TW: Talk of DUI's, addiction, depression
There is a lot of dialogue, sorry?
*Sam's POV*
Opening our front door to a crumbled up Colby was not at all how I expected to start my Saturday morning.
My arms immediately caught his falling body, fighting my grip around his back, "Colby? What happened? Are you okay?" I quickly asked, having never seen my best friend so beat done before, let alone enough to collapse into my arms. "Come on, let's go inside" I suggested, wanting to close the front door since it was quite warm in Nevada today.
Colby and I sat down on our couch, Colby slouched down against the sofa, his head thrown back.
"What are you doing in Vegas?" I decided to ask, having no idea where to start with his abrupt visit.
"I fucked up, Sam. Like really fucked up" He groaned, his hands coming up to his face. He muffled something in his hands before dropping them, turning to look at me. "I don't know what to do" He confessed, his body slack as he looked over at me, his eyes appearing hopeless, ready to cling onto whatever advice I was about to pull from my ass.
"What do you mean you fucked up? Not that I don't want to see you, but why are you here? Why aren't you with Leighton?" I questioned, unable to ignore the stirring in my stomach.
Why did he look like absolute shit right now?
Colby's eyebrows pulled together, "Leighton hasn't called you?"
I felt my face mirror his, quickly wracking my brain to find whatever he could be talking about, "What? No. What happened?"
"Wait, you don't know?" he asked, appearing genuinely surprised, only worrying me even more.
"Know what? Colby, what's going on?" I frantically asked, a pit forming in my stomach.
Why would Leighton call me?
Clearly if he left his own little family to come all the way to Nevada and look like a beaten down puppy on our doorstep, something bad had to have happened.
"I got arrested again" He muttered, my jaw dropping.
"You got arrested?!" I spoke through a tight jaw, disbelief setting in, my jaw falling.
So that's why Leighton would call..
Fuck.
"Yeah.." He shamefully dragged out, his eyes full of guilt as he watched me begin to pace.
"When?! Why?! How?! How are you here right now if you got arrested?! Colby! What the fuck happened?! Why didn't Leighton call me?!" I quickly rattled off, Colby's eyes following my sharp turns as I paced from one edge of the couch to the other.
"I thought she'd call you... about bail?" Colby asked, my body abruptly stopping in front of him.
Shit.
Bail.
I didn't even think of bail!
"How much was your bail? How did you get out without paying bail? Did they let you pay it yourself?" Colby's silence was unnerving as I impatiently waited, "Colby?"
"I uh...." he cleared his throat, "Leighton paid it"
"What?! How much was your bail? What were you arrested for? Last time it was 6 grand and we both know she doesn't have that laying around!"
I watched his face fill with regret, the pit in the bottom of my stomach turning, "Colby!" My voice raised, too impatient to play his game.
I need to know what the fuck is going on, and I need to know now before my chest explodes from how quick my heart was beating.
Leighton paid his bail? Why didn't she call me? I would've handled it! She's in no place to worry about shit like this! Not to mention Colby got arrested again!
"It uh.." he began, tottering off, my annoyance growing.
"You've got to be fucking joking, right? It's worse than 6 grand?"
"It was uh.. um.." He stuttered, both of us knowing he was trying to figure out how to dance around my question; already making this way worse than I could've imagined.
"SPIT IT OUT COLBY!"
"Twenty grand-"
"TWENTY GRAND?!" I yelled, cutting him off. "Colby! You let Leighton pay twenty grand for your bail and you're sitting on my fucking doorstep?!" I exclaimed, stopping in front of him, " What, did she kick you out? You know she doesn't have twenty grand in her back pocket! When is your hearing? You can't be here if you have a hearing!" I panicked, immediately feeling my pockets for my phone, ready to dial Leighton's number any second.
"I already had my hearing.."
"YOU HAD YOUR HEARING?! What the fuck Colby! Why didn't you call me?"
"Because I didn't have a phone!" Colby shouted back, moving to lean more forward on the couch as I stood in front of him, ready to explode.
"WHERE WAS YOUR PHONE?!"
"Over a fucking cliff!"
"What?!"
"I threw my phone over a fucking cliff, not my proudest moment" He muttered, his eyes hardening as he turned away from me.
"You threw your phone off a cliff?" I reiterated in disbelief.
Who the fuck does that?!
I quickly shook my head, clearing my thoughts.
"That's not what's important right now, what were you arrested for?"
Silence.
"Colby! If Leighton paid twenty fucking grand for your dumbass, what was it!?"
"DUI" He muttered and I swear my head was going to explode from how hard my veins were popping.
"A DUI?! AGAIN?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" I boomed, my eyes wide as I stared at him in shock.
Colby's jaw tightened as his lip twitched, pursuing.
My brain was moving so fast I could barely catch words to spit out as I let rage and disappointment race through my body.
"What degree did you get that your DUI bail was twenty grand? Don't you normally just get like a slap on the wrist for the first time?" I questioned, memories of when we both got arrested flashed through my head attempting to recall how all of this went.
"I got a third degree misdemeanor because my alcohol level was over .16" He replied, monotoned, his eyes watching me.
"Why are you here?" I bluntly asked, my brain short circuiting as I stared at him; none of the information processing in my brain yet.
I swear I could hear the sparks in my head.
"What do you mean?" He asked, his lips parting as I cut him off.
