THE SAND FELT hot under my feet. It was soft, too, as if it was the softest thing I'd ever walked on.
My eyebrows creased. Where the hell was I?
Nothing but golden sand was in my sight. It spread on for miles, and on the right side of me was ocean. The color was so vibrant, yet so tender at the same time.
However, it was my feelings that surprised me the most.
Tranquility, peace and happiness was all I felt. If this was heaven, then somehow, I managed to sneak myself in, without trying.
"Don't I get a hug?"
Startled, I spun around immediately. Harsh light hit my face and I closed my eyes, trying to block the sudden ache.
Soft laugh came from the person.
As soon as the voice registered in my brain, all of the ache seemed to vanish. My eyes opened immediately and it felt as if my heart was going to leap straight out of my chest.
For a moment, I forgot how to breathe. Nothing was on my mind, not a single rational thought—only her.
Freya stood in front of me, wearing a sheer white dress that reached just above her knees. Her long, beautiful hair fell messily over her shoulder, a white flower behind her ear.
Her smile, however, it was the biggest, widest grin I'd ever seen from her. Pure happiness laced her soft features, and the soft laughing completely mesmerized me.
Instantly, I started to run towards her. However, the more I was running, and the quicker I was trying to reach her, she was getting farther and farther away.
Slowly, it seemed that she was slipping from my grasp again.
"Stop trying so hard, and come here." She yelled out.
I paused and took a second to regain my breath. My heart almost snapped in half once she took a small step towards me. I didn't think twice before I mimicked her actions.
"Where are we?" I asked, loudly. I was pissed that the distance between us was still too great.
A sad smile took over her face. I tried to block out the words that slipped past her plump lips.
"Well, this is your dream."
"Why can't I control it, then? Why can't I have you close to me?"
"Because I am visiting you in your dream, baby. It's mine to control."
Slow steps from both of us resulted in the distance getting closer and closer. My eyes were glued to her chest, and I wanted nothing more but to cry once I saw her chest raising in her breathing rhythm.
An inch was in between us. I couldn't move my eyes off her and my body wouldn't move. I took a sharp intake of breath at the sight of the scar on her cheek, all of the ugly memories resurfaced.
I fell down to my knees, and Freya followed suit. She didn't say a word, but as soon as her thumb brushed off the tear from my cheek, I used all strength I had in me and hugged her, tightly.
Her vanilla scent hit my nose and I inhaled it as much as I possibly could — not wanting the memory of it to wash off. Her soft skin underneath my finger tips was as tender and as gentle as I remembered it.
"Why..." I spoke, my voice breaking, "Why didn't you do this sooner?"
"You weren't ready. I couldn't just break you again."
Her words cut deeper than a knife. Slowly, I distanced myself from her, catching her hands and holding onto them, afraid she'd disappear once again.
"There are so many things I wish to tell you," I breathed out, eyes locked on here, "So many things I want to ask you."
She chuckled, "We have enough time. Ask away."
And as the words slipped past her lips, all of the questions, all of the things I wanted to say vanished. My mind was empty, not a single thought inside.
Aside from one.
How beautiful Freya looked. She looked truly happy, peaceful and at ease.
"How have you been?" It was the most absurd thing to ask, but it slipped before I truly registered what I'd asked.
Freya blinked, "well, dead."
My mouth parted, terror overcame me as her words settled into my brain. Shock and sorrow were visible on my face and she burst into a fit of laughter.
"Sorry, is it to early?" I gave her a look and she grinned widely, "I've been... at peace. It feels so good to finally be free of chains that were keeping me hostage. And I mean that both literally and figuratively."
I felt anger slowly starting to consume me, "What did that bastard do to you?"
Her lips pursed, her eyes held... emptiness.
"That's irrelevant. It's been a long time since that happened, and it wouldn't do you any good to know now."
Freya leaned into me, resting her head on my chest. I was still holding onto her hands as if I were holding onto dear life, and her soft breathing soothed me.
"Let's talk about you." She switched the subject and I allowed it. If it meant spending more time with her, we could've talked about the sky, I didn't care as long as I got to hear her beautiful voice.
"What about me?"
"Well..." she paused, distancing herself from me, making me feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest, "Who is Nina?"
My mouth got dry and I struggled to find words, "Uh, what?"
Freya threw her head back and laughed, "I'm kidding. I know who she is. She is really pretty."
"She is," I agreed, "But she's not you. No one will ever come close to being a fragment of you."
Her eyes held sadness within, and it didn't matter that her lips were curled up, she wasn't happy.
"You can't do that, Elijah." Her voice was barely above a whisper, "you can't keep comparing her to me. Trust me, she knows that she's not me and it's killing her on the inside."
"I never did that."
Her head tilted to the side, "Not purposefully, you didn't. But she knows that if I were still alive, she wouldn't have stood a chance. And no one likes being a second choice."
I released a deep breath, "She's not a second choice."
Freya raised an eyebrow and gave me a look of judgement. I rolled my eyes and laughed.
"All right, fine. I'll admit it, I rushed into that relationship, because I was sick and tired of being alone. I'll be forty years old soon, and since you are never coming back, I settled for the other option."
Freya was getting frustrated, her lips thinned into a line. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but I refrained from doing that.
All of this was merely a dream. However, all of this felt too real, and I couldn't imagine waking up and feeling the taste of her lips on mine, knowing she was six feet under ground.
"Don't hurt her, Elijah," Freya told me, "She is such a kind person, and she treats you with so much respect. You deserve to be happy, baby. I'm never coming back."
Words got stuck in my throat, "Did you... did you fight before you die?"
Freya took in a deep breath, as if she'd missed the feeling of fresh air, "I didn't."
Everything in me crumbled to pieces.
"I wanted to, I really wanted to. But what was the point? I would've lived with too much trauma and that was not the life I wanted to have, it wasn't the life I deserved to have. So, I let go. And as selfish as it sounds, I don't regret it. Dying was the best thing that could've happened to me, given the circumstances."
"Will I ever see you again?" I asked.
A tear slipped from her eye, and that was my answer.
"This is my goodbye to you, Elijah. Live your life the best you can. I am very proud of you, of who you've become over the years. You deserve nothing but happiness in your life."
I wanted to speak, but she never allowed me.
"Elijah, being called yours was an honor and the best thing that happened to me. Thank you."
My oxygen got cut off. Slowly, she started to erode into the background, a wide smile on her face. I gripped her hands until they no longer existed. I tried to speak, to yell, to scream, to beg her to give me five more minutes, but I couldn't.
Freya vanished almost as quickly as she came.
My heart couldn't take it anymore. The pain spread all throughout my body, and it felt like death, only magnified by a million. I was tearing my shirt apart, trying to get some oxygen.
The agony was unbearable. It felt like my heart had quite literally erupted.
And that was what happened. Because when I woke up after that, I found myself in a hospital bed.
I had a heart attack.
•••
🧍🏻♀️
By the way, this scene was SLIGHTLY inspired by MerDer 😭 have not watched Grey's since btw.