𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐯𝐨𝐭𝐞, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭, & 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞. 𝐄𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲!
𝘓𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯: 𝘓𝘰𝘴 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦𝘴, 𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘢
－𝘑𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘳'𝘴 𝘏𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦 －
𝘛𝘪𝘮𝘦: 11:30am
－ 𝘋𝘢𝘵𝘦: 𝘔𝘢𝘺 12 2021 －
/ 𝙅𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙧 𝙋𝙤𝙫 /
7 month later ...
That's how long it's been since the passing of my father and the breakdown I had. God, I miss him. I miss his loud stomping, him yelling at the Tv when his favorite basketball team would lose, and most of all his hugs.
His funeral had to be one of the toughest things I ever experienced in life. To be honest, I didn't even want to go to his funeral because I felt like if I was to go then that would be me accepting his death ... me realizing that he's truly gone. And in no way shape or form did I accept his death. Of course, I didn't move on. How could I? You can't just move on from something like that.
Besides my depression that I have been struggling with these past few months, I did start therapy shortly after I witnessed Daijon's family mourning him. That truly broke my heart to witness his little sisters react that way. It drove me back to how I watched my brother bleed out and die.
Therapy has been extremely well though. I can see myself getting better day by day. I'm growing as a person and learning how to express my emotions more in a mature way. Although I still have a long way to go on becoming better, I'm still way better than I was a few months ago and that's all that matters.
Latrell and I are doing amazing by the way. He's been helping me through my journey and also started meditating with me. Not only am I'm changing as a person, but so is he. He stepped away from all the gang-related things and quickly started doing well in school making nothing but A's for the rest of the year.
Mariah and Nevaeh are, of course, doing fine. Way better than before. They found out that for their senior year they would only have to take two classes, so they've been excited about that. I would've also had two classes if I wouldn't have failed my electives. But I don't know how the school can blame me for failing. If you lost your father the least thing on your mind would be grades.
As I finished up writing down all my thoughts, I closed the book and then exhaled a deep sigh. After that I placed the book in my dresser and then came in contact with that manifesting book that I wrote a couple months ago.
"Oh my god— I forgot about this" I laughed, as I grabbed the book to flip around a couple pages to see what I wrote.
I had completely forgotten about this book. I somewhat remember me writing down on how Latrell would ask me out or something like that. And after that, it worked.
"Mhh, I wonder if this shit really works. The first time could've been a coincidence" I said as I grabbed a pen from my dresser and then flipped to a blank page. "Here goes nothing"
You'll be greet with a hug
from someone you've never
thought to see again.
After I finished writing that, I closed the book and then got up from my chair. I grabbed my car keys and then opened the door to head downstairs.
While walking I saw my mother watching Golden girls for the 264957 time. She's been watching it as a way to deal with my fathers death. I don't know how 4 old women have the power to cheer my mom up, and I didn't even want to know how. As long as she's starting to smile again, then that's all that matters.
"Where are you going?" She asked me while pausing her show to sit up straight.
"To therapy. It's my last day, remember?" I reminded her as her eyebrows lifted up with a surprised facial expression.
"Oh my Prince— You dead ass? My baby finished up his therapy session today?! I'm so proud of you" She said, jumping up to embrace me with a hug. "You're father would be so proud"
"Thank you, Mom. I love you so much" I said as we both pulled back from the hug. "I'm going to go now. Wish me luck because I have a strong feeling that I'm going to cry" I laughed.
"You'll be fine. And even if you do cry I'm sure it'll be from seeing how far you've grown. My baby is really a senior now and about to graduate. You are almost there and I'm so glad you ain't give up yet! You go boy" She clapped as tears ran down her face.
"Ma— stop before I start crying" I laughed as I began to hear a car pulling up in our driveway to loud ass music being played.
"The hell is that?" My mother asked as she walked towards the door to open it. "Aye, Jamir come see what your man got" She waved me over as I came towards the door to see Latrell pulling up in a 2019 Genesis G70.
"Ohhh shit! Daddy got him a car! Or did you steal this one?" I laughed while gassing him up as he stepped out of the car laughing.
"Umm, first watch your mouth. And second, yuck" My mother laughed as she walked back in the house.
"You like it? I know it's not the newest one, but it's the only thing I could afford" Latrell said, smiling as I approached his new car to look inside.
"I love it! I'm so glad you got you a car! You can finally stop asking to drive mines now!" I mumbled as he playfully hit my arm.
"Uht, Uht, don't start with me boy, or you ain't getting no dick until June!" He laughed, as I rolled my eyes. "But anyways, I was thinking that I could take you to therapy today"
"Oh sure. I don't mind" I said, shrugging my shoulders as he opened the passenger door for me.
"Ite step in '' I got in the car as he got in the driver's seat. Once he closed the door he immediately drove off, now taking me to therapy.
The ride there was a bit silent for some odd reason. I tried making conversation, but he didn't seem to want to talk like something was on his mind.
"Are you okay?" I asked him as he turned to me for a quick second, then back at the road.
"Uhh, yeah, just thinking" He replied while pulling into the parking lot. "Lemme know how therapy goes. I'll be out here waiting for you"
"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked again as he let out a sigh.
"Can I tell you after therapy?" He asked.
