Surprisingly, you woke up.
You weren't disappointed - not in the slightest. But you were definitely surprised. After you'd collapsed in the grass, you weren't expecting to open your eyes again.
You weren't sure how long it had been, but it was still light out. You squinted at the sun, blocked by some exceptionally large trees.
Levi.
Frantically, you tried to sit up, but it proved to be a mistake. "Fuck," you cursed as you fell back. Everything hurt.
"Y/N! Oh, thank god!"
You blinked stupidly. "Hange...?"
Hange crouched down next to you. You saw the relief in her gaze. "You haven't been out for long," she said, her hand resting over the top of yours. "How do you feel?"
"Like shit," you replied, your throat feeling like sandpaper.
"I found the posting site and grabbed some things, but I couldn't leave you two alone for too long," Hange said as she handed you a canister filled with water. You gulped down the contents greedily. "I need to go back, now that you're awake to keep watch. I don't think anyone will be pursing us now, but just in case."
You nodded, but winced when you felt like your head was about to explode. "Levi," you breathed.
"Behind you."
Hange reached for you, helping you up into a seated position. You twisted around, ignoring the fire in your ribs. Hange picked a good hide-out spot. You were surrounded by thick trees and bushes. You could faintly make out the sound of running water; you weren't far from the river.
Your eyes landed on Levi, and you held back a sob. His face and body was clean of blood - which made you feel a lot better - and there was a bandage wrapped around his head, covering the scars that the thunder spear had caused. One of his eyes was covered by the bandages, and you frowned. You had no idea what condition his eye would be in. But it didn't matter. As long as he was alive.
Your gaze flicked down to his hand. Two fingers were missing.
Tears filled your eyes.
"Levi," you whispered, reaching out for him. Your fingertips fell against the side of his face. You turned back to Hange. "He'll be okay?"
She nodded sternly. "He's an Ackerman. Anyone else, and they would've been killed."
You swallowed hard, your fingers still resting lightly on his cheek.
"Did he take the brunt of it?"
Tears welled in your eyes, but you rapidly blinked them away. "He... He pushed me out of the cart. Got in front of me."
Hange nodded along. "What happened?" she asked softly.
You wished you didn't remember. "Zeke turned everyone into Titans. Everyone who drank the wine, I think. We killed them all, but I hit my head and blacked out. When I woke up..." you trailed off, but you shook your head. You'd have to acknowledge it sooner or later. "When I woke up, Levi was gone. I found cart tracks and I followed them until I found him. He- He had Zeke tied up with a thunder spear in his stomach, and... and the cord was wrapped around his neck."
Hange inhaled. "Zeke set it off himself."
You nodded. "We didn't realise."
Silence fell upon you.
"How injured am I?" you asked softly.
Hange smiled at you and squeezed your hand - she was yet to let go. "You have three broken ribs. Two fractured." You glanced down at yourself. Your ribs were wrapped tightly with bandages. "And you had a piece of thunder spear lodged into your side, but I got it out and stopped the bleeding." Your eyes flicked down to your hip. Just above your hipbone on your left side was more bandages. "And you have a concussion." Your eyes met hers. "Your legs have a few cuts and bruises, but nothing major." She shrugged.
"Wow," you said, not really knowing how to react.
"Doing any form of exercise is going to be painful, but Levi's worse off than you are. He took a lot of the heat of that explosion... It definitely would've killed you. He'll be out for a while."
You had to swallow the bile rising up in your throat. Your gaze flickered to Levi, and your shoulders sank.
Hange noticed that you needed a few moments to yourself. "Are you good to stay awake and keep watch? I need see what I can salvage from that cart."
"Yeah. I can."
"Perfect." Hange handed you rifle, and you looked at her quizzicaly. "We had two pursuers," he said, her voice quiet. "So... we have two."
Oh. Hange killed them.
You didn't say anything, but you took the gun and nodded at Hange. "I'll stay awake," you said, not knowing if it was entirely true. "Do you need help?"
"No," she said softly, her hand coming down to pat your head. "You can help me by resting. I won't be long."
You nodded and met Hange's gaze. "Thank you," you murmured gratefully. "We would've died without you."
Hange smiled softly. "Of course."
She took off, jogging through the trees, leaving you on the makeshift bed that she'd made. It was just two blankets on top of each other, with you and Levi in between. But it was better than laying on the grass. You clutched the rifle next to you as you scanned your surroundings. It was too open, but there wasn't anything you could've done about it.
You looked back to Levi. He looked calm.
Carefully, you shifted yourself across the blanked to be closer to him. Without Hange, you would've bled out on the riverbed. Or you would've been discovered by the Jaegerists and shot to death.
You leaned down and kissed his chest, right over his heart. "Darling," you whispered, your lips dusting his skin.
Of course, he didn't reply.
