.
.
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A good cup of tea could never disappoint, especially if your sister made it for you. Never got sick of it. I mean, hell, you could never go wrong with a good book in hand too. It was like retirement but without wrinkles.
But when my phone rang and I picked it up, I knew tonight wasn't gonna feel like that anymore. I pressed answer and:
[It took me a while, couldn't send it earlier.]
I was right.
I went to my desk. I opened my laptop and went straight to my emails. But before anything else, I went and locked the door.
[The place was a mess.] He sighed with the melancholy of a griever.
When I finally sat down, I clicked on the attachment and soon enough a picture popped up.
[Apparently, his hands had epoxy in them. You'll get it.]
It was him, just leaning back in his chair.
The first thing that caught my eye was the can of beer lodged in his mouth. There was a wine bottle in each hand, with his arms spreading wide. Just dangling and unmoving.
[His throat was stretched to the fucking limit.] His raspy throat had me thinking he was probably holding something back in his throat.
His desk was splattered all over with something red. And his office looked like an earthquake aftermath. Papers, books, broken glass, his medals, and whatnot. Ruined and all over the floor. The window behind him was shattered with a few red smearings on its center.
One thing to note was that his stomach was a little more bloated than I remembered. You'd think a balloon was in there.
[They said he was awake at the time.] His voice was graveling up.
Another thing that made me squint was his neck. It looked absolutely mangled. Dislocated to the absolute and stretched like dough.
It showed that it was a three-set. I clicked on the second. It was just him naked, lying flat on a metal table. Everything else was just white walls and shelves and cabinets. Livor mortis spread like the plague from his back to his legs. His face didn't look peaceful. At all.
I took in a deep breath.
Finally, I clicked on the third. It looked to be a close-up of-Jesus fucking Christ, a disgusting mess. It was a picture, but it felt like the blood was actively leaking out of his stomach, and I had the light-headed idea that his guts were beginning to as well.
In the middle of all that, there was a single bottle, just there. Like it was shoved in.
[All the brandy and whiskey on his shelves were drained. Every fucking drop.]
[He really does-did live up to his namesake.] It sounded like a grunt, but it was meant to be a quip. Definitely. That's why he went silent after that. Before muttering: [I'm sorry...]
[Sometimes I wonder if I've seen enough.] He muttered. Then, he sighed, with his tone getting brighter until he took a deep breath and said:
[Hey, get out of your house. Go get some fresh air.] He sounded like a dad trying to use a soft tone.
[Go get wasted, ok? Do that for me.] He did it again.
"Say hello to your wife for me." No quips for today. A mutter was enough. Then I hung up. I went downstairs, wearing my dark forest green jacket with black pants and all.
"Going out?"
She was lying on the sofa with a magazine in hand. Old magazine.
"Yeah," I mumbled.
She started standing up.
"Wow, why?" She looked at me with a raised brow.
"Just something I need to do." I shrugged in return.
She then made her way to the door frame, leaning on it.
"You okay? You look tired." Always a sister.
"Going outside, right? Want anything?" Now that was close enough to be witty. I think she knew.
"Out of shampoo." Always my sister after all.
"Will do," I muttered while tying my shoelaces.
"Thanks~"
I turned away from her.
"You can go have dinner without me."
I figured she was weirdly staring at me, maybe, I don't know. But she did give me a normal sendoff. Quite paranoid inducing.
.
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Going around wherever my feet took me to. I never really kept my eyes on anything after a second or two, it always just glance, take eyes off. Glance, take eyes off. But when all's said and done, I did make a choice. To step into the doors of a Konbini and buy some cigarettes, a lighter, and a beer.
By the time the clock on my wrist struck seven thirty, I'd already walked into some area I wasn't too familiar with. After some time, I stumbled upon some random park where I found myself on a bench and just sat there, doing nothing. Just hunched over in my seat.
Afterward, I took the can out of the plastic bag and opened it up. Just drinking, one sip at a time. It only took me a minute or two before it went empty. Then, I pulled the cigarettes out. I lit it up and had a slow puff.
The closest light post was twenty or so meters from my right, so my view of the place was decently clear. But it didn't reach me all the way. The only part that did was my hand. Actually, the only thing lit up was the empty can.
I stared at it long and hard. And just then, I began to bear grip it, until it got crushed.
He wasn't the best to hang out with. You probably didn't want him as your boss. But he was done dirty.
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I stayed there for about thirty more minutes. Then thereafter I left and went back to Main Street.
