrong. But that's not right. She treasures her relationship with you guys. She wouldn't want to invalidate your concern by unnecessarily standing up for me. I don't even want her to."
I look at him speechless. Sometimes, like now, and a rare occurrences in the past, remind me how exceptionally eloquent and understanding this man is. It's his greed that always defeats him.
Agastya goes quiet too. My brother may not be best in debates, but he's stubborn as hell. So for him to not look down on Shourya's perspective with a scorn or a scowl is surprising. Must be because for the better part of their argument, Shourya was actually trying to make Agastya realise that his argumentative words and shallow judgements weren't just based on empty arrogance or superiority complex, but rather on insecurities and fear.
"How did you convince Yuvaan Bhai?" Agastya asks.
I frown at Agastya.
"I visited him at his gallery." Shourya replies.
My frown deepens.
Wait.
What are they talking about? I only know about Yuvraaj paying Shourya a visit, which ended up with Shourya earning a bruise on his face. No other brother of mine personally went to talk to him. Does that mean Shourya went to talk to them? Holy shit. He has guts.
Of course, he does. He dropped the L bomb on you after you guys had a major argument.
Something in my belly flutters like a butterfly emerging from the chrysalis. I wring my fingers nervously, avoiding looking at Shourya until the strange feeling leaves me alone.
"Don't tell me you complimented his oil paintings to get in his good books?" I slap Agastya's arm. Yuvaan does more than oil paintings. And even if he didn't, his oil paintings are exceptionally beautiful.
Shourya chuckles. "I didn't actually. I got a ticket and took a tour of his gallery. On my way out, I wrote him a feedback."
"That's it?" Agastya asks, confused.
Shourya nods.
I mirror my brother's expressions.
"What did the feedback say?" I ask curiously.
"You should ask him." He puts on his sunglasses and gets in the car waiting for him. The window rolls down. He looks up at me. "Bye, Esther. I'll be waiting for you." Sitting straight, he pulls the window up and orders Amir to start driving.
"How the fuck did he convince Yuvaan?" Agastya muses thoughtfully. "Get in the car." I'm instructed distractedly. While he goes to the back of the car to load my stuff, I open the door and settle in. A few seconds later, he gets behind the wheel and we finally leave the cold palace of Rajgarh behind. Never felt so free before.
Agastya concentrates deeply on figuring out the answer as he drives. I ignore him and take that opportunity to play the song of my choice. He slaps my hand away before it can reach the stereo. "Don't be an asshole, Agastya. I'm a guest now."
"Shut up. Let me think."
"Give up. You're not that smart."
"I'm taking a u-turn and dropping you at your in-laws if you don't shut up right now."
"Okay. I'll drive myself home." I shrug. "You make a bad chauffeur anyway."
"I'm not your chauffeur." He grits out.
I take off the seatbelt and climb the backseat. Folding my arms across my chest, I match his glare through the rearview. "You are."
He sighs deeply. "Whatever. Stops you from fiddling around in my car." He looks back outside the windshield.
I stick my tongue out at him before focusing on the scenery outside.
"Tara, will you ask Yuvaan about it?"
"No."
He smacks his lips in disappointment. "I understand him meeting Yuvraaj Bhai and Vivaan Bhai, but why would he personally reach out to Yuvaan?" He nibbles on his lower lip. "Did he talk to Ayush as well? Because I know Arush and him are sort of friends now." I listen to the bullshit he parrots to himself. And I watch in disbelief as he even goes the extra length to call Ayush so he can confirm his doubt.
"Hey, are you free?"
"Not really." Ayush answers. "What is it?"
Oh, the life in medical. You're never really free.
"Before the wedding, did Shourya come to you or did he call you-"
"Yeah, we met at the hospital in the afternoon. It was two days after Tara told us they're in a relationship. Why?"
Agastya slams his hands on the steering. "I knew it! I knew it!" He shouts angrily.
"What?" Ayush asks flabbergasted.
"Nothing. Bye!" Agastya hangs up. "Did you see the audacity of your husband!?" He glares at me through the rear view mirror.
My brows snap together. "What?"
"What!?" He scoffs in disbelief. "Tara, he approached each one of them personally to convince them! But not me! Why not me? Does he think my opinion doesn't matter?"
"I mean.... it doesn't." I say slowly, resisting a smile of amusement. It's fun to watch him get riled up so easily. Men and their ego. I sigh.
"Shut up. Nobody asked you."
"You did." I remind him.
"I didn't. I was asking myself. It's me I turn to for answers whenever I've a question."
"So much narcissism." I snort.
"It's called self-confidence."
"Said every narcissist." I retort.
"At least I don't shit insecurities on the pile of existing insecurities."
"Blah blah blah."
"Said every immature person losing an argument."
