a moment of sudden revelation
I found myself back at the chasm in the middle of the night, after another failed attempt at sleeping. I wish these nightmares could just go away, not only are they waking me up all the time but it's almost like I'm scared of even going to sleep. I know that as soon as I close my eyes, I'll see his face again. I talked to Tobias about it, he said they go away after a while, his got worse during the second stage of initiation too. I'd already figured he had the same fear as me. I just wish there was a way to make it all disappear, of course coming to the chasm helped a little, something about the sound of water was comforting to me.
"Thought I'd find you out here." Peter came over and sat down next to me, his voice was raspy and he sounded weak. I looked over at him and my heart dropped when I saw the state of his face - his lip was busted, split open; there was a huge purple bruise across his cheekbone, stretching down to his jaw, making half his face swollen and red. He'd also managed to cut his eyebrow, slitting it at one side.
Without thinking, my hand rushed up to his cheek to check the injuries, "What the fuck happened to you?" he winced slightly as my hand came into contact with his face,
"Nothing," he smiled weakly, "Don't worry about it." he pulled my hand away from his face and held it in his lap. His eyes finally met mine and I tried to read him, he looked almost guilty? "When are you gonna tell me what all these nightmares are about?" he changed the subject,
That's crazy. I can't tell him. It's like the hero telling the villain how to defeat them. "When I can trust you." I looked away and pulled my hand away from his,
"I'm going to change, I promised you that, didn't I?" he tried to look me in the eyes again but I dodged his gaze, "You'll never be able to trust me if you never give me a chance."
He wasn't wrong. And I'm a big believer in second chances, "They're about my father." I sighed, looking down at the water below,
"Your father?" he frowned,
"You know I told you I ran into some trouble in Abnegation and that's why I left?" he nodded, "My father was the trouble, he abused me and my brother, and it only got worse after my brother's choosing ceremony. He used to protect me, but when he was gone, I couldn't escape, so I ran away." my eyes begun to sting a little as I tried to hold back the tears, "That's what's in my nightmares, and my fear landscape. It just feels like no matter where I go, I can't escape him."
Peter didn't say anything. He pulled me into his arms, one of his hands slipping into my hair as he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. I'd given up all hope of trying to keep myself together and melted into his arms, pulling him into an even tighter hug, "He can't get to you now, and if he does, I've got you." he pulled away and held out his pinky finger.
This boy will never fail to confuse me, i frowned but smiled lightly as I locked my pinky with his.
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"Do you guys know where Tris went last night? She never came back into the dorm." Chris asked, we'd just sat down for breakfast in the cafeteria and Chris was poking at the eggs on her plate,
"I haven't seen her," I shrugged, "Actually I haven't seen Al either."
"Last I saw him was last night, he was pretty on-edge." Will chimed in. Al's been acting weird for a little while now so it wouldn't be out of the ordinary, but something weird was going on.
"Oh shit there she is!" Chris pointed to the doorway. Tris walked in, her hair was all in a mess and she looked pretty rough, she spotted us and shakily sat down at the table, "Is that your sweater?" Tris was wearing a guy's sweater, you could tell since it swamped her figure,
"No," Tris awkwardly laughed it off
"So what happened to you last -" Chris was cut off by Al coming up behind Tris, she jumped up at his touch and I'd never seen her so scared but angry at the same time,
"Tris, can I talk to you for a second?" his face was all bruised and cut-up, "Listen, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me." his lip was trembling, making his voice shake, "Please, can you ever forgive me?"
"If you ever come close to me again, I will kill you." her voice shook a little as she tried to speak, her hands were shaking at her sides as she clenched her fists - but I couldn't tell if that was her fear, or rage.
"Tris..."
"You need to stay away from me!" she yelled, cutting him off, "You are a coward." tears started to stream down her face. Al backed away slowly before turning back and leaving the room. Tris slumped back down in her chair,
"What the fuck happened? I swear I'll kill him." I threatened,
Tris tried to calm her breathing and Chris held her hands to stop them from shaking as she explained what happened, "Yesterday, after I got back from visiting my brother in Erudite, I was just walking back to the quarters and three guys came up and attacked me - right next to the chasm. I got so close to the edge, I managed to grab one of the masks they were wearing and it was Al. He tried to kill me!" she cried, "I never saw the other two's faces but I heard Peter's voice, if Four hadn't shown up I'd probably be dead."
My heart dropped at the sound of Peter's name, I fucking knew it. Why did I think he would ever change?"
