Ryan could tell that the city was changing around them; greys and browns being traded for cleaner, brighter colours, but he was disinterested. It was claustrophobic, all around him the buildings and sound seemed to smother him. He was used to the tight corners, but the noise was an annoyance, in the back of his mind like an inescapable itch.
A bustling city. He'd never been in one before.
"Where're we going?"
"There's a friend of mine who lives in the upper city," she told him. "He likes to collect little trinkets and if I find any... Let's just say he pays more than enough to keep everyone alive for days."
"Damn."
"Yeah, I know it's weird. But he's a weird guy."
"A weird guy?" He repeated.
"Yeah." She answered. "Really weird... If you know what I mean."
He didn't, but didn't really ask further. It felt like one of those 'wait and see' situations.
As expected, all around them the buildings disappeared. The blackened path, muddied walls and grime transformed as gradually as the sun started to rise. Soon they saw buildings that were actually intact, with polished stone and wood and shining windows.
The upper city was a god's palace compared to the lower slums below, with people wearing clothes that seemed to be barely worn for a day. He hadn't seen so few holes in shirts and jeans in a very long time.
Ryan felt exposed. Like he had a target painted brightly on his back and they were all digging their eyes into it. Leah seemed apparently unfazed. Almost comfortable in this place, but even he couldn't think that of her. She was just trying to put on a brave face.
"Just try to act normal." She advised under her breath, avoiding all the wandering eyes of the rich kids around her.
"That's easy for you to say..."
"Please, for once, just try to relax."
He did try. But it didn't work.
He apparently couldn't help but snarl and grimace at the people around him. Prejudice blinded him into seeing petty little things - caring only about silly things like fashion and money. Not food. Not water. Just how pretty a pair of jeans looked, the weather and how cold it was. As it always was.
Ryan saw a few shops that they passed that were in severe disrepair, with their bright neon signs falling apart. But they still were open with the obviously rich inside, furiously bartering goods as if everything was absolutely fine. It wasn't as if they needed the jewelery or strong soaps; it was just for... some sick enjoyment.
As if there wasn't another third world less a mile away from them, starving and stuck in a living hell. He felt numb by the hate he started to feel. The singe of jealousy that started to boil his blood in his veins. How could they live so freely when he had been fighting to live each day of his life? Of his brother's short life? How was that fair?!
"Ryan..." Leah was ahead, warning him with her stare.
He stormed beyond her. Catching himself watching them like they were aliens in his house. And noticing them watching him. His arm started to feel weird again... But he ignored it. Like he always would.
"Will you wait up!" She called to him. He didn't answer or slow down. "Hey..!"
He was annoyed. Green because of those rich, ungrateful little shits.
"Oi!" She was shouting, but then he heard her footsteps run toward and then in front of him. She was standing exactly in his way. Staring at him angrily. "What the hell, I thought we were walking together?"
"I'm not good company."
"Oh, come on." She groaned. "You're not seriously worried about the rich guys here, are you?"
"What? No."
"Look, they're fed good, yeah. But it's all fat, there's no muscle-!"
"It's not that, I could kick each one of them to the ground."
She smiled cheekily. "Do I detect a sense of jealously?"
"Me?" He laughed bitterly. "Now why would I be jealous of these fuckers?"
"I'd be surprised if you weren't."
"Well I'm not." He sneered. Lying straight through his teeth but not caring about it. "I bet not one of them has been hungry in their entire lives."
"Probably not," she shrugged. "But I guess that's what makes them different from us."
The mansion they began to approach was nothing like Ryan had ever seen before, which was a feeling that he was beginning to get used to. It was a huge building, with clean windows, thick doors and lights that shone in every room.
He was just impressed with how unbroken each window was, the rest of the building seemed to have a thin air of snobbery that Ryan could sense from miles away. Although the upper city reeked of it at every turn, here the stench was a thick fog.
Leah didn't head for this front door and instead went to another concealed entrance at the back of the house. This one was hidden, for only the staff. The servants of the larger men. When it was reached, she knocked a few times. And, as expected, a whithered old face appeared in a sharpened and patchwork suit roughly sewed together by hand. Dirtied by sweat and overuse.
There wasn't anything particularly amazing about the man that appeared before Ryan. He was dressed as any servant would be, smart, but not overly extreme. He had light grey hair and aged eyes, enough for old experiences of the beginning of the end to shine through but little else.
He wasn't someone who appeared servant material, however life had pushed him towards it. The pay was good, though. It was enough to keep his family alive. What was left of his family, anyway.
"Good evening, miss."
"Leave the act, Frank."
The man smiled, the polished accent instantly stripped. "Leah. Good to see you."
"I've got something new for him."
