(as the title card is shown "Inkwell isle 3" plays in the background)
It was a dreary day on the inkwell isles. There was a light drizzle of rain and the sun was nowhere to be seen.
The devil slowly trudged through the streets of inkwell city, hunched over to try and conserve heat. He looked down at his stomach that was beginning to growl and walked on through the town.
He looked up and saw that there was a small bakery just up the road. The devil sniffed and caught the scent of something delicious. He started to clumsily follow the trail as if hypnotised. The devil walked inside the bakery and caught sight of a large sausage roll.
The Bakery was lit by a few incandescent bulbs And had a rustic look to it. The sausage roll was inside of a patisserie display case, which was heated by more incandescent bulbs. The devil walked over to the sausage roll, drool dripping from his mouth.
Just as the devil was about to grab the sausage roll his hand was slapped away. The devil looked up to see the owner of the bakery. He was a salt shaker, with a transparent blue body that was filled with salt and wearing a metal chef hat with holes in the top for shaking salt out of .
"And just WHAT do you think you're doing mister!" he shouted.
"Oh," the devil said, "I was just going to eat that sausage roll."
"Well," the baker said, "are you gonna pay for it?"
"No," the devil replied," I'm the devil! I don't need to pay for snacks."
The devil grabbed for the sausage roll again but his hand was slapped away.
The devil growled and pulled out his spoon from his pocket. (that where he stores his spoon when it is not in use)
"You dare deprive me of my num-nums!" the devil cried and he raised his spoon over his head and swung downwards. The baker however simply grabbed the spoon, yanked it out of the devil's grip and picked up the devil by the collar (the devil doesn't have a collar so he was just grabbed in that area of his neck) .
The devil was pulled up to the baker's face and glared at.
"Don't you get all high and mighty on me!" the baker said, "if you want that sausage roll. You are going to pay for it."
"But, I don't have any money." the devil said.
"Well you're going to have to work for it then," he said as he put the devil down and handed him back his spoon, "i'm chef Saltbaker and you are the newest employe of Saltbaker's bakery."
Chef Saltbaker grabbed a chef's hat from under the counter and plonked it on the devil's head.
" Your first job is to make a simple lemon tart. There is a recipe in the back. I'm off to buy some bread," Saltbaker said as he walked out the door.
Less than a second after he left the devil reached over and tried to grab the sausage roll again. Suddenly chef Saltbaker stuck his head in the shop again.
"And no funny business," he said while punching his palm,"or i'll make you pay in a different way."
The devil stood still for a few seconds before going into the back of the bakery to try and bake a tart.
***
The devil was standing next to a large wooden table. He had gathered all of the ingredients listed in the book and laid them out on the table.
"Hmmmm, baking..." the devil said, "how hard can it be."
The devil read the first instruction
Mix 250g of flour and 175g sugar together.
The devil then proceed to measure out those amounts on an analogue scale and then violently fling them into the bowl creating a huge cloud of dust.
"Well that doesn't bring back good memories," the devil said.
The devil then moved on to the second instruction
Mix in 125g of butter with your fingers until the mixture is crumbly.
The devil looked down at the contents of the bowl and poked it
"Already looks crumbly to me," he said and moved on to the next step. (i'm going to stop mentioning it now)
Now add 2 egg yolks
The devil reached over the table, grabbed two eggs and examined them.
"How am i meant to get the yolks out of these," the devil said before shrugging and just throwing in the eggs whole, with the shells still on.
Chill for half an hour
The devil took that instruction the wrong way and just relaxed for an hour, leaving the dough on the table.
For the filling, beat five eggs, 140g caster sugar, two lemons worth of juice and 150ml of double cream
The devil then put five whole eggs in the mixture (without taking the shells off). He then measured out the caster sugar and put it in. the devil grabbed a carton of cream and examined it
"This is not double cream, it's regular cream!" he said, "guess i'll add double the amount".
After he had added the cream the devil also tossed in two whole lemons.
Sprinkle in 2 tablespoons zest.
The devil pulled two tablespoons out of a draw and put them in a blender. He blended the spoons into a fine powder and then sprinkled them onto the mixture. He then looked at the instructions again.