I'd walked along a not-so-busy avenue on the way there, though. Not a bright place, most of the people walking around were dim in my sight. The streetlights barely helped. Besides the rattles of the stores' roll-up doors closing left and right, the area could go dead quiet for dozens of seconds without an engine's idle purr fussing my ears. It was barely nine, but whatever. Business probably wasn't booming.
My eyes were on the pavement anyhow, with my shoes coming into view in intervals. But just then, I heard something and now shoes that weren't mine were closing in. I looked up.
"Ah."
Her jaded eyes widened up, but that calmed down in a second, and soon after she made a casual smile.
"Oh, hi Senpai." It lacked the usual Isshiki.
Her pink-beige long-sleeve with black skirts and stockings matched the office setting. There was even an ID dangling from its lace.
"Isshiki." My mutter also lacked what she lacked.
"Senpai, what are you doing out here?" She cocked her head forward and raised her brows. It looked kinda innocent.
"Nothing much." The lights really were dim.
Her eyes squinted. "Ehhh? That sounds awfully suspicious~" Oh, there it was. I was sure my eye twitched a bit there. No matter, I was gonna take another step, but right as I did she made a soft clap.
"Senpai, for your sake, I suggest we go somewhere with people. How about the mall or-"
"Eh? Are you asking me out on a date? Sorry, but I'd like to decline that." Every word was monotone. My mouth was in a quick dash like I needed to say it.
After I finished, she slowly had her brows furrowing and lips grimacing. You could say she was seconds away from groaning.
"Creepy much?" My eyes were deadpan.
"Creepy much." Her's were as well. Success.
I knew. Kinda impulsive in hindsight, so I did it. I sighed. It was time to get out of there.
"And now," But she pointed at me with a low grumble. My eyes focused on her index.
"you have to make up for it." I could see a micro smile curving.
Some part of me wanted to be witty and do a 'Sure, I do'. Instead, I shrugged and pulled my phone out. Still not eight. Fuck it.
"Mall, is it? What, any new bag you wanna check out?"
Both her brows went high for just a second, and then she grinned. But it had a nervous jitter to it.
"Um, actually, it's not that." Same with her voice.
I tilted my head forward.
"Lipstick? The kind of premium Komachi got, is that it?"
"It's also not that." She raised an open palm to her chest. I squinted as my eyes darted left to right.
"Is it those skirts again? I tell you, I can't-"
"Senpai-" She sounded in a rush.
But right as she was about to say another word, she closed her lips as a meek grumble rang in both our ears. She hastily slouched and hugged her stomach, with me just glancing at her. And I was met with a livid glare. I didn't break into a cold sweat. Her blushing pout just wasn't helping.
"Pick a place." I sighed. Hey, I was hungry, and it was much-needed mitigation.
As for her, well, she glanced the other way with puffed cheeks. Her eyes were on the pavement for a few seconds, but when push comes to shove, she answered me with a defeated pout.
"It's on you, ok?" I nodded to that, and she stopped the hugging.
With that, she turned around and started walking. I followed her with about as many meters between us as two. But her steps started slowing down and by then, that distance got halved. By the end, we were walking side by side.
.
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After a few minutes, she stopped for real in front of some shop. Oh, an Izakaya.
I glanced at her. It got to the point where she raised a brow at me, looking irked. "What?"
By then, I also raised a brow. "Really? Here?"
"Is that a complaint?" She grumbled and tilted her head. To that, I shrugged and swayed my head from side to side.
She closed her eyes and opened the door. We were met with the usual 'Welcome!' going in. As for the place, it was pretty tranquil here. The smell of the place made you want to sit back and relax. Just a few other guys in suits were at the other tables. Just a regular sight.
As soon as we got to a table, she started eyeing the menu down left to right, before stopping when she glanced at me. The poise play was long overdue, Isshiki. We made our orders when the waitress came.
Minutes after, the meat was brought in with the greasy glaze inherent to it. Then we hurried with the pleasantries and started.
It'd already been about a minute or two and now look at her, she'd made dents on her side like she was British nobility. Then she went chugging volumes with eyes closed. Well, good thing the beer didn't disappoint. Her drooping shoulders said so. I kinda thought they were falling off.
"Puhaah~" Her smile spread all over her face, reaching to her ears and her eyes drooped. I swear she drank half a glass in a single go.
Well, I was just here. Idly drinking and sneaking glances. But when she glanced back, I thought: 'Shit'.