The old butler glanced at the bag with a twinkle in his eye. "This should please him, to be sure. What've you got?"
She got out something that Ryan saw and ignored all the time while scavenging.
Frank took it, handling the picture frame in both of his hands. It was made of glass with metal embellishments around the edge.
The picture within being of a lost and forgotten family on a sunny sea shore. A blue sky faded with age. White sand that might've been yellow at an early time. Things that Ryan never, ever saw in his life, and didn't expect to see. But Frank saw it as a treasure, handling it just as carefully. Ryan was less impressed.
"I'll give you a bag-full."
"So little?"
"It's the best I can do," he muttered. "After all, he's starting to get suspicious of my sources..."
Her eyes narrowed. "Is that a threat I hear, Frank?"
"'Course not."
"Good. Because I'd hate to tell your master how well you get along with a certain fugitive."
His voice shrank to a whisper. "You wouldn't dare."
"Maybe not. It depends on how much extra gets put into that certain bag."
"I can... I can put in an extra tin of stew that could be 'misplaced'."
"Just a can?"
"Any more and it'll get suspicious, alright? It's out of my hands."
A moment of consideration, Leah looked him up and down. Then she held out her hand with a slight smile. "You have a deal."
Ryan wasn't paying attention to them. Instead he was looking beyond to a lonely figure shivering against garbage bins near the rear of the house. This man seemed lost, a relic from the lower parts of the city. He wore rags that hung off his body and sunken skin upon his skeleton. It was obvious he hadn't eaten in at least a week. Probably more.
As Ryan approached, the old figure looked up. Grey matted hair blinding his vision, parchment skin that seemed as dry as leather and cloudy white eyes. He expected fear in them. Instead, he saw acceptance. He saw relief. He saw the final breaths of life. The man's eyes glassed over, staring into a nothing that wasn't there anymore. His mouth remaining open, as if calling for nourishment that never would come. His chest did not rise again.
"What's wrong?"
"It's just..." Ryan couldn't keep his eyes off of the man. The dead man. "I haven't seen anyone die like that."
"Like what?"
For moments, he couldn't find the word. Confusion furrowed his brow, causing him to concentrate. Remembering his brother's in quick, cold flashes past his memory. "Peacefully."
Leah looked to the old man. Without anything more to say, she slowly closed his eyes. He deserved more but that was all they could give. There was nothing more to be done.
"Let's go." She muttered.
"We're just gonna leave him?" He hissed. "Doesn't he get... I don't know, a burial? Anything?"
"No." Leah, for a moment, looked sickened and almost wanted to throw up. Not because of the old man, but what he would eventually become. Food for the rich. "Let's just... go."
"I don't want to just leave him."
"You don't know him. You don't owe him anything."
"Should I need to?" He asked, turning to her. "He died alone. The least we could do is give him a proper funeral."
"Ryan, we can't stay-"
"I'm not going anywhere." He muttered. "Not until I see some humanity in this place."
Leah sighed as she glanced at the fresh corpse. "You know what'll happen, don't you? 'Humanity' won't just leave him like this."
He didn't answer.
"But you know that... Don't you?"
He turned away. Suddenly losing interest for the corpse in the road.
"You can ignore me all you want, I know the face of a cannibal."
Ryan grabbed her shoulders and violently smashed her against the wall, pinning her there as he stared at her. He felt it in his veins... His body on fire and the visions he had of ripping her limb from limb. He could see the blood spurt and spit from the stumps of her arms, her screams and coughing against his inferno of anger and hate. His breathing rasped and became heavy, his heartbeat faster and faster.
A poison leaking into his mind.
Leah stared into his eyes bitterly, as if she knew what he would do and what he wouldn't do. But she didn't know anything. And for that, Ryan could at least be thankful. "Well what are you waiting for?"
"I'm not one of them." He hissed.
"Well who the hell are you then?" She snarled back. "Because I'd really like to know about now."
"You don't need to."
"I need to know whether I can trust you. Whether you'll keep those kids safe."
"That's not my problem."
"It's not your problem?" She repeated disgustedly. "They need people like us-"
"Like us? We're murderers, we kill people," he laughed humorlessly. "And we don't care! We just... we don't fucking care."
"That's why they need us. Because nobody else'll do it."
"How can you be so calm?" He spat angrily. "How can you just accept that you're a fucking killer?"
She smacked his hand from her neck with the back of her arm. She then kicked through his lower defenses and he stumbled for a moment of confusion. It was him against the wall now, struggling against her forearm that pressed against him like a vice, feeling her breath that froze his skin.
"I accept it because I have to," She hissed. "Every day of my life I spend making sure that those orphans, those abandoned kids, that they have something which I never had. A childhood. A moment where magic and anything could be possible, where there wasn't every inch filled with shit and death. Where Boss didn't breathe down each and every one of their necks making sure that they were working hard enough. A single moment where they could just be kids. Isn't that worth something to you? Are you so fucking heartless that you can't see what's right in front of your face?"