"Your fiancé bailed your pathetic ass out of jail; paying twenty grand she doesn't have.. and you're on my doorstep? Did she kick you out?" I asked again, trying to rationalize whatever the fuck was going on right now.
"No.."
"No to what?" I pressed, trying to let the rage cool off so I didn't strangle him right then and there.
He was my best friend after all. I still loved him and wanted the best for him, but how could he do this to himself? To her? What if something really bad happened? What if his charge was worse? There is a lot more on the line than just having a shitty day and deciding to drink.
"No she didn't kick me out" Colby finally answered.
And it's back.
My blood boiled as I stared at my best friend.
Why the fuck was he here; when his fiancé, someone I would consider one of my very good friends, was back in LA with lets face it, their daughter? It made absolutely no sense to me.
"Your soon to be wife, didn't kick you out, after bailing you out of jail... and you're here?!" I spoke in disbelief, over emphasizing each portion of my sentence, feeling like I was talking to a stranger.
The Colby I know would never leave Leighton, let alone when she's pregnant!
Fuck.
Oh my god.
"YOU LEFT YOUR PREGNANT FIANCE?!" I yelled, Colby's lifeless eyes staring back at me. "What the fuck is going on?! Why are you here Colby? You better start talking because the longer the shell of my best friend sits here, the more tempted I am to throw your ass in the psych ward! Walk me through what the fuck happened" I demanded, trying to figure out how we got from point a to point b without ending us in a mental hospital.
"I took you to the airport-" he began, my patience wearing thin.
"Yeah yeah, after that" I rushed, my hand motioning for him to continue
Colby glared at me, "I took you to the airport" he restarted, his voice low, "And then instead of going home, I drove around for a while-"
"Get to to the fucking part where you decided to fuck your life up, would you?" I demanded, not caring for the boring details.
Rolling his eyes, he leaned back against the couch, his arms crossing over his chest; "I was drinking whiskey on a cliff-"
"Fucking idiot" I muttered under my breath, Colby glaring.
"And long story short I got pulled over. Happy?" Colby grumbled, annoyance showing from my insistent rushing.
"Why were you drinking on a cliff?"
"Because why not?"
"Well clearly you know why not to now! There are many reasons you shouldn't be drunk hiking!"
"Who are you, my mom?!" he snapped, ignoring the harsh inhale I took through my nose.
"No, I'm your best friend who wants the best for you! Why were you drinking?"
Colby groaned, his body relaxing back against the couch again, "Can you not lecture me right now? I've had enough of that from Leighton"
"FOR GOOD REASON!" I exclaimed, Colby groaning again, rubbing at his eye. "Why did you come here? I told you to go home. To see your pregnant fiancé, and G"
"I didn't want to go home Sam!" He snapped, my jaw tightening.
I took a deep breath, moving to sit down on the couch, turning to face him, silence filling the room.
How am I supposed to help him?
"Why?" I carefully asked, assuming this was a sensitive subject since he ended up drinking and getting pulled over instead of just going back home to his future family.
The sigh that left his lungs made my knees weak. I instantly felt bad for him, but I also felt sorry for Leighton. I knew whatever was going on couldn't be good, but where did that leave the two of them? They're starting a family together, how can you just cut ties like it meant nothing?
"The answer makes me feel like shit. Like I don't deserve her, or Gemma"
"Why didn't you want to go home? Why did you choose to drink and wallow in self pity?" I asked again, knowing I needed to get the answer out of him, no matter how long it takes.
"It's fucking stupid" He grumbled, the pressure on his toes making his legs begin to bounce, his hands folding behind his head.
"Why is it stupid?"
"Because I shouldn't be feeling like this"
"Feeling like what?" I asked softly, my head still trying to wrap around the bombshell of him getting arrested again.
The silence was killing me.
I've never seen my best friend look so shut down before.
I watched Colby fiddle with his rings, something I've noticed he's done a lot more after hanging out with Leighton, his eyes kept low as he took in slow breaths.
"Colby?"
"I.. I don't know" He muttered.
"Colby, you've got to give me something to work with here. I can't help you if you don't start talking"
"I tried and you yelled at me to get to the point!" he snapped.
"Okay, give me the long story. I've got time"
"I went by the old traphouse" He started, surprising me since I knew that place didn't hold the best memories for him.
"Why?"
"I guess I just wanted to reminisce a little. I mean, that's really where it all started. Where we gained traction, where I met Leighton. It's where our life began" He explained, his face reading dread as he looked over at me, his pale blue eyes making my stomach clench.
You could by looking at him that something wasn't really right, but the longer I stared at his face, I could almost see the tired dread spinning around in his head.
How long has he been like this?
"I just... I wanted to feel something again. Remember what made me want to go home. Remember why I loved her. I...." he paused, swallowing the lump in his throat, "I wanted to feel again"
I felt like my chest had a weighted blanket thrown on top of me as his words sank into the deepest part of my chest.
"Feel again? Isn't that part of depression?" I asked, Colby's head quickly shooting up, our eyes meeting; his full of panic.
"Did Leighton tell you I have depression? Because I don't" He quickly replied, sending me for another loop of confusion.
"What? No. She didn't tell me anything. I didn't accuse you of having depression, I just asked isn't that something people with depression say. I know our friends have said that when they're lonely and depressed it gets dark.. and that they search for things to either make them feel again, or numb them" I rambled, completely oblivious to the way he was reacting to my words.
