Sensitive topic: sexual assault
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please, please, please remember if you have ever experience any form of sexual assault/harassment it is not your fault. unfortunately myself, along with many of my friends, have experience sexual assault/harassment in some way, shape, or form.
if you ever feel the need to talk my dms are always open.
i write these types of topics, as well as depression/anxiety, as a way of therapy for myself to cope since sitting in a room with a stranger to talk about my feelings doesn't sit well with me.
please do not think i am desensitizing how harsh this topic is, it is serious and it is real.
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5:15 am
My alarm went off on the nightstand and I shoved my arm out from underneath the comforter to shut it off, "What time is it?" Rudy groaned from behind me, slowly stirring awake as his arms wrapped around my torso.
"Five-fifteen." I responded, holding myself up with my elbow and using my other hand to rub the sleep from my eyes, "I'm gonna go work out before filming." Thankfully the hotel we've been staying at while filming the show had an amazing gym down the hall.
"Kiss." Rudy pouted, keeping his eyes closed because he didn't want to wake up yet. I spun around and placed a quick but passionate kiss onto his lips, promising I'd be back in a little bit to shower and get ready for work together. Once I had gotten out of bed I slowly moved around the hotel getting changed into gym clothes and grabbing my water bottle. I took one last glance at my boyfriend sleeping peacefully and closed the bedroom door.
After swiping the key card off the counter top I made my way down the hall, scanning the card on the gym door and letting myself in. I've always loved getting up early to work out, it helps me start my day feeling good. When we're not filming Rudy usually joins me but lately he's been tired from the night scenes so we've been going at different times, me in the morning and him late at night. I couldn't wait to get back to our usual schedule of going together, I missed my work out partner.
I slid the weights onto the bar and began doing my squat sets, I was already feeling the burn, it's been awhile since I've had a leg day. Once my set was finished I locked the bar back on the machine, taking a deep breath and drinking some water. A knock on the gym door startled me as I jumped in place. Looking over was a man dressed in gym attire. I placed my water bottle back on the ground and did an awkward little jog to the door, cracking it open slightly.
"I forgot my key in the room and my wife is sleeping, I don't want to wake her. Is there anyway you could let me in?" He was a tall man in a black tank top, red shorts and white Nike shoes.
I nodded my head yes, understanding him. If I had to choose between knocking and asking to be let in or waking Rudy, I'd knock too, "Thank you." He said, nodding his head in a polite way.
"No problem." I gave him a kind closed-mouth smile and returned to my area I had claimed. Now choosing to do hip thrusts I slid the padding over the bar and sat on the ground, making sure I was sat in the correct position. I saw the man from my peripheral on the treadmill, he seemed nice. To stay more focused I slid my headphones over my head and played some hype music to get myself in the zone. I think I was still half asleep so the music was needed.
After pushing through my sets I went to take a drink of my water but was met with an empty bottle. I shook it and groaned, pushing myself off the gym floor and walking over to the water fountain. With music still blaring in my ears I tapped my foot on the ground as water filled the bottle.
The next few seconds were a blur, hands went around my waist and I screamed, attempting to look behind me. In my fight to break free from the hold of the stranger I knocked my headphones off my head, hitting my water bottle off the fountain as water spilled across the floor.
"Shut up!" The voice said. The same voice of the stranger who had asked so politely to be let into the gym. A hand went over my mouth as I continued to fight my way out of his grasp. I lifted my arm and elbowed him in the chest as hot tears fell from my eyes. He staggered a bit, giving me the opportunity to back away from him.
"Get away from me!" I held my arms out as a divider as he regained his balance. He had a sick, twisted, evil smirk on his lips. The only exits were being blocked as he cornered me into the back of the gym. My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it, my hands shook as I tried to appear strong.
