Seungmins POV
I knocked on jeongins door, he has been distant since we all arived and since I'd literally fallen in love with him I just wanted to make sure he was ok.
" Jeongin " I called
" come in"
Slowly, I opened the door. It smelt like me in here, funny. " hey innie" I hummed, "how are you feeling? you seem a bit down."
" I'm ok , this is just so scary...its great, I'm with all you guys but its still all so terrifying " he replied "I'm more worried about felix though , hes taking it all to heart"
" I know innie" i sighed " have you checked on him at all? He needs you guys"
" he locked his bedroom door" he shook his head
" shit" I put my hands on my hips "we should check on him, all of us should."
" no, we broke him. We literally broke him" he looked as if he could cry " he didnt want us to be here, he wanted us all the graduate and live happy lifes without him. We know he did, we just choose to ignore it. The way we've acted, like everything's fine now that we are all dead not just felix isnt ok. Because now he blames himself and will for the rest of eternity. He deserves so much better than this. The way we've dealt with this whole situation is shitty and now we are surprised hes locked himself away and doesn't want to talk to any of us. Look what we've done" tears began to spill down his cheeks " we are fucking animals. We are the reason he just sits in his room wondering what he did , he blames himself for his death. Its not his fault he was stabbed, seungmin. He just wanted to help someone in need..... we are bad friends"
" holy shit you're right, we need to get the others. We need to apologise " I replied, he nodded "cmon"
Felix's POV
I stared at the wall , tears spilling down my freckled cheeks like an endless waterfall
I wish I could make myself disappear, I'm already dead. But I need to disappear from their afterlifes, I'm the one at fault. I couldn't have helped them. I let them kill themself . I let myself die .
If I hadnt pulled out that knife we would probably still be here, jisung wouldn't have tried to go to my funeral meaning minhos mom wouldn't have cooked a fancy dinner to make him happier and forgot to turn on the stove and no one else woudlve felt the need to kill themselves, but it hurt so much. I wanted it gone, it burnt so much
They all think we won, we are finally all in this together. But we all lost and it's my fault.
I've cried more now than I have ever in my entire life. I've had to hold my mouth in a desperate attempt to stay quiet so they didnt worry about me. I'm so pathetic.
I cant take it anymore
I disgust myself
I am falling apart
Suddenly there was a knock at the door, I wiped away my tears and faked a smile
" come in!" I chimed happily
The door swung opend and in came the entire group, this cant be anything good can it.
" hey felix , you feeling okay?" Chan asked
" better than ever " I lied
" felix " hyunjin spoke more firmly " koala me, we know you arent okay. So give me a koala hug and tell us the truth. We hate seeing you lock yourself away like this"
I whimpered slightly, letting my smile fade away then opening my arms so hyunjin could pick me up and allow me to 'koala hug' him.
" lemme ask again" chan spoke gently " are you feeling okay?"
"I feel like shit" my voice wobbled as tears threatened to spill once more.
He sat down on my bed making it easier for me to squeeze him tightly
" why?" He asked
" because. I just do" I replied, not wanting to tell him incase any of them feeling guilty
" yes, but is there a special reason?" Asked seungmin
This is gonna be a long conversation