Spring.
Voices muddled together loudly over top of music in the Saloon. Slight cold breezes welcomed themselves into the evening when you had begun walking to town for dinner. A final gust sent a twinge down your spine as the door heavily weighed itself shut. Nobody noticed your arrival as the sound of the door was drowned out through the rush of excited voices.
You approached the bar and sat up on a free stool on the corner nearest to the fireplace. This time it was lit and flickered a glow across the faces of drinkers and diners near to it. The crackling warmth dressed you lightly, recovering your bare spots of skin from the early spring evening chill.
Emily turned from the back wall of alcohol and lit up as her eyes caught yours. Drying the inside of a massive beer mug she quickly skipped in a hop towards your seat at the bar.
"I'm so happy to see you, I figured you'd be back for dinner sometime!" The towel squeaked inside the mug, indicating it was dry.
"You've read my mind, what's Gus got on special today?" You implored.
"Just some leftovers of the same soup, not a lot of people came in for dinner last night. I told him not to make such a big pot so early in the week but knowing him..." she leaned on one hip and rolled her eyes.
You laughed and began to understand as you learned more and more about his cooking habits. Gus seemed to truly be a man of the craft, his life revolved around it.
"I'll just get some pepper poppers... and do you do pizza by the slice?"
"On a busy night like tonight, yes... though not usually." She scribbled a quick note on her pad and ripped it off.
"Make it two then, whatever kind you've got, I'm not picky."
Emily ran off to relay your order to Gus, leaving you once again alone. This was when you noticed you didn't have a drink, now too late and would have to wait for Emily to return.
Hurried steps heavily strode behind you, making the floor creak loudly in response. A zipper loudly pulled with force as a voice grumbled deeply. You turned your head and followed the source of the sound, a man walking to the corner between the bar and fireplace. He emptied the contents of the pockets on his blue sweatshirt onto the countertop and slumped against the wall. His face looked annoyed and impatient.
Emily found her way back to you, remembering she hadn't taken your drink order. You asked for two beers and she clunked them down onto the bar top in front of you. Already you had planned to drink more than that, but two was a fine place to start. You watched her as she turned to the man in the corner, she stopped momentarily in her path. The man's eyes stared down at her egging her on to approach him, breaking her hesitation. Emily seemed annoyed as she half listened to his drink order. Before he had even finished she grabbed a fistful of beer necks and dumped them in front of him rudely. In the same attitude he dropped money in front of her for the beers.
Keeping a positive mind you'd assumed he maybe had a bad day at work, or he and Emily had a prior personal disagreement. Unnoticed, you caught yourself staring as he hit off a cap on the edge on the bar and drank greedily, his eyes falling into yours after he sipped. Embarrassed you quickly redirected your eyes down in front of you, toying with the bottle cap from your own drink.
Your food was presented in front of you, the pizza slightly less than fresh, it was probably made an hour or so ago... but it was by the slice, so you had no room to complain. Steam rose from the basket of pepper poppers, clearly fresh from the fryer. Golden crust coated them the same as the green beans you had for lunch the day before. Without mind to the heat you cracked through the crunchy exterior, ripping the pepper in half to blow cooly on the interior. The smell was more intoxicating than the beer you had been drinking.
The man in the corner looked back towards you as the smell wafted around from your hot peppers. He grabbed Emily's attention and then she again disappeared from the back. Not even a minute passed and she returned with another basket of peppers and delivered it to him. This time she seemed more at ease and happy to bring them to him. The shift in the interaction really threw your theoretic understanding of the way they perceived each other.
You try and break the silence, figuring you needed to make conversation with someone while you ate. You didn't want to appear as a complete hermit during your time in town.
"I guess these are pretty popular huh? Do you get them often?" You held a half pepper in your hand still as you gestured downward at your own basket.
His eyes deepened in a glare at you, somehow enraged by your comment.
"I don't know you, why are you talking to me?" He spat before turning to face the bar and drink deeply from a second bottle.
You were taken aback by his brash way of speaking.
"Oh- I-... I just thought I could get your opinion... if these are popular?"
"I think you're perfectly capable of making your own opinion... why would you care what I think?" He punctuated the response with another pull at a nearing empty beer.
You popped the cap from your second bottle and began on it. A warm tingle filling your fingertips from an emerging buzz. You flagged down Emily and asked for two more, which she gladly set in front of you.