"Why doesn't it say how much zest to add," the devil complained," what a bad recipe."
The devil then proceeded to use a cheese grater to grate an entire lemon into the mixture.
Roll the dough out thinly on a floured surface and then place into a tart tin.
The devil rolled the dough out into a thin sheet and then scrunched it back up into a ball and plonked it in the middle of a tart tin.
Chill for another half an our
The devil relaxed for another half and hour, reading a magazine and chewing on some bubblegum.
Heat oven to 160C. Line the tart with foil and fill with rice. Bake for 10 mins, then remove the tart from the oven, discard the foil, and bake for another 20 mins. Then remove it from the oven, pour in the filling and bake again for 30-35 mins.
"Hmmmmmmm," the devil pondered, "why don't I just put it in the oven for an hour so I don't have to do as much work?"
So the devil poured the filling into the tart tin and then dumped a bag of rice over the top of it as well. He set the oven to 160*C, put the tart in and waited
***
After one hour, an egg timer that the devil had set went off
(this is an egg timer 🔽. I don't know if they existed in the 1930s but I think it's funny.)
"Ohh," the devil said, "that must be my tart!"
The devil put on some oven mittens, opened the oven and took the tart out. The devil put it on the table and compared the abomination he had created to the picture of the tart in the recipe book.
"Hmmmm," the devil said, "somethings wrong with my tart..."
The devil thought for a while before having an idea.
"Oh, i know!" the devil exclaimed, "i'll just add more fire! More fire makes everything better."
The devil picked up his homemade atrocity and put it back in the oven. He then turned the oven to max heat and sat back down in his chair to continue reading his magazine.
***
Chef Saltbaker walked in through the door of his bakery.
"Sorry it took so long, they moved the bread aisle again," he said, "how's the tart coming along..."
At that moment he saw what the devil had done. He was sitting in an armchair, peacefully reading a magazine while a huge fire that engulfed the oven was raging just behind him.
Chef Saltbaker screamed, grabbed the fire extinguisher and put out the flames. He then grabbed some oven gloves, reached into the oven and pulled out the devil's monstrosity of a tart.
He stared at it for a moment before turning to the devil
"I HEREBY FIRE YOU FROM MY RESPECTABLE BAKERY FOR THE PRODUCTION OF AN AFFRONT AGAINST BAKING!!!!"
The baker picked up the devil and kicked him out the door.
"If you want that sausage roll!" the chef yelled, " you'd better get the cash from somewhere else.
The devil then got up and walked forlornly down the road.
( This is the tart recipe i used to script this off of : )
***
The devil walked alone along the street again. The rain was coming down heavily now and he was soaked to the bone.
The devil looked at the various shops he passed on his walk and soon one caught his eye. The sign read "Esther's Hotdog Place" and underneath the sigh was a small poster that said
"Hiring now"
The devil walked into the shop and looked around. The entire place smelt like hotdogs. There was a medium size room with some red chairs placed around round red tables, most with customers sitting on them.
The devil walked up to the counter and pressed the bell. Suddenly a cow-girl (like and actual cow) popped up from behind the counter.
"Heya there," she said in a strong Texas accent, "I'm Esther Winchester, owner of this fine establishment. What can I do for ya today?"
"I would like to apply for a job,"
"Oh, how nice," Esther said, "we need a new waiter, do you think you will be good with speaking to the customers?"
"Well, I do consider myself a people person," the devil said.
"Welp, you're hired," Esther said, "let's see how ya do,"
*20 minutes later*
"WHAT THE HELL WAS YOU THINKING," Esther cried
"Those customers were horribly rude," the devil replied, "they deserve what i gave them."
(montage time! This time the song "Gnome Way Out" plays. Ps: i only note the songs if i think that they are important.)
1:
The devil walks over to a table with a platter of food.
"Here is your food," he said
"Oh," the customer said,"
The customer then squints at the devil's name tag, trying to read it.
"Thank you, The Deevil."
The devil immediately grabbed his spoon and smashed the customer into the ground in a loony toons-esc fashion.
"It's pronounced: The Devil!"
2:
The devil walked up to a table and placed the receipt on the table.
"That would be $5.99 for the two hotdogs," the devil said.