"I'm not a cannibal."
"Fine."
"So you believe me?"
"I didn't say that. Why do you need me to tell you? Be what you fucking want to be, it's not my problem."
Ryan hit her abdomen, making her grunt, bend over her chest and her eyes water; he kicked again, this time in her shoulder. It forced her to stand up again, but every inch of her cried out in pain, gasping. He pinned her shoulders to the wall, again the voices of his rage whispering to rip her apart - another vision filling his inner eye.
One where he didn't just leave her alone to die in the dark; where he began to eat her flesh. Tearing the meat apart with his bare hands, swallowing each chunk that slipped down his throat, blood spilling through his teeth.
He shook his head. His vision blurred a little.
"If you're going to kill me just do it." She muttered through gasps. "But if you land one hand on those kids I swear Heather'll rip you apart."
"I'm not..." Everything was disjointed. Each inch of the world turned and twisted, colours faded and brightened, he tried to blink free but it was a useless gesture. "Going to kill... you..."
"Why? Because you're not exactly doing the 'friend' thing very well."
"Friend." He repeated.
"Yes friend. Remember? That thing that I thought that we were. But apparently you're more interested in shooting me in the back."
"I... don't kill friends... I don't kill you..." Ryan let her go, not finding the strength to keep the grip. He fell down, feeling something gather at the back of his throat, his stomach flipping over and over again.
"Ryan...?" She asked, properly seeing the sweat that dripped past his brow. "Ryan, what's wrong?"
"G-get away... Get a-away from. Me." He was cold. But he was also hot.
She stepped back a moment, allowing him to throw up the weird white lumpy stew. She didn't know what was going on. Hell, she'd never seen anyone do this about some dead guy - people died all over the place, all the time. But she heard something. A patrol.
There wasn't much that came before he tried to stand again, gasping with half-closed eyes. Leah bent down, taking one of her arms underneath his pit. Letting him lean on her. "Right, can you walk?"
He managed to nod slightly. He didn't know where it came from; he never, ever acted rashly or angrily like that. It came from nowhere, which concerned him for a brief second of ignorant bliss. But then he remembered. He had been bit.
Such stupidly irrational anger and the bite... It couldn't be coincidence.
For a brief moment, he looked to the corpse of the old man. He, at least, had lived a life. Even if it was barely half of one in the city. Ryan wondered how death felt... And if it would be so easy for him.
****
Leah had managed to take him to what used to be a lake. There was a huge hole in the earth, one which she could see would be able to hold a large expanse of water. But now it was all gone. Replaced with a water tower and various machines that were able to clean and recycle anything that came from the upper city. Even urine was used.
It was genius, when she thought about it. There was no way that she would ever think of anything like that, but it was keeping the water systems within the city working. And there wasn't a limitation of the amount of water that was within the sunken ground. Leah wasn't smart. She never went to school and all she knew was how to fight.
Sometimes she wished she could've had the chance to go to school. To be some kind of... normal.
Beyond that were the farms. A load of metal farms filled with the elderly that didn't have the strength for the factories or the mines below the ground. The place where they got all their grain but didn't once go to find out what else was there. Nobody could, nobody was allowed, it just never happened. It wasn't curfew, it was just fact - if you left the city, went outside the walls, then you'd be shot.
Living or dead, that was the order given. Living or dead.
She had hoped to go to one of those farms one day, to see some grass rather than concrete. To feel the wind through trees rather than deadmen smacking against windows or cold sweat running down her neck.
Leah had laid Ryan on the ground here rather than back at the house because he needed a bit of sleep. A bit more space away from the kids. She was still angry at him, herself and this entire stupid situation. How could she think that he was different? He was a liar. A selfish liar that made her think like an idiot.
It wouldn't happen again.
Ryan stirred, groaning and holding his head that thudded loudly.
Leah kicked him. "Get up."
"Argh... Leah?"
"Yep. Your worst nightmare." She kicked him again, harder than before.
"My worst-" Then he remembered, a sharp pain in his side. "Leah, I'm-"
"Save it. I'm tired of you and being nice so I'm just going to come out with it."
He sat up, dizzy, but taking everything in.
"I can't hunt for stuff forever." She told him. "I've been trying to find somebody who can help Heather and the kids when I go. So I need you to do it for me.
"I've shown you what's at stake. If I stop for one moment, Heather will have to give them up to Boss. Then they'll probably become his foot-soldiers against the dead, maybe they'll be lucky and work in the Northern fields as slaves a mile or two away. Either way they won't last long."
"Do I have a choice?"