In complete and utter silence you drank through the second and third bottles. The man in the dark corner would glance in your direction occasionally, sizing you up. Now less subtle the feeling of a buzz overcame you and your head felt swarmed in warmth. You dug into the now cold pizza. It tasted better now though that your senses were impaired. The way you were going about your dinner harshly reminded you of evenings spent alone in bars, typing on a laptop surrounded by empty drinks. Then you had usually ordered hard liquors, quick fixes to steal away clear thoughts.
The man in the corner finished the round of beers he had bought and slid them to the side. Gus was manning the register and saw a gesture for him coming from the dark corner. Without approaching the man drinking, he grabbed bottles from the cooler and set them in front of him, taking money as he turned away.
With liquid bravery flowing through you, you felt no shame in hiding your curious eyes that examined the man. His face had a bit of scruff as though he hadn't shaved in three or four days. Snags were pulled in the blue sweatshirt he wore, indicating frequent and favored wearing of the garment. Light glowing from the still crackling fireplace barely reflected off of his dark hair. It was deep toned with cool highlighted notes where the light barely touched it. His eyes were tired and drug downward as he drank, you couldn't make out the color much but red and purpled marks below them were apparent. There was no offer of openness from him as he shoved a hand deeply into his hoodie pocket and remained attentive to his drink. You wondered what he was thinking that held his attention so strongly.
"So, like, what's your deal?" Your liquid bravery compelled you to speak.
He turned to you with a furrowed brow, shock and displeasure in his eyes.
"What?"
You repeated, "What's your deal? Everyone else around here is so nice to me... and then there's you."
He continued to stare at you as if he couldn't take your question seriously, why had you contained the audacity to speak to him when he had already rejected your conversation. Still, you stared at him intently and drank more while you waited for his response. He realized you weren't going to leave him in peace until he responded.
Resentfully he mumbled, "Life. That's my deal." He took a deep swig from another bottle.
The answer didn't satisfy you, it was too vague. Though you had just met this man, you felt an urge to break into him. It wasn't your first time trying to do so, the men you met in bars back in Zuzu frequently gave you the same attitude. They had hated when you asked them about their lives while they tried to run a hand up your leg beneath the table. You were no stranger to the type of man who resented your questions when all he wanted was to find permission to touch you and leave without a trace. This one was no different with the exception that he lived here. There would be no way to avoid him after tonight the way you could back then. There was no ease of letting him fuck you without climax on your part and then disappear into the blur of faces on the street. You would see this man everywhere you went, and you intended to make that a pleasant occurrence.
Unashamed you continued to hold his gaze as you drank down more beer. Your already compromised perception worsening. He didn't often look away from you as you kept at it. It became a game of you trying to break him, pick through the hard exterior. The minutes passed and you began feeling sluggish, five empty bottles sat next to your dirty plates. Warmth radiated through you and your head felt the telling sign of a heartbeat.
The man looked at the two bottles he had left in front of him and slid one toward you. The gesture surprised you and you accepted the drink but noted it would be your last. You were toeing the line of okay to walk home and Emily letting you crash on her couch.
"You must be pretty screwed in the head if you're still trying to get through to me, huh?" He spoke to you with a hint of humor.
You shrugged and toyed with the bottle of your last drink, swirling it around.
"I suppose yeah, that's kind of why I moved here anyway."
"I get that. I'm in the same boat." He nodded understanding your position.
Silently again the two of you finished up your drinks and hung around your seats lazily. It was getting close to 10pm, considerably late since you still needed to walk home.
He broke the long silence again and asked you more.
"Where did you move in to? There aren't a lot of empty places..."
Your head spun and you thought long and hard, trying to dig up the response. One word made it from your brain to your mouth.
"Farm."
"Farm?" He repeated.
"Farm." You nodded in agreement.
Weight felt increasing in your head, like your neck wasn't strong enough to support it. However, you were still aware enough to find your way to the register and slide some coins to Gus.
"Are you going to be alright to get home?" Gus asked you in a concerned tone.
You just nodded and quietly stepped back to the corner of the bar to retrieve your belongings. The man in the dark corner jumbled into his pocket and clapped some more money down before approaching you.
"I'm okay to walk, honestly this was a light night for me." He told you, "You wanna walk with me? You're just up the road from my place.
You nodded and followed behind him. Emily shouted a goodbye and that she would call you sometime soon to which you waved in acknowledgement.
The night had started to chill a bit more, but it felt nice against your heated skin, an affect of the drinking. Refreshing air filled your lungs as you took a deep inhale of the salty night air. Playfully you swung your arms as you walked.
"I'm Shane by the way, I didn't introduce myself... I doubt anyone else had mentioned me to you either." He trudged and spoke beside you.
"(Y/N)." You responded simply.