"You don't know anything about depression!" Colby quickly snapped, appearing on edge, and uncomfortable.
I stared at him for a second, watching him shift under my gaze.
"You have depression don't you" I stated, everything slowly starting to piece together.
"What? No!"
"Colby.."
"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about Sam!"
"It's not a bad thing if you do. A lot of people have mental health issues"
Colby rolled his eyes, "You make it sound like I'm fucking crazy"
"So you do have depression? I'm not dumb Colby. I've lived with you for a long ass time"
"So what if I have depression? I'm fine" He grumbled, his arms crossing over his chest; appearing like a pouting child.
"There is nothing wrong with having depression, Colby. Are you getting treated?" I asked, trying to tread lightly.
It's been four years since I've felt like I was walking on eggshells around him; I hate that this is what it's come to yet again.
I listened to him groan, appearing to have some sort of inner conflict before nodding slowly.
"That's good, right?" I asked, Colby sighing.
"It fucking sucks man"
I nodded, Colby huffing, "It sucks to know that.." he pauses, the room falling silent. I waited him out, a minute or so passing before his lips parted again, "I hate feeling like this, and knowing that the only way to make it go away.. is to take a pill. I hate that the pills don't work. I hate that if they do work, you can get used to them, and they have to change them. I hate going through withdrawls. I hate her having to see me like this. I hate that.. that I can't hide it from her. I can't be who I want to be around her"
"Are you on your meds right now?" I asked, knowing that most medications you can't drink with them.
He shook his head, looking away from me.
"Colby.."
"Don't." He snapped, "I already heard it from Leighton"
"All I'm hearing is Leighton is looking out for your wellbeing and you're ignoring her" I half joked, more worry washing over me.
I meant it when I said there was nothing wrong with having depression, but the fact that he's prescribed medication for it worries me.
How bad does it get if he needs to take medication for it?
I sat back down on the couch, both of us sitting in uncomfortable silence for the first time in probably ever.
"I hate hurting her" He said softly, turning to look at her. "It's hard not to" Colby confessed, gnawing on his lower lip. "She was so pissed at me when she got me out of jail.. but.. it felt like she didn't care. She seemed more mad about the fact that I got arrested, than about why I got arrested. Like.. she didn't care to know why it happened. She didn't want the story" He spoke quietly, his eyes looking at his rings.
I decided to bite the bullet and ask, "Why aren't you on your meds?" hoping I wasn't shooting myself in the foot with this question, and cause him to completely shut down on me again.
We haven't talked like this in a while, and I felt guilty.
We used to have down to earth talks almost every night, and yet I had no clue that his mental health had apparently gotten this bad.
"I had been. I just.. when I'm with you, or Kat, or Stas. Like, hanging out with friends and stuff, I don't feel like I need them. I feel.. fine. Good again. Like how I would feel when we'd hang out years ago. But.. with Leighton.. I just.. I don't have the same feeling and I hate that I'm like.. starting to resent her? Like she made me this way, even though I know she didn't. I know my actions are hurting her. I can see it. I see it when I look into her eyes. I know that I've caused her pain, and I hate myself for it. I miss looking into her eyes.. and seeing them sparkle. I miss seeing our future. Seeing the love." He spoke up, pausing, his eyes looking back down towards his shoes, "I miss the sparkle" He admitted quietly, the words almost inaudible. "And it's no one's fault but my own"
"Do you love her?" I asked quietly, the question almost getting caught in my throat.
The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, Colby licking his lips, turning his head that was hung low to look over at me, his eyes glistening against the bright Nevada sun as they filled with tears.
"I want to"
I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding, sucking in a sharp breath immediately after.
"You know.. this is a really shitty time to realize you don't love her, right?" I muttered, my anger and frustration beginning to creep up again.
"I didn't say I didn't love her"
"You have a baby on the way"
We spoke over each other.
I let out a deep breath, leaning forward against my knees, looking at my best friend who was sitting upright again.
"You just said you wanted to love her" I pointed out, feeling like I was getting whiplash.
"I do love her. It's just... It's complicated Sam. I mean, you and Kat have never really gone through what we're going through. It's hard to explain"
"Try me" I tested, hoping that whatever happens at the end fixes whatever the hell is going on, and doesn't cause more havoc in this shit show.
"She isn't hard to love. I've loved her probably longer than I've ever known. I just.. it's hard to go through these cycles of hard times, and not have anything change. Does that make sense?" He asked and I nodded slowly. "The girl who stood on our doorstep the first day is not the girl who picked me up from a holding cell. She isn't the girl who was super timid and almost afraid to say something wrong. I feel like.. almost every day.. I'm falling in love with a new version of her, but not with the new version of myself; and it sucks to know that I've been put on these fucking meds to be who I used to be, and without them, I'm not someone she wants" He confessed, my face falling a bit as I slowly registered his words. "It just fucking sucks to feel like you're not enough for the person you desperately wanted. I.. I'm aware that's normal.. but, ugh" he groaned, his body leaning forward against his legs as his face went back into his hands. "I'm so fucking tired of pretending" his words were muffled into his hands, his hands being pried off his face to look at me when I spoke, "Pretending?"
Colby nodded.
"What do you mean pretending?"
He let out a deep exhale, his lips being pushed to the side before sniffling, his tongue wetting his lips.
