It was his idol's shadow that he wasn't willing to be dwarfed by any longer. He continually sat in silence, as victory was to be Messi's, and not his. Although he'd be the one feeding Barcelona with goals during the rear end of the season of 2016, credits would be handed over to the Argentine- his name on everyone's lips being cheered loud and clear, the cheers breaking through the stadium doors and walls.
Messi could no longer see the glint of adoration and pride in Neymar's eyes. It was all to be blanketed by a pile of sickening emotion that Messi wasn't familiar in seeing Neymar experience. He was blinded by the awfully irresistible, growing feeling of pride in him that now made the best of him, on and off pitch.
Fans only fed the fire instead of blowing it out. Messi's name was all over front covers of magazines- his existence to be praised by fans all over the world. But the the actual magician behind the glorified title that Barcelona possessed now, would be none other than- Neymar.
His beautiful hazel eyes slowly sagged to an ocean of deep and dark waters that held no emotions anyhow, failing to resemble his youth. The eyes that Messi would always turn to see filled with confidence and youth,- couldn't be promised to remain the same.
Although everyone applauded the actor on stage, the perfectionist behind the curtains would sit in the defeaning silence, with no one to applaud him, or to give him a re-assuring pat in the back for his swift and perfect footwork and patience with the ball.
Neymar gave in, soon seeing himself play for his last game with Barcelona. He had no regrets. Not a single tear threatened to leave his eyes. He convinced himself enough to score one last goal, doesn't matter credit goes to who. It would be his last match with Barca- a club he mistakened for home.
Messi's eyes stay glued to Neymar's figure, preventinh his eyes from shedding the tears he was having a hard time holding back. Bidding his best friend- from who he'd now grown apart from, or that his fans were the reason- with a lifeless hug and a pat in the back did nothing to stop the pain from etching a scar in his heart.
With so many games ahead and fans to satisfy with, Messi let the feather slip from his grasp- the feather he'd held tight between his fingers for so long- was now flowing in the swift wind, fading into an abyss that Messi could define anything but something that would be great for Neymar to go in.
Only if Messi knew what was really going on behind the curtains.
---
I had left Barcelona,- my home, exactly a year back now. I could remember all the celebrations I did, specially the most ridiculous ones in which I danced- I really had to pick to dance, to keep my Brazillian heritage.
Although it wasn't how ridiculous I had been in my youth back in Barcelona that bugs me to this day. It's the memories. It will be an understatement to say that the memories I created while I was there was sensational. It was something more special than that, and there was a certain someone that made it so special and make me feel like at home.
I could never imagine playing alongside a world class football player. I, just a poor and scrawny Brazillian boy back then, wouldn't even come to compare with Messi, who on the other hand- was and still is a complete magician and wonder.
He's something the world loves- everyone loves. Whether it's him doing an Adidas commercial, or if it's him building play for the team, he's an eye candy. There weren't any fans ever to have disrespected or trashed him, or maybe I don't have an idea of it.
But either way- he's praised. He's been the wonder kid who's flourished into a completely matured man who's a goal-scoring machine. I'd never forget when we first met when they played against FC Santos.
Other than him being a world-class player, he's a friend in my eyes. We shared an inseperable bond- and I was a fool to believe that maybe, just maybe I would be able to end my career by his side. Perhaps God didn't have that planned for me. Maybe it was just..my luck.
A relation I thought no one could break, fell apart. And I have no regrets. Not that I don't miss him- I always feel a sick urge to just see his smile and hug him and inhale his intoxicating scent with my nose burried on his neck.
I tried to keep myself away from the negativity that started to seep through my head from going un-noticed match after match. But I dropped all sorts of shit when they started to credit Messi.
Just because I endured that doesn't mean I'll endure this. I'm not one stupid fellow to endure bullshit that I'm not fond of. Ofcourse I left for..PSG. Not a great pic, but the deal was enough to get me through a lifetime. Honestly, more than that.
It had been nearly a year living under his shadow. I was starting to really feel downcast amongst everyone and like I never gifted Barcelona with the goals they didn't deserve for discrediting me like I was just a mere acquaintance to them. I lost my shit. So I packed my bags and left my home for a club that had zero title to their name and most importantly- it didn't, at all, feel like home.
