"Don't do it, child. They'll ruin you," she begs. "They'll take everything you love from you. Please don't do it. Please, please, please."
Startled, I wake up from my dream to find that I'm no longer in my bed. I'm standing in the corner of the room, hand gripping the top drawer handle of the dresser. My heart is pounding in my chest, my knuckles white and my arm sore. The top drawer is where I have stored the Niraki since I first arrived at Freya's Ranch.
I frown, trying to recall more of the dream that led to my little midnight stroll– I've never been a sleepwalker.
All I can remember is Althea's voice and her icy blue eyes as they seemed to pierce through mine with fear– desperation.
As the bits of my dream fade away I settle myself down, noticing the sun barely creeping up over the horizon.
Well, there's no point in going back to sleep now.
I've been away from Noelani for five nights now. I haven't even caught a glimpse of the bloodsorcerer. We're being lodged on opposite ends of the ranch to ensure that there are no accidental sightings.
Five days down, nine more to go. In the end, it'll be two whole weeks without seeing Noelani– that's the longest I've gone since meeting the princess.
Freya has been sure to keep my days busy with training, but night time has been hard and lonely. I haven't gotten a good rest since we've been separated. This recurring nightmare has haunted me every single night.
A knock on my cabin door wakes me from my reverie. I let Freya in with our breakfast. This has quickly become my new morning routine. She hands me a plate full of steaming hot food and a glass of fresh milk.
We eat in silence and I find my mind wandering to Noelani. I wonder what she's doing right now, and if she's been having trouble sleeping too.
I refrain from asking Freya– I've asked every other morning, but she refuses to answer my questions every time.
"You'll be working in the fields today," Freya informs me after breakfast. "I've told my farm hands to make sure that you take it easy today. You need to rest up a bit from all of the heavy training."
I frown, wanting to protest but knowing it's futile. I've quickly learned over the past few days that what Freya says goes. Besides, she has a point. I've been pushing myself hard during training, both physically and mentally.
It's the best way to pass the time– tire myself out until I can no longer form coherent thoughts anymore. That way, I'm asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. At least, that's supposed to be the plan. These stupid nightmares keep getting in the way.
"One more thing," Freya says as we both head for the door. "Ettiana has asked to spend time with you. I told her I would ask you first."
I sigh. I haven't seen my mother in five days either, but I'm not exactly upset about that. Still– if she wants to talk to me, maybe I shouldn't keep shutting her out.
"Okay," I say.
Freya nods. "I'll send her in for dinner. Enya won't be available tonight anyways."
Enya has been having dinner with me every night. All part of the routine– Freya in the mornings, Enya at night, and lunch out on the training grounds with the warriors. It makes the days go by fast, at least.
"Do you spend as much time with Noelani as you do with me?" I ask.
Freya frowns at hearing me ask about the princess again. "Enya and I swap meals," she explains reluctantly. "I eat dinner with her and Enya eats breakfast with her."
I nod, the knowledge that she's not alone makes me feel a tiny bit better.
"Is she...settling in alright?"
Freya ushers me out the door, scolding me lightly with a shake of her head. "You need to get to work, Mila. Time to go."
I sigh. It was worth a try.
_____
The day disappears quickly, although part of the reason is the dread that I feel when I think about dinner with Ettiana. The whole ordeal is making me nervous. I want to work on our relationship, I really do, but wanting to is a whole lot different than actually doing it.
Which is exactly why for nearly twenty minutes we've been sitting in total silence at the tiny dining table shoved against the back wall of my cabin.
"Noelani's been just as quiet as you," Ettiana says, breaking the long silence.
I perk up immediately. She's been visiting Noelani?
A million questions flood through my brain. I want to know how she's doing. If she's thought about our future at all. Has she made a decision yet?
"Freya wouldn't want us discussing this," I say slowly, my heart sinking.
She nods and we fade back into silence.
It lasts all but twenty seconds.
"Is she doing okay?" I ask hesitantly.