There was no harm in talking to him, though. You lifted your head, staring at his face. "You saved me," you said, lifting your hand to gently cup his cheek. "I would've died if it wasn't for you."
He looked so pretty. No matter what he looked like underneath those bandages, you knew that he'd be captivating.
"I don't know if you can hear me," you murmured. "I'm sorry." Even though he didn't wake up to witness you panicking after the explosion, you still felt the need to apologise. "After the explosion... when I woke up, I... I wanted to give up. I don't know what I was thinking."
That was a lie.
I was thinking of life without you.
You sighed, reaching back down to his hand. "I don't have a life without you," you murmured, kissing his skin once again. "I can't lose you."
You looked up at him again, your thumb brushing against the back of his hand.
"Thank you," you whispered. "For not leaving me.
You leaned in slowly, your ribs screaming at you, and pressed your lips to Levi's unbandaged cheek. He didn't move, didn't stir, and tears sprung into your eyes. You squeezed your eyes shut, your head pounding.
His skin was was warm beneath your lips. "I love you."
You hoped he could hear you.
After a while, Hange returned. You were tired, but you spent the entire time she was gone holding onto Levi's hand. Hange was dragging a giant tarp that she's piled high with supplies. "I got a lot, but I need to go back for a second trip."
"Let me help," you suggested.
As soon as you tried to stand, a wave of dizziness overtook you. "No!" Hange snapped, gripping your shoulders and gently pushing you back down. "You need to rest."
You bit your lip and sunk back down into the blankets. "Yes, Commander," you said with a roll of your eyes.
Hange grinned. "You got that right."
Silence fell, but it wasn't uncomfortable. A cold breeze washed over you, and you shivered.
"I'll grab you a shirt," Hange said as she started rummaging through her supplies.
You looked down, only just realising that all that was covering your bare chest and torso were bandages. Hange threw a shirt at you, and you sighed as you put it on. You didn't bother with buttoning it up - it was just Hange and Levi, and you didn't want to be that restricted with your movement.
God, you were so tired. Hange already had a fire going, and you were so warm. All you wanted to do was curl up to Levi and sleep.
"You okay?" Hange asked softly.
You shrugged. "Yeah. Fine."
She studied you warily, then accepted your answer with a nod. "Alright. I need to run back to the post quickly. You good to keep watch again?"
"Yeah. Anything you want me to do in the meantime?"
"Rest," Hange said strictly.
You pinched your lips together. "Alright."
Her eyes softened. "Keep an eye on Levi. He doesn't look like he'll wake up anytime soon, but who knows."
"Of course."
With that, Hange was gone again, back in the direction of the destroyed outpost that you and Levi had stayed in. You leaned to the side, clutching the rifle once more. You'd done some training with these, but you preferred your knives.
"We'll be okay," you murmured to yourself. Then you glanced at Levi. "We'll be okay."
Hange came back sometime later with pieces of a broken cart. Her plan was to repair it so that she could cart Levi around. Once she'd set all the pieces to the side, she sat in front of the fire, leaning against a crate.
You awkwardly crawled your way over to her; if you stood, you didn't know if you'd pass out.
Hange raised her eyebrows at you as you sat next to her, your back pressing against the wood of the crate. "Feeling alright?" she asked.
"I'm fine."
"Don't lie."
You sighed, lifting one hand to cup your forehead. "It hurts like shit, but I've had worse. I'll be up again in no time."
Hange stared at you for a moment. "You're already thinking of going back."
You blinked, surprised. "You're not?"
She sighed, crossing her arms and letting them rest on her knees. God, she looked so tired. "We can't stop Zeke on our own," she murmured. "We have to trust Commaner Pyxis and Amrin. We can't do anything from here. Not in this state."
Realism or pessimism. You weren't quite sure what you were witnessing. Either way, you stayed quiet, unsure about what you could've said to make Hange feel better.
"Eren and Zeke will just use Zeke's spinal fluid to control the whole island," she continued softly. "Even if Eren betrays Zeke, the Jaegerists won't stop. We'll be on the run for the rest of our lives."
The rest of your lives - however much longer that was.
From what you were hearing, Hange had dropped the idea of trying to help stop Zeke and Eren all together. But you couldn't blame her. What could the three of you have done? Levi wasn't even awake yet.
But you weren't alone.
You thought of your friends: Mikasa, Connie, Jean, Armin... Sasha and Eren.
God, how did things get this bad?
You rested your head on Hange's shoulder, and she placed her head on top of yours. Your eyes flickered to the fire. The flames were a brilliant orange, mimicking a sunset. You stared at it, unwilling to look away.
"Maybe we should just live here together," Hange said.
Your lips twitched. "I like the sound of that."
"Yeah?" Hange grabbed your hand, holding on tight.
"Mhm..." you humed. The fire crackled, and both of you fell sient. After a few moments, you spoke up again. "Levi and I spoke about it once... Running away and leaving it all."