The only option I had was to attempt to run past him and to the door, so I tried. I tried like hell but was met with his arms around me yet again, shoving me to the ground as his hand went back over my mouth, the other roaming various areas of my body. I closed my eyes as I let out another blood-curdling scream but it was muffled by his hand. It roamed my chest in an attempt to slip it under my sports bra. I wanted to give up, to go limp and accept what was next, but something in me told me to keep fighting.
So I did.
My nails scratched at him in a last ditch effort to inflict pain so he'd know I wasn't giving up. Out of instinct he took the hand that was over my mouth away from me and to his cheek, where I had dug deep red marks. I screamed again, as loud as I possibly could, feeling my throat burning with desperation.
"Oh my god! Y/n!" Madison's voice was like a sweet symphony, "Get the fuck off of her!" Although my vision was blurry from the tears I saw her begin to kick the man, he fell to the floor and she grabbed my arms. Soon enough my friends had flooded into the gym, surrounding the man in the same corner he had trapped me in.
"Y/n, Y/n!" Rudy desperately called out my name as he fell to the floor, pulling my body into his chest, "Call the cops! Now!" He screamed to anyone that was listening. Each time the man tried to leave Chase, JD, Austin, and Drew would corner him again. He wasn't going anywhere and deep down he knew it.
I looked down at my shaking hands, seeing blood under my nails. I couldn't get myself to stop crying as I trembled. Hearing Madelyns voice on the phone with the police was muffled, Rudy's soft whispers weren't audible to me. Everything around me slipped into tunnel vision.
I couldn't tell you how long we sat on the ground in the gym before the police arrived. It wasn't long but yet, to me, it felt like an eternity. The man was immediately hand cuffed as a police officer crouched down next to me, asking me various questions.
"I—uh, he—" My hands slid up to my neck and over my mouth, trying to remember the order of events in which it happened, "He—I was, uh, my water bottle," I held my arm up, shakily pointing to the spilled water on the floor as Rudy's grip on me tightened, "I was filling it and he attacked me."
"Can't you just watch the cameras or something?" Madison asked, hearing how difficult it was to talk about what had happened. I was thankful for her. If she hadn't showed up, if she had decided to sleep in instead of work out, I don't even want to imagine what would've happened next.
"Are you staying in the hotel, miss?" The officer asked, I nodded my head.
"We all are." Chase answered for me. I couldn't get myself to look up from the ground as I realized what had happened.
I was sexually assaulted. I was touched by an evil man with dirty hands. I was dirty, branded with his fingerprints scattered on my skin.
I shoved Rudy away from me and stood up off the floor, sprinting out the door and down the hall. Thankfully our hotel room door was cracked open, probably from Rudy's quick exit, so I slipped inside and ran to the bathroom and locked the door.
Rudy's pov
My heart shattered knowing what had just happened to the love of my life. I should've gotten up. I should've came with her, then this wouldn't have happened.
"Go check on her." Madison said, looking down at me with the same concerned expression we all had painted on our faces. I couldn't speak, all I could do was nod my head and run after my girl.
After returning to our room I heard the shower running down the hall and placed a soft knock on the door, "Babe?" I knew she wasn't okay. I needed her to know I was here.
She didn't respond, but the door unlocked as I heard her shuffle away from it. Twisting the knob and opening the door I saw her curled up in a ball on the ground. Her back pressed against the side of the tub as she clung to her knees, her arms wrapped so tightly around herself that her knuckles were white. Tears stained her cheeks and her eyes were red from crying.
I reached for her and she flinched away, "Don't!" She shouted, sitting up and shoving her body more against the wall. I instantly stepped away, giving her more space between us, "I was assaulted, Rudy" Her eyes looked anywhere but mine, "By a m-man that was twice as strong as I am. Y-you are twice as strong as I am and right now the thought of you touching me is terrifying so please, don't touch me."
"Okay.." I whispered, doing my best to be strong for her. I wanted to cry and scream at the world for letting this happen to her but all that would do was scare her more.
"I-I need to shower a-and I don't want you in h-here." She stuttered, I could tell she was trying her best not to shake but it was involuntary. I backed out of the room and closed the door behind me, thinking of what I could do to help. So I grabbed my phone and went to Madison's contact, calling her.