"Colby?"
"Is it so bad that I want to know what it feels like to be without her? To.. to be who I was, before we met? To have.. have my life back? To not have a routine depending on me?" He asked, his voice sounding breathless as he pushed his body back, standing up from the couch, walking over to the kitchen.
"If you're done.... what are you going to do? You guys have a baby on the way. You have Gemma.. you've begun to build a life together, and now you're just quitting? What happened to telling me you wanted to marry her? How bad you wanted to date her? You fought so hard to get her, and now you're just going to let her go?" I twisted my body, watching him pop open a white claw.
"Are you for real right now?" I scoffed.
Colby taking quite the gulp, his hand clutching the can so hard it bends.
"Colby. You literally just had a DUI, stop fucking drinking!"
"It's the only thing that makes me feel alive right now" he shot back, my eyes narrowing, "Yeah that's the fucking problem! Are—" I paused, the words getting caught on my tongue.
Helpless dread clouded my head as I stared at my best friend, every possible conclusion or accusation feeling wrong.
He couldn't be.
He wouldn't. Not after seeing everything Leighton's gone through. Not after waiting a million years for her to be ready.
"Am I what?" He asked, his eyes narrowing at me; testing me.
"Are you.." no. He can't be.. Can he? "Are you an addict?" I apprehensively accused, the words feeling like acid as they rolled off my tongue.
"What? No!" Colby quickly spat out, his chest puffing out as he glared at me, "Why the fuck would you say that?"
"Can you blame me?! Do you see yourself?" I motioned towards his frame, my eyes landing on the white claw in hand.
Colby scoffed, "Please, this barely counts as a drink"
"You literally just told me you got arrested for a DUI! Which might I remind you, isn't the first time you've drank and drove, let alone the first time you've tried to!"
Colby rolled his eyes, setting the white claw down on the counter, the clink of the aluminum can making me wince.
"What the fuck ever" He scoffed, shrugging me off, reminding me of a bitchy high school girl who doesn't want to admit she's wrong.
I shook my head, my jaw aching as I tried to control my outburst.
Can he see how much this is hurting not only him, but everyone he loves?
If you would've asked me 10 years ago if I could've seen Colby getting arrested for a DUI, I would've laughed in your face.
This man is— was, one of the most responsible people I knew when he drank; yet here he was acting like he's got nine lives.
"Does Leighton know you're here?" I asked, worry washing over me, flashbacks to when she was pregnant with Gemma playing through my head like a horror movie.
I'll never forget the sound of her voice when she called me, telling me Gabe didn't come to her OBGYN appointment. I never want her to feel that again, let alone about my best friend.
"Why are you so fucking concerned about if Leighton knows about my whereabouts?" Colby asked harshly, his eyebrows rising.
"Because she's pregnant and alone and you went to jail!"
"Oh my god! I was barely booked! I wasn't even in a proper cell" He groused, ignoring my stare of disbelief.
Is this the same man who wouldn't shut the fuck up about starting a life together with her?
Was he really walking away from everything he claimed he's ever wanted?
"You're unbelievable. You know, you make it really hard to want to side with you" I shook my head, my hand coming up to mess with my hair.
"You've always been on her side" he scoffed, picking up the White Claw again.
"I'm on all our friends' side! You know the best out of the both of us how hard shit's been for her, so I don't understand why you're upset that I'm sticking up for her"
"What about how hard it's been for me?!" he snapped, rolling his eyes when I stayed quiet, my brain trying to figure out what he's exactly talking about, Colby taking a long sip of the White Claw.
"You've got to stop fucking drinking"
Colby crushed the White Claw can, tossing it into the recycling bin.
"I fucking know! You don't think knowing that doesn't make me feel even more shitty? I can't fucking stop"
"So.. you are an addict?" I asked carefully.
"I've questioned it" He admitted, surprising me. "Like when I went to Leighton's NA meeting and answered the questionnaire"
Shit.
He did do that, didn't he?
"What if you took it again? Like an online one? I mean-" I paused, feeling like I was crossing a line.
"No I uh.. I mean, I'm not against it.. I'm just.." He paused, fishing out his new phone, his fingers moving quickly over the screen.
"You don't love Leighton any less because she's one. It's going to be okay Colby, whether you are or not.. but if you are, we should get you help" I tried to encourage, hating the idea of him possibly being an addict; but if getting help meant slowly piecing his life together, we needed to know.
"I don't want to be one. I've seen Leighton struggle, and that wasn't even the worst of it. I don't— selfishly, I don't want to go through that. I don't want to know what that feels like"
"I'm pretty sure if she had it her way, she wouldn't be one either. It's a disease Colby. You can't control it" I tried to remind him before he could to chicken shit to take the actual test.
"I could just stop fucking drinking" He grumbled, his eyes trained on his phone.
"I mean, you could.. but you can't.. so"
"I pulled up a quiz" Colby spoke up, showing me his phone.
"Alright, do you want to take it with me or by yourself?"
"Well you're already pissed at me, so let's just get this over with"
I rolled my eyes, Colby and I sitting down at the breakfast table.
"Have you ever been dishonest about your drinking or drug use" I read off, Colby shaking his head.
I cocked an eyebrow and Colby glared.
"What? I haven't. If I'm drunk, I'm drunk. There is no hiding that"
I selected no, and moved onto the next question "Have you ever felt ashamed or guilty about your drinking?"
