'Jesus Christ', I reply indignantly to his blue balls comment. He laughs in response as we start to make our way to his room.
'I'm just kidding, doc. Like I said this morning, I don't want you to feel any kind of pressure.'
He puts a hand lightly on my back and when I look up at him, I find him looking at me with an intensity in his eyes that makes me look away again.
No pressure.
That would be nice. All I've felt since dad died, is pressure.
'Good', I say. It comes out a little sharper than I intended. I can feel Negan's eyes boring into me even though I keep my gaze turned away.
'You seem even more stressed-out than you did this morning, if that's possible. Did something go wrong today?'
'No', I tell him, waiting for him to open the door, since we've reached his room. 'Things are finally back under control again. Though it was a bit of an adjustment to do everything without Cal.'
'I thought you'd be happy', Negan says, raising an eyebrow while he opens the door. 'Haven't you wanted me to get rid of your guards from the start?'
'I am happy', I say quickly, flashing him a smile and grabbing his arm shortly while I pass him to get inside the room. 'Really, thank you. I'm so glad you trust us to walk around unguarded. I promise you, you won't regret it.'
Unless we actually do escape. If we try, we better make damn sure we get away, because we'd never get another chance.
'You're welcome.' He smiles as he walks over and leans in to kiss me. I raise my head to meet him and feel a flutter of excitement as our lips touch each other.
Unfortunately, he pulls away pretty quickly, to look at me while he holds me in his arms.
'But you still missed Cal?' he asks me.
'Well, yeah, a little', I admit. 'He's been helping me out and we worked pretty well together. Is there no way he could come back? As my assistant or something, instead of my guard?'
'I'm sorry, Christina, with everything going on, I need every one of my Saviours ready for action. I had them send you one of the workers, didn't you like him?'
'No, yeah, Tom's alright', I mumble, trying to hide my disappointment. Never thought I'd miss Cal, but a lot has changed since I got here.
I don't think I'm hiding it too well, because Negan smiles at the look on my face. He kisses the top of my head and laughs.
'When things calm down, maybe you can get him back. But do you even need his help? I hear you've been recruiting more people to work for you.'
'Yeah, Myeong and Jake have been helping out', I answer a little nervously. 'That's not a problem, is it?'
'Of course not', he reassures me. 'I love how dedicated you are. Soon enough we'll have a whole hospital wing.'
I laugh at that. 'Let's hope we don't need one.'
'So why are you stressed, if it's not about your day?' he asks suddenly, turning back to his earlier question. 'Are you still not sure about being here?'
I bite my lip as I look up at him. The stupid thing is, I am sure that I want to be here. I'm also sure it's probably a bad idea. And I'm definitely sure that I'm being a bad sister by being here instead of staying with Ella.
'It's about Ella, mostly', I admit. 'She's pretty messed up about everything. She's worried about Carl, you know, he's her friend...'
'Carl's fine', Negan tells me quickly. 'You can tell her that.'
'Really?' I ask relieved. 'Nothing happened to him?'
'No', Negan says, though he suddenly averts his eyes and walks away from me to make his way to his collection of drinks. 'No, uhh, nothing happened to him.'
'Are you sure?' I ask, a little thrown off by his strange behavior. But when he turns around again, a confident smile has returned to his face.
'I'm sure. At least, he was fine last time I saw him. That kid is something else.'
'Great', I say relieved. 'I think she'll feel better when I tell her that. But still... I'm not sure I should stay here for too long. I really think she needs me.'
A shadow of disappointment, and perhaps even annoyance, flashes over Negan's face. But he turns his eyes down to a bottle of wine to hide it.
'And what do you need, Christina?' he asks while he starts to pour a glass. 'Would you rather be with your ungrateful sister or here with me?'
'She's not ungrateful', I protest indignantly. I mean, she can be, but that's not something he needs to comment on.
'Isn't she?' he asks, walking over to hand me the glass of wine he's poured. 'Does she appreciate everything you do for her? You told me yourself the other day that you try so hard to keep everybody happy, but don't get anything in return.'
'She does appreciate it', I say, taking on a defensive tone. She shows it sometimes. Like when she got me that CD and we spent the night dancing stupidly in our room. Okay, maybe she could be a little nicer and more appreciative to me most of the time, but I know she's struggling with everything.
'She's just a kid', I add, a little more quietly. I keep my eyes away from him and look instead at the wine he gave me. That'll be my second glass after years of abstinence. I admit, it smells pretty good.
'I know', Negan says. 'But I'm not. And I wanted to show you tonight that I do appreciate everything you've done for me. You make me very happy. So you tell me, do you want to stay, or should I drain the bath I prepared for you?'
I look up sharply at him. I'd almost forgotten about the bath, with everything going on today. But now that he mentions it, I'm instantly excited about it again.
His eyes light up when he sees that he's won. I can stay for the bath, at least, right? Ella will be fine for a few hours. Honestly, it probably wouldn't matter much for her mood whether I'm there or not anyway.
'You should probably get in soon', he continues. 'Or the water will get cold.'
