Luna's POV
Today is the day. Today I will finally see Matty once again in the flesh. It's been two long years, but I could never forget every part of him, the freckle on his ear, the scent of cigarettes on his breath, his gentle hands that would run all over me. It's all too much. I have no idea what to expect tonight, as hard as I've tried to get a sneak peak of the record, labels wouldn't let me listen to the album early, so tonight will be my first time hearing it amongst the crowd of over 20,000 fans, but I can't imagine they have the same connection I do to Matty.
All I can think about is Matty and the music, but there's probably dozens of people here I'll get to see for the first time in years, or even meet for the first time. Not to mention Ross, George, and Adam, hell it's been years since we've hung out as well.
It's almost four in the afternoon and while the show isn't until nine tonight, LA traffic is a bitch so I need to start getting ready. I pour myself a shot of Bacardi, and swallow it with no problem. The burn in my throat excites me, and gives me a soft buzz for the evening. I need to look hot. Holy fuck, I think to myself, the thought never even crossed my mind that Matty might have a partner. I don't know why I assumed he was single. I seriously might vomit if I swallow my pride to go to this concert and he's there with someone fucking else. The thought makes me sick, which I know is ridiculous, but I can't help but feel a bit possessive over Matty. We've shared our entire lives together, I can't even begin to imagine him sharing things with someone else, that'd only I'd ever known before. My stomach turns at the thought of him being intimate with anyone else, and I quickly grab the shot glass once again. Shit, who am I kidding, I put that down and grab the bottle, taking a generous sip of the liquor.
I wonder if he'll even recognize me if he sees me from far away. It's been two years, I mean I've grown up a bit since the last time we were together. My long hair is now more of a shoulder length style with curtain bangs. I settle on wearing a pair of black cargo pants, paired with a small kitten heel. My top is a mesh black long sleeve, but it has cutouts down the front and back to spice up the look a bit, and underneath I wear a simple black triangle bra. I keep my makeup super light, just a bit of blush and mascara and then I throw some floral perfume on. I fluff my blown out hair in the mirror, and slide my lipgloss into my purse. I have one last sip of Bacardi before I call for an Uber to take me to The Hollywood Bowl.
The Uber ride is silent, with the radio gently humming in the background. Thank god I'm not going to this sober, I think I would've been a nervous wreck. Regardless of my status with Matty and our relationship/ lack thereof I'm genuinely excited to hear the album, and as a music lover and appreciator I fucking love a good concert. And, The Hollywood Bowl is one of my absolute favorite music venues in the entire world.
I arrive at the venue, and the Uber drops me off at the gates, which is one of the perks of flashing my ID from the record label, and I am in disbelief of the crowd. In just two years, the band has grown exponentially. From just playing 2000 capacity venues, to now selling out the Hollywood Bowl, fucking insane. Looking at the crowds of people piling in, everyone is in their merch, with the band's name plastered across their backs. It makes me feel a bit emotional. I mean Matty was my very, very best friend growing up. It brings me so much joy to see him bring his dreams to life. God knows he's had a hard journey to get to where he is now.
It's a lot of conflicting emotions seeing the person you love most in your life get everything he ever wanted, and you just watch from afar as he chases his dream.
I head into the show, luckily because of my connections at the venue I was able to secure a ticket in the pit, but I figured I would just hang out towards the back and vibe, simply taking in the lyrics. I feel my phone vibrate in my hands as I make my way towards the bar, and I hear people around me start to 'ooh and ahh', and I look at my phone, opening Instagram to see that The 1975's account posted the official tracklist for the album. Up until now, we've only seen the cover, but the tracklist looks fucking phenomenal, and I am so excited to hear the songs.
The tracklist reads:
People
This Must Be My Dream
Paris
Happiness
The Birthday Party
Looking For Somebody (To Love)
Give Yourself a Try
Loving Somebody
Love It If We Made It
Girls
I Couldn't Be More In Love
Love Me
Guys
A couple of the songs sound familiar, I remember him writing 'This Must Be My Dream" while we were in Philadelphia on the first tour. I remember walking in on him sturmming in his dressing room, he was acting all shy like he didn't want to tell me he wrote a song about me, and hell, now he's gonna play it in front of this enourmous crowd. And of course I've heard 'Give Yourself a Try' because it played on the radio, and I later learned it was the band's lead, and only single from the album. Unusual I thought at first, only one single? But, if there's one thing about Matty, he's gonna do things unconventionally.
There's no opener for the show, so I grab a Corona from the bar, and make my way down to the pit. It's already pretty packed, but like I said, I prefer to hang out in the back, observe the crowd and vibe on my own to the music. The sun sets beautifully behind the stage, and as nine pm closes in, fans begin to stand up and cheer.
Suddenly all the lights turn off, and the crowd screams. On the digital screens small colored boxes begin to appear one at a time splattering around the screen. They seem to mimic the cover art, and I wait in anticipation as the roar from the crowd increases. The boxes begin to appear faster, now beginning to cover the screens, once all the space is filled the lights all turn off once again.
After a long thirty seconds of silence, the entire stage lights up a neon green, with black boxes flashing on the side screens. Over the speakers there's a voice talking seeming to serve as the show's introduction.
"So, we can no longer save the world by playing by the rules
Because the rules have to be changed
Everything needs to change, and it has to start today
So, everyone out there, it is now time for civil disobedience"
"It's time to rebel."
The final sentiment, "it's time to rebel" echoes throughout the venue, and the interlude is followed with a heavy guitar intro, and the main screen flashes "People" in bolded font, and within seconds the guys all appear on stage, with Matty screaming into the microphone. "Wake up, wake up, wake up!" And the crowd goes crazy.
a/n play the title video here!