"That's horrible," Will placed a sympathetic hand over hers, "I just can't believe he would do that."
"It's not like him at all." Chris agreed, I was still lost for words. Why was I suprised though?
There was suddenly a huge commotion at the main door, people were rushing out into the pit, "What's that?" Will asked, the four of us jumped up from the table and ran out into the hall.
Three boys were tugging on some ropes that were tossed down into the chasm. Something was tied to the bottom of them. No - someone. "Oh my God." Tris mumbled as she took a step back. The body was lugged up onto a ledge and laid down, his head smacking against the concrete making a horrible noise that echoed around the room.
It was Al.
I was going to be sick. That sickness quickly turned into rage. I couldn't even blame Al anymore for what he did - I knew who the real villain was. I grabbed a knife from the training hall and went to go find him.
I felt the anger bubbling inside me as I stormed through the compound looking for Peter, the sweat of my palms causing the knife in my hand to slip so I gripped onto it tightly. I can't believe I ever felt anything towards him other than hatred, he's a monster, a villain, just a completely inhuman asshole. He was walking by himself across the bridge of the chasm when I found him, the oblivious prat was dancing and singing to himself as he hopped off the bridge. I jumped out of the corner and pushed him against the nearest wall, pressing my dagger against his neck, "What the fuck is wrong with you?! Going after Tris like that?"
"I-Um.." he stuttered, glancing down at the knife on his neck,
"You're a coward Peter." I spoke through gritted teeth, pressing the knife closer into his neck and a drop of blood drizzled down onto my hand, "Nothing more than a selfish coward."
That old, familiar hatred was present on his face, "Go on, do it." he dared, darting his eyes down at the knife, I loosened my grip slightly but hardened the glare I gave him, narrowing my eyes as I looked into his, "You can't, can you? Maybe you're the coward." He breathed out a laugh, "Or maybe it's because of your feelings for me."
I pushed myself away from him, leaving a red line on his neck where the knife had been, "Dream on." I turned and walked back towards the sleeping quarters, stopping when Peter grabbed my wrist. He pulled me back and shoved me against the wall, his knee holding back my arm with the knife in my hand and his hand on my neck, slightly squeezing on the sides and blocking the air from entering my lungs. I looked into his eyes and saw the pure rage burning up inside him,
"Just admit it, or are we going to keep doing this with each other? You want me, you need me, how much longer are you gonna go on for? Pretending that nothing ever happened between us." he said, his face close to mine, too close.
"It was a mistake, it meant nothing, Peter." I spat. With his anger disappearing, his hand trailed from my neck to the side of my face, cupping my cheek and his fingers going into my hair. His thumb brushed across my bottom lip as I looked into his eyes, which flicked down to my lips then back up again. I felt myself moving closer involuntarily, looking at his lips. Suddenly, something washed over me and I snapped out of my trance, pushing Peter away,
"Nothing yeah?" he teased and I walked away. "You can't ignore me forever, Baby!" I stopped in my tracks as he talked, not turning around, "You don't need to keep lying to yourself." the tone in his voice changed, losing all sense of cockiness, "I know how you really feel. And are you seriously that blind that you can't see how you make me feel?"
I can't believe I'm going to do this.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, I turn around and walk back to him. I grabbed the side of his face and pulled his lips onto mine, he froze in shock for a split second before coming onto me strongly, kissing back. Our lips moved in sync as he pushed me roughly towards the wall, with his hands on my waist he pulled my hips closer to his, and I moved my hands up into his hair.
The feeling of fireworks exploding in my stomach came as the kiss deepened, he slipped his tongue in my mouth and I pushed mine against his, fighting each other for control. His hands snaked around my waist, up the back of my shirt and I pulled on his hair as he bit my lip. His lips trailed down onto my neck, sucking on the sensitive part, making me moan quietly. I pulled him closer to me, I couldn't get close enough to him. I hate it when he's right, but i needed him. We broke apart and the air around us was filled with the sound of our heavy breathing as I leant my forehead against his, still keeping my eyes closed, "You see what you do to me Baby? You drive me crazy." he laughed,
"I really fucking hate you." I breathed out, trying to catch my breath, but pulling him closer again,
"I really fucking hate you too, Nose." he smiled as he kissed me again, but softer.
I think by this point we both knew we meant the complete opposite, after all, there is a fine line.
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A/N AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
sorry I just got so excited writing this chapter lol
also soz its so long :)