Nicolai
At least when he kissed me...
Those six words have been playing on repeat in my mind for the past twenty-four hours, and I am becoming the worst version of myself as I descend into the deep, dark pit of obsession.
I can't believe that cretin kissed her. I mean, I can. After everything, I can.
I heard Dominique tell Sutton that day at the park that she thought Jason was in love with her, and she implied in the car that day that Kincaid was "taking care" of things...which I took as her being facetious to make a point, but what if I was wrong?
What if she's had something going on with him? And I just assumed she'd never do that because she always insisted he was just a "brother" to her?
To even think about it makes me want to fucking vomit. But I can think of nothing else. Questions constantly run through my head at rapid-fire speed.
When did he do it? Was it before I kissed her? After? Fuck, was it on the same day?
Was that the first time he'd done it? Did she kiss him back? Did she wrap her legs around his waist and press against him like she did with me? Was she wet for him?
That last thought has me bounding off the sofa and back to the refrigerator for another beer. I pop the cap on the countertop and down half the bottle in one swig, slamming it down so hard it nearly shatters.
"Fuck," I mutter, leaning back against the island in the center of the kitchen and taking a couple deep breaths.
The only bit of comfort I have is that her best friend seemed to be just as shocked by this news as I was. I would think if this were a regular occurrence, she'd know about it.
Right?
Right.
Unless she's been keeping him a secret just as she's clearly been keeping me one.
Shaking my head, I finish the beer and return to my spot on the sofa, sinking into the cushions and staring at the ceiling. Why do I have to be such an ass? Why didn't I just tell her why I left?
Of course I want her to see Kincaid for what he really is. I want her to know that he's not a good man. And not in the way that a lot of men in this world aren't "good men." Not in the "we're sort of morally grey" kind of way.
But in the "I'm a grown man who looks at his best friend's underage daughter like she's an adult" kind of way.
Because that's why I left. Well, that's what started it all. I saw Kincaid for who he truly was, and he didn't like that. What happened the day I called him on it set in motion one of the worst days of my life that would only lead to what has been the longest and loneliest three years.
And for fuck's sake, I could just tell her the entire story.
The problem is, she's been attached to Kincaid for nearly her whole life, and when I say even the smallest of negative things about him, she shuts down or we get in a fight. And it has always been that way.
She will never believe it. She'll just think I'm lying, trying to turn her against Jason. It's why I haven't really wanted to tell her since we've reunited; it had been too nice having her back in my life, even just for a couple days. I didn't want to fuck it up again.
But it seems like I managed to do that anyway.
I'm headed back into my room to crash and try to forget the last twenty-four hours ever happened when there's a light tap on my front door.
"Who the fuck is it now, the goddamn mayor?" I mutter under my breath. Ezra is the only one who ever comes over, and he always calls first.
But I would have been less shocked if it had been the mayor. Instead, on my front steps, stands Dominique, Sutton's bodyguard and best friend.
"What in the..." I say out loud, swinging open the door. "Dominique? What the hell are you doing here?"
"Hey, sorry to just show up like this, but I really need to talk to you about Sutton," she says, and I can tell it isn't in her nature to apologize to some guy she doesn't even know, and that it's most definitely out of her comfort zone to be here right now.
"Yeah, of course, come on in," I say, stepping aside and ushering her in. "Is she okay?"
My question comes out rushed and desperate, and I know I'm wearing my feelings for Sutton on my sleeve.
"Physically, yeah. But she's torn up about the way she left things with you yesterday," she says as she follows me into the kitchen, taking a seat on a barstool across from me.
I let out a sigh and rake my fingers through my hair for the hundredth time today. "She is?"
"Yeah. I tried to get her to talk to me the entire way home and explain what the fuck all that was about, but she just stared out the window of the Uber and cried."
My heart squeezes in my chest and I grip the strands of my hair in both hands, anger with myself mounting within me. I am so stupid. If I had just told her the other night, she wouldn't have come over here alone in the first place. She wouldn't have gotten jumped or cut, and she wouldn't have run out of here in tears. The thought of her crying, especially with me being the cause, guts me.
This is all my fault. I'm about to pour my heart out to this poor woman who barely knows me when she speaks again, unknowingly saving herself from my pathetic rambling.
"I know you're wondering why I'm here, so I'm not going to beat around the bush about it. I need your help."
I'm taken aback. I mean, yes, I'll admit, Dominique and I have spoken a couple of times here and there over the last couple weeks. Yesterday wasn't the first time we met.