"Yes. But! That's because I know Leighton is an addict, and I feel shitty drinking around her, or getting drunk around her. I never want to trigger her or whatever"
"So... yes or no?"
"I guess.. yes"
"Do you ever drink alone... yes" I selected for him, moving onto the next question, "Do you frequently drink when feeling depressed or alone?" I read off, turning to look over at Colby.
It was quiet for a moment before he quietly asked, "That's a sign of being an addict?"
I did a small shoulder shrug, nodding slowly, "It's on the quiz"
He sighed and nodded.
"Have you ever been arrested for drinking.. yes" I murmured, the anxiousness bouncing between the both of us causing my heart to begin to race.
Was he actually an addict?
"Have you ever thought you can't have fun without drinking?" I read off, Colby shaking his head.
"Yes drinking is fun, and can make something more fun, but I can have fun without it"
We went through the drug questions, Colby making it very clear that he hasn't touched a drug, he only drinks, answering the questions accordingly.
"Has drinking caused problems between your family and your spouse?"
"I mean... I guess? I wouldn't say my drinking is the issue, but I drink because of the issues.. I guess" He shamefully confessed.
"Has drinking impacted your work?" I read off.
Colby turned to me, "Well, has it?"
"I wouldn't say so" I shook my head, trying to recall any of the times we've been working and he's been drunk or something.
We continued going through them until we hit the last question, going back to count.
"8 out of 26 you've said yes to" I stated and Colby nodded slowly.
"But some of those had to do with drugs"
"True.. I don't know!" I groaned, feeling like this got us nowhere. "You go to therapy right? Why don't you ask them?" I suggested, not wanting to say one thing and he run with it.
"My therapist doesn't work with addictions" He said softly, staring at his phone, scrolling through the questions.
"I'm assuming Leighton might know someone" I joked, Colby's lips tugging upwards, nodding slowly.
We both sat in silence for a moment before Colby took a sharp inhale, leaning back against the table chair, turning his head to look at me.
"Do you think she hates me?" He asked quietly, closing out of the internet tab.
"Who, Leighton?"
"Mhm"
"I know she loves you Colby. Why do you ask?"
He grunted, leaning on the palm of his hand as his elbow rested against the table.
"I'm drained Sam. I'm tired of.. god! I feel shitty just thinking about it!" He groaned, his head falling into his hands. "I'm tired of feeling like.. like I'm just expected to follow her around like a lost puppy! I feel like.. like I'm always giving. I'm always following. I give in to whatever she wants. She says jump and I say how high" He began to vent, completely throwing me off.
"Is that why you've been drinking?" I asked, trying to piece everything together still, having been kept in the dark for so long.
"She doesn't want to get married, Sam. I feel like a fucking fool! I mean, I never saw myself wanting to get married one day and here I am practically begging her to marry me, and she doesn't want to!" He complained, my entire brain feeling like mush as I tried to keep up.
"Didn't you just say you didn't want to be with her?" I asked, not sure which part of his venting was the true part.
He groaned, nodding. "I don't want to leave her, but she doesn't want me. I know she doesn't. Why else wouldn't she want to get married?"
I stayed quiet, not really wanting to speak on behalf of her, and have whatever I might say play on loop inside of his head.
"When we went to Minnesota that first time, for her birthday with the extra ticket" He jogged my memory, watching me nod along, "We were in the barn her uncle owns, that I proposed to her in, right?" He paused, making sure I was following along, "And she talks about how she always wanted to get married in there and stuff. Like, ever since she was a kid. So it has to be me, right? Why would she suddenly not want to get married after dreaming about it her entire life? I gave her exactly what she wanted, just for her to throw it back in my face?"
"Did she say she never wanted to get married?" I questioned, not really imagining Leighton staying with him if she didn't see a happy ending.
She dumped Silas pretty quickly when she realized they were just friends.
"Well.. no. She said not right now" He finally corrected and I groaned, "Oh my god. So you're throwing a fit because your girlfriend doesn't want to get married tomorrow?"
"I knew you wouldn't get it" He grumbled, shoving himself out of the chair, throwing a fit like a toddler.
"Colby!"
"No! I knew you wouldn't understand!"
"Understand what? You've barely said like 5 words and everything you've said has contradicted the last thing!"
I watched him walk back to the kitchen, and I held my breath, expecting him to grab another White Claw, but much to my surprise and relief, he twisted open the cap of a water bottle.
"You're always going to side with her" He finally replied, taking a swig off the water.
"I'm sorry, do you want me to be mean to your girlfriend? I'm just trying to help like you clearly want me to"
"Fiancé actually" He smirked, a struggled chuckle shaking my chest.
Colby Brock will be the death of me.
"So do you just plan to camp out here forever? Are you going to go home? What came out of your hearing?"
"I got a hotel here for a few days. I just wanted to get away from everything for a second, and I have community service next weekend anyway"
"God dang dude. I still can't believe you've got a DUI. You know the first offense isn't usually bad, but let's not go for another, yeah?" I joked, my worlds holding more weight in them than intended.
