16. Too many bad memories
Freya
I flinched awake from a terrible nightmare, I had to sit up immediately while I was sweating and trying to calm myself down. Apparently my dramatic awakening made Joel lose his sleep too. But it was bright outside already, so I think it was a good time to wake up.
"Hey..." Joel mumbled with his raspy morning voice as he put his hand on my back. I turned my head and looked down at him, his eyes were barely open. His messy hair caught my attention, we used to wake up like this many times. I saw nightmares a lot after the incident with Tuomas.
I still feel like this is wrong.. I mean sleeping next to Joel. Maybe it was a wrong decision to come here after all. It's not right for Joel. I can't be this selfish that when things get bad I come here.
"It was just a nightmare.. I should leave." I said nervously. Joel opened his eyes fully and he frowned to me. He stroked my back gently, it felt comforting.
"You don't have to. You should at least eat something first..." He suggested. I shook my head as an answer.
"I'm not hungry." I lowered my eyes to my hands, I played with my fingers.
I haven't eaten well for the past days. I feel weak and cold all the time and my brain feels like it's full of fog. Only the thought of eating makes me feel ill. Joel's hand slided up and down my back, I wish he could do that forever. Nothing makes me more safe than his touch.
"Tell me what happened yesterday." He broke the silence. I swallowed, and then took more comfortable position. I leaned my back against the headboard, Joel was still laying down, but he turned to his side. He put his right hand under his head to support it. Quickly I looked at him, I never get over how those ice blue eyes stares at me.
"I got mad at Gilbert, and I was right that.. he.. sells drugs and probably uses them too. He has also threatened Olli that if he tells about it, he'll make sure that Eevi and Oscar will be killed in way or another." I told him with my shaky voice. Joel took my hand into his, and then he sat up too. Carefully I looked at him, and his face told it all. He was shocked.
"What the fuck..." He shook his head, not wanting to believe my words.
"That's not all. Gilbert has also cheated on me a few times. Police hasn't caught him yet.. so you can imagine how scared I am that he will come after me or something." I explained with tears in my eyes.
"Freya.. I'm so sorry. I should've protected you.. or forced Gilbert to leave or something..." Joel blamed himself.
"No. Joel, no. You know very well that I wanted to figure things out by myself. And I didn't want you to get involved into this." I put my hand to his shoulder, and then he looked at me under his eyebrows.
For a while we kept staring at each other, and the burning desire inside me wanted me to press our lips together and not stop until we're both breathless. And when I saw his eyes lowering to my lips, I felt conflicted.
I moved my head to other direction, and then I stood up from the bed. I put on my jeans and started taking off the shirt Joel gave me.
"You don't have to leave yet." Joel said behind me, his words gave me chills. I didn't turn around or say anything, I just took off the shirt and picked my own from the floor.
I heard him moving in the bed, I think he crawled closer to me. I glanced over my shoulder and I was right, he was now sitting right behind me. I felt him touching my bare arm.
"I'm worried. I don't want to take the risk that you would meet him accidentally and something bad would happen." He continued calmly. I closed my eyes for a moment. I was holding my shirt in my hands and I squeezed it.
"I need to face the world, Joel. You can't protect me from everything..." I quietly said while putting the shirt on. Then I turned around to face him, and he stared at me with puppy eyes.. why he has to be like that? I remember when we first got to known to each other, he always stared at me. And I couldn't forget his eyes and how he looked at me.
"If I run into him, I will call to the police immediately." I continued, and finally he nodded understanding.
"What if he left to Caribbean..?" I then said quietly, staring at Joel with blank eyes. He started frowning.
My gaze started wandering around as I was looking for my phone, and then I saw it on the floor. I picked it up, then opened it and went to check my calendar. The flight has left two hours ago. What if he took our plane tickets and escaped there? But how could he, yesterday he left the apartment so quickly without any stuff. Or else he sneaked in there at night with his spare key and took the tickets...
"You think he went there?" Joel's question cut my thoughts. I moved my eyes back to him, and then I shrugged my shoulders lightly. I opened my mouth, but the doorbell rang. It made us both flinch a bit.
Quickly Joel stood up and put on some jeans, and then rushed to the door. I decided to follow him silently, but I stayed behind one corner, so whoever is behind that door, wouldn't see me. I heard Joel opening the door.
"Morning." I heard Aleksi's soft voice. I bit my teeth together, what if he comes here? I don't want him to make his own conclusion of why I am here.
But of course he will notice my shoes in the hallway...
"Oh, I totally forgot that you were coming." Joel sighed. Great. And I don't want Joel to cancel their meeting, it would be rude towards Aleksi.
I closed my eyes, maybe I tried to find a solution by that way.
For a minute I didn't hear anything, it was a little confusing, but I kept on breathing in and out calmly. My hands were shaking from the anxiety.
"Have you started meditating too?" Aleksi's voice made me open my eyes quickly as I flinched. He moves like a ninja. I saw him smirking a little.
"That's what you get when you live with Olli and Eevi." He continued smirking and then looked at Joel who was standing further away. Then Aleksi went to the living room with his laptop.
A little confused I looked at Joel then, and he scratched his neck with apologizing look on his face.
"I think he saw your shoes.. but I forgot that two days ago we decided to see today and write more lyrics." He walked to me explaining nervously, I just nodded and tried to calm him down.
"It's okay. I don't want you to cancel anything because of me. It was time for me to leave anyway." I smiled a little and stroked his arm. He sighed silently. Aleksi heard our conversation, so he decided to suggest something before I would be gone.