The customer pulled out their purse and gave the devil the money.
"And here is a tip for you dear," the customer said as she gave the devil a $1 tip.
The devil looked at the coin in his hand and growled. He grabbed his spoon and smacked the customer as hard and he could, sending here rocketing out the window and into the distance
"GIVE ME A BETTER TIP!" the devil screamed in the direction that he hit the customer.
3:
The devil walked up to a table and asked the people sitting there "May I take your order?"
"Oh, yes," one of the people said, "please may i have a hotdog with a topping of mayonnaise and mustard, no ketchup."
The devil promptly pulled out his spoon and smacked the customer upwards with it, resulting in them being flung through the roof and into the stratosphere.
"HAVING A HOTDOG WITHOUT KETCHUP IS SACRILEGE!" the devil cried.
***
"YOUR FIRED!" Esther yelled, "I'd have you arrested if the police were not completely useless."
Esther then kicked the devil out of her shop and onto the street again
The devil got up, brushed himself off and stood up straight.
"What am I doing? Am I trying to get food legally? I'M THE DEVIL! I don't need to follow the rules. I'll just find a shop, far away from here and rob it!"
He then cackled loudly before walking off, away from town.
***
The devil had been wandering around for a while before he caught sight of Porkrind's shop.
"Ooooh, this one is perfect," the devil said excitedly as he tiptoed up to the window and looked inside. Porkrind was sitting in his usual spot listening to the radio and reading a newspaper.
The devil tiptoed round to the front of the shop and then burst through the door
"This is a robbery," he yelled," give me all your num-nums!"
Instead of cowering in fear like the devil expected, Porkrind just lifted his arm and pointed a finger gun at the devil. Then a little fire appeared at the tip of his finger and it slowly started to grow.
"What is this sorcery!" the devil cried
"It's called the charge shot," Porkrind said, "now I recommend that you leave this shop immediately unless you want to look like a 'well done' steak."
The little flame at the tip of Porkrind's finger had grown into a large fire that swirled and spun around his finger like a mini fire-nado. The devil slowly backed out of the shop and promptly ran as fast as he could back to inkwell city
***
The devil walked through town once again. The rain had stopped but the sun was yet to burn through the clouds. Soon, the devil heard some music, and it was getting louder. Suddenly an ice cream van pulled up next to the devil.
"Well hey there," the ice-cream-man said, "you're looking down, would you like to hear about the flavour of the day!"
"Uhh, no. i was just..." but then the devil saw a "Hiring Now" poster on the side of the van, "i'd like to apply for a job."
"Well, lookie here," the icecream-man said, "d'you think you're up to the job?"
"Mmmhmmm," the devil said
"Wellp, you're hired," the ice-cream-man said, "I'm off on holiday. Just don't kill or scam anyone or your fired"
The ice-cream-man jumped out of his van, ran down the road, jumped onto a bus and drove off.
The devil climbed gingerly into the van and placed the company hat on his head and soon his first customer walked up to him. The devil took a deep breath and ducked below the counter.
"Ummm, hello?" the customer said
Suddenly the devil jumped up from below the counter
"Hello there," he said jovial, "would you like to hear about the flavour of the day!"
"Yes, could I have one cone with the flavour of the day."
The devil took a look in the freezer in the back of the van and found about twenty tubs of icecream, each labelled "Flavor of the day!" and then a date. The devil found the correct one for the day and took a scoop out of it. He placed the scoop on a cone and gave it to the customer
"Thanks," the customer said. They gave the devil $1 and walked off.
"Hmmm," the devil said as he inspected the money, "this is my kind of job."
There is then a quick montage of the devil selling ice cream, getting paid, fingering through money and selling more ice cream.
***
"Oh, boy!" Chalice yelled," That movie was a real thriller!
Cuphead and Chalice were walking out of a cinema after watching the new movie "Cup-Rogers Vs The Goo Aliens"
"I'm glad they made a movie of it," Cuphead replied, "really captures the aesthetic ya know."
Then the two cups caught sight of the ice cream van.
"Oh! We should get some ice cream," Cuphead suggested, " I think I got enough chore nickels left."
Cuphead and Chalice walked up to the ice cream van and knocked on the counter.