"Umm, sure. I love you and see you then" I said as I gave him a kiss.
"Love you more" He smiled.
I got out of the car and then shut the door. As I walked to the office I kept thinking about what Latrell had to tell me.
What if it's something bad?
What if he got a girl pregnant?
Or even worse ...
what if he's going to
start rapping?
And I love my man, but he cannot rap. Not even the slightest. If I was to ever sit down and listen to him freestyle about how much he loves me again, then I would break up with him so fast.
Anyways, I knocked on the door my therapist was in as she quickly opened it.
"Good morning, Jamir. How are you?" She asked as I sighed.
"I'm doing fine. How are you?" I said as we both sat down.
"I'm doing okay. But tell me, Jamir, how do you feel?" She said while lifting her glasses up.
"Nervous"
"Nervous why?"
"This is my last day of therapy ... like what if something happens and I won't be able to talk to you about it"
"You can always schedule more sessions. The only reason on why it's ending today is because your mother set up a 7 month therapy session"
"Ohh- So I can like? Come back?" I asked as she busted out laughing.
"Of course, it's always a blessing to see your sweet face"
"Okay, i'm glad to hear that"
"Do you have anything you'd like to talk about?"
"Yes, please. It's actually about Daijon ... surprisingly" I said as her facial expression went blank for a second.
"Daijon? The boy who passed away a few months ago, correct?" She asked.
"Yes, him"
"Interesting. Back when we first started you hated the fact of me even bringing him up, but now you want to talk about him. Did something happen?"
"No, nothing happened. But is me now wanting to bring him up a bad thing?"
"No, not at all! It just means you've grown and healed and is really to talk about the situation" She said as I smiled from her choice of words.
"I wouldn't say healed .." I said now frowning.
"Why is that?"
"Because I've been feeling bad about his death lately. I watched his family grieve and pour their hearts out. Even after seeing all of that I never got to ask how they were feeling. My dad and he did die in the same car. I feel like it would be fair if I at least just apologize for my dad killing their son"
"And after you apologize to them ... how do you think you'll feel?" She asked.
"Like something that I've been carrying with me is finally gone ... like I got this big brick off of my chest" I explained.
"Why do you think it's your fathers fault?" She asked me.
"It is ... he was the one driving" I sighed.
"So you blame your father for both of them passing away?"
"Sadly yes"
"What I suggest for you to do is—" Before she could finish her sentence, her phone started to ring as she let out a sigh. "I am so sorry, my daughter is calling me about this concert that I won't let her go to" She said as she declined the call.
"What concert is she going to?" I asked.
"She isn't going to a concert since she's failed almost all her classes. And the artist was Nykia" She laughed as my eyes grew bigger from the mention of his name.
"NYKIA?! The Jamaican artist?"
"Yes, him. My daughter is obsessed with his music"
"My boyfriend loves Nykia as well. He's always blasting his music"
"Oh really? How about I give y'all the tickets to go see him. Cause these ones ain't going to waste" She said digging in her purse to hand me the tickets.
"Awee, thank you! I really appreciate it" I smiled.
"You're so very welcome. Now let's get back on topic"
"Actually ... I don't think we need to" I said, surprising myself with my response.
"What makes you say that?" She asked.
"I think I got everything taken from here. Thank you for everything Mrs. Scott, I truly appreciate you" I smiled at her and she smiled right back.
"Thank you for coming in and choosing to get better. May God guide you through this journey with peace and blessing" She said as we both got up to hug each other.
•🦋•
As I walked out the office, I opened the car door and sat down as Latrell looked at me confusingly as if I did something.
"What?" I asked him as he started to drive.
"It's just I assume you would be in there longer. That went by quick" He laughed.
"Yeah, I ended it early. But what is it that you wanted to tell me?" I said as he turned to me nervously.
"What I wanted to tell you was ..."
"Was ... ?"
"I got a college offer" He said as I raised one of my eyebrows.
"WHAT? FOR REAL? AFTER ALL THAT SHIT THAT'S ON YOUR RECORD?!?" I laughed.
"Yeah ..." He replied dryly as I grabbed his hand.
"That's awesome, but you don't sound happy. Why?" I asked him.
"Because it's all the way in New York" He sighed.
"New York? But we live in California. That's like a 6 hour flight away from us" I said awkwardly laughing.
"I know ... and this is one of my only offers so that makes me feel special. Despite the dumb shit I did in the past, there's someone that wants me to be in their school. I feel special" He smiled.
"And you're going to accept it?" I asked.
"Of course, but I don't want to leave you" He said while looking me in the eye.
"I mean that's fine. I can always come visit or you can visit. Plus we got the whole summer together. We can worry about all of that later. No biggie" I said while leaning in for a kiss, but he pulled back.
"Actually ..."
"Actually?"
"I'm leaving tomorrow. Which means it's going to be a long time until I may see you again" He said as I felt my heart drop all the way down to my ass.
𝚃𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚎𝚍 ...
𝙴𝚡𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛/𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚜
Sorry for the huge delay with
these chapters. So much has
been going on.
Yes, Nykia is in the 'Obsessed with me'
universe. Lol, but it's not the Nykia you
may be all thinking of ...
I also have a brand new story
that i'm working on. More updates
will be posted soon.
I love you
&
I hope you enjoyed!