"Senpai." It became a glare.
"It's nothing." Composed.
She went back to chowing. I took a sip.
"I expected someplace else."
Her lips grimaced. She even squinted. I had the feeling she'd stop eating entirely.
"I didn't mean it that way." I sighed. Not derogatory in the slightest. She knew it too.
So she closed her eyes and stuffed her mouth with meat. All that's left was for her to make a defiant 'hmph!', but as soon as she swallowed, she sighed.
"It's fine. Going to Starbucks right now isn't really a healthy thing." She casually placed went back to chopstick-pick-and-chew.
"And this is?" I raised a brow at little Ms. Not-so-bratty. And to that, she hid her giggle with a hand.
"Fufu. Your treat, right?" There it was. There's the cheeky.
She munched some more. I closed my eyes. The other guys were gone. No background music, not much noise, really. It was just us, those who worked here. It felt like we'd been here for only twenty minutes, but it was already ten. And, I had the innate feeling to do nothing but continue, to let time pass.
"Isshiki." There goes that feeling.
"Hmm?" Not much of a reaction.
And here I was, just looking at her. Nothing. I took a sip and that's it. Minutes had passed and I still haven't said anything. She probably forgot about it already. But eventually, I did it.
"How's it going?"
She raised a brow like she didn't see it coming. But then she closed her eyes, before looking up at the ceiling in a solemn bearing. She finished her beer right after and placed her hands underneath the table as if to present a 'here we go' attitude.
"Fine, I guess." She muttered.
I closed my eyes and nodded. I didn't feel like asking for more. I left it at that and went back to finishing my meal. But,
"Senpai," I stopped after hearing that.
"how's my present?" At that moment, all I'd thought about was which bullshit to use right now. But then, I made the choice to not choose that option and gave her a blank stare instead.
"I will, eventually."
She raised her brows and glanced at me with a head tilt. Ok. With that, she held her mug, but right as she was about to drink, she muttered:
"Remember, Senpai."
I breathed through my nose. "I know, I know." I felt a little lighter.
"Thanks." A bit more.
"Yes, yes. You'll have to say that one more time once you actually open them up." Look at her, the la-di-da lady that I couldn't get mad at. I felt like I could treat her to ten more dinners.
"Senpai."
"Hmm." I also felt like I could do ten favors for her.
"How was America?" I didn't feel like it anymore.
"You live around here?" I popped that one out of nowhere. That's probably why she looked at me a little wide-eyed.
"No." But she still answered. Well, it was fine, at least she still looked swell. Actually, it looked like she was ready to make another more.
"Senpai, what did you do over there-"
"Far from work?" Me too.
And so her brows dropped. The glare she cast was sending me signals of 'stop' and 'don't'. While my eyes were sending her the message that I was hands-up.
"A little." She grumbled. But even so, she was quick to leave that as was. Her itty-bitty smile was telling me she was gonna ask again.
"Well, what's it like over there-"
"You live alone?" This was my last try at playing ignoramus.
"Senpai." She hissed like it was a pissed-off cry. Yeah, I pushed it.
So, I sighed: "All I did was work." C'mon, leave it at that and so would I.
"Eh? Really?" She asked for the sentence she thought was dodgy.
I nodded. She still gave me the same kind of look. Considering my track record of statements, yeah, couldn't blame her. Really struck home, huh.
"Senpai, I'm telling you, there must've been some fun things there, right?"
I swayed my head from side to side. Naturally.
"You sure?"
"I didn't." Any more and I was gonna talk in sonorous.
She gave me a blank stare before returning to eating. I did too. All was good. What I didn't want didn't happen. It could've ended there. But, something came up in my head. Now was not a great time.
"Say,"
She stopped and glanced at me like she was all ears. She must've noticed the coarse undertone in my words and the fact that now I was the one begging for a talk. I opened my lips.
"After..." And I shut it back and looked down. I looked at her bag, her hands, my hands, the table. Anything, really. Just to not meet her eyes.
I knew it. I couldn't. But I also knew myself that as soon as my lips began to hold firm again, I knew I was gonna say it regardless.
"What happened after I left?" I did it, albeit in a morose gruff.
It was sudden and wrong. Or maybe it was just me. I just had the feeling that I shouldn't, but I was.
"Why ask?"
She looked at me.
"Well, wouldn't hurt to know." I shrugged like I was Mr. indifferent. But in truth, I was tapping my thighs, poking them. They were just too fidgety.