There was no Suarez, no Dani- and no Leo. I miss hugging him and having hik tackle me to the ground whenever I'd score at the last minute. I miss how he used to plant a soft, and not so friendly kiss on my neck that I soon realized I'd crave for, with the start of every match.
He is my energy source. I began to veiw myself in a better perspectives because of him. I followed his motive and scored the goals I probably wouldn't have if I never met him.
He built me into the 'wonder-kid' that I was and have grown to a man, today. Although I had to endure being dwarfed by him for a while, it wasn't his fault either. There are toxic fans, and Barcelona wasn't quick enough to notice the negativity and how biased fans began to get, and that'd only end after I announced my departure from Barca.
My heart wrenched when I played my last match with Barca- my teammates, my home. I was leaving it. And it hurt more to see Leo staring at me from the other end of the field wide eye-d, clearly trying not to cry. I wanted to hug him tightly then and there but I had to feeds fans with a fake smile and a farewell speech.
He hugged me,- the hug had barely any emotion to it- same as eating a stale and cold sandwich. A pat in the back and that was probably the last time I'd ever meet him.
I tried not to cry throughout my flight to Paris. Man, I felt like a child as I sniffled looking at Camp Nou from the skies. All my memories with him began to flow back.
As much as I wish I'd never leave, I couldn't endure the bullshit any longer. I hate to have to deal with something I'd prefer not to come across. So I left.
And here I am, today, in Paris, a gloomy day ahead, just like my mood.
If fans couldn't get crazier, they started to bombard the internet with pictures of me and Kylian and writing romantic ass quotes as a caption.
He's a good friend of mine- well, he's the only French I've seen that's actually friendly. Kylian has been a great friend, since I've told him much of my story and he's never uttered a single word about it- until or unless I start to talk about it.
Everyone is making it seem like I've replaced him with Leo. But in reality, Leo will always have a special place in my heart. Even Kylian can't get that, no matter how hard he tries.
It's not because Kylian is young- or because he's of a different ethnicity.
It's because Leo is Leo, and he'll always be special in my eyes. Not sure if I was special to him, but the side he'd only show to me and not to the world- just made him extra special.
Leo is simply exceptional.
---
Neymar waited for the day to meet Messi again- there has to be a day for them to meet. Neymar hated to believe that it would be their last meet.
He consistently waited. It could be anyday, but there still had to be day. He wouldn't believe that Leo and him would ever meet again.
And maybe believing on his own words efficiently would raise his hopes, and just maybe- maybe, Messi would appear infront of his eyes?
- "What are you laughing at?" Neymar ponderer, noticing how frequently Kylian had been giggling throughout the training and now, while resting in the locker room.
- "Something."
- "Something?"
Kylian responded with a hum and soon left.
- "Odd enough." Neymar sighed and shrugged, not familiar with Kylian's such plain character. Maybe he's just not in the mood, thought Neymar, leaving for his apartment.
It didn't take much time for him to reach, singe there was barely any traffic. He hated to return to the cold and empty apartment with no possible signs of human life. Although the color of the decor was of warm colors, it didn't help to bring any change to the cold environment the apartment had.
Neymar would always return to this very apartment, and not to mention, he'd rather live in the streets than to live here. For the least, streets had people passing by. There was human existence. But not here. It felt like Area 51 in a way.
Neymar sighed and dropped his duffel bag. He was already beginning to grow tired of PSG, when it wouldn't be a year of him signing for the Parisian club.
Regret filled him in the inside. Yeah, as much as he needed a break from Barcelona- PSG isn't at all, worth his while. It's only bringing him a step closer to loose his sanity and last few working brain cells to shut down.
The silence almost felt eerie during the night, and Neymar wished for a warm body to be there for him to at least remind him that humans existed, and he is a part of it.
Messi would be the best but ofcourse Messi couldn't get the job done, it's practically impossible, or so Neymar thought.
It would be hard for Neymar to get time passed on, but he felt relatively tired today, and fell asleep earlier than usual, not interested in spending the night playing games or reasonlessly scrolling through tiktok.
He began to make movement on his bed, growing slightly awake from the heat of the duvet, which he slowly began to kick off. He could've sworn he felt something brush against his leg but he didn't have the strength to bother. He'd rather die than waking up from a good night's sleep.