Matty is running around on stage screaming the lyrics while George carries the band through the song with the impressive percussion rhythm. This song is completley unlike anything I'd ever heard in my life, and not anything I ever expected to come from them. This song is high energy personified, I can hardly even hear Matty sing the crowd is so fucking hype. Right now I don't even have time to comprehend the lyrics, but I'm 99% sure he mentioned fucking Obama, hell I might just be tipsy though. Everyone is jumping and moshing for the entire song, and when it comes to an end Matty falls onto the ground dramatically and screams into the mic, "let's fucking go LA!". The crowd roars again. He hops right back up and goes straight into the next song, "This Must Be My Dream", which I've heard before, and love. It's a complete change of pace from the insanity of "People", and once the song concluded Matty approaches the edge and the stage and sits down.
"Hey guys," he says cheekily into the mic. With just two words he sends the crowd into a total frenzy. Now that he's not running around like a fucking maniac, I can finally get a decent look at him. He looks buffer, like he's been working out more. His arms are filled with new tattoos and his hair is much longer. This I did notice though, as he moved on stage his hair was bouncing and flopping around. Fuck. Why does he have to be so attractive.
"So, if you guys live under a fucking rock and haven't heard, we have a new album." Matty says as the crowd continues to scream for him. "We're gonna play it tonight and if you don't like it, then shut the fuck up and pretend you do," he continues. "Okay fuck that, but in all seriousness thank you guys so fuckin' much. The past two years have been insane and I mean it's all because of you, so thanks for that." He smirks to the crowd, that cheeky motherfucker. "This album is pretty much a diary of my shit from the past two years, uhm and yeah just that someone who was missing from it and shit, so yeah, anyway 'Loving Someone' drops tonight, uh yeah, stream it," he finishes. He stands returning to the main part of the stage, he looks a bit emotional, and Ross comes over and gives him a quick hug.
The next few songs are a bit slower, he introduces it as "Paris" and I can't help but think about the time we went to Paris together as teenagers, we were so drunk, but not on wine. This is followed by "Happiness" and "The Birthday Party". Both the songs are excellent, but "The Birthday Party" really hits me. The song is relativley upbeat, not necessarily a pop song, but a synth-y alternative vibe, but in the song Matty speaks about his addiction and being clean which I know is really hard for him to open up about. I mean he could hardly talk to me about it, and now he's releasing it on an album. The progress he's made is incredible. I'm so fucking proud.
They play through the rest of the album and every single song is genuinely phenomenal, but I think my absolute favorite has to do "Love It If We Made It." I've never heard another song like it, not only is is an incredible song and Matty's voice sounds insane, but he sings about so much shit going on around the world, and the lack of awareness of society. He calls out racism, classism, xenophobia, and just about everything else. I've always loved how he isn't afraid to use his voice on things that matter to him. I truly believe music is something that can bring everyone together, and putting out music that's important like Matty's done with this feels powerful. It feel impactful, it feels like it can make a difference.
After "Guys" all the boys pile up front, they're all laughing and smiley like schoolkids, and they come together in a huge hug, and wave goodbye to the crowd before the lights go black again signlaing the end of the show. When all the overhead lights flip back on, they've disappeared and everyone begins heading for the exits. I stay still, just staring at the stage. I didn't think this far ahead, I don't know if I can leave without trying to see Matty. I hate not knowing my next move, I like to make plans and take charge. I'm not someone who sits around waiting for someone, especially for some guy. But, Matty's not just some guy, so I stay standing in the pit and the entire arena empties around me.
Pretty much everyone is gone, and from my periphreal vision I see someone making their way towards me. Finally, someone came to help me backstage I think to myself. I turn to face the security and wave, "hey I'm Luna," I say. "Did Matty ask for me?" I ask the woman. She looks confused. "Show's over. Time to head home before we need to escort you out." She says to me coldly.
It feels like my world stops. Just like that the show's over, and Matty made no effort to see me. I was stupid to think he would remember, stupid to think he'd expect me to come. Fuck for all he knows I may not even live here anymore. I'm so mad at myself for coming, for thinking that he still felt something for me. That maybe just maybe, tonights the narrative could finally change. I start to make my way out, my arms hug my chest tightly, as I feel tears begin to well in my eyes. I hate that I let someone have this power over me. I hate that I can't move on. I tell myself I don't care, that I'm over him, but fuck I'm not. I never fucking will be. Matty isn't the kind of person you simply get over or forget. He's otherwordly, I mean the connection he makes with you is indescribable. He made me feel things I never knew I could feel. He challenged me, he made me better, and he loved me. He fucking loved me, and I know he did. And that's the worst part, I let it all go, and I'll never forgive myself for it.
I call an Uber, and ride home in silence. Not even the radio playing, just pure silence. Just me and my thoughts in the back of a Prius. The driver parks outside my small house tucked in Laurel Canyon, I stumble out of the car and make my way inside. I make my way straight to the fridge and grab a beer, I collapse on the couch and put on some Law and Order as I drink until the lonesome feeling numbs.
I lose myself in the world of Olivia Benson and New York City crime, but I just about shit my pants when I hear a knock on the door at around one in the morning. Living alone as a young woman, I'm always prepared for some freaks, so I quickly grab a knife from the kitchen and slowly approach the door. I peek through the small peephole, and jump back at the sight of another eye staring right back at me. There's absolutley no way in hell. I would know that soft brown eye from miles away, in disbelief I continue to stare straight at him as his body shifts backwards and I see Matty's sillhouette appear on my porch.
I slowly draw back and unlock the door. The second the lock is open his hand is on the door, and he pushes it open. He doesn't do anything except say "You fucking moved?!"
"loving someone" album art