"Hey! What if you stay and give some advice, since this song is kinda telling about -" He was standing near us again, but cut his sentence. It looked like he told me something he wasn't supposed to. My heart skipped a beat, and then I turned my eyes to Joel. He stared at Aleksi with pissed look, then he slowly moved his head towards me. His face was illegible.
Like he tried to say sorry, or tried to explain, or tried to make me understand something. My chest felt heavy and I had that weird and nauseous feeling in my throat.
"I should go. It was nice to see you Aleksi." I said with a little shaking voice. Quickly I glanced at them both and then I went to put on my shoes and jacket.
"Freya..." Joel's voice made me turn around as I was about to open the front door. He struggled with saying the words out loud that he was supposed to say, so I tried to easy things up.
"I'll be okay. I will go straight to Eevi's and Olli's place, nothing bad happens." I smiled to him. Or at least I showed him the best smile I could give. There was no reason for smiling, to be honest.
He nodded, but he wasn't sure if he should let me go. Then I opened the door and closed it behind me, I breathed in the fresh air. I looked up to the sky and it was cloudy, but it wasn't too depressing weather.
I lied a little bit to Joel. I'm not going straight back to Eevi and Olli.
I needed some alone time.
I was now in downtown, I stepped in to one cafe. I walked to the counter and there wasn't much people, but I still decided to take the coffee with me. I wasn't comfortable enough to stay.
"I'll be there in a minute!" A young woman smiled to me from the other side of the counter as she went to some backroom, I just nodded and smiled lightly in response. I was digging my bank card from my jacket's pocket when I heard some giggling in one corner behind me. My curiosity forced me to turn my head a bit, and with my side eye I saw two girls who were whispering to each other and glancing at me.
It's not a first time when this happens, but it still feels very uncomfortable.
I recognized the other girl's shirt, it was Blind Channel's merch. Then I turned my head back as I swallowed.
For my luck the employee came back, and she tightened her ponytail as she smiled.
"Sorry that you had to wait. What would you take?" She kindly said.
"A black coffee. I'll take it with me." I answered and she started making it. I still could feel the girls eyes on my back, and my hands started shaking a bit. I have no idea why I get so easily anxious nowadays, but it's pure hell.
I paid the coffee and took it to my hand. Fastly I turned around and I had to stare at my feet as I made my way towards the door that would lead me outside. I was so nervous that I would fall.
"Oh my god, it is her!" I heard the other girl saying to her friend as I was right in front of the door. At the same time four people came in, so I had to wait.
"Shh! You think she's still dating Joel?" She answered to her quietly. I swallowed again. I wanted to run.
Then it was my time to go out, so I rushed.
I was sitting at one bench in a park, drinking my coffee. My anxiety started calming down, but my thoughts were still messy. I wasn't really scared anymore about the possibility of meeting Gilbert, I kind of wanted to meet him. But at the same time I didn't.
I observed everyone who were walking here and there, alone and with company. Suddenly I saw a figure futher away, near a tree. I frowned a bit. But I think that it was a real human, not a shadow. I kept staring at it, and it's back was faced towards me. There was something familiar in it.
Suddenly that human turned around, and he was a man. He had strange grin on his face, and I had millions of shivers when I realized that he was looking straight at me.
I squeezed that cardboard mug in my right hand, and quickly I looked around, just to make sure if anyone noticed him.
No one paid attention. Not to me, not to that man.
I looked back at him, and he was a bit closer now.
Fuck. Am I in horror movie or something? He was familiar looking, his hair and his whole being. But there was something I didn't recognize. His clothes were casual and he had a tattoo on his neck.
I had to stand up and start walking away, but I kept glancing over my shoulder to look at him. He wasn't moving at all, he just followed me with his gaze.
My heart beated faster and I left the coffee mug on top of one trash can. I took fast steps. I have no idea where I was going, but somewhere safe. Joel was right.
I was walking at one small street, a tram went past me and then I felt someone's grip on my arm. I got pulled to the other side of some gate, which was the entry to a courtyard of some apartment building.
"Shh." A hand was suddenly on top of my mouth as the guy was behind me. I panicked.
"He knew the risk." He mumbled against my ear, then he hit me in the back of my head with some object. Immediately I lost my consciousness.
Slowly I was waking up, my head was hurting and I was laying on the floor. I opened my eyes, and I was inside of some apartment. It was dark, but when I saw a man standing at the other side of the room, I sat up quickly.
"Where am I?" I asked nervously, but the man didn't answer right away. I guess that he was the one who hit me.
The door of the room opened, and I pressed my back against the wall behind me. Another man came, but I recognized him. He was the guy from the park who was staring at me. He showed to his friend with his gaze that he should go, without hesitation he left.
After that the man came closer, and now I saw that he had roses in his left hand, but I couldn't see his face. I stared at him with eyes wide open, I was sweating.
"You didn't answer to my question, so I bought yellow roses. The red ones were out of stock." He said with too familiar voice.
Now I knew who he was. It can't be real. I shook my head as he stepped closer. That smirk he had.. too many bad memories.
"How the fuck did you get out of jail?" My voice was shaking, I tried to be more confident, but I couldn't.
"It wasn't that hard, sweetie." Tuomas grinned.
He's back. What will happen next..?
Thank you so much for reading this story and giving votes and comments <3 I wish everything good to you all.
Stay safe and strong🖤