She's caught me lurking around Sutton's apartment, the club, and the park, and she figured out who I was pretty fucking quick. The woman is tough as nails; I can see why Xavier hired her, but she's also smart as hell.
"What do you need me for?"
"When we got home yesterday, Sutton's day got even worse."
"How do you mean?"
"I knew this was a possibility, but I didn't know for sure, so I hadn't mentioned it to Sutton. She already has enough going on. But it's been confirmed; Xavier has to travel overseas. To Sicily, on Ring business. Something to do with the bank accounts...sounds pretty fucking shady if you ask me. But no one did, so..." She shrugs and continues, "Anyway, he told Sutton yesterday not long after we got home, and she didn't take it well."
The wheels in my head begin to turn, and I'm not a fan of the direction they're going. "Wait, she's not going with him, is she?" The idea of Sutton all the way across the Atlantic Ocean is not appealing to me.
Dominique shakes her head. "No. He needs her to stay to play at the club. Besides, I get the feeling this trip isn't going to be fun-in-the-sun for Xavier. He's going to be there for a while, and it's going to be a lot of 'work-related activities.'"
"Okay," I say, tilting my head to one side. "Why was she so upset? I'd think she'd like a little freedom from her dad for a bit."
But even as I say it, I know that's not going to be Sutton's situation. Especially after what happened today. I can't say I don't agree in that regard.
Dominique shakes her head, her braids swishing against her shoulders. "Freedom? I don't know you well, but I am certain you know better than that. Xavier is making her move in with Jason while he's gone."
I see red. Every emotion I've felt toward that man over the years comes crashing back into me like a tidal wave and I'm drowning in it.
"Over my dead fucking body," I grit out. "Absolutely not."
"Cool it, Alpha-hole. There's no arguing about it. It's happening. Tomorrow. But that's where you come in. I think you can make it bearable at least. And help me get back in her good graces because she's pissed at me too. For not telling her this was a possibility."
"How? What can I possibly do? Wouldn't she want to move in with her boyfriend?"
I know it's stupid for me to make such an immature remark, but I want to know what Dominique thinks of Sutton's confession.
Dominique wrinkles her nose.
"Boyfriend? Jason? Please. If you're referencing the kiss comment, that was a one-time thing. She finally told me about it last night. It seems like it was sort of a miscommunication...he leaned one way, she thought he was coming in for a kiss and she leaned the other, and..." She trails off and throws her hands in the air. "I don't know, man, it was a confusing story, I just know that it wasn't something she wanted."
The relief that I feel is insurmountable. A week ago...that means it was before I kissed her. Not to mention, it seems like it wasn't something that she initiated. This is a good sign.
But is it? Because that doesn't mean she wants me either. She's still pissed.
Unless whatever Dominique is suggesting can fix things. Because that is all I want.
"Okay, so...what can I do?"
"Xavier is taking his driver, Henry, with him to Sicily. I'm going to continue to do my job as normal while he's away, but I don't live with Sutton. I live with my parents; both of them are getting older, and when I took this job, I let Xavier know it was important to me that I was home every evening to spend as much time with them as I could. And as his second, with Xavier gone, Jason will be even busier with running the clubs."
And whatever illegal shit he's running on the side, I think, but remain quiet as she continues.
"Sutton will need a driver to take her to and from the club on Friday and Saturdays, along with anywhere else she needs to go. Not only that, but with the ambush on her that night at the club, what happened yesterday...now more than ever, we need to make sure she is protected. Xavier, Jason, and I all agreed that she needs a second bodyguard...who will be there around the clock. This is where you come in."
My eyes widen and I grip my thighs under the table. "Dominique, you can't possibly mean what I think you mean. Kincaid will never let it happen."
"I've been tasked to do the hiring. You would report to me. This decision has been placed solely in my hands." She pins me with a stare, making sure I catch her meaning.
I do. Jason can't block this decision, and neither can Xavier—not that he would. It would be done.
"Nicolai, please. I need you to do this. For Sutton. You want to make it up to her, I can see it. This is your chance to do that."
Fuck's sake. She's right. I know she is. I will never get another opportunity like this again. To be with Sutton all the time. To make her see how much I care about her...how I never stopped.
But most of all, to protect her from that bastard myself. Can I really pass that up?
How could I say no?
My biggest fear, though, is Sutton's rejection. What if I'm there, in her face all the time, and she still doesn't want me?
I don't know if I can handle that pain.