'Tell me, doc, is it safe to transport Sash to Alexandria in this coffin?'
I look first at the coffin, and then at Negan, in total disbelief. They've come up with a plan to intimidate Rick into staying in line.
Everyone's gathered around the thing. Sasha has her arms crossed and stares at the ground. Apparently, it was her idea to stay in the coffin the whole time. Negan only wanted to put her in there once they'd be close. Eugene's here too. He seems a little nervous, fidgeting with his fingers. I suppose that's because he's going to have to tell Rick and everyone else that he's joined Negan and the Saviours.
At least I'll be spared that. Though it would have made an impact to show Rick that the three of us have joined Negan, even though of course it's not true in my case and I'm not sure that it is in the cases of the others either, he doesn't want to risk losing his doctor again. So I'm staying behind.
'I would not recommend any living person to spend a lot of time inside a coffin.'
'Well, it would be a very weird fucking recommendation', Negan says, sounding a little impatient. 'But is it safe? Or is she gonna run out of oxygen or something?'
'I don't think so', I say, looking doubtfully over at Sasha, who won't meet my eye. 'You should be able to last on the air inside the coffin for a few hours. But why risk it? I'd just get in later, to be sure.'
'I want to rest', Sasha says, still staring into nothing. 'Just give me a bottle of water, I'll be fine.'
I glance over at Negan, thinking I might be able to convince him to forbid it, but he's looking at Sasha with a sort of admiration in his eyes.
'You are badass, Sasha', he says appreciatively. Then he turns to one of his many inferiors. 'Get the woman some fucking water.'
I don't understand why she'd choose to be in a coffin for hours. The only reason I can think of is that she just doesn't want to be in Negan's presence. Or maybe she's doing this to punish herself for what she's about to do or something. I'm sure she can't feel comfortable about playing a role in this thing that Negan is setting up to get Rick in line. But at least if everything goes well, nobody will have to die.
'Well, if you're sure...' I say doubtfully. 'Good luck, I guess.'
She finally lifts her eyes and looks at me. The look in them scares me. Fierce, but somehow also empty.
'Good luck to you, too', she says.
I shift a little uncomfortably on my feet. What does that mean? Good luck with what? I'll be staying here, far away from any danger.
Negan claps hus hands, startling me a little. I can tell he's excited about this trip to Alexandria. I'm sure he can't wait to show Rick who's boss again.
'Then we're all good to go', he says cheerfully. 'Thanks doc, can't wait to see you once we get back.'
He winks at me for a second, so I quickly turn away to hide the color in my face. After I left Negan yesterday to go to my room, I fell fast asleep and after getting some rest and being able to think a little more clearly, everything that happened with Negan didn't seem like the smartest thing to do anymore. But of course, I did promise him we might have some fun if he pulls through and really doesn't kill anybody. I'm sure he won't forget about that. And I guess a part of me doesn't want him to.
I take a last look at Sasha before I head inside with a bit of a knot in my stomach. I don't feel good about any of this. Who knows if Negan will keep his promise. But I did what I could by talking to him and there's nothing else I can do right now.
---
The day seems to drag on. I'm eager to hear about how everything goes at Alexandria, but of course it takes a couple of hours to get there and a couple more to get back. They've been gone for a while now though, so hopefully we'll hear something soon.
'So how are things going with B?' I ask Cal when no patients are in need of our help at the moment. I ask it both to distract myself and because I'm genuinely interested. Though he tries to play it cool, he's definitely been more cheerful since they went on that first date.
'Things are good', he says shortly, though with a definite smile on his face. I wait for him to say more, but nothing comes.
'Well?' I ask, trying to catch his eye. 'Is that all you're giving me? Come on, man, I practically made this happen for you, you owe me some details.'
'Tell me how you made this happen?' he asks skeptically, raising his eyebrow to show his disagreement.
'Didn't I tell you that she was probably into you?' I say excitedly, laying my hand dramatically on my own chest. 'I gave you that little push that you needed, didn't I?'
'Sure, doc, it was all your-'
But before he can finish his sentence, the radio cuts him off.
'Cal, you copy?' a stressed-out voice calls out. It doesn't wait for a reply. 'We need you and the doctor to stand by, prep the room on ground level again. We've got multiple serious injuries. We're gonna be there in half an hour.'
My heart drops. Multiple injuries? That means the meeting at Alexandria couldn't have gone well. Fuck. I can only hope nobody got killed in the action.
'You ready?' Cal asks, looking at me over the radio.
I swallow and give myself a little shake. I can't worry about what happened exactly right now. I have a job to do.
'Yes', I say fiercely. 'Go get Myeong.'
---
I'd only just recovered from last night, but once again I'm covered in sweat and blood. The injuries were even more serious this time. Not everybody made it.