Ettiana smiles softly, "She asked the same thing. She's tired– been training a lot," she pauses, clearly thinking about what she's going to say next. "Mila, you love her, don't you?"
I nod, unable to look my mother in her eyes. "I do," I whisper.
"I'm happy for you," she says kindly. "It was a little strange for me at first, I'll admit. I trained Noelani so long ago. It's easy to forget that she was trapped in a hitchstone. But when I see the two of you together..." she trails off.
"It's not–" I try to explain. "I don't think she feels the same way."
"Nonsense," Ettiana tuts, the action causing me to unwillingly release a small smile. "You don't look at someone like that without telling them that you love them."
I lower my eyes. Technically I've looked at someone like that without telling them that I love them. At least, not explicitly.
"She looks at you like you are her entire world," Ettiana continues. "I was so afraid of what Reina would do to her after I left. Especially with Cormak gone too. I'm just so relieved that she's still so kind-hearted." Ettiana chuckles. "I mean, she always had an attitude, but deep down she really makes you feel like she cares, you know?"
I smile sadly. "I know," I whisper. "I haven't exactly been very forthcoming with my feelings."
Ettiana sighs and I half expect her to chastise me like she did when I was a child.
"It'll come, Amietta," she promises. "You've already created love in a rather difficult situation– the hard part is over."
I can't help but disagree. The hard part is just beginning. We still have to defeat Reina and take the throne. I still have to figure out how to stop loving her like this because if she tells me at the end of two weeks that she doesn't love me, I need to be prepared.
But what if she loves me too?
I huff, annoyed with myself. That little sliver of hope has been here all week, stuck to my thoughts like glue.
"Can I ask you something?"
I look up, meeting Ettiana's eyes. She looks nervous. I nod at her to continue.
Ettiana frowns. "I guess I don't have a specific question actually," she admits. "I just wanted to ask about the Promises you two signed."
I look away, frowning. "It's such a mess," I whisper. "I signed a Promise for her because at the time it was easier than admitting how I felt. But now..." I trail off.
Ettiana hums. "It sounds like they are no longer serving you," she says.
"Yeah," I agree. "It's just...I'm afraid of what will happen. What if the Promises are the only thing keeping her in my life?"
The words feel silly as soon as they leave my mouth. I feel my ears heat up, instantly embarrassed that I would admit any of this out loud– let alone to Ettiana of all people.
Ettiana merely studies me, giving me a reassuring smile. "To love is to take a risk," she says softly.
I nod. "Papa used to say that."
Ettiana smiles sadly. "Yes."
"How did you meet Papa?" I ask.
Ettiana's smile grows, a teary look crossing her eyes.
"We met on a ship," she tells me. "I was traveling the western coast with my father. Bastian was a sailor– Arabelle too. They grew up on that ship, working for food and lodging. Eventually he worked his way up to Captain."
My heart warms at the thought of my father. "Papa was too kind to be a Captain."
"You're thinking of pirates," Ettiana corrects me. "They're cruel, preying on others to make a living. Sailors are honest, hard-working people with a deep appreciation for life. Watching the Great Barrier take so many lives will do that to you. When we met, Bastian was ready to retire. We fell in love and settled in at Roselak," she smiles wistfully. "We were happy."
I hear the sadness in her voice– we were happy until she trapped Noelani in a hitchstone and sent me to a different realm.
"How did things get so messed up? Why did you do this to us?" I ask, too angry to stop myself.
Maybe I'm not being fair, but I need to know. I've seen the vision. I watched her lock Noelani in a hitchstone. And I remember the day she sent me to another realm.
But I still don't know why.
"It's complicated," she says softly.
I clamp my jaw shut, determined to reign in my anger. "Tell me why," I order through tense teeth. "I just want to understand."