I knew it was bullshit. I was looking at her, steeling my arms. Breathe. She closed her eyes for a few seconds. Breathe. Then her eyes went to the ceiling and a finger was on her lip.
"Hmm, for starters," Breathe. This was it. No turning back.
"Yukino-senpai took care of it." She muttered. Her smile added to the nostalgic sing-songing.
Subsequently, she looked straight at me. It was like she gripped me by the lungs to have me tune in. She then smiled, and I felt it had a sort of underlying consideration to it. Finally, she muttered: "She pulled it off."
I stared at her, with a jaw that dropped a bit. But when I snapped out of it, I breathed and sighed and both were long. I couldn't let it end like this. I felt like stones were on my shoulders, but hell, I was gonna do it.
"By herself?"
"I'm pretty sure she could've."
I looked to the side. Kinda disagreed a little. I closed my eyes and took a long, quiet breath.
"Can you tell me more?" I leaned forward, looking at her. My hands locked and glued to my thighs.
"About what?" She tried a nescient tone, or maybe she really wasn't aware. And so I muttered:
"Them."
She cast her glance to the table. And then back at me. "Why do you wanna know?" She squinted. Oh, shit.
I opened my lips, but it was word empty. No sound at all. All I could manage to do was a zoned-out stare.
She looked down. That made me snap out of it. A smile started to form. But there was something about it that didn't say 'happy'. By then, I was all eyes, all ears.
"She disbanded it immediately."
I couldn't help but feel like breathing a heavy sigh and breathing a relieved one, both at the same time for some reason.
"After that, we forgot about it. Teehee~"
Finally, my shoulders dropped for just a bit and my lips were feeling a lot less jittery. I didn't have a reason to be feeling this way, but I was. Yeah, I had to say something.
"They went to their colleges and I stayed for one year with your sister, till I went to Uni."
But, first things first, for me and for her, I played the wisecracker.
"Wow." I muttered.
"Rude." She pouted.
I puffed out a small chuckle. I did it. I took some bites and sips and stayed silent for some time, and then, I blurted:
"Do you work call center?"
And I pointed to her chest.
She hugged herself while recoiling her body backward. She eagle-eyed me and grimaced. I sighed and raised an index finger to that. I meant the ID. She wasn't getting me at all, now, was she? She wasn't.
"Pfffufu." She did.
She held the rest of the giggle back with her hand on her lips. And after that, she changed her posture to something more poised.
"Yes." Yeah, saw the company name. She answered like a jovial misfit definitely because she never got the wrong idea.
"It's a great job. People love it when I bring them coffee," She began monologuing all willy-nilly like she was in her very own world.
"-my superior always fixes my mistakes, he really watches my back." Her tone gave me the impression of 'very fond of it', but her eyes told me the real story. Their jadedness was worth a thousand words. Hell, I was expecting a vein pop from her any minute now. That's another chuckle from me.
"You wanna quit?" Yeah, you could say I was a little smirk-ish right now. Look at her, she nodded.
"Sour cause you can't?" I gave her a kind of know-it-all look.
"The chance hasn't come." She grinned, with a reality-savvy sort of bearing. Yeah, well, I couldn't shit on her for that. Heck, I kinda...felt like a dad on his daughter's graduation day. That's why I knew, it was tough.
"Though," She smiled, looking upward. ".if someone swept me off my feet...", her cheeks only got redder, and her lips only curved further. Suddenly, through the corners of her eyes, she glanced at me. I looked away for a few seconds, letting out an 'erm', and came back glancing with a head tilt.
"Don't you ever feel a little...pissed?" Look at me, trying to be a softie.
"What do you mean?"
"Exactly what it means. I mean, if you've heard, I don't really make much. Well, don't really use much either." I scoffed by the end. Then I went deadpan.
"What about you? Doesn't it feel like a sham?" I wanted truths. And it didn't look like she was saying 'No'. Actually, with how she looked down as if she'd been in a pondering mood, I'd be right on the money by now.
"Don't you just wanna get out there?" Maybe, maybe with her.
"Senpai," She sounded tense.
All of a sudden, her voice got coarse.
"I'm sorry for being such a pain back then." She made a small bow and stayed that way. I'd lost the bet but forget that. I didn't want those words. I wanted a smile, with her lips forming a 'Thank you'. Though, if I said that, I'd sound like a condescending cocky fuck.