"Hm," Hange hummed "When?"
"After our time off. The day we got back to training." You kept your eyes on the fire. "We, uh... We want to open a tea shop," you said quietly. "In town. We want to live the rest of our lives like that."
The both of you stayed quiet for a moment.
"So why haven't you?" Hange asked. "Left it all, I mean?"
Your smile dropped slightly. "He told me that if I asked him to, he would." You sighed softly to yourself. "But he knew I'd never be able to. Not when..."
Hange spoke up. "Not when you have people you need to protect," she said thoughtfully. "Not when your friends are in danger. Not when you're addicted to the action."
You didn't reply. That was exactly the reason why.
"What do you want to do?" you asked, changing the direction of the conversation. "After this is all over."
Hange was silent for a moment. Then, "I don't know," she said. "I haven't really thought about it before."
You squeezed her hand.
"I'd definitely be at your tea shop everyday," she said. "To annoy the hell out of Levi, of course."
You chuckled. "Of course."
There was silence again. But something came to mind.
"I hate not being in control," you said. Hange stayed silent, letting you talk. "I can control what happens on the battlefield, when we fight the Titans. The politics, the negotiations, that's out of my hands - but in the action, I'm in charge, because I'm one of the best ones out there."
Hange hummed.
"Or maybe I'm just addicted to the action." You paused. "Maybe I was."
"Was?"
You shrugged, flicking your eyes to Levi. He was fast asleep. "I forgot we could get hurt."
Hange didn't say anything to that.
"I'm sorry," you murmured. "I can't stay out of the action. Not with so many lives at stake, but... I definitely won't enjoy it anymore."
She didn't reply.
"And I know you can't stay out of it either," you said softly. "You wouldn't have brought stuff back to make a cart. I can't imagine trying to run and hide for the rest of my life, knowing I can help and make an impact. And I know you're the same."
"I guess so," Hange mused. "That would be a pathetic way to die, anyway. I'm looking for glory. I want to look as cool as possible."
You grinned. "Yeah. Something fancy." You thought for a moment, then spoke again. "I never thought I'd hear you talk about death so lightly."
"Yeah, well..."
You stiffened up, suddenly on edge.
"I think we've all thought about it," she said softly. You looked directly into the fire, unwilling to look at her, to see how exhausted she looked. "Dying, I mean. I think everyone wants to have their death mean something. To go out doing something important, you know?"
"I..." you said tentatively. "I don't think anyone wants to die for nothing."
A thick blanket of tension rested over you. You were edging a touchy subject.
"Have you ever thought you were going to die?" you asked quietly.
Hange nodded. "Once."
"When?"
"When Bertholdt transformed. In Shiganshina."
You paused, trying to collect your thoughts. This conversation was weighing down on you. "Moblit saved you," you recalled.
"Hm," she hummed, and it sounded like she was far away. "I was devastated."
"But you came back to us alive. You helped us take down Reiner. We never could've done that without you."
She didn't say anything for a while.
Your heart clenched. "We need you, Hange. We always do."
She didn't reply.
"I need you."
You felt Hange smile against your hair. "What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Have you ever thought you were going to die?"
"Oh, of course," you said with a bitter smile. "I don't really have the best of luck, do I?" you joked, making Hange's lips twitch. "Four times, to be specific."
Hange stayed silent, letting you speak.
"When I got kidnapped. Just after the Scouts became free again. When I got taken to that crystal cave," you said. "Then again in Shiganshina, when I got swallowed by a Titan. And then when I got shot..."
"And the fourth?"
"A few hours ago," you admitted. "When you found us." You cast your gaze towards him. "I know it would've taken me a while to bleed out. But I thought he was dying, which made me feel like I was dying."
Hange didn't say anything, her gaze trained on the fire.
"I... don't know what I would've done if I lost him," you admitted. "And the same goes for you." You squeezed her hand. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you."
All was quiet for a few moments. You lifted your head from Hange's shoulder and met her gaze. It felt like you were communicating with so much more than words.
"We'll make it," she whispered softly. "You and Levi will get to open your tea shop, and I'll be there everyday."
You nodded. "We'll make it."
Hange looked relaxed. You smiled to yourself. "I'm going to build a damn cart."
"Can I help?"
"You can sleep," Hange said. "You need all the rest you can get so we can fight."
"Alright," you groaned. "I'll sleep."
Hange, satisfied with your answer, nodded. You awkwardly crawled back over to Levi, who still looked as beautiful as always. You collapsed next to him and looked towards the sky.
"You're not missing much," you mused, resting your head on a folded up cape that Hange had placed there as a pillow. "There aren't many stars out."
He didn't reply.
You sighed, and reached over to place your hand on his chest. "I love you," you murmured, already starting to drift off.
You fell asleep with the sporadic crackling of fire in the background.