Her tears spill over her cheeks, but she wipes them stubbornly, her watery eyes meeting mine. "I thought that I was saving you– it wasn't supposed to end up like this. I knew when you were born that you were a bloodsorcerer, and I was terrified of what Reina might do if she found out. The queen already had it out for me and she was obsessed with Noelani's power– she pushed that girl's training until she almost died on multiple occasions. I didn't want that kind of life for you– either of you. But Noelani was too far gone.
"I thought the Niraki would help. Cormak and I searched for them to help with Noelani's training and I hoped they would be able to remove your magic. I know it was wrong, Mila. If I could go back, I would do it differently. You have to understand the position I was in."
"But you didn't even give me a choice," I say, my voice breaking. "I spent my whole life feeling disconnected from my magic– from myself. Do you have any idea how terrible that was? If I knew about my powers I could have come home." I bite back a sob, but the tears stream down my face anyways. "I wouldn't have spent ten years alone, trying fruitlessly to figure out how to return to Nirasus. At the very least, I would have known why you did that to me." I pause, trying to collect myself. "This whole time I thought... I thought you didn't want me," I choke out. "I couldn't figure out why else you would send me to Tsulona."
"Amietta..." Ettiana sobs.
She reaches a hand out to grab mine, but I pull away. I can't look at her right now. I'm already upset enough as it is, and I need to get through this conversation this time. It's time to get past this.
"I sent you to Tsulona to protect you," she whispers. "You and Arabelle were supposed to go together to find the Niraki. It was the only place I could think of to send you that Reina wouldn't look."
I nod– and then Cassia locked Arabelle away and I was left alone.
"What about what happened to Noelani?" I ask a moment later. "Why did you lock her in the hitchstone?"
Ettiana takes a shaky breath, still holding back tears.
"I hadn't seen her in over a decade. I had no idea how loyal she was to her mother at that point, but I was hoping that I could get through to her. I wanted to save her from the queen– to show her that she didn't have to live the life that Reina wanted her to."
I nod, feeling myself calm down a little. I want that for Noelani too. I study Ettiana, surprised by our similarity.
Ettiana continues. "When she refused to help me, I couldn't take the risk. It was supposed to be temporary. I was going to keep her in there until you were safe in Tsulona with Arabelle– just long enough so that she couldn't tell her mother. It didn't work. Reina still found out. She stole the hitchstone from me, along with a couple vials of your blood. She was the one who sealed the hitchstone and sent it to Tsulona. I'm still not sure why."
I nod, knowing the rest of the story. "Reina wanted to keep Noelani off of the throne. It's not hers by blood– she has no true right to the throne."
Ettiana nods sternly. "Yes– many Nirasians feel the same way."
I study Ettiana closely. "Can I ask one more question?" I ask hesitantly.
Her eyes roam over me wearily. She looks tired, but she nods quickly.
"What did Papa say when you told him you wanted to send me to Tsulona?"
She sighs, her shoulders slumping with the weight of my words. She suddenly looks half a decade older.
"He trusted me," she says, her voice wavering slightly. "He believed that I would make the right decision to keep you safe and...I proved him wrong."
She sniffles and I reach out a hand, placing it gently over hers.
"He even forgave me when everything went wrong." Ettiana cries, taking a moment to collect herself. "He forgave me, but I never did– I couldn't–"
"I forgive you," I say.
Ettiana sniffles, her eyes meeting mine in disbelief. "Amietta..."
"What's done is done– it happened and there's nothing we can do to change it," I tell her. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life hating you. That would be pointless. I–" I hesitate, feeling myself tear up. "I love you, Mama."
She lets out a happy sob, reaching across the table to pull me in close. Her tears soak into my shoulder as she subjects me to one of her bone-crushing hugs. I let out a little chuckle– suddenly I feel like a kid again.
"Thank you," she whispers into my hair. "I love you, Ami."
I pull back with a fake scowl. "It's Mila," I grumble, only half serious.
She chuckles, easily picking up on my sarcasm as she ruffles my hair.
"Sorry," Ettiana apologizes, her face turning serious. "I love you, Mila."