I closed my eyes and sighed. Then I raised my arm. The waitress noticed, and so I hollered for:
"Two bowls of Unagi."
"Ah, yes." They walked to the kitchen.
Ergo, I turned to Isshiki, and not to my surprise she was leaning forward with her mouth kind of covered by her hand. Some low, uneasy grumbles were coming from her. Then she tugged me by the shoulder.
"Psst, Senpai, don't you-"
"No, it's alright." I sat back, letting my shoulders ease up.
"But-"
I gave her the open palm. With that, she pulled back. After a sip, I winked at her with a lift of the lip's edges.
"Everything's on me." I say I made an ikemen grin, but I never went full on Mr. Suave. Hey, I could've patted her head...Nah, too much.
Her head drooped while maintaining eye contact. Her cheeks were blooming red as her lips continued to purse. In the end, they turned into a nice upward curve.
"Everything's on you." Sassy, pouty, reluctant, many things I heard.
Eventually, the meal of the night came, and when the plates were placed she did some small fast claps as her open smile grew. I didn't intend for this to feel like a birthday.
She pulled her phone out and took pictures. But as soon as she took a bite and I saw her face, that's when I felt like my insides were puffed with warm pillows.
When all was said and done, we were stuffed. We finished up. I didn't specifically hate pulling my wallet out. I had a word to keep.
"Hnnn~" She stretched her arms up and glanced at me. Her dimples were cute, that, I admit. Her cheeks were flushed, that, I needed to do something about.
"Gonna go to the station?" I looked around.
"Yup." She nodded.
Too dim for comfort. I grumbled.
"Want me to take you there?" I muttered.
She made a slow turn and beamed at me with cheekiness. "Sure."
We walked side by side again.
"Which reminds me, Senpai." She placed a finger on her lip.
"Hmm?" I cocked my head.
"Are you going?" She asked with innocence.
I glanced at her, raising my brow.
"Summer festival." She groaned, and I looked away. "I don't know..." Let it end.
"Oh c'mon, they're coming too, y'know." Don't pout. Don't pout. She pouted. I let out a grumble.
"How about I treat you next time, how's that sound?"
I looked away once more. Good timing, a garbage bin appeared on my left next to a vending machine. It'd been on my mind, ever since I went in there with her.
I reached into my chest pocket and pulled the entire pack out.
"Senpai?"
I threw it into the bin.
"You smoke?"
"Smoked." Who the hell was I kidding, "smoked" was temporary.
"Senpai, what's your answer." She gave me a glance meant to have me oblige her. And to tell the truth, I could've said yes right then and there, but I knew not to bullshit myself on this one either.
"Isshiki,"
"Hmm?"
"How are they?"
I felt like I needed it. I needed to fill my head with it. I just did.
"They're...fine." she started nonchalantly. But soon enough, her face began to slowly harbor a frown. "Why do you ask?" Her downcast eyes urged me to be honest.
I smirked, "Nothing much." and wanted to scowl right after.
She closed her eyes. "Well, if you say so." She mumbled.
We kept quiet for the rest of the walk. Once we made it there, she stepped forward.
"So, Senpai, what do you think?" She still had the gusto.
"Wanna-"
"We're here."
Her lips dropped. She went deadpan and looked to the side. This was the part where I would either pamper her or not. And as I was deciding on which button to press, she sighed. I threw away all of that head debate and just glanced at her, her and her smile that was coaxing me to be all-ears. In the end, gracefully like a ballerina, she bowed.
"Senpai, thanks for always bothering with this Kouhai."
I sighed and looked around. Good to know we weren't receiving glances. Well, I got what I said I wanted, so why not go the extra mile and just say it?
I placed my hand on her shoulder and lightly chuckled. "You're welcome." This was not a witticism.
She stopped bowing and smiled at me. "Goodnight~" She gave off that kind of look. Jeez.
"Night." No problem. I turned around, ready to have another long walk. However just seconds after, I felt a pair of something gently pushing on my back, and something else grazing my left cheek. I turned around to see her just standing there. Close. Her face. Her cheeks were well on their way to blooming red. She took a few steps back thereafter and waved her hand.
"Bye-bye!" She ran away right then and there.
I stared, but she was already out of sight. I gave my cheek a light tap. It felt warm, there was a lingering softness. My lips were a little apart. I stood there, stiff as a rock, still like a mannequin. A few seconds later I let my shoulders drop and sighed.
"Good night." I whispered to myself.
I walked out of there with the itch to hum.