I grit my teeth. But since I don't have any comeback, I settle on, "Blah blah blah."
He rolls his eyes.
I roll mine.
We ignore each other for the rest of the drive. To keep myself busy, I roll my engagement ring in a loop. The ring finger of my right hand feels extremely lighter. As if it's missing something. Precisely, a ring. I try not to let the realisation bother me so much. But I can't stop thinking about it. About what he said the night before yesterday and then this morning.
He thinks it's so easy for me to walk out of this marriage. It's not. My family is emotionally involved in my life. If he had given me this choice before marriage, there was a chance. But there's none anymore. I can't just get up and tell everyone the truth. My brothers sent me off thinking this is what I want and that it makes me happy. I can't tell them I was forced. I can't break their hearts. They'll feel helpless, as if they could have stopped it, but weren't able to, when everyone knows nothing can change the past. And I can't let Yuvraaj Bhai know the truth. No matter the situation, we can only win against the Chairman if we're all together. I can't turn Shourya into an enemy in front of him. I've to go through what we initially planned.
And as far as Shourya's feelings are concerned, I still firmly believe he's mistaking obsession and infatuation for love. Two years are enough to wear them off. Once he gets bored of me, the attraction will fizzle out, and he'll realise marrying me was probably not the smartest decision of his life. But he needs to come to terms with it on his own.
It's selfish of him to give me a choice now. As if he desperately wants to prove that his love is honest. There are consequences to every action we commit. His are already standing in front of him. He's just too ashamed to face them, and so like a coward, he dumped it all on me, without even thinking I too have people who rely on me, and that my life is not mine alone. Every decision I make affects several others.
I'm sure he's hoping I return. And while I've no choice but to do so, I'm not letting him feel good about it instantly. I'm going to make him suffer. I won't return home tomorrow morning. If I'm his weakness, I yield too much power to waste it.
"When are you joining work?" Agastya asks me out of the blue.
"Soon. I've already sent them my joining letter."
He nods. "Excited?"
"A lot." I smile.
He stops the car on the front porch and gets down. The valet opens the door for me and I thank him as I step out.
"Bring the Princess' stuff to her room. C'mon, short stuff." He swings an arm around my shoulders and leads me inside the palace.
Juyi catches my eye first.
"Juyi!"
She stops dusting off the antiques and turns around, a broad grin replacing the shocked expression on her face. I stride up to her and pull her in a surprised hug. Her arms hover to the side, reluctant to touch me, but when I don't pull away, she finally hugs me back.
"I swear to God, I missed you. I'm sorry for taking you for granted." I pull away after a moment.
She blushes, hiding a smile behind the back of her palm. "How are you, Princess?"
"Good." I shrug. "How are you?"
"Fine. I just have no one to ask me to steal chips from the kitchen in the middle of the night anymore."
"Aw, you really missed me." I hug her again. "It's when I went there that I realised how easier it was with you around."
"You've lived in London without me."
"Yeah, but it's not a palace." I scoff. "Anyway, are my brothers home?"
"Prince Vivaan is at the hospital. His Majesty is at the office, and Prince Arush is with him. Only Prince Yuvaan is home. And now Prince Agastya."
"Alright, thanks," I turn to leave. "Send something to eat, please. You know what I like."
She nods. "Chocolate chip cookies and a milkshake "
"Uh?" I probe.
"Vanilla."
"Oh, you're a darling." I send her a flying kiss before heading upstairs to Yuvaan's room.
Since the door of his art room is left open, I push it ajar and spread my arms afar. "Guess who's home, peasants!" My brother drops the clay in shock and places a hand on his chest. I laugh at the face he makes, ruffling Perry's fur who comes bouldering at me from the connected room. "Did you miss me?" I clasp my hands front and tilt my head to the side.
He breathes out exaggeratedly. "I saw you the day before yesterday."
I school a look of deadpan. "Did you or did you not miss me?"
Wiping his hands to a cloth, he drops it near his feet and gets up to welcome me in a bear hug. I let the smile win over my face. "I knew you did." And I embrace him tightly.
We pull apart a few seconds later. I bend over to scoop Perry in my arms. Yuvaan warns me that he has gain more weight in the last few days. I feel it as soon as I pick him up. "Oh, big boy, what are you eating lately?" I ask. In response, he licks my nose. I scrunch it. "I missed you." I kiss his forehead. "So, what's new here?" I take a stroll around his room.
"I'm putting that up for the next auction." He points at a sculpture.
It's of a soul tearing open through its own body to escape. Basic really. No wonder he's selling it off. It's more aesthetic than meaningful.
"For how much?"
"Well, the bidding will start from two million. We shall see how far it goes." He shrugs, busy in his work again.
