He can't...
He doesn't know what's wrong with him.
Why does he keep fucking it up?
Inko holds onto his arm, looping it with hers. She smiles brightly at him, like the moment in the garden didn't just happen. He would have forgotten it if it wasn't for the fact that his hands are still shaking and the part where his shoulder is still wet.
"See what happens when you apologize Izuku? Everything goes back to normal! Now, let's get everyone ready!"
Her eyes lower and she sees Izuku's scarred hand shaking. She smiles softly at him, her eyes gleaming. Shivers run down his spine, but he says nothing. He looks forward, not wanting to meet her eyes.
"Mama... I'm scared."
Inko looks down at him, a smile on her face as she grips his small hand in hers.
"Why are you scared Izuku? It's just a portrait."
Izuku looks down, his eyes tearing up. He sniffs, but she still doesn't stop walking.
"It's j-just that..."
"I'm scared of father. He... He hurts me mama, and I'm scared being so close to him-"
"Izuku."
Izuku's eyes widen, and he looks up at her. She still has that smile on her face, but her eyes are cold.
"You are going to stand there, and you are going to stop lying about such things. What if one of the maids heard you? It would be a disgrace to our family name. Do you want to be disgraced? Do you want to do that to me?"
Izuku feels tears run down his cheeks.
"N-no mama i-"
"Stop crying like a child Izuku. You need to grow up."
Izuku feels his hands shake and he looks down at the ground. He sees his tears fall, but they don't stop walking. Inko pulls him to go faster, and he stumbles.
"I do all of this for you, Izuku. It hurts me so much, how you never seem to be grateful for my sacrifices. It's like I'm nothing to you."
Guilt.
It finds its place into Izuku's heart, killing him.
"I'm sorry mama..."
He keeps his eyes down the rest of the way. He doesn't want to see her make that face ever again.
"Izuku? You keep spacing out. What's on your mind?"
He looks at her and smiles. She looks at him, concern on her features.
"Just thinking how excited i am for the portrait mom."
She giggles, her other hand going to her mouth. A habit of hers.
"I almost forgot how much you loved taking these! You would shake with so much excitement, i was afraid you were going to burst! You were so cute then..."
Her sentence trails off, probably remembering that distorted memory.
Hes jealous of her sometimes, how she can just force it all out of her mind like it never mattered.
How she can call him a coward with so much conviction when she's been forcing the truth of everything out of her mind for years.
He smells food near them and looks ahead.