I'm sorry y'all, I'm not a cricket fan. I just wanted to lift your spirits. I didn't know we were going lose so terribly. Hope this makes you feel better.
-• lies and confessions •-
Rudra
Is it the penance of my sins, to be feeling so much, so deeply?
Or is my soul finally free?
I brace myself for whatever is coming my way when Yuvraaj storms inside the office that evening. The door bangs open, he barges in and I get up from my chair. "Hear me out-" he doesn't. His fist crashes into my jaw, followed by a hard punch in my gut. I topple over in pain, holding the desk corner and panting roughly. Grabbing me by the collars, he hurls me up and our eyes meet leveled. Something akin to surprise flashes through his eyes. As if he realised I'm not the same 12 year old boy anymore, looking up at him timidly, but a man of the equal height, perhaps, even equal power and influence.
"What did I tell you?" He overcomes the moment, anger seizing him again. "What did I tell you about using my sister against me? You're trying to cross me? What do you think of yourself?"
"Nothing." I whisper.
He frowns.
"Nothing. And I'm not planning to use your sister against you. Maybe three years ago, I'd have. Not anymore." His hold on my collar gradually loosens. But I don't pull away. "I love her." I confess.
He slams me into the wall behind and I brace myself for another punch, maybe this time on the face. It comes, but next to my head, an inch away from my face, and I flinch. I open my eyes. Yuvraaj pants like a wolf, rabid, savage, bloodthirsty. I've driven him out of his patience. I knew it'll happen when I saw the news this morning. I had expected a lot more than a punch, I'm lucky he held back in time. I don't want to retaliate. I don't want to rebel. I want to be with her peacefully, with his agreement and trust, and I want him to accept me as more than a business partner, as more than a warrior fighting by his side in this painfully long battle. I want him to accept me as his sister's husband, as a.... family.
Maybe I don't deserve it. But I'm tired of living with what I deserve. I need what I want. And I want to be happy. I want to be with the woman I love and I want her family to trust her with me.
"You can't keep her happy." He states.
"I'll try."
"Try what?" He asks, stepping back to look at me carefully, a respectable distance between us. I stand straight. Comfortable in my space now. "What are you, Shourya? You've picked up yourself from the ruins, and you're still standing there, unaware when you'll be able to walk out. And you want my little girl to stand there next to you? In those ruins?" He shakes his head. "My sister deserves better. She had a tough childhood. She needs a stable man, who can provide her all the happiness of the world. And you're not him."
I clench my jaw.
"I was of your age when I saw your sister. I couldn't believe so much innocence had survived the barbarous reality of our world. And that fascinated me. It was when I married her that I realised it's not the innocence that kept her alive, it's defeat." His voice thins to a mere whisper. "She was in pieces when I married her. And instead of being there for her, I left her to fend for herself. I couldn't be the man to heal her. I couldn't even look at her without regretting the decision of marrying her. I thought she was perfect. And the illusion broke. She needed someone different. Someone who could be hers, someone who wanted to be hers. And I wasn't that man."
I nod, understanding the underlying meaning of his words.
"But you got the chance, right?" I say. He blinks. "You didn't deserve it. It came to you on its own. You blew it off. And now you're regretting it, aren't you? You want her back, don't you?" He stiffens. "Maybe when you see her again, you'll try to mend the broken. Maybe you'll ask for another chance. Unabashed. Unashamed. Then why not me? I love Tara. I've been in love with her for the last three years. I've suffered the distance, the time, the insecurities, the longing, the yearning, the patience, and the..... the wrenching, wrecking pain of that patience. So why not me? Why don't I deserve a chance to prove my worth to her? To prove that marrying me might be not the worst decision of her life? That despite standing in the ruins, I can show her the sky full of stars. Why can't I?"
"You don't fall in love in the middle of a war."
"But good God, does it not give you another reason to win?"
He looks at me in pity. He knew he has lost me. Lost me to the irrational, passionate, consuming love that rarely makes sense, but never wavers. And I couldn't be more proud to be this pitiful in love that its power has reduced me, the man who scoffed in the face of emotions, to his knees.
"Remember I once told you the story of the Prince and his commoner?" I move towards my desk, my back to him. "You stopped me when you realised it's not a fairytale, but the tragic past of your father. You never knew the name of the Princess."
"It's Taranya."
I smile and shake my head slowly. "No," turning around, my eyes meet his. "It's Esther."
His face pales, the realisation sinks in his eyes, making them grow wide. He looks around the office, every brick of it belongs to Esther Industries and he comes to a startling understanding of my feelings. They run deep enough to have lost their beginning, and never to find their end.
I sit down at my desk. "I've proved the sincerity of my feelings to you. And while I hope you accept me, I can't force you to. But know one thing, I'm marrying Taranya. With or without your approval. But I'm sure she'd prefer you to accept this relationship. It'd break her apart if you don't."
He walks out of my office without another word. I release a breath I had no idea I was holding and recline back, closing my eyes to the growing headache. The blinding lights cast a red shutter under my lids.
"Sir," I sit straight, grabbing the desk to push myself closer.
