a whisper, that was all that came out of Felix's mouth and that was all that lingered over Hyunjin's ears, despite the loudness of the café and the thumping of both their hearts his name from the brunette's mouth was all his ears were able to catch, even in this state of chaos, in this state of misery and war of conscience it still sounded as sweet as it would've before all hell broke lose, sounded as sweet as honey would, as sweet as any poison could
"Hyunjin"
so perfect, so correct. how could heaven exist somewhere else, somewhere far from human eyes when Hyunjin was right here standing afront it? "wh-what are you doing here?" all it took was a single sight of this ice-cold boy and it made tears pool in Felix's eyes, voice shaking and shallow "I should be asking that" the taller murmured, eyes piercing through Felix even when they were as soft as a fluffy cloud and not being able to stand the heavily intimate gaze Felix looked away licking his lips he let his thoughts wander
his heart was torn between either escaping his ribs like the cage they were or running faster than a horse in race, alas, it chose the latter and began drumming in his ears like a drum that hasn't stopped since it was made. "I...I am here to do my job" those were mere words to any human's ears yet they dug inside Hyunjin's heart worse than any dagger could, fiercer than any bullet, painful than any misery. he opened his mouth to say something but he was silenced by his demons 'of course this will happen, of fucking course it will, you didn't deserve him anyway'
they chanted louder than his sanity could take and it made him stumble over his stable steps before Felix noticed, holding a tight grip over his arm scared he might fall he stared at the boy in front of him with worried eyes who looked as though he'd faint any moment. eyes so void of anything like a desert, lips slightly apart and his chest heaving. there was silence between them as Felix watched the raven head for moments before he blinked away the tears that would've fallen if he hadn't and let go of the latter's arm and pushed him away gently
"you should go"
his words brought Hyunjin back to earth as he gulped saliva down his parched throat, with his mind numb and heart already torn he grabbed a hold back onto Felix's wrist who was about to turn away now that he was free from his grip, and dragged him with himself "Hyunjin!" Felix squealed as he followed Hyunjin's lead and let himself be slipped away from the crowd into a much more muted place, to the staff room
"why-" the door swung open and Felix was pushed inside with Hyunjin following behind as the raven head entered the room and shut the door behind him with a loud sound "what are you doing here?" he questioned, voice calm like the ocean as he held Felix's shoulders and placed him by the wall, holding him in place so he wouldn't try to walk away. the shorter gazed up at Hyunjin's eyes with tears glimmering in them as he tried his best to bite back his sobs "w-work" Felix answered, that was the best he could do when pain was banging at the back of his throat
"the work that I'm supposed to do?" the brunette male looked down at his feet as Hyunjin's hands slipped from his shoulders and were shoved inside the taller's pockets "Hye-jin called and-" Felix tried to explain without breaking down but he was cut off by a gentle voice "I know, but why didn't you just call me?" he lowered himself and leaned in toward Felix's face, matching their height but he didn't force Felix to look up, letting him be
"how-how could I?" his voice went off at the end as sobs took place making his shoulders shake while his tears fell on Hyunjin's shoes, Felix was the one crying but Hyunjin felt the pain and it struck worse than anything. he could bear anything and everything except for this specific boy's tears, and to know that he had been the cause of it was just the epitome of apocalypse "I don't...want to bother you, Hyunjin--just go, Please" he sobbed harder, head still hung low he placed his palms flat on Hyunjin's chest and pushed him away softly but enough for him to be moved
"no, I won't go" Hyunjin argued feeling his own throat ache and vision blur terror raised in him as he knew what signs these were, god he felt pathetic for having been gotten so weak these days but at this minute these thoughts didn't matter, "I'm sorry, Felix. I'm so fucking sorry-" "no you don't apologize for my mistakes! I'm the one at fault here" finally, the brunette boy looked up staring at Hyunjin with his squinted eyes that couldn't stop producing tears, his nose dark red, cheeks flushed and lips plump with a tint of maroon while his long hair were pulled back in a half-ponytail with a few strands falling across the sides of his face