"Hello there," the devil said, rising up from below the counter, "would you like to hear about the flavour of the day!"
The two cups stared at him for a few seconds before bursting into hysterical laughter.
"Hahahahahahafsdfhaahhfash- the dev-hahahahfyahah- ice cr-ahahahfhahfhah-flavour of th-hahahh," they both laughed, barely able to stand up.
The devil growled and reached for his spoon but then he remembered the words of the ice cream man: "Just don't kill or scam anyone or you're fired!".
"Yes yes, very funny," the devil scowled," As if you two have ever worked a day in your lives."
The two cups just kept laughing
"Anyway, where is that brat brother of your's?"
"Hahaha, oh," Cuphead said, finally getting a hold of himself," Mugman's taking a baking class, apparently he's into that now."
"Why are ya working for the icecream-man anyway?" Chalice asked, "and why were you chasing us with that spoon last week?"
"Well, Henchman said I should try killing you using regular weapons as that might not be blocked by that dumb sweater. Then after you flour bombed me in that mill, someone had locked me out of hell."
Cuphead and Chalice laughed again
"Could we have two flavours of the day," Cuphead asked.
The devil begrudgingly gave them their ice cream and sent them on their way
"Oh, brother," Chalice said, "the stuff Mugman misses."
***
Business was steady for the rest of the day. The flavour of the day seemed to be a mix of mango sorbet and a violently red, cherry flavoured ice cream. The devil kept a watchful eye for customers but began to notice something strange. He noticed that a lot of the population had had their souls taken. Normally this would have made him happy but he knew that soul collection programmes had been slacking recently because of that stupid cup.
The devil surveyed the area and noticed another weird thing: there were lots of new shops. All called "The Devil's ______". There was The Devil's Corner shop, The Devil's nail salon, The Devil's arcade and The Devil's restaurant all in this one street.
The devil climbed out of the ice cream van and walked over to The Devil's corner shop. He looked inside to see a telephone person about to buy a loaf of bread.
"Please may i have this loaf of bread," the telephone said
The cashier who was a really janky looking robot opened its mouth to reveal a glass tube. The tube then began ot suck in air.
The telephone man let out a feeble scream as his soul was sucked out of his body and down the tube. The devil walked over and picked up the loaf of bread that the telephone was about to buy and inspected it. Sure enough, on the bread package, in the finest print possible, was the sentence 'the attempted purchase of this bread may lead to your soul being harvested."
"I didn't authorise these new soul collecting ventures," the devil said, "someone must have taken over my job!"
The devil then pried open the mouth of the robot, turned himself into his serpentine form and slithered down the tube.
***
Hell was never as far down as people expected it to be. The journey for the devil only took a few minutes. Once the devil was in hell he transformed out of his serpent form and into a smaller version of himself. He immediately noticed a monumental increase in the amount of soul tubes. The devil was about to break himself out of the tube when he saw a group of demons walking past each holding a hoj-poj of WW1 weaponry.
"I wonder why the boss has heightened security so much?" one demon asked.
"What?" the devil said indignantly, "i never said to heighten security! Someone's taken my job!"
"Shhhhh," another demon said to the first demon," the boss is coming."
The devil was intrigued who this new boss was and so waited in the tube to see who it was. Right on cue, a group of about four demons walked into the area, all holding the devil's throne above their heads. In the devil's throne, holding the devil's pitchfork, was Stickler.
"WHAT!?" the devil cried, "STICKLER!"
Stickler started to order the demons around and organise things as the devil sat and pondered his predicament
"That fool has my pitch fork and my army of demons so I'm going to need help if I want to reclaim hell," the devil reasoned, "who do i know that is able to infiltrate hell, best my strongest champions and i know where to find?"
The screen then does an iris out focusing in on the devil's face as he ponders the thought and after thee screen is completely black, you hear the devil saying:
"OH, FOR GOODNESS SAKE!"
(hello. This is a quick question for those who have played the cuphead game: How many times did you die on your first playthrough? I hear on youtube that people are like "oh i died 100 times," and then someone else says "oh, i'm really bad. I died 200 times."
I died 1200 times. Tell me how much you beat me by in the comments. bye!)