"Yes, Rachel,"
She walks in and I look up, tilting my head at the first aid box in her hands. She touches the side of her jaw, then points at me. I raise my hand, feather my fingers meekly where my face throbs and wince at the stinging pain.
"Does it hurt?" She asks softly.
"He knows how to punch." I give an evasive answer, too egoistic to admit it hurts like hell.
She sighs and drags a chair next to me. Then sits down and opens the first aid box. I watch in amusement. That requires some courage. When our eyes meet, she blinks nervously. "May I?"
"You asked that very soon."
"Sorry, sir." She whispers.
I grit my teeth to avoid smiling. My jaw hurts. Turning my chair so I face her, I beckon her to continue with a wave of my hand. She does so eagerly.
While she's doing her work, my phone on the desk starts ringing. "One minute," she pauses briefly as I lean over and pick up the device, resuming when I'm back in my previous position. Tara's name on the screen puts my nerves in a twist. I accept the call without wasting a second. "Hello,"
"Uhm, are you okay?" Anxiety lacing her low tone.
"Why?"
"Bhai left the palace fuming."
"Took you long enough to inform me." I say, then hiss feeling the burning of the antiseptic on the cut near my lips.
"Sorry, did that hurt?" Rachel asks sheepishly.
"It's okay. I forgot what pain felt like."
"Who are you with?" Tara asks, her tone edgy.
"My secretary." I answer, receiving silence in response. "Would you like to speak to her?" I ask. "Rachel, say to hi to my future wife." I smile after putting the call on speaker mode.
Rachel appears stumped but then sheds off the awkwardness pretty quickly. "Hi, Ma'am."
"Uh- erm, Hi." Taranya murmurs. "Will you turn off the speaker mode, Shourya?" She says to me. I do and press the phone to my ear. "Did you?" I hum. "What is wrong with you? Don't put me in spot like that." She snaps.
"Sorry."
"What is she doing in your office?"
"Your brother preferred talking with his fist than his mouth." I reply.
She gasps. "No, way! Bhai hit you?"
"Didn't hold back."
"Wow,"
"I'm about to get offended."
"You deserve it. In fact, I wish I was there to watch him beat you up."
"Do you think I can't take him down in a one on one fight?" I squint my eyes.
"Even if you can, you won't." She says smugly. "Because of me."
I click my tongue. "For you."
She goes quiet.
"Thank you, Rachel. You may leave now." I tell the woman after she discards the used cotton plugs and band aid seals. Nodding at me, she packs the first aid box and exits my office. I lean back on the chair. "I think I've convinced him."
"That we love each other?"
"No," I answer. "That I love you."
She scoffs. "Right."
I do.
I love you every time I breath. If it's ever supposed to end, it'll be the end of me. Never before.
I inhale a deep breath to calm down, to settle myself in the overwhelming cascade of my feelings, and allow them to soak me to the bone, so I'm never able to imagine how it felt before I fell in love.
"We don't have a story." She says, "like what do I tell them how we fell in love and how we kept it alive through the distance and time?"
"Tell the truth."
"That you deceived me with two identities? Fooled me to think Rudra and you are different? And when you realised, oh shit, maybe I like this girl too, let's stop playing with her emotions, you came and you confessed, breaking me all over again, and then never reached out to me to even explain yourself, instead three years later you popped up out of nowhere, and asked me to marry you. Is that what I should tell the world? Is that how love happens?"
"You were expecting me to come to you in those three years?" I whisper.
She doesn't answer. She didn't need to. I get my answer. And it puts a small smile on my face.
"Tell everyone when I met you, I was an arrogant, prideful man. That I viewed the world through black and white lenses. Tell them I used to think I was superior to everyone. Tell them I defined life with nothing but power and money. Tell them you flipped my whole world upside down. Tell them I was bewitched by how smoothly, how effortlessly you enraptured me in your pretty sad side of the world." I breathe out, "Tell the world, that you're my world."
Silence. Again.
Then she sucks in a deep breath. "Will the world believe those lies?"
"They will if I tell them those,"
"Because you're a great liar?"
Because that'd be my confession.
"Because I'm a great liar." I nod.
She hangs up.
I toss the phone on the desk and cup my face. The exhaustion of the day sinks on my shoulders, making them heavy and stiff. I stretch my neck to the sides, groaning in relief when some of the tension releases my body.
I roll my shoulders a little and get back to work. I only get weekends to focus on my own company. The rest of the week, I'm busy growing family business. After putting off my engagement with Niharika, our construction subsidiary suffered a great hit. We had been working with her father's architectural firm for the last three years. With his support, the housing society project had successfully brought in millions of profit. The annual turnover of Rajawat Construction recorded a massive 300 millions last year. We even received a wide variety of projects, ranging from shopping malls, resorts, hospitals to goverment tenders for roads, dams and bridges, but now we're at the risk of losing them all since Mr. Chandra denies working with us anymore.
I need Niharika to take the blame.
She knew what she was getting into when I half committed to her. In spite of knowing the situation, she said yes. I can't be the only one bearing the losses. This will not only roadblock my plans to marry Taranya, but also taking over the Rajawat Empire.
