use me: the night john b and sarah were pronounced 'dead' is the night y/n lost herself. the night jj realized his girl was the most broken she's ever been. the night he realized he would give her every piece of him until she was okay.
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'We lost them'
Shoupes words were branded in the back of mine on repeat like a broken record. My wet clothing stuck to my skin in an irritatingly itchy way but I was frozen on my bed. I was freezing, my body trembled as it tried to warm itself since we all stood in the rain for too long hours prior in a tent.
I stared at my phone screen and waited for the text. The text I got every night from John B. It was a simple 'goodnight' text I've been receiving since we were old enough to have phones.
He's alive. He can't be dead. He's going to text me any minute now. I thought to myself.
"Y/n, baby." JJ whispered as he re-entered my room from showering. I didn't look up, my eyes were glued to my phone screen. I would give anything to get up and shower, the rain had made my hair and body feel disgusting but I didn't want to miss his text, "I made sure there was hot water left." He continued.
I stayed sat on the edge of my bed with my feet folded beneath me, my head looked into my phone which was resting on my legs.
Memories of John B and I flashed through my mind like a movie. We were best friends since diapers, when my mom died he became my person. I was always at his house fishing, playing tag, climbing trees. We did everything together. He was the brother I never had but always needed.
JJ stood in front of me and let out a slow sigh and reached down to rest his hands on my legs, "Princess, you need to shower and eat." When he realized exactly why I wouldn't take my eyes off my phone he spoke again, "after you do that we can wait for the text together."
Finally finding my voice I let a few words slip, "he's going to text." I refused to move from this spot until I got my goodnight text from my best friend.
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JJ's pov
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I knew what Y/n was waiting for and it broke me knowing she wouldn't be receiving her usual text from John B tonight. For the first time in all the years they've shared this tradition, my girl would have to go to sleep without it. And that broke me almost as much as it broke her.
"What if I sit in the bathroom with you and watch your phone while you shower?" I offered. I've never been one to tell her what to do but she's been sitting in wet clothes for five hours and she hasn't eaten anything since this morning. I had to put her needs above her wants, even if that meant telling her what to do.
She didn't respond. I kneeled down in front of her and looked at her features. Dark circles under her eyes, her wet hair clinging to her skin and her hands trembling in her lap.
"He's going to text me." She spoke again, this time her voice a little louder, a little stronger, "He would never forget to text me."
"Okay...you're right, he wouldn't forget." She was falling into a state of denial and I couldn't be the one to snap her out of it. If her being in denial got her to take care of herself I'd take advantage of it for the time being.
"Shoupe," She paused and pushed some hair out of her face as she sucked in a sharp breath, "Shoupe said he lost them, which means they can be found."
"They can be found." I assured. It hurt me sitting in front of her while practically lying to her face. I didn't want to believe Shoupes words from earlier but the chances of John B and Sarah being alive were slim to none, I couldn't give her more false hope than I already was. I was agreeing with her for a reason, not because I believed they were safe. I wanted to but I couldn't. We had to move forward, be strong, for them.
The thought of losing my best friend, the guy who I could always lean on, count on, laugh with, cry with, it broke me. But the thought of Y/n losing someone she considered her brother since birth broke me even more. I had to be strong for the both of us right now, not just myself.
"I-If I shower, you'll watch my phone?" I couldn't help but crack the smallest smile when she finally broke her stare on the device in her lap to look into my eyes.
"Like a hawk." I assured her, promising that no matter what I'd stare at the phone screen, "I'll sit in there with you, c'mon." She grabbed onto my hand as her legs uncrossed from under her and placed her feet onto the floor, following me across the hall to the bathroom.
I adjusted the water and helped her slip the soaked clothing off her body as I sat on the counter and watched the phone screen like I promised. I wasn't doing this for me, I was doing this for her. I watched her phone while she showered and changed into sweatpants as fast as she could.
When we got back to her room she laid on her bed, back pressed against her headboard as she returned to staring at the phone screen, "He's taking his sweet time." She chuckled softly to herself. I checked the time, it was almost one o'clock in the morning.
"We should get some sleep, it's been a long day." I tried getting her to lay under the covered but she wouldn't budge. The moonlight crept through her window and illuminated the high points of her features, including the single tear falling down her cheek.
"You can, I'm waiting for his text. I can't sleep without it." I huffed and laid next to her, keeping an arm over her leg as my thumb rubbed her thigh. It was a small gesture for her to know I wasn't going to sleep until she did.
3:37 am
My eyes were beginning to burn from being awake for so long. I looked up to see Y/n still staring down at the phone screen in the same position she's been in for hours. Suddenly the screen lit up and she began panicking.
"No, no, no," She whispered.
"What is it, baby?" I sat up quickly when she got off the bed and began throwing things around, "Y/n?" I asked again when she didn't respond.
"My phone is going to die, where's my charger?" She asked and I shrugged. I haven't seen her phone charger all day so I couldn't answer that, "Dammit! Where is it!?" She exclaimed and I got off the bed and watched as she began throwing everything around her room, searching bags, drawers, random boxes she had in her closet.
"How am I supposed to get his text if my phone is dead!?" She screamed as she gripped her phone so tightly her knuckles turned white. Once again holding the device to her face she hit the lock button, except this time it didn't light up, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, no!" With her phone still in her hand she began lashing out, punching her thighs and I wrapped my arms around her as she screamed. I wasn't going to let her hurt herself.
"Y/n, you need sleep. We need sleep." I stood in front of her, our chests flush against one another's as I gently held her upper arm. Her eyes looked up into mine, hers were bloodshot and swollen from crying.
"He's not going to text me," Her voice cracked. I swallowed hard and began shaking my head 'no', "H-he's dead, oh my god, John B is dead!" Her knees buckled from beneath her and I caught her before she could hit the floor. I held her in my arms as I sat us onto the bed, she crawled into my lap and gripped my shirt in her hands like her life depended on it. I truly believe that in her mind it did. That if she let go she would simply cease to exist in a world without our best friend.
I didn't speak a word, I let her flow through her stages of grief as she sobbed into the fabric of my shirt. After about ten minutes I was finally able to slip her phone from her hands and place it onto the nightstand beside her bed.
It took forty-five minutes until her grip on me loosened. She sat up in my lap and looked down to me, her eyes looking down at my lips before connecting hers to mine. I pulled her body into mine as I rolled her hips. Letting my hands travel up her familiar curves and one hand went to her hair, tugging it ever so slightly.
Until I snapped out of it, "Y/n, we can't, not right now. Neither of us are in the right state of—"
"Please," Her voice whispered, "Please." She repeated. I looked into her broken eyes and that's when I decided this wasn't just something she wanted. This was something she needed, something to distract her mind from reality and honestly maybe I needed it too.
For whatever reason Y/n wanted to engage in the act I would let her. I would let her use me as a way to feel whole again. I would give her every piece of me until she was okay. I would give her my heart, my soul, my body, my entire being in order for her to heal. Then I'd do it again a million times over.
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I did get the idea of y/n waiting on a goodnight text from John B from someone else but the writing itself is mine! I genuinely liked the idea and wanted to do my take on it so if anyone knows the original person who came up with that idea comment so I can give credit!