"Our characters should kiss."
I agreed with Astéria. A kiss was missing and without wasting a second I grabbed her collar and pulled her down towards me. I only wanted to pretend that we kissed and placed my head in front of the public so they wouldn't see anything but pulled Astéria too hard and our lips collided. I froze because of the surprise and felt my heart skip a beat. However I didn't have time to calm down because the next second Astéria placed her hand behind my head and pulled me even closer, kissing me for real. That was when my heart gave out.
It was my first kiss ever and I wasn't expecting it to be at that moment. I didn't really care who my first kiss was with anyway but it was weird having it in front of an audience. A kiss didn't mean anything and at least I could flex about the fact that my first kiss was with the female lead of this book during a play about her original life. Who wouldn't want that gorgeous murderer to kiss them? I felt happy and at the same time felt my heart ache for some reason. Was I disappointed? Why? I had been crushing on this girl for years. What was missing?
At first Astéria only pressed her lips against mine but soon she parted her lips and placed a hand behind my back pulling me against her chest. I was pressed against her and had no idea what to do with my hands because they were stuck between our bodies and I couldn't move them at all. Not that I wanted to push her away but I still felt overpowered. What was I expecting? This was exactly what I imagined kissing Astéria would be like: making me lose all my landmarks. Astéria's hands on the other hand couldn't stop pulling me closer and I couldn't move my head either because her hand was placed on my nape. Being completely at her mercy I thought I would panic but I didn't. I didn't like being powerless usually and I only felt at ease when Orange was touching me so how could I feel fine being kissed by Astéria? Even more than this, how could I feel good? It felt so good that it was terrifying.
Astéria was kissing me as if I was the person she cherished more on the entire earth. I didn't know how to explain this but feeling her kiss me I felt as if she loved me. She kissed me with such tenderness and her hands were so desperate that it felt as if Astéria had been waiting for this moment her whole life. I knew it wasn't the case but I closed my eyes and accepted the feeling. There was something way too familiar about her proximity which was surprising. It must have been because of the act. I knew that she was only playing a role and that explained why it felt so normal being in her arms. Having understood that, my muscles relaxed completely and I started kissing Astéria back which made her shake. Our kiss didn't last long but as we separated I was already out of breath, my heart beating out of my chest. I had kissed the female lead. I had kissed my biggest crush of all time. Well done me!
Astéria had taken my lips hostage for only a few seconds but it felt as if she had sucked out all my air. It took me a long time to get my breathing back to normal and only after that did I notice that people were clapping slowly. I had completely forgotten about them and couldn't think about anything other than Astéria. Seeing all these people clapping, I suddenly remembered that we had to bow and pushed Astéria away before grabbing her hand and gesturing to the others to come back on stage.
With the lights turned on I noticed that Orange was gone and my heart sunk. Where was she? When did she leave? Was she okay? What happened? I didn't care about what people thought about the play and just ran backstage not even changing before running out to see Orange. Astéria followed me and asked me if I was okay but I didn't answer and just continued running. By the time I arrived at the entrance, Orange, Saber and Azore came out together. Orange immediately grabbed my hands and smiled:
"It was amazing."
I frowned. How did she get here? Her chair was empty just a second before.
"Poehina?"
I shook my head and smiled. I must have been imagining things.
"I am so happy that you liked it guys.
-You are an amazing actress! exclaimed Saber. If only I could have half of your talent. And that kiss with Astéria looked really real.
-Oh it was real."
Saber looked at Orange with a smile:
"Oh, my. Was it in the script?
-No, we just felt like something was missing.
-Oh so it wasn't..."
Orange started blushing for some reason and I got worried. Was she jealous by any chance? She didn't like me getting close to someone other than her. I had to comfort her:
"It didn't mean anything and was only for the play."
Saber frowned:
"But it did look like a very passionate kiss. Wasn't it nice?"
Of course it was. The female lead was amazing at everything, especially kissing. I could still feel my lips quiver.
"Nope. It was a hundred percent just an act."
The air grew cold for some reason and Orange looked even worse than before. I wanted to ask what was wrong but she suddenly said that she had to go to the bathroom and left. Saber ran after her and they just left me there with Azore. I frowned. Why did Saber follow Orange? I was her best friend. I should be the one making sure she was okay. Saber was no one to Orange. She was Astéria's friend and should go to her and leave my best friend alone.
Seeing me follow them, Azore tried holding me back but I didn't listen to her and left. I went straight for the toilet and was going to walk in when I heard Saber cry:
"Astéria!"
I froze. Astéria? What was she doing in the toilets? I thought she stayed behind. Astéria and Orange were on bad terms so I had to go in and separate them! But just as I opened the door I saw something very weird. Saber was standing at one end of the bathroom and was grabbing Orange's arm with a worried expression. I felt my anger swell up and wanted to pull Orange away but the next second Orange's hair changed colors and she grew a bit. Her face became sharper and her eyes changed colors. She went from Orange to Astéria and seeing the metamorphosis with my own eyes I froze. It was impossible. No way.
"Astéria, calm down. It was your first kiss. You couldn't be perfect right away.
-I have to go back and apologize to her.
-Why the hell would you do that? You are more work than a toddler! Stay in place for three seconds for God's sake!
-I have to ask her about the kiss and change whatever she doesn't like. She can't hate me.
-She doesn't hate you and she didn't say the kiss was bad. She just said that it didn't mean anything."
Seeing Astéria's expression sank, Saber gasped:
"That's not what I wanted to say. I am so sorry. She cares about you so much. But you did kiss her as part of the play. What did you want her to say? In front of you as Orange moreover.
-I wanted her to like it. I want her to like me.
-I am sure she does.
-I have to go to her."
Saber couldn't hold Astéria back anymore and she turned around. I was quicker and ran away as fast as I could going straight to the changing room. I locked the door behind me and fell to the ground as soon as I was alone. What did I just see? I noticed that they were similar. I thought about it so many times and was going to ask at the ball but at that exact moment... Did Astéria notice that I had doubts? Did she use magic to confuse me? But duplication magic was impossible. What if she got into my head? Astéria was amazing at controlling others. Since when had she controlled me? She had been in my life as long as I could remember. Was everything an act? Was all of this part of her plan? I knew that I shouldn't have let my guard down. I was an idiot for thinking that I could finally trust someone. I should have stayed alone as always. I was good alone. Why did I need to get to know her? Why did I have to open up to her?
I was angry. I was angry at Astéria or Orange or whatever for having lied to me. If only she had told me the truth. I didn't care if she pretended to be someone else but she lied to me. She used magic to confuse me. If only she hadn't. What would I have done then? I had no idea but now I didn't even have a choice. But most of all I was angry at myself. Why did I have to be vulnerable? And why did it hurt so much? It wasn't the first time I had been betrayed. I was used to it. My first life consisted only of betrayals. But then why was I crying?
Tears were flowing down my cheeks and they couldn't seem to stop. I hugged my knees and tried muffling my cries but couldn't hold them back anymore. It had never hurt like this. Why did it hurt so much? I hated this feeling. I hated myself. I hated this world. Orange was the only person I had and now... I was alone again.