I think I've pretty much heard what happened through glimpses here and there. Sasha's dead. She was dead when Negan opened the coffin and she nearly killed him too. I don't understand how that happened. She should have had enough air. The only thing I can think of is that she might have had a panic attack or something, causing her to use up the air faster. But it seems unlikely.
After that, everything went berserk from what I've heard. Alexandria opened fire and Negan fired back. He nearly got the upper hand but then Maggie showed up with the full force of the Hilltop and the Kingdom did too. Since a lot of people got injured, I haven't really had the time to contemplate everything yet, but I'm worried that all of this can only mean one thing. War.
'Doc, can you come with me one sec?'
I look up annoyed when Cal pulls me out of my attention while I'm sewing up a serious cut on an injured Saviour. He must see the look on my face, because he instantly backs up a little.
'It's important', he says, holding up his hands. 'Trust me.'
'I can take over here', Jake says. Once again, he volunteered to help out, just like Myeong, and once again I'm incredibly thankful.
'Great. Thanks, Jake', I say as he takes over my work.
'What's so important?' I ask Cal frustratedly when we've stepped away a little. 'I'm kinda busy, you know.'
'Look', he says, looking rather uncomfortable. 'Please, just tell me the truth. Did you lie to Negan?'
'Lie to Negan?' I repeat with a sinking feeling. Does he mean when I told him that I dedicate myself to him? Honestly, I'm still not entirely sure whether that was a lie or not.
'No. About what?' I ask uneasily. 'What are you talking about?'
'He thinks you tried to screw him over', he says, lowering his voice somewhat. 'He thinks you must have known that Sasha wouldn't last in that coffin. That you thought she could take him out once she'd turned, because she almost did.'
'What?' I ask affronted, the look of astonishment on my face entirely real. 'That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I wouldn't sacrifice Sasha's life in the small hope she'd eat his stupid face. Besides, I told him it was a dumb idea!'
'Calm down', Cal says, holding up his hands. 'I'm not supposed to be telling you any of this, so don't yell about it. I didn't think you had anything to do with it. But then how did she die? You were sure she'd make it, weren't you?'
'You tell me', I hiss at him. 'I don't fucking know. A panic attack, maybe? That's all I could think of. But like I already told Negan, you're not supposed to put living people in a damn coffin.'
'Well, he's fucking pissed and looking for people to blame', Cal says, making the anxiety in my body run even higher. 'I believe you, but you'd better find a way to convince him and I sure as hell wouldn't go wise guy on him.'
'Does he want to like talk to me now?' I ask nervously.
'Yes, he told me to take you to him soon as you're done with the critical patients. He's also pissed because he thinks you must have known that the Widows was still alive.'
'The Widow?' I ask confused.
'Yeah, you know, the one whose husband's brains he beat to shit. She seems to have taken over the Hilltop or something.'
'Oh, you mean Maggie?' I ask. He wants to blame me for how she attacked him too? I'd say he brought that on himself...
'I mean, I knew she was alive', I admit. 'But she was like half-dead when I last saw her, didn't think she was any kind of threat.'
Not that I would have told him if I did.
'Okay, well, I'm sure he'll forgive you for that. Maybe don't mention it if it doesn't come up.'
Cal looks worried. In any other situation, I might be touched that the grumpy bear of a man actually seems to have started to care about me, but right now it just makes me scared. So when he starts to gently shove me in the direction of Negan's office, I tread along with heavy feet.
'What's he going to do if he doesn't believe me?' I ask him nervously.
'I'm sure he'll believe you', he responds unconvincingly.
'That's not what I asked.'
'I don't know, doc', he sighs. 'I'm sure he'll keep you alive, he needs you, doesn't he?'
'Didn't stop him from killing his last doctor.'
'He's not gonna toss you into a fire', Cal says, trying to reassure me. But my anxiety level is already through the roof.
'No, he promised me he'd just shoot me and be done with it', I say, my voice coming out a little shrill. Cal turns to look at me with a pitiful expression on his face. Then he does something he's never done before. He reaches out to me and lays a reassuring hand on my shoulder.
'You need to calm down. You didn't do anything wrong, he just needs to hear that, and you'll be fine.'
I nod and inhale deeply before. Then I try to ease my mind a little as I slowly blow out the air. Cal's right, I didn't do anything wrong so he has no reason to punish me. I just need to make him believe it. How do I make him believe it?
We're almost there. Just up the stairs and through the hallway. My mind's racing. I really thought he was finally starting to trust me, but I guess I was wrong. I'm a little pissed to be honest. I've done so much to prove that he can trust me and it still isn't enough. Now he wants to blame me for this, even though I advised him against it?
But anger won't get me anywhere now. I need him to believe that it's not my fault that things went wrong. I need him to believe that I would never betray him. I need him to believe that I'm on his side.
I need to surprise him.