I break through the daze hearing my phone go off. Picking it up, I close my eyes in irritation after reading the name. I answer the call. "Yes, Dadu," my voice, unlike the one in my head, is sweet, polite and respectful.
"Come home," he says tersely.
My brows furrow together. I'm confident Virendra won't create any troubles for me. He has enough brains to know going against me won't prove to be any good for him. Then what must be it?
"Yara, keep my car ready."
"Yes, boss."
I get up from my chair and pick up my blazer and phone, exiting the office immediately after. Rachel gets up to greet me good bye. I nod at her in response.
The elevator takes me to the basement. My car bleeps in its spot, slowly does a reverse, and then drives itself to where I stand. I get in, Yara drops the controls and I take them in my hands.
"Fuck," I growl when the blinding lights of the street poles shoot a prickling sensation through my eyes.
"Is something wrong?"
"I've a headache. It's getting worse." I clench my eyes shut.
"You haven't had proper sleep these last few days."
"I never had proper sleep."
"Yes, but you regularly take naps."
"I don't know." I rest my head on the steering. "I need to take a pill and lie down for a while."
"Should I take over?" He suggests. "It's fatal to be driving in this state of health."
I lean back and close my eyes. "Yeah, you drive. Just let me know when you we're close to the palace."
"I will."
Then I relax completely.
Yara informs me five minutes prior. I take the control in my hands. Dropping the keys in the hands of the valet, I shove my hands in the pocket of my trousers and walk in. The palace butler escorts me where the Chairman is. In the library.
I walk in to see him on the sofa, reading an English translation of a Japanese book.
He puts in the bookmark before closing it and putting it encased in his lap. "Where were you?"
"In Jaigarh."
"Yuvraaj called me."
I stand straighter.
"Said he'd like both the families to meet."
A hopeful smile blooms on my face.
"I'm disappointed in you, Shourya, I didn't expect you to lose your heart to a woman who can't even come close to your status and power." He sighs. "But I promised you. And I'm a man of my words. But you also promised me something, remember?"
I nod.
"And you're not holding up your end of the deal. Our company is suffering. Because of your decision."
"Niharika is still our lawyer. And she told me she's not resigning from her position. I'm sure she'll not want the company she's working for to lose its place and reputation."
"Is that so?" He looks up at me. "Why hasn't she done anything yet then?"
"She will talk to her father." I say with conviction.
He shakes his head. "We're putting off this meeting until you bring Mr. Chandra back on board. Forget about marrying Taranya for a while and focus on the company."
I freeze. "Dadu!"
"What?" He snaps. "Business comes first."
"You can't do this." I grit out. "I've - I've waited three years, Dadu. Please."
"Shourya, my son, I understand. Maybe this will strive you to do better. Before the Chauhans change their mind, you change Mr. Chandra's mind. You may leave."
My fists tremble.
Secretary Khan opens the door, a silent command telling me to get out. I storm out of the library, heading directly to the west wing of the palace that is dedicated to the Rajawat Hotel.
I call my personal lawyer. He picks up the phone after third ring. "Yes, sir?"
"The first contract you prepared that wasn't notarized, do you still have it?" The first contract doesn't mention anything about Esther Industries.
"I do," he answers.
"Send it to me."
The elevator stops on the top floor and I walk down the hallway until I reach the presidential suite. I press the doorbell harshly.
The door swings open.
Niharika stands in front of me.
"When are you speaking to your father?" I demand.
She smiles ruefully. "No, hi, how are you? How have you been?"
"Don't fuck with me right now, Niharika!" I step inside the suite. She releases the door and it falls close behind us. Then she inches forward, until she's a breath away from me and runs her manicured finger down the side of my face. I turn my head away in disgust. "Don't touch me." I step away from her.
She locks her hands on her back. "Marry me, Shourya."
I frown. "We decided -"
"I don't care. I didn't know she'd be still single and waiting for you! I didn't think your princess will fall right back into your arms if you try once. I thought we're the endgame. She came in between." She shrugs. "And I can't stand that. I can't. So, if you want my father's support in your business, you need to marry me."
I freeze in my place.
I didn't plan everything to mess up the end. I can't lose when I'm on the verge of winning. I can't give up on Taranya now when I didn't for the last five years.
I need to do something.
I look at her and see the desperation in her eyes. It matches mine. We're in the same place, for different people.
"If you force me, Niharika, you'll never have me." I step closer, my eyes boring into hers. "Don't you want me to walk to you on my own? Let me come to you. That's how I'll grow to accept you, submit to you."
"You're marrying her-"
"It's a contract marriage." I admit.
Her eyes grow wide.
"Two years." I confess. "She's marrying me because she needs my help. That's all. I have hope. But she hates me."
"I don't trust you."
I fish out my phone and open the file of the contract in the document viewer. She scrolls through the pages, reading carefully.
She looks up at me. "I want a signed copy of this contract."
"To blackmail me if things don't go your way in the future?"
"Yes." She looks straight in my eyes as she says that.
Maybe it's the penance of my sins.
The depth, with which I feel now, is inherently self-destructive.
Imagine being loved by this man 🤌
Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Don't forget to vote and comment. Makes my day.