Then
The moment I walk into the restaurant I know, I'm the last to arrive and my heart stops in my chest. She made it. She's my new co-star. I didn't realise how on edge I was at the not knowing, but seriously - I can breathe a little lighter now.
I forget to even check who the others are as I try and make my way casually over to the table, until I realise it's the guy I really liked Jacob. The girl, being completely honest I cant even remember doing a screen read with - sitting next to Z is not fair on any woman. Amy stands up as she sees me round the corner and everyone looks around - my heart rate is abnormally fast. I need to get a grip.
"Your driver was late, I'm so sorry" Amy says as she hugs me, turning to re-introduce me to the others, "Tom, meet your official co-stars for the next few years - Jacob, Rosie and Zendaya. I'm so looking forward to working with you all!"
I congratulate them all before sitting down next to Amy and opposite Zendaya, whose eyes I have only met once since arriving on count of me not wanting to make my recent obsession and intense attraction evident. She looks so different to how she was at the screen test, more like the woman on the red carpet that I'd seen pictures of - all slick perfect hair, a glowing face and a formfitting dress that honestly looks like it was created just for her.
Shit, I'm looking too much, I pick up the menu instead, using the chance to try and decipher what the fancy descriptions actually mean to calm my breathing down and focus.
It doesn't work, I mean it does, I'm getting through the dinner okay - we're all getting on well and managing to get to know one another and hearing fascinating stories from Amy about her experience behind the scenes over the years working for Marvel. But almost every time Zendaya speaks I am drawn back in, she speaks with an almost melodic cadence, as if she's twenty years older than she really is. And god, when she meets my eyes - I'm half convinced that she feels it too. How the whole world isn't already obsessed with her I don't know - she is the most beautiful woman I have ever met.
No, scratch that - I think she is the most beautiful woman. Of all the beautiful movie stars that I've seen on the screen and in pictures - she still wins. I'm starting to think that feeling this probably isn't normal (duh) and also whether it will effect my ability to pretend to be falling for Rosie instead. I'll be honest I don't even remember anything that Rosie has told us about herself so far. I need to try and change that a bit, I do have to try a bit.
But that's in a month, when we start filming. I'll be okay then - I'lll figure out a way to get to grips with this intense need I feel to get to know this insanely beautiful woman sitting opposite me. I'll find a way to remove myself from this obsession before it makes us all working together for the next few years awkward.
But what if it didnt't? God a man can only dream.
Now
It's an intense few days of press before Z and I get more than an hour alone at a time, especially once we'd moved to the second hotel where they'd forbid us from even visiting each others rooms due to security issues. Jacob and I managed a few good hours at a bar the night before - but Z was busy.
I can tell we're getting there though, she's starting touching my arms again in interviews - and laughing loudly at my jokes which was always a tell tale sign that she cared before, because I'm certainly not that funny. All I want to do is skip right to the end of the tour, I'm going to grow some balls and ask her whether I can come and spend a few weeks with her before I fly back to London. It's something I've been dreaming of over the last few days to be quite honest but I haven't quite figured out whether we're there yet.
Her hand squeezes my thigh in the car to the airport - "Earth to Tom, we're you listening?". She's got me, I was daydreaming about her whilst sitting next to her. I apologise, asking her to repeat herself.
"We've only got two more stops to make - what's your plan after LA?" she's asking casually, but my heart rate just sped up. It's just us in this taxi for some reason, Jacob had already left - no doubt for some reason that I'm not yet aware of from the powers be. It would be a dream come true if the same was to be said for the private jet.
"I was going to ask you actually, I haven't booked my flight to London yet and it would be great to have some time, I mean if you want - I was thinking of staying in California for a week or two if you'll have me?" I smile at her, she smiles back. "I'd really like that, my Mom actually offered me the cabin in Mammoth for a week - could be good to get off the grid straight away?"
Now my heart is really going crazy, we've almost never been alone together for that length of time. My mind is going straight to the physical and I need to somehow thank her mother for this gift of time together. I place my hand on her leg, "That would be absolutely perfect, let's do it. How do you get there from LA?"
