Orange immediately blushed when she saw me at breakfast and I couldn't help feeling weird too. I tried really hard thinking about something to say but had no idea what. Now that I had completely sobered up I had no idea why I did that and felt horrible. I really wanted to apologize but had no idea what to say. I really just wanted to compliment Orange but illustrated my words with actions which was too much. Not knowing what to say I just grabbed Orange's sleeve out of nowhere after breakfast:
"I am so sorry about this morning. I meant every word. You are gorgeous but I shouldn't have made you uncomfortable. I pushed you too far. I am so sorry it will never happen again. I promise."
I talked without breathing terrified of Orange being mad at me. She always ran away when I teased her too much but yesterday it was different and I felt it. She pinned me down which meant she didn't like it. I was a horrible person. What would I do if Orange hated me? I finally opened up to someone but what if that person pushed me back? I couldn't have that. I...
"It's okay."
I didn't dare look at her face while apologizing but suddenly looked up hearing her say those words.
"You didn't make me uncomfortable.
-Really?"
Orange blushed but she really looked fine. How could she be fine after what happened? Wait, no. That was for the best. She wasn't mad. It seemed I had stressed about nothing.
"Are you sure?
-Yes.
-I never want to make you uncomfortable."
Orange was blushing more and more thinking back to what happened that night. She said everything was fine but then why did she look like this? Would she lie to make me feel better? That made me feel worse. It was completely on me. I had to pay attention to the way I was acting. I couldn't lose Orange. I couldn't make a mistake again.
After our talk, things went back to the way they were. It was way easier than I thought and I was relieved but I didn't dare touch Orange for a few days nevertheless. I was happy that things didn't turn awkward between us. That was the most important thing but I couldn't make her uncomfortable again. She never pushed me back before. I couldn't help feeling hurt and that was horrible. Everyone had their boundaries and we should respect them. Her not wanting me to do something didn't mean she didn't like me. I knew all of this and calmed down. Orange would never do something I didn't like and neither would I. I had to be the best friend for Orange.
However I couldn't forget about what had happened for some reason and felt that I needed to talk about it to someone. Orange was the person I talked about everything to so I had no idea who to turn to now. For the first time I needed someone to talk to, I had no one. I opted for Prissy and invited her for tea without Orange for the first time in years. I felt a bit guilty but I couldn't ask about Orange in front of her. We started talking about banal topics for a few minutes but soon I couldn't hold out anymore:
"I heard there is a new pastry shop that opened in town. They became quite popular in a matter of days and I heard that they had some specialty of the name of...
-Is it normal to be close to your friends?"
Prissy opened wide eyes before putting her cup down and smiling warmly:
"Did Orange and you have a fight? It is the first time I'm seeing you two separated."
I thought about us having a fight and laughed. How would we have a fight? Orange was never mad at me and she was too perfect for me to get mad at her. Even this morning, she wasn't mad, she was just pushed too far. It was entirely on me I shouldn't have touched her lips. No, stop thinking about that. But they were so pretty. Were her lips always that pretty? Oh my God what was wrong with me? Was there alcohol in this tea?
"No, we are completely fine. But this has nothing to do with her. I just wanted to know if it was normal being tactile with your friends. I don't know how much is normal.
-Of course it is. Friends are there to support you in your darkest as well as your brightest days. They could do that through words or presence but others could be there physically by hugging you or holding your hand. We all have different ways of expressing our support and love.
-So it is normal for me to be tactile with my friends.
-Of course it is. As long as they don't feel uncomfortable."
I felt relieved. I was just being a good friend. Orange was always very shy but she never hated my touch and never told me to stop, on the contrary. As children I would ask her if I could hug her and she would always nod. Slowly I stopped asking but told her to say no if she didn't like it. She never did so as years passed by. Therefore I just hugged her knowing that she wouldn't push me back. That didn't mean I wasn't paying attention. She always pulled me closer and always welcomed my touches with a smile. So was this okay? I had to have a talk with Orange and know what her limits were. I knew that she liked my touch but I didn't want to make her uncomfortable nevertheless. I was going to hold back and see what was okay and what wasn't. We should have had this talk way before now that I was thinking about it but every time I asked something of the sort, Orange would always say it was okay. What if she didn't dare tell me the truth? I had to pay more attention.
Following this thought, when we woke up the next day and Orange put on a blue dress and looked adorable I was ready to jump on her and hug her but I held back at the last second and only complimented her orally:
"You look amazing, Orange. As gorgeous as ever."
She blushed as usual and I saw that she was being shy but that was different from being uncomfortable. Everyone liked compliments and I wanted her to know how good she looked. It was important for people's self-esteem.
"You look way better."
I laughed and we left for class but as soon as I walked into the classroom I felt that this was going to be an interesting day. I sat down next to Azore and soon after Astéria walked in and came up to my table to greet me:
"Good morning."
I smiled and greeted her too. Having said what she wanted, Astéria went to sit down and the next second the teacher came in. Everyone went silent and took out their books but we didn't start the lesson straight away. Instead the teacher put down her bag and turned to us:
"As you may know, the open day is fast approaching. Every class must prepare something for that occasion so I would like you to start thinking about what you would like to do. Gather your ideas and we will come back to this next week at the same time."
I had completely forgotten about open day. The book changed so much that it didn't feel like I was still in it. Originally, Astéria was supposed to dance during the open days. Her classmates wanted to bully her and make fun of her so they told her that they were going to do the show all together but then left her all alone and changed the music. They thought Astéria would cry and crumble and they would have a good laugh but seeing this as an occasion to seduce the crown prince, she took her courage into her own hands and improvised perfectly. The scene sounded amazing in the book. I didn't really like watching people dance but it was different with women. There was something captivating about their bodies when they knew how to dance and I could look at it for hours. I didn't want Astéria to be bullied but I had to admit that I really wanted to see her dance with my own eyes. Just imagining it I could feel my nose start bleeding.
But would our class still do a dance show? Astéria wasn't being bullied openly anymore because she didn't look that fragile anymore so would the show change? I was kind of excited about this. I didn't really like being the center of attention but it would be fun if the whole class was doing it and I couldn't stop thinking about what I wanted to do.
Being lost in thought lately I didn't look where I was walking at school and got lost. I had no idea how I managed to get lost in that building after so many months but I did. It frustrated me but being used to it I just gave up and continued walking up and down focused on my thoughts. When I woke up someone was holding me by the waist. I looked up and I could see Astéria looking down at me with worried eyes:
"Are you okay? I called your name two times but you didn't answer."
I looked at her hand and Astéria immediately let me go:
"I'm sorry. There was a wall and I was scared you would walk in it."
I looked up and in fact there was a wall there. This made me smile:
"Don't worry. I'm used to walking into things when I'm lost in thought.
-Is there something on your mind?
-No, everything is fine. Thank you for helping me."
I was going to leave when Astéria coughed shyly:
"Are you perhaps... Lost by any chance?"
I turned back with a smile:
"I have a horrible sense of direction. I am surprised that I didn't get lost until now."
Now that I was thinking about it, I rarely walked alone. That must have been the reason why.
"If you don't mind, I could help you find your way.
-Oh, thank you. I would appreciate that."