"I'm the one who's sorry" he sobbed harder, making Hyunjin confused and even further pained, a haze of sorrow engulfed the tall boy as he was thrown into a chasm of torment "what- why will you apologize? Felix I literally fucked up, majorly. and nothing could ever compare to how regretful I feel, I didn't mean it. none of it—please believe me, those weren't my words, that wasn't me" Hyunjin's sentence started as an apology but ended up sounding more like a plea, the wall that was previously broken by the thought of hurting Felix was now absolutely crumbled by watching Felix crying as a teardrop escaped the very eyes of the boy who was so callous that even statues seemed more lively and empathetic than him
"I'm sorry-" Hyunjin whispered, unable to stop his quivering bottom lip so he bit it, hard enough for the pain to raise goosebumps on his arms yet he didn't care. what could ever dare try top this pain that he was overwhelmed with right now? no words in no language could ever explain the guilt that smothered him every second, stepped on his throat and made it impotent to breathe, slaughtered him, drained every single drop of blood from his sinful body, and returned it only to kill him by a thousand cuts this time
"No-" "yes, yes Felix. I'm the one at fault, I'm sorry. please forgive me" Felix sobbed at the words so hard he almost fell on his knees but as always, Hyunjin's arms were always there to hold him, catch him from any fall that could ever dawn upon him
the taller wrapped his arms around Felix, holding him close and dear to his chest with Felix's face muffled in his shoulder. he carded his slim fingers in Felix's soft tangled locks and massaged through them, smoothing them out and all the worries that laid beneath them "Hyunjin" Felix wanted to say something, words. but they never seemed to come out, yet all that came out was a beg of his name, his lord's name. and it was enough, enough of a declaration, that was all Hyunjin needed to know what his beloved needed
"I'm here, lix, you're okay"
those whispers were like an orison of heaven or a hymn sung by angels straight into Felix's ears, a sweet sob withered from his lips but it wasn't of pain this time it was of serene, the same old serene he's become too familiar with now. it has returned, he closed his eyes as all that could wander in his mind was the return of his Hyunjin, the Hyunjin he trusted and poured all his love into, his faith, his devotion. in the end, the boy he trusted was this all along, not gone anywhere just hidden behind clouds of gloom and possessed by ghosts of wrath
he held no grudge against him, nothing. all there was, was just peace. he didn't need to forgive Hyunjin as he was never mad at him, despite his forgiving nature he was never truly upset at Hyunjin, to begin with, he never could be and he never will be what he was hurt by was himself not Hyunjin he was hurt by the fact that he couldn't make Hyunjin believe his care for him, that he made Hyunjin feel that way, that Hyunjin was hurting and he was unaware and unable to help. but reminiscing it was of no use, it was over. the great war was over and now all there was, was a memory garden and a daisy in his hair
the times have passed when he'd had to draw his curtains close and drink the poison of his misery all alone, times have passed when he'd had to watch the burning embers be turned into ash. "I'm here, always" Hyunjin whispered once again, his lips pressed flat against Felix's head as he pressed soft kisses and sniffed the sweet scent with his eyes closed
soon enough, the brunette's sobs died out and all the staff room was filled with was their breathing while they stood still with Felix in Hyunjin's embrace, safe and cherished. Felix pulled away from the soothing hug, sniffling as he looked into Hyunjin's eyes—so lovingly it drowned Hyunjin in an ocean of perplexion, what was this beautiful feeling that embraced him upon Felix's gaze? "Hyunjin-ah, I'm not mad at you, you know? and you didn't need to apologize. it was no one's fault, just the universe's tricks" Felix softly spoke, raising his hand to push away the strand that fell after Hyunjin's eyes and placed it on Hyunjin's broad shoulder
while the taller stood still, so astounded by the haze that Felix's eyes bore "Hyunjin?" he called out once again at the lack of response "yes?" the taller blinked a few times before he licked his lips "I don't want to argue, but I'm--" he paused unable to find suitable enough words that could describe how he truly felt, this always happened with him, he could never find the words to explain what he felt "grateful you're not mad at me or think that I deserve to be burned alive" Felix's eyes widened at the words as he removed his hand from the taller's shoulder to place it on his lips "why would you say that!" he shrieked absolutely terrified by Hyunjin's words