"I'll get Tod to drive my car to LA with some extra supplies then we can drive there? Most people tend to drive there from LA - it's a beautiful route if you've never been". "I'll be honest Z I've never even heard of Mammoth before, outside of the animal of course" I joke, "and no one knows your mum has a place there?'
She shakes her head, "Nop - I don't think we've gone as a family for at least ten years. We'll get all the food delivered directly, and theres literally nothing in walking distance either way - so if you want to get away from the world - this is the place" she speaks softly. It's as if she realises that's all I want, to get away from the madness that is intensified from the craziness of a press tour. She is subject to the same intensity and yet she has this insane way of dealing with it - she does have fifteen years of fame on me, I do forget that quite a lot.
"There is nothing that sounds better than being off the grid" I reply, and then add, "well actually, being off the grid with you actually is at the top of that". Her response is exactly what I'm looking for, she looks almost shy for a moment.
When we find out that we're the only ones on the jet, I'm starting to think that someone has clocked on to the fact that Z and I are moving back into the territory we were in before. They were excited about it at, or at least they seemed to be - back in the day, until those stupid fucking photos came out. This is my second chance, probably my last chance let's be honest - and someone in Marvel is helping me out - I'll have to shoot them a wink when I figure out who it is.
"This is so calm" she says as we board with no entourage at all. Usually there are a handful of people with us when we travel by jet, from Dayas team to mine. "I agree, I don't think I've ever been given such a VIP treatment" I joke, taking the seat opposite her despite the fact we have literally a whole jet full of places to sit. I don't know whether she can feel it, but I'm practically buzzing at the electricity growing between us as a result of this unexpected alone time.
I text Jacob, hoping that I'll at least being able to figure out why we're in a completely different plane. His response is quick, he's an hour ahead of us and his jet was full. No one explained it to them either. I tell Daya and she raises her eyebrows, even her PA and stylist were on that one.
"I'm not complaining" I say, to make it clear that this is in all worlds my preferred outcome. "in fact I wish I could say that this was a result of my own doing. - that I was able to finally get us some alone time that wasn't rushed." Suddenly, I see her face and for a moment I recognise a cheeky look upon it. In none of my musings of how this had happened had I contemplated that she'd be involved. "Daya - is this you?" I ask, shocked.
She nods, "Well Law helped me out - he's seen how little time we've been able to spend together and had a quiet word with the logistics people". If I wasn't already in the depth of feelings for this woman, this simple act of affection would have plunged me deeper. "Well then, as soon as we're allowed to take these seatbelts off I'm going to come and say thank you - maybe suggest we move to the more comfortable lounge area to watch a shit movie with all the blinds down?"
We've literally not kissed once since I apologised and she gave me hope that we could be something again. We've been taking it slow, or she has - letting me back in hasn't been easy for her, that I know. But I'm in it for the long game, and even if it means I'm constantly on edge around her I'll take it, rather than not being around her at all. But I think a kiss would be okay now.
I watch her bite her lip in response and wonder whether she's just as on edge as I am, we've spent so much time around each other over the years and had, in comparison, very limited physical touch. That's why it still feels like I'm on fire whenever I'm around her - because my body is craving the chance to release some of it's yearning. Soon, I hope.
After the steward serves us drinks and lets us order lunch for a few hours time, he leaves us alone and the moment he closes the door I'm up and holding my hand out to her. "Miss Coleman will you join me on the sofas?" I said in my poshest English accent. She takes my hand and the physical touch alone has fireworks setting off within me. As she stands up infront of me, I decide it's time, and use our interconnected hands to pull her close to me, wrapping my other arm around her waist.
"Thank you" I whisper, leaning in and making my intent clear. "You're welcome" she replies softly, mirroring my head and leaning closer into me so that when my lips touch hers we're as close as we could be. It's better than I remembered, kissing her - my whole body is now lit up and I could honestly spend the whole day like this. My hand moves down a little and her hand pulls softly at my hair. It's turning quickly needy and I pull back before my body betrays me, breathing heavy.
"I have wanted to do that for weeks" I say, my eyes connected to hers, "you are so beautiful". She smiles back, "Same".
Suddenly, the world feels conquerable again.