"I was going home, ya know? That's the fucking thing. I wanted to come here originally, to get away from it all.. but the longer I sat there, quite literally drinking my sorrows; I thought about Gemma, and her going to bed. How she snuggles under her covers with that stupid stuffed cow I bought her, and we read a book and her cute little voice says I love you.. and then I thought about Leighton, and the way she would snuggle into my chest. The way she makes dinner every night, even though the smell makes her almost vomit. The way she cares for Gemma even when she's ready to pass out. She's such a good mom. She's better than I could've ever imagined for a mother of my children" Colby rambled, my ears perking up at the end.
"I sense a but coming" I commented, my stomach twisting at the possibilities of whatever he was going to say next.
We keep going in circles.
Does he want her, or does he not? It's hard to keep up.
"But she's not who I imagined in a spouse"
And there it was.
The other shoe finally dropped.
"You've thought about that?" I asked, surprised since he was never really open about ever thinking about his future like that, besides that he wanted Leighton.
"I mean, I've thought about it more now than ever"
"So who's your perfect woman, if it isn't Leighton?" I asked, my brain not computing with the idea of Colby dating anyone but Leighton.
She seemed like his perfect match when I thought about it, so the fact that he thinks otherwise was surprising.
At the end of the day, I wanted him happy; and I thought she did that?
He's always seemed over the moon about her, and I still wasn't completely sure about what changed.
"I don't know... I just.. I.. I feel shitty saying this, but dating her feels like a 9 to 5 job. There's nothing.. exciting? About coming to work the next day. It's the same bullshit day in and day out. I mean, we're both used to adventure. Going to new places, doing new things.. and with Leighton.. we're in a routine that it feels like a bad rut" He explained, and oddly enough, it made sense.
"So what I'm hearing is you want something different with your relationship. Not that you want someone else?" I asked, lifting myself to sit up on the counter, my legs hitting against the cupboard below as everything was starting to puzzle piece together in my head.
"I just wish she'd try to do things I liked more" He explained, copying my actions, sitting next to the fridge, smacking his head in the process. "Ow! Fuck!" he groaned in pain, ignoring my snicker.
"She's gone ghost hunting with us" I reminded him, Colby groaning, rubbing the back of his head.
"Yeah, and she hates it. She doesn't believe in that shit"
"Which makes it more fun to bring her!" I reminded, knowing we both like tagging her along with us.
"But she hates going"
My eyebrows pulled together, "I thought she liked going?"
"She said she finds it weird to talk to the air" He grumbled, his hands gripping the counter on the outside of his thighs.
"Does she ever bring up what happened back at the Cosmopolitan? When you found out she was pregnant? Or at that castle in Italy?"
Colby shook his head, taking a final swig of his water bottle, crumpling it and throwing it towards the trash can, missing completely. "Damnit!" He hissed, chuckling. "I'll get it later"
"Your aim is shit" I chuckled, "How did you get Leighton pregnant?" I joked, Colby's face showing playful offense.
The conversation began to lighten up, taking the weight off both of our shoulders, Colby and I's head turning towards the staircase, Katrina making her presence known.
"Oh hey!" She smiled at Colby, stopping in her tracks at the counter.
"Hey" Colby gave a slight wave, the three of us laughing at the slightly awkward encounter.
"I was just coming to ask if Sam wanted to go out tonight with some of our friends"
"Uh" I stuttered, looking towards Colby, not really wanting to leave him alone, or bring him somewhere to drink.
"I'm down" Colby immediately replied, my shoulders dropping.
"Do you really think that's a good idea?" I questioned, Kat giving me a weird look.
"Why not?" She questioned, both of them looking at me like I'm the bad guy.
"Because he's got a drinking problem lately!" I motioned towards Colby, his jaw dropping.
"No I don't!"
"You just got arrested for a DUI!" I argued back, completely forgetting about my girlfriend who was standing right there.
"You got arrested for a DUI?!" Kat exclaimed, Colby glaring at me.
"It's fine" He harshly replied, shooting me a look.
"How the fuck did you get arrested for a DUI?" Katrina continued, clearly not reading the room.
"Thanks Sam" Colby grumbled, Kat turning to look at me.
"What the fuck happened?"
I listened to Colby give her a half ass rundown of what happened, Kat making side comments here and there until he was done.
"Damn dude" She chuckled, shaking her head at him.
"I really don't think we should go out drinking tonight, especially since Colby has community service and shit from it"
"What's the worst that could happen? We take an Uber anyway" Colby commented, my lips pursing.
"Are you for real right now?"
"What? Do you think I'm just never going to drink again? I don't have a problem!"
"YES YOU DO!" I shouted back, getting really sick of his shit.
"I don't. I'm just in a rough patch" Colby argued, my eyes rolling.
"I'm sure Leighton could say the same exact thing every time she's used"
"I'm not a drug addict!"
"It's the same thing!" I argued, Kat appearing uncomfortable, yet staying quiet as she watched Colby and I begin to bicker.
"No it isn't" He continued.
"Colby. I don't want you to fuck up your life more than you already have. Whether it's being with Leighton, or simply going to fucking jail, I don't want to see it happen. I really don't think tonight is a good idea"
"I'm not fucking up my life" He refused.
"You are and you know it!"
"I'm fine. I'm not going to go on this sobriety journey when I don't have a problem! I'm allowed to go drink with my friends"
"That's not the problem Colby. The problem is you drank till you were drunk on a fucking cliff and then tried to drive and got arrested. So excuse me if I'm a little protective over you going out to drink tonight"
"If he says he doesn't have a drinking problem, and he stops drinking alone, I don't see why he can't come with?" Kat chimed in, a breath of hot air being pushed out my lips.