the latter sighed nonchalantly and grabbed a gentle hold of Felix's wrist and pushed his hand away from his mouth in the slightest manner only to close his eyes and lean in to leave a fluttering kiss on the palm of the brunette boy making him widen his eyes in surprise as a blustering coat of crimson romanced his face and his heart that previously had truned into a calm wave of the coean was now once again shaped into a tusnami that crashed against his senses
'why will he do that?' apart from the questions this act of Hyunjin raised in Felix there was also a weakness in his knees upon the sensation of Hyunjin's lips against his skin, and all he could want was more. not as though he'd admit, in the front of his mind was 'he shouldn't, why did he? he should stop before I jump off my bridges and commit things I should never even think of' but at the back of his mind was 'why so less? I need more, please keep going—don't ever stop' and these were the thoughts he would rather die than even lend the spotlight to he was so ashamed and appalled by them that he forced himself to believe they didn't exist, but they did, and they were the worst of him
Hyunjin opened his eyes letting go of the younger's hand and allowing it to fall down the side of Felix as the brunette barely had any control over himself anymore "what I did to you was unforgivable, but I'm glad you're not holding it against me. from now on, I swear on everything I've ever loved and love, I swear on you I will never ever let any of my demons speak from the crypt, I'll bury them so deep even the hell's spirits won't be able to reach them and take them back. I vow to never hurt you again, Felix—never. and I take a solemn oath to always protect you, from whoever and whatever. to always be there, beside you and for you"
and the tears that Felix had put a stop to started to stream once again like a waterfall, his bottom lip quivered as he shook from his violent sobs making tears pool in Hyunjin's eyes hanging his head low again, the taller's words and voice were so sincere that they left a bruise on Felix's heart, a bruise from where flowers grow and from where the sun shines, from where fairies dance and where devils smile "why are you crying again?" he cupped the brunette's face and forced him to look up into his eyes while a soft smile caressed his plump lips
"Did my words of near philosophy and modernized bible make you cry?" a giggle erupted from the sweet lips of Felix as he slapped Hyunjin's bicep softly making Hyunjin chuckle as well "I swear I don't even know where that came from, I should become a writer at this point" Hyunjin joked as Felix pulled him into a hug once again, wrapping his arms around Hyunjin's neck and resting his chin on his shoulder making Hyunjin wrap his arms around his waist and pull him closer
"I'm so happy Hyunjin" Felix murmured softly, with his eyes closed "hmm? you are?" Hyunjin questioned repeating the actions Felix has committed and closed his eyes "very" a soft smile blossomed on the taller's lips while one never left Felix's "if so, then I am too" he replied muffling his face in the brunette's neck, and taking in the sweet scent he missed all night long "and I'm also very, very—very grateful for you--so much" the words Felix muttered with so much sincerity and love made Hyunjin chuckle and hold him tighter "not more than me, you aren't"
Felix scoffed, pulling away the slightest to look at Hyunjin's face but the taller had it hidden in his neck "so much more than you" he fought back as Hyunjin spaced himself from Felix's neck and stared at his face, the face that was so ever close to him that it made a tight knot in his stomach appear a leap from his heart and a lack of his conscience "impossible" he whispered, voice so alluring it made Felix's throat go parched, the shorter's eyes that were previously looking into Hyunjin's slipped to gaze at his lips
and upon that, his entire being turned into nothing but a drop of sweat that appeared on Hyunjin's forehead, he gulped and licked his lips but even that didn't appease his thirst. and though the action was done to help him it only made things worse for Hyunjin, watching Felix lick his lips made his head throb and chest tighten, he wanted to be the committer of that act, the one who got to graze Felix's lips—not just graze but to caress, to taste, to devour
both their eyes were fixated on each other's lips with the same thoughts of sin, and all Hyunjin wanted was to lean in and close this goddamn gap that stood between them while all Felix wanted was to erase everything that could possibly hold him back, his thoughts, his sanity, his morality and just kiss Hyunjin, with so much love and passion that it'd set Hyunjin on fire and he'd be turned into a puddle of nothing that's been melted by the ravenette
