Matty's POV
Luna looks so upset, I don't even want to look her in the eyes. She gently traces her finger around the rim of her beer bottle, I watch as the condensation slowly drips down the bottle, falling onto her legs, and gently soaking into her tights. She doesn't even flinch as the cold water hits her. She takes a swig and I can't help but watch her lips wrap around the bottle, as she swallows. "Luna," I say quietly, breaking the silence.
She slowly turns her head to face me, looking up at me with her light eyes. "Hm," she murmurs. "I left." I say shortly. "Yeah, yeah you did Matty, how about you tell me something I don't already know because I'm not here to sit through bullshit." Luna replies. "I know, you're right, I just, I don't even know. Like I don't know why I do the shit I do." I reply.
"I want to be here with you. Wanna fuckin' be around you all the time. But I just, leave. Always have, who knows if I always will." I continue. Luna stares ahead blankly, not making any effort to look my way. "And uh, so after that last show I just had to leave, I just can't explain it, I had to go. Something in my head was just screaming at me to get out." I say. I feel my throat closing, I fucking hate this feeling. I fucking hate vulnerbility. I don't want to cry, I'm sick of fucking crying, I'm not some little kid.
"I want to know why I'm like this." I say quietly. I blink back tears, refusing to fall apart yet again. Having Lu back has been some of the best moments of my life, but its stirred up a lot of emotions I had previously locked back away. "Can I tell you something, not because I'm winning you back or that shit, but just to be transparent." I ask Luna. She nods her head, still silent and not looking my way. "For the entirety of those six years, I never had another relationship. Just wasn't you." I say a bit embarassed. "I won't lie I had hook-ups every now and then, but it wasn't you, and I didn't want anything else. No other person could make me feel the way I did with you, and when I realized I had fucked it all, it was too late. I compensated this all with drugs, which made everything worse." I tell her.
I see her wipe at her eyes, trying to be slick, but I notice. I notice everything about her. "The love I feel for you, it overwhelms me, it scares me. This is such a cliché, but the only thing that's ever consumed my head this much was when I was addicted. And it scares me, I'm scared to love something that much. I want to let it in, but I don't know how." I explain. "I don't know how to love you Luna, I can't love you the way you deserve. But I want to so fuckin' bad."
She brings her knees to her chest, continuing to nurse her drink and stare at the wall. "I'm completely and utterly yours Luna, and I want to love you, and I'm gonna try my damn best because I can't lose you again. It genuinely almost killed me the first time, and I can't cheat death twice." I finish.
I look to her expecting her to turn my way, but she doesn't move. After a couple moments she slowly slides her knees back from her chest to hang over the edge of the stage. "I liked the song," she said quietly. "You did good, Matty. It was really good," she says in almost a whisper. "Thank you," I reply softly. I move a little bit closer to her, but she doesn't reciprocate the action.
"Matty," she says with her voice cracking. I look at her waiting to hear her repsonse. "I can't be someone's maybe, Matty. I can't do it." She says. "I love you so much it's really incomprehensible, and all consuming, but I can't be some experiment to see if you can totally love someone and not run. I can't. I refuse to be that for you." Luna says, her voicing shaking.
"I want so badly for you to love me unconditionally, for you to want to be with me all the time, but I can't have you leave me. I can't have you leave me with the contact for days, leaving me worried sick, it's not fair." "Lu," I cut in, but she continues on. "I don't wanna wait outside your hotel room, hoping you'll show back up. I want you to talk to me, I want to know what you're going through. I mean what the fuck were you even doing for those four days?" She asks.
"I stayed back in North Carolina. I-, I didn't do anything. Just wallowed really, I don't know why I did it, I felt like I needed to escape, but I've really never felt worse than I did in those moments alone in a dark motel room." I tell her honestly. I start to cry a bit harder, tears flowing down my face steadily. "I wanna be good for you Lu. I wanna be so good for you, I just can't. I wanna be better, swear." I say between tears.
Luna is crying now, too. "Matty why can't you just tell me this, why does it have to be a big fight?" She asks. "If you told me all of this I would've been there for you, and if you needed space, that's fine, but just fucking talk to me." I nod, "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. I wanna be better, really Lu." I say through sobs. "I know you do Matty, I know." She says. I wrap my arms around her, tucking my head into her lap and collapsing into tears.
She puts her hand on my back and just rubs gently. I stay here for what feels like forever, but I feel Luna slowly begin to shift. "Matty?" She says to me softly. "I gotta go. I'm wiped out, let's head back to the hotel okay?" I slide up and nod my head. We walk out of the venue, and hop into an Uber.
Once back at the hotel, I hit the "3" button on the elevator, and Luna says, "Will you hit "4" please?" I give her a confused look. "Room's on three," I say to her. "I think I need some time to myself tonight M," she says. "I'm not upset, I think I just need to be alone for the night, alright?"
"Okay," I say. The elevator bell rings, and I walk out on the third floor. "Night Lu," I say to her quietly. "Night Matty," she says to me. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" She says. I give her a small smile at and head towards my room.
No Perspective
Both Matty and Luna head back to their seperate bedrooms, their first night apart since tour began. Something about this fight felt different to the both of them, there was never anything like this between them for the entirety of the years they'd known each other. Fights for them have usually ending in kissing or heading out to a club or something. Never have they left the other's side.
Matty and Luna both knew this which is why the elevator ride was so shocking to the both of them. Matty was surpised Luna didn't want to come back to his room, Luna surprised herself by requesting to leave for the night. The two both stumble into their dark empty rooms, alone.
For once in their lives, they really don't seem to know where they stand with one another. They've never doubted their relationship, even during those six years, they both had feelings they would find their way back to each other. Never have they left the other by themselves.
Luna hadn't cried this hard since her Dad passed away, alone in her hotel room she sobs as the water falls down her body, hitting the floor. The water to her seems to move in slow motion, but her body feels as though little bullets hit her the water sprays.
Matty grabs another beer from the fridge in his room and flops down onto the bed with his notebook. He begins to write feverishly, and doesn't stop until he finishes his next song.