"Rudy? Is she okay? The cops are at the front desk watching the camera footage." She explained.
"I need you and Madelyn to come to our room, she won't let me touch her. She wants to shower and I can't-" I was stopped by a cry, "She won't let me touch her." As much as I understood why she didn't want to be touched by me, it broke me. I wanted to comfort her, hold her, help her. Hopefully being surrounded by women would make her feel safer. I needed her to feel safe. I needed her to know I would never ever lay a hand on her in a way she wasn't comfortable with, but right now her mind was connecting all men to the traumatic event and I understood that.
"We're on our way." After that she hung up the phone, seconds later they knocked on the front door and I let them both in. Neither of them spoke a word to me as they rushed down the hall and placed soft knocks on the bathroom door. So gentle I wasn't even sure Y/n would be able to hear them.
I decided to sit against the wall next to the bathroom door, that way I could make sure she was okay without letting her see me. Seeing me was a trigger for her right now.
"Y/n, can you open the door for us? It's Madison and Madelyn." Madelyn said against the door. I heard the door unlock once again as we looked at one another, soon the door opened and they both slid inside, closing the door behind them.
"Can we take this off?" I heard Madison ask. Then the room went silent. All I heard was the shower curtain move. My body tensed when I heard Y/n begin screaming and it took everything in me not to bust the door down and hold her.
"We're here, it's just us." Madelyn said to her. They both made sure to keep their voices soft.
"No! No!" Y/n screamed. More tears trailed down my cheeks. Her voice was broken, her screams were choppy from her voice cracking. Water splashed around for a moment before silence filled the air once again.
"Rudy," Madelyn snapped me out of my trance, after who knows how long and I looked up at her. The door was cracked just enough for her to poke her head out, "Go wait on the couch, she said she'll come to you."
"Okay." I responded quickly and rushed to the couch, pulling a blanket off the back and having it ready for Y/n's arrival in case she wanted it.
A few more minutes went by and Y/n emerged from the bathroom, Madelyn and Madison on either side of her. As they walked slowly into the living room Madison held a finger over her lips, signaling for me not to speak.
Y/n was wearing sweatpants and one of my sweatshirts, which was a bit too big on her but I always thought it was adorable. Her hair was wet and brushed to perfection as it laid down her back. Her usual bright and cheerful eyes were dark.
"Do you want us to stay?" Madison asked her softly.
Y/n began shaking her head, "No, it's okay. Thank you." Her voice came out as more of a whisper. They both rubbed her back and arm before heading to the door, taking one last glance at the broken girl as they closed it behind them.
I held the blanket open for her but she opted to sit a few feet away from me on the couch, so I lowered the blanket back onto my body.
"I don't think I want to be touched right now." She spoke, not looking up from the ground. My eyes scanned her body, dark marks were already forming in her throat and jaw from the disgusting man. I tensed, I didn't even want to image what happened because it made me sick to my stomach.
"It's okay, I'll stay right here." I assured her. I wouldn't move closer to her unless she told me to. We sat in silence as the minutes ticked by, I didn't take my eyes off of her. Scared that if I looked away she would disappear and she would have to relive that traumatic experience.
Soon she stood up, making my head perk up from the pillow as I saw her take small steps towards me. I once again held the blanket open as she laid into my arms.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you." Her words were slightly muffled by my chest as I felt her body begin to shake again, "I'm so sorry—"
"Shh, Shh, it's okay, it's not your fault. None of this is your fault." I reminded. It wasn't. None of this was her fault. It was his, he took something from her that she would never get back.
"Can you hold me, please?" She cried, pushing her body as close to mine as possible. Taking that as permission, I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, "and don't let go."
"I'm not letting go, baby, I'm right here." Placing my chin on the top of her head I tried my best to sooth her as I rubbed her back softly. Every minute or so I would remind her she was safe and I was here.
I'd always be here.
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