'Just me?' I ask, hiding my face behind my glass while I take a sip. 'Or will we go in together?'
'That's up to you.'
I look up into his eyes and feel my skin heat up at the thought of being so close to his naked body again.
'I mean', I say, trying to keep a neutral face. 'You look like you could use a bath.'
A broad grin spreads across his features and he wastes no time taking the glass of wine from my hands.
'Let's take these to the bathroom, shall we?' he says eagerly, holding up both my glass and his.
I laugh a little nervously at his enthusiasm while I follow him to the bathroom. He really went all out. The lights stay off because he's lit some candles and placed them around the bathtub. The water still appears very warm as a soft damp rises up from it and foam covers the surface, spreading the enticing scent of lavender.
'Wow', I say, surprised. 'This is pretty... romantic.'
'Glad you chose to stay', he says, moving over to me after he put down the glasses. 'I would have looked like an idiot getting in there by myself.'
I laugh at the mental picture of Negan enjoying a wine by himself in the romantic setting. But my laughter soon makes way for nervous excitement when he plants his hands on my waist.
'Let me help you undress', he says softly. He closes the distance between us to kiss me while he slowly slides his hands beneath my shirt and starts to pull the fabric up higher. He takes his mouth off of me for only a short moment to pull my shirt over my head, then pulls me closer to him when I'm standing before him in my bra.
Though I can tell he's quickly getting excited, he doesn't rush to take my clothes off. While he kisses me deeply, he hooks his thumb under the strap of my bra and gently pushes it down over my shoulder. Then he takes his lips off me to kiss my neck and my shoulder. He chuckles when he notices the goosebumps running all over my skin.
'Don't laugh', I scold him. But I giggle too when I slap his shoulder playfully. I was right before. Ella and the rest of my worries disappear further to the back of my mind with every time he kisses me.
'You just make me happy', he says, running his fingers over my body to my back where he unclasps my bra.
He keeps his eyes on mine as he takes it off, but when he drops it to the ground, his gaze does flick down.
'Hm', he says appreciatively. 'You're so fucking beautiful.'
In previous relationships, it always took some time for me to feel confident in my body. But though in other situations I might have tried to cover myself, Negan looks at me with such appreciation that he leaves no room for insecurity.
But I've never met anyone as confident as him and I'm certainly not on that level. So I'm not sure what to say.
'Why don't you just take your own clothes off?' I say, stepping away from him a little to take off my jeans. Even if he makes me feel beautiful, and even though he already saw me naked yesterday, there's just something about taking your clothes off in front of somebody that makes you feel vulnerable.
So I look at the ground while I strip down to nothing and try to ignore the sound of his clothes dropping to the ground. I don't look up until we're both competely naked. Once again, the sight of him makes it pretty hard to breathe.
But he holds out his hand and smiles at me.
'Come on, gorgeous.'
I smile back at him and let him take me to the bath. It's a struggle for a bit to both get comfortable in the tub but soon I'm soaking in the delightfully hot water, resting my back against Negan's delightfully hot body.
'This is nice', I say, closing my eyes as I rest my head against his chest.
'You're doing very good', Negan says, raising his hands to massage my shoulders. 'I was worried you were going to be a tough student, but my lessons might just catch on after all.'
I laugh and open my eyes to look up at him. This is so weird. Or at least, it should be weird. But right now, it doesn't feel weird at all.
I'm not sure how long we stay in that tub. But it's nice. I don't know if it will catch on in the long run, but right now, his lesson on how to relax is certainly working. He's brought the bottle of wine with him and after going without alcohol for so long, it only takes two glasses for me to get a little tipsy.
'The water's getting a little cold', I mention after some time.
'I know a way we can heat things up.'
Though I could feel his excitement the whole time, my back being pressed against him, he's kept his hands mostly on my back and my shoulders the whole time. But now he runs one down to my breast and uses the other to gently turn my head to face him.
He hesitates a moment, giving me a chance to protest. But I don't. The warm water, the wine and his caressing hands on me made me feel drowsily content and putting a halt to what's going on here is the last thing on my mind.
Some of the drowsiness wears off though, when he lands his mouth on mine. I can feel my nipple turning hard under his touch too. I'm fact, my entire body is reacting to the sudden change.
The kiss quickly takes on a higher level of intensity. It's like he tries to pull me even closer to him, his hand firmly on my jaw, the other grabbing my breast entirely now.
I want to turn around, to feel every single part of him, but the bathtub doesn't really allow it. Fortunately, Negan seems to be on the same page.
He pulls his lips away from me, though only by a few inches, and stares into my eyes while he caresses my cheekbone with his thumb.
'What do you think, doc?' he asks me. 'Do you want to take this lesson to the next level?'
I swallow as I try to think for a moment. Every argument not to go through with this went through my head a thousand times today.
He's dangerous.
He hurt your friends.
He hurt you.
He's manipulative.
Ella will hate you if she finds out.
Everyone will hate you if they find out.
You're bound to get hurt in the end.
But the truth is that I knew exactly where this was going the moment he showed up at my door.
'Yes, professor.'