"This isn't Colby! Colby doesn't get drunk and drive and then get arrested! He doesn't refuse to go home, when everything he loves is at home! Katrina, I really don't think this is a good idea. Why the fuck would we shove alcohol in his face when he's been drinking too much already?" I argued, struggling to see it from either of their point of view.
How could this possibly and well?
"Can you not talk about me like I'm not standing right here?" Colby stated, "I'll be fine! A few drinks with my friends won't kill me. I'm in control of my actions, you know? I make one dumb mistake and all of a sudden I'm banned from having fun with my friends?" Colby argued back, my eyes widening.
"IT WASN'T JUST ONE TIME! You've done it before and fucking broke your leg! You triggered Leighton to relapse again! Let's not forget when Leighton tried to leave the Airbnb and you tried to go after her then too!" I snapped, becoming infuriated at how nonchalant he was acting over this.
Does he seriously not realize how serious this is, or is he just down playing his anxiety around it to appear better than he actually is?
How can he not be scared shitless right now?
"Stop yelling at me! If I wanted to be screamed at, I'd go back to my fiancé" He harshly replied, his sentence sending a stinging pang to my chest.
Did he really think of her like that?
The person he'd move mountains for?
The girl he can't let go?
"You know what you just said, right?" I asked, not even realizing Katrina slipped past us until I heard the bathroom door shut. "You said that I'm banning you from having fun with our friends, by saying you shouldn't drink. So you do view alcohol as having fun. That you can't have fun without it" I noted, recalling one of the addiction questions, Colby staring at me like he has no idea what I'm talking about.
"So it's a crime now to want to drink with your friends?" He scoffed, his jaw tightening, the two of us practically having a standoff in the kitchen.
"You basically just said you can't have fun with our friends unless you're drinking"
"We go out to fucking clubs! What am I supposed to do? Drink water and stand in the corner watching everyone get smashed like a loser?"
"Oh, you mean the same way Leighton does every time she goes out with us?" I snapped, hating how he's acting like not being able to drink is the worst thing that could happen to him. Like people every day all around us don't do it twenty four seven. "Look, I can't fucking control you, but I don't think this is a good idea"
"Can you stop acting like I'm signing my life away just because I want to go hang out with my friends?"
I rolled my eyes, "You are, aren't you?"
"No! I don't have a problem"
"Look, you're a grown ass adult, you can do whatever you want; but you're also my best friend. I refuse to stand by you and basically watch you kill yourself, or go to jail again, or lose a wife and two children who think the world of you. You truly have it fucking all, and you're throwing it away for what? A few shots at a club with some friends?"
"You're acting like I'm a diagnosed addict with a problem!"
"Whether you are or not, you got arrested for drinking. That should say enough about what the fuck you should be doing right now" I huffed, extremely agitated that I couldn't get through his thick skull about why this was a horrible idea.
"Whatever" he scoffed, completely disregarding my concerns. Was I the only one who cared about his well being? "Can we just go out with our friends tonight, and not have you up my ass about drinking? I truly need this night out with everyone, and I swear I don't drink as much as it seems—" he stated, quickly noticing my lips part, cutting me off before I could interject "I know I know! I've made shitty choices, but Sam, I swear, if I wanted to stop, I would and I honestly am not drunk all the time. It was just caught on a bad day"
"That's not an excuse Colby"
I watched him roll his eyes before walking away from me, my chest rising and falling as the frustration of his actions started to consume me.
How could he be so stupid?
Why did he do it?
Why is his behavior doing a complete 180 right now?
The three of us ended up getting ready, Katrina shooting me daggers every time I tried to explain to her why I thought this was a bad idea.
I stayed pretty quiet in the Uber, a pit forming in my stomach the sooner we got to the speakeasy.
A round of shots got placed in front of us along with our ordered booze, the girls picking up a shot glass and tossing it back.
"Kat just took that like an alcoholic!" Stas laughed, Katrina blushing under the neon lights, my stomach turning.
"What did I say! One of the boys!" Kat grinned, the girls laughing together.
We took a few group shots before sipping on our own drinks, Kat sending me looks here and there when I declined some of them, not wanting to get drunk tonight.
They danced to the music and took a bunch of photos and videos, enjoying their night together, my eyes glancing towards Colby here and there, watching him down alcohol like it was water.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, catching my attention as Kat yelled over the music, talking into my ear about if we wanted to order some food.
Leighton:
Thank you for telling me he's with you.
Leighton:
Please take care of him
Shit.
Please take care of him as he downs shot after shot.
Guilt rushes through me, feeling like I'm letting her down.
Normally when he got drunk, he wanted to crawl into bed with her; now, neither of them were speaking, and it was all his fault.
I hated getting texts from her, asking how he was doing, if he told me anything, if I knew how the hearing went, what his behavior was like. I felt like the child stuck between two divorced parents, one dating someone new, and the other being jealous; except this time, it's my best friend being an idiot, and his pregnant fiancé being worried whilst also not trying to pester him.
The longer I sat in my thoughts about what sticky situation I was in, the more annoyance I felt towards Colby, and sadness towards Leighton.
I simply couldn't comprehend how he went from wanting nothing but her, to wanting nothing to do with her.
I hated that he was isolating her.