"Shut up." She growled. "I told you I stopped with being nice. Because you think that you're so high and mighty by surviving in the wilderness, thinking you've had it rough. You have no idea what people have to go through to stay alive.
"You want out? Then get out." She gestured in the other direction. At a broken road that went into the distance. "There's the way back into your part of the city. You'll go back to surviving and I'll go back to the kids and Heather. Come with me or don't, it's your choice."
"If you need me so much why are you giving me a choice?"
"Because you deserve one." She muttered angrily. "Despite everything, you, at least, need a choice to go. This place doesn't get better, Ryan. So I'll understand if you want out."
He looked down the road, seeing the concrete roast under the sun. He knew what was at the end of it. And he wasn't sure whether he could face it alone. But Alan was also there... waiting for him at the very end. With their parents. He still... He had to have time.
The effects weren't really starting yet, for all he knew it would be months. However much he had, it could be enough... Maybe to to do what he thought was impossible. He would be able to do some good in this godless domain. Maybe find some redemption.
That was what God was all about, right? Finding redemption?
Ryan thought for a moment, then nodded. Yeah. That's what he'd do. Try and find redemption for the things that he'd done. Try to buy his way into heaven.
"I'll help you."
"Fine, go! See if I care-!" Leah stopped abruptly, turning to face Ryan, in complete disbelief. "You... You actually want to help? What happened to 'it's not my problem'?"
He thought for a moment. Excuses upon excuses flying past him . "I... I was angry. Confused."
"Aren't we all?"
"I guess so." He chuckled. "Look those things I said-"
"Apology accepted."
"Who said that I was going to apologise?"
"Well that was what you were going for, right?"
"Uh... Yeah."
She smiled. "I'm sorry too. Even though you had it coming."
"Oh yeah?" He felt his body get back into gear. Almost back to normal, but still a little shaky. "Think you can take me again?"
"Sure I can," She replied, readying her hands and giving him a taunting smile. "You had me off guard, that's all."
Ryan was already up on his feet, fists clenched in reply. But it was Leah who struck first, swiping her hand inches from him, hoping to catch him. He ducked and took her by suprise with a vicious barrel into her stomach, with both his hands flying her into the air.
She was laughing and he was too, it was weird. Happiness which came from terror and fear. She managed to squirm out of his grasp, but flew out and landed hard on her back; still she smiled, despite squirming a little at the same time.
He was about to do a killer move - smashing the rest of his body into hers in a single move, pulling out no stops for her or compensating for being a girl. She was tough, she could take it. Leah rolled out of the way just before he landed, exact timing making him on the floor and she quickly crawled on top of him, sitting on his chest, pinning both arms down with her knees and grinning as well as panting.
"Give up?"
He tried to kick up, but she still had him down.
"Say please," she smiled. "And maybe I'll consider it."
He gestured with his head. "Come closer."
Leah was skeptical, but leaned forward, putting her ear near his mouth. It was an instant later that he headbutt the side of her cheekbone, it hurt him more than it did her, but it was enough to keep her distracted for a moment.
Then the tables turned.
He was pinning her down with his arm on her neck, pressed enough for her not to get up, but not strangling her. He felt her struggle, but it wasn't enough, not to make him get off. Ryan waited until she gave up and her legs stopped flailing. Mostly out of annoyance rather than exhaustion.
"Give up?"
"Ha!" She sighed, trying to find some way through his defenses. There were none. "You wish!"
"Come on, Leah. We're getting old here."
"It's fine - I'm... I'll handle it."
"Then what're you waiting for?" He teased.
She grunted. A final effort against him. "Alright you're better than I expected."
He gave her a look.
Leah rolled her eyes. "Fine. You're much better, will you get off me now?"
"I'm waiting."
"You're such an arsehole!"
"Yeah, I know. Come on, say please."
"Pretty please, Ryan, get off me so I can kick your arse for you."
He smiled as he got off her. Brushing off the dirt off his shirt and jeans before looking at her doing exactly the same. But she was looking at him closely.
"What?"
"Nothing." She turned her eyes away. Hiding a blush.
It was an obvious lie, but Ryan didn't question it. They walked together a little while, talking as normally as any other teenagers would. As if the sky above them wasn't stained a permenant, sickly orange and the sun wasn't roasting at their backs.
The afternoon died away and was replaced by a huge white moon that seemed to shine brighter as they returned to Leah's home. Travelling through the upper city and then back into the loudness of the slums of the city.
Everything was ignored, there was no sadness or hatred or any sort of need for survival or the search for the next meal or water. A long time ago he knew this feeling. One which was carefree and entirely based on wants rather than what was needed. Ryan had never in his life just felt so... normal.
And the strangest thing was, that neither had Leah.