"Alright, I'll let you work in peace now. See you at the dinner." I put Perry back on the ground.
"Sure. Take rest." He smiles kindly at me, dimples and all.
I stop at the door, hesitant to ask the next question. He stares at me curiously. "Did Shourya come to meet you at your gallery before our wedding?"
He nods.
"Did he write you any feedback?"
"He did."
"What did it say?"
"Ask him."
I click my tongue. "He told me to ask you!"
Yuvaan chuckles. "Then find out."
I roll my eyes and close the door on my way out. I go to my room next, push the door open and sigh in relief. It's the same. I had hurriedly cleaned it up since I got ready in one of the hotel's suite. But a few things I forgot to put back. And they're are still there. Where I left them.
"We didn't move anything." I flinch and turn around. Agastya stands with a tray in his hand. "Your lunch." He walks in and puts it on the nightstand. "Juyi is instructed to keep it clean without moving anything. And if she does, she has to put it back where it was."
"Why?"
"So whenever you come back, you can continue from where you left off. As if you were always here."
I smile. "And then men say women are sensitive."
"You are."
"Yeah, and you're not."
"Of course, we aren't."
"Hmm," I walk over and wrap my arms around his waist. In response, his arms lock around my back. Pulling away, I stroll back to my bed. "So, what did you bring me for lunch? Wait, where's my-"
"It's not coming until you finish your food." He makes me sit on the bed and puts the tray in front of me. He has made lemon chicken soup, and added sticky rice on the side. The chicken is shredded as I like it. I start eating.
"Tara,"
I hum.
"Vivaan Bhai knows."
I take a sip of water to wash it down. "About what?"
"That you can't eat hard food anymore." The water sputters out of my mouth. It hits his face. I gasp. Face in a grimace, his eyes remain closed. "Shit, I'm sorry."
He shakes his head and takes out his handkerchief to wipe his face clean. "He's worried. He wants to book you an appointment with a psychiatrist."
I put the spoon down. "I don't know. Getting therapy means talking about dad's death and I'm not ready for it yet, Agastya. I'm seriously not."
"It's primarily an eating disorder, Tara. You can't be eating soup and rice for the rest of your life."
"Why can't I?"
He sighs. "I just think you need to open up about it-"
"Are you ready to let go of baseball and focus on your career?"
He falls quiet.
"I know not same, but still, sometimes it's hard to let go, Agastya. I'm - I'm not ready to feel weak yet. I'm sorry."
"How will you eat there? Who'll make new dishes for you everyday?"
"I'll be fine." I cup the back of his hand. "I've already told the kitchen staff that I'm on a special diet and I've given them a list of recipes they can use."
He relents with a sigh. "Alright, I also have most of them written in my diary. Take it home with you."
I nod in response.
"But Tara, one day we have to let go of the past. And we've to face our fears, okay?"
"Of course. As long as I've you guys, I'm never giving up." I smile up at him.
He ruffles my hair and gets up from the bed. "Finish that. I'll see you tonight." And he leaves the room, closing the door gently behind him.
After lunch, Juyi carries the empty dishes to the kitchen. I decide to call Janet. The day has probably just started in England. Thankfully, she answers on the fourth ring.
"Hi, baby, I'm sorry I can't talk right now. I've to hurry up and catch a bus. I'll call you later, okay?" I don't even get a word out before she hangs up.
I blow a breath out of my mouth. Hopefully, she'll call me back later. Though I know she won't.
I spend the rest of my day preparing myself for the new job. I watch news, polish my communication skills, read books, act as an anchor in front of the mirror and make a list of outfits for my first week at the office.
Juyi comes at seven thirty to escort me to the dining hall.
"Hello, gentlemen!" I beam once the doors open.
"Oh, who's that lady shining so brightly over there?" Vivaan repeats what Dad used to say.
"Tara!"
"Come here, darling." He gets up from the chair to greet me with a hug. I waste no time in running into his arms.
We pull away and I meet the remaining brothers. Ayush gets up from his place to give me a side hug. He also drops a kiss on my forehead. I skip Agastya and Arush with a, "don't deserve it," to which they snort aloud, and then Yuvaan with, "already met," before approaching Yuvraaj.
The robot gets awkward in his seat.
I shake my head in disappointment. "C'mon, don't make me wait."
"It's not been more than two days-"
"Don't give me that crap. Give me a hug."
He blinks up at me.
"C'mon! I'm already so hungry!" I urge him.
With an exasperated sigh, he gets off the chair and opens his arms. "Alright, Mr. Jack, this is no Titanic." I push down his stretched arms before hugging him. "Did you miss me?"
He shakes his head.
"Lie!" I command. "Did you miss me?"
He nods his head.
Except him, everyone else laughs.
Why did this make me so happy 🥹😭
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