I didn't understand how he could stand here doing shots with his friends, when his entire future was being held onto by a string of hope.
I knew he shouldn't be drinking, yet here I was practically enabling him.
"Come on Sam! Do a shot with us, it's not gonna kill you" Katrina encouraged, shoving it at my chest.
I shook my head, Kat frowning, "Why are you being a party pooper? I thought we were having fun tonight"
"This isn't my idea of fun right now" I stated, "Plus, I want to keep an eye on Colby"
"Oh my god" She groaned, "Sam" She eyed me, "He's a grown man. He's fine. He doesn't need a babysitter"
I sighed, taking the shot from her and downing it, wanting her to leave me alone about being a buzzkill.
What was so wrong about wanting to make sure my best friend was okay?
So what if I didn't want to drink tonight. Why is that any of their concern?
I didn't even want to go in the first place
I sat down at the booth, food getting placed in front of me, my eyes scanning for the girls, hoping they saw the food was here, Stas sneaking out of their group to join me.
"What's got you sulking by yourself?" She questioned, dipping a french fry into the queso.
"I'm not sulking"
"Alright. Whatever you say big guy"
I huffed, snatching a fry, Stas snickering.
"What?"
"Not sulking huh?"
"I've just got a lot on my mind" I admitted, hoping it was a good enough answer for her to let it go.
"Isn't that an even better reason to drink?"
"No when that's what he's doing" I nodded over towards Colby, Stas's eyes following my head movement, confused.
"Who? Colby?" She asked, my head nodding, taking another french fry before sipping on my soda. "What's been up with him lately?" She asked and I groaned, not wanting to get into it again.
"Ask him"
"Damn, okay" She laughed, pouring water from the pitcher, downing the glass.
I don't know how long I sat at the table for, my phone buzzing here and there, random texts from friends, or Leighton since I asked how her pregnancy was going.
The second I read the text about how she had to watch for preeclampsia again, my heart sank.
I completely forgot that she could have another high risk pregnancy again, and here Colby was partying in a club like he didn't have a baby on the way.
The more I sat here texting her, the more I couldn't understand Colby's head.
"Awe that's cute!" Stas spoke up, catching my attention.
I saw she was looking at my phone, getting me to also look down.
Leighton:
She wanted to match Coco today 💖
Leighton:
Wish he was home to see it
I worked on texting back a reply when I felt a hand on my shoulder, causing me to look up.
"Hey. I'm going to get an Uber back to my hotel room" Colby said, my brows furrowing.
He was leaving early?
I heard him sigh, his breath hitting the back of my neck, "I miss her" He murmured, confusing me until I realized he could see the photo on my phone. "Can you send me that?"
"Or you can text Leighton yourself and have her send it to you" I snapped back, pressing send on my message.
Colby groaned, backing up.
"Just wanted to let you know I was leaving"
"Why do you have a hotel room anyways if you were just stopping at our house?" I questioned, every point on my map making me even more confused than the last.
"Didn't want to intrude" He shrugged, my eyes narrowing.
"Yet you showed up slumped over on our doorstep?"
Colby ignored me, giving a quick wave as he started to make his way out of the club.
Nothing with this man ever made sense.
Why book a hotel room if he could've just stayed with us?
Katrina came over, pulling me out of the booth to dance with her and post a few Instagram Stories before making our way back to the table, the group starting to get worn out.
I got a text from Colby, letting me know he made it to his hotel room before we headed back home, everyone but Stas staying at the club.
I got out of the shower, Kat and Stas having taken over our bathroom to get ready for bed when my phone buzzed against my bedside table.
I grabbed it, hoping it wasn't dead by now, betting on it being Leighton again, only to see Aaliyah's contact popping up on my notification wall.
My eyes squinted as I unlocked my phone, my heart beginning to race as I thought that maybe something was wrong with Leighton, or the baby, only to see;
Aaliyah:
WHO THE FUCK IS THAT
My heart dropping.
My phone buzzed again, Aaliyah's message showing at the top.
Aaliyah:
I'M BOUT TO KICK SOMEONES ASS
Aaliyah:
WHO'S THAT BITCH AND WHY ARE THEY SO CLOSE
Aaliyah:
SAM!!!!!! I KNOW YOU READ MY MESSAGE!
I felt numb.
My fingers slowly typed on the keyboard, hitting send without fully registering what I typed.
It's Chloe
* * * *
Hi. It's almost been a month since I've updated.. sorry.
If you wanna know where I've been and what's happened, keep reading; otherwise I will see you guys hopefully in 3-5 days with another update like normal lol
Okay, so I published the last chapter and got writers block... because Sam's POV, and then because I spent so long trying to figure it out, I got writers burn out. yay. so fun. THEN, I threw out my back. Oh my god life is so great AND THEN the day I finally healed, I GOT COVID oh my god it gets so much better because I'm 2 days into covid and guess what happens?! I get my period! Yay being a girl!!!
I've had so much fun, and no I didn't abandon you guys. Shit happened lmao.
I thought about posting every day, and I'm sure I've complained to group chat every single day lol sorry, ANYWAY we're back! I'm excited to finally post!
Love y'all <3
Written on: March 22nd, 25th, 26th, 27th, 28th, 31st, April 1st, 2nd, 6th, 7th, 11th, 12th 2023
Published on: April 12th 2023
Word Count: 8652