"more" Felix stretched the words with a linger of yearning in his voice that was below a whisper yet because their faces were so close Hyunjin could hear it easily, he watched the shorter's lips stick together as he spoke and then part again which drove him insane, he rose his eyes to stare at Felix's eyes only to find them on his lips and that's when he realized he wasn't the only one going mad
He wasn't the only one about to throw up because of how difficult it is to hold back, he could see it in the eyes of the brunette boy how badly he wanted this too—for this wait to end and for their lips to be upon each other, he wished he wasn't hallucinating and being delusional and that this anticipation he saw in Felix's eyes was real. he prayed all of this pining from his side was being reciprocated
And as if his prayers have been heard he watched as Felix's round and doe eyes transformed into slanted moons, so ready to be shut off by even a single move of the other
And any happiness in comparison to this was a failure, grateful would be the utmost understatement to what Hyunjin felt right now. Every inch of his body was burning up and he couldn't have been more glad to have found Felix's eyes on his lips, he subconsciously licked his lips and the audible sigh that rang in his ears from Felix's mouth sealed the deal for him, he was on cloud nine right now
Yet, even with all this proof of lust, Hyunjin wasn't convinced, was Felix feeling the same ache of desire he was feeling? Impossible. That could possibly never be true, he didn't even want to think about how absurd his own temptations were then how can he ever believe that Felix would be involved in such disgusting acts as well? In his eyes, Felix was this divine creature that could never be wrong let alone go as far as sinning
And to be fair, that wasn't far from the truth but if he was aware of all the devils that have been born inside the other since he's fell for this devil, all the emotions that he never was even aware of stirred in him and caused this insane connection he felt to Hyunjin, there was this absolutely wild magnetic attraction between Felix and Hyunjin and neither of the two could deny it
Hyunjin's hand that was placed flat on Felix's side was raised leaving behind a sensation that could never be washed away, insanely slowly it rubbed across Felix's back forcing a shuddering breath to escape from the smaller's mouth, his eyes almost widened as Hyunjin raised his hand but when he started rubbing it across his clothed back in the most sensual manner he's ever been touched in they returned back to their drunken-haze before he slowly raised them to stare into Hyunjin's eyes only to find then fixated on his lips
Something inside of him twisted upon finding out that Hyunjin's eyes were already on his lips, though still in denial he was secretly glad he wasn't the only one going through circles of absolute madness. He noticed how Hyunjin's eyes nearly ate him alive, slanted and darkened. They made him shiver as a freezing sheet of coldness covered him. Though nearly silent it was still audible to Felix's ears when Hyunjin groaned under his breath as he leaned closer to the younger causing their lips to touch
everything stopped when their lips grazed one another, time stopped ticking and the world stopped turning, any color that surrounded them drained and everything around them was left in black and white. Everything was dry around them yet the rain only fell upon the two boys tangled in each other and drenched them, Felix could feel butterflies die and be created all over again in his stomach and Hyunjin could feel the devil in him was on his knees repenting upon a singular graze of Felix's lips
he hadn't even tasted them, just slightly caressed them yet he felt so much insanity going on inside him, there was this fire that has been lit and could never be set off he has never felt so delighted and just by imagining how it'd feel to take this further tortured his senses, how good will it feel to kiss Felix? it felt this unimaginably good to just have his lips against the brunette he wanted to keep going so badly but he knew he couldn't, it was becoming unfeasible to hold back anymore it was a war it was mayhem but his weapons were dropped, And through flagrant attempts of wanting more Felix leaned in.
____
that is one long chapter lol, did we forgive Hyunjin or not? 😛 anyways I hope u enjoyed it thank u for reading. also, I put the war references two times on purpose there are a lot of tiny details in this chapter so I hope u paid attention and go stream 'the great war' by taylor swift lol <3
p.s; I know I keep saying to pay attention like we're solving some heist crime BUT PLS DO 😭