Neymar didn't grow fully conscious until he felt something like fingere crawl at his hips then wrap tightly around his waist, the other's hips pressing down onto his, the other's breathe hitting the backside of Neymar's neck.
Neymar awakened with a small howl as a 'shh' followed. And, he too, surprisingly, abrupty stopped. I think I'll die today..thought Neymar, believing that this is maybe a robber. But again, what robber hugs you so intimately in your sleep from thr back?
- "Ney.." The nickname, and the voice that said it was all too familiar to his ears. This was a dream Neymar wished to never wake up from, only if he's really dreaming.
- "Fuck, I'm in one of those dreams again?" Neymar mumbled upset, still in disbelief. He turned to face the familiar man and lo and behold, Messi lay there hugging him in the waist, with a small smile on his cheeks, and a sparkle of glee in his brown eyes that Neymar wished to stare forever into. He's head over heels for the Argentine, but he'd never admit to have admired Messi to this extent.
- "You're not Ney, it's really me, here in Paris.."
- "Oh fuck no, I'm not falling for this bullshit. Please let this dream last God please-"
- "You're not dreaming, stop acting ridiculous." Although it was much of a warning, it came out like a request from Messi's lips. Neymar began to tear up without being aware of it. He began to sniffle at the sudden wave of emotions.
He didn't wanna bother knowing how Messi had gotten in in the first place. All Neymar could do now is let the tears slip. He felt vulnerable, and needed someone to hug him tight. Well not anyone- he has a certain someone that would do it the best.
And that's what's making this even more special. Neymar still can't believe that he's here, in such a calm state. Neymar himself is surprised to see himself not going insane and silently crying in happiness and joy from Messi's presence.
- "Mierda, I'm crying amn't I?" Neymar whispered quietly, sinking into Messi's warm embrace.
- "Won't you ask how I got here?" Messi hugged him tighter, bringing his face to his chest.
- "Nao, I'm already overwhelmed to have you here Leo.." His voice slightly muffled by Messi's chest.
Messi could only smile. He knew Neymar wouldn't dare to forget him. After all, he'd stolen the Brazillian's heart so bad.
- "I missed you.."
- "I missed you too Ney, I really don't wanna leave you here."
- "Please don't.."
- "Then you have to do as I say," Messi said, pulling back just enough to lock eyes.
- "You already know, Leo, I'd do anything for you-"
- "Be my boyfriend."
Neymar's heart skipped a beat, a blush creeping on his cheeks. What did he just say? No way in this lifetime did just Messi ask him that.
- "D-Did you- um-"
- "Yeah, just say that you're obsessed with me, I know." Messi sniggered. Neymar's eyes went wide as he blushed furiously.
- "What the h-hell? N-no.."
- "Don't shy away Ney, we're on the same page, just so you know." Messi brushed his thumb finger against his cheeks. Neymar's confident and extroverted character was no where to be seen.
- "I-I.."
- "Fine..fuck it. If this is really not a dream, why miss such a golden chance?"
- "You've got my point." Messi smiled and placed a soft peck on his lips.
Neymar stared, wide eye-d, as Messi stared back confusedly. His brows slightly furrowed once he got the hint.
- "Ney..this is not a dream okay?"
- "Leo.."
- "Yeah?"
- "Don't leave me.."
- "I never did, it's you who did it, estupido."
- "Sorry..I just, hated to..you know.."
- "Don't worry, I understand. You're a wonder-kid yourself, and you deserve to have some of your own share of recognition for your talent Ney. But it really hurt me when you left.. don't do it again." Messi's eyes had a slight tint of pain to it, which Neymar was quick to notice.
- "I promise you Leo, I promise."
He nodded and slowly leaned to welcome Neymar's plump lips into a tender kiss that would be enough for the night, and for Neymar to believe thay no matter which point of the earth he'd be in, Messi would always be by his side.
It's just duo things, that only they'd understand.
______________
Yeah this was probably the most boring Neymessi I've ever written, and I'm not proud of it at all. I'm very disappointed in most of my work- because I know I can do much better than this. I think I might as well take a break and let myself study a bit more because I haven't been able to study lately due to my chronic fever and cold.
I really want to see myself studying hard and seriously. So if I don't update for a few days, please take it for granted. You can always chat with me in the dm's though. And sorry once more for ruining this beautiful ship.