"Man those beers did a number on you huh? That wouldn't have been enough to even get me started." His remark sounded sarcastic and was followed by a throaty scoff.
You just shrugged and kept walking, enjoying the cool night air and the sounds of the crickets hiding away. The two of you were nearing the bridge that led down to the beach. You diverged course and stepped onto it, leaning against the stone walled edge. Soothing wafts of even cooler air rushed up to your skin from the small river coursing beneath it. Deep relaxing breaths continued as you indulged in the feeling of euphoric drunkenness and the world around you.
"Life isn't so bad." You stated.
Shane turned and leaned against the wall next to you.
He scoffed rudely, "For you maybe." His shoes scuffed against the stone on the ground.
In silence you continued to stare down at the water rushing below you. Crickets chirped in a lullaby occasionally interrupted by a bird settling in for the night. It felt good to slow down like this, have a moment with your mind at the end of the day. Still the alcohol impaired your senses but it was a relaxing feeling, the weight of suppressed memories faded from you in the slow moments. Slowly you turned yourself back around, cautious to the edge of the bridge.
Shane lifted his head to you, turning his attention away from a pebble he had been nudging with his shoe. A smell of warm beer radiated off of him, the same smell you could assume was coming from you. Again you found yourself staring at him the way you had been back at the bar, waiting for him to say something.
Hurt was apparent in his eyes, the pain beneath them was clearer now being much closer to him. You could see the green now, flecks of gold glittered between a shade that matched the forest encroaching down the path. Green like the needles on a spruce, accents like the damp moss of the bark. He didn't break away from the look for what felt like minutes.
"I should get'chu home." He mumbled and stood upright.
You agreed and lifted yourself slowly to counteract the dizziness in your head. He waited for you and then gestured away before you began walking again. The night was still peaceful and calm as you journeyed home. A brief interaction of the backsides of your hands brushing warmly into each other momentarily regained your drunken attention. Without noticing you had somehow gotten closer to him while walking, like answering a magnetic pull. You looked back in his direction and saw his expression unchanged, as though it hadn't happened.
Rocks crunched beneath your feet when the town's stone walkways turned to a dirt path at the mouth of the woods. Fairly quickly a large ranch house emerged between the trees. A large enclosed area of grass protruded from the front of the property.
Shane cleared his throat, "This is my place... well, I'm staying here with my aunt Marnie and my goddaughter. I'm gonna take you up your property though, I think you might need me to."
"I just met Marnie this morning, she seems really sweet." You recollected the housewarming basket, the one that contained a gift from Harvey.
"Yeah, she's a good lady, she's helped me out a lot the last few months." His response was vague once again.
You turned to look at him and saw his brow was again pulled down in a distressing way. Something about his life with Marnie was clearly upsetting. He continued to lead you up a path onto your property in silence.
Bushes and tangling weeds on your overgrown land made you stumble frequently in your drunken haze. This was when you realized you were grateful he had decided to walk you home. You made it up onto the porch of your house and turned back to him. His hands were once again in his hoodie pockets and he scowled at the ground.
"Thank you." You offered.
"Yeah, sure." His tone was off handed, somewhat annoyed.
Again you turned away to open the door and step inside.
"No, wait..." He spoke up to you hurriedly.
Turning back to face him you waited for him to continue. Time lagged slowly on as you waited for him to say something... anything.
"Um-... Y-... ughh." He scoffed rudely and sounded as though you had made him sick of you.
He turned away and hurriedly walked back the way you had come. You were left alone with a hand on the doorknob.
This somewhat enraged you. He had been rude in the bar, kind enough to get you home safely, and then practically spat at you before leaving. The interaction was beyond confusing, even sober you may not have been able unravel the hidden context. The door creaked shut behind you when you stepped into the warm air of your home.
Fully clothed and uncaring you flopped beneath your blankets on the bed after kicking off your shoes. The night felt calm and your head slowed the spinning as soon as you became horizontal. Heaving breaths sunk through you as you lie slightly facedown on the bed, trying to calm your head. You began to feel winded and turned to the side. All of the lights were still on inside but your eyes began to feel heavy, your body too tired to care.
Shane's attitude had left you incredibly confused. Did he or did he not want to avoid you, to ignore you? There was no possible way to decipher the contradicting waves of his attitude. There had been a moment of softness beneath the rough exterior. You hoped you could find it again, knowing there was something beneath his complex shell. Nobody could possibly live in a way that repelled all people from connecting, even in the city everyone had someone at least. You had Indie, and your family, they saw you for who you were. Although you had always known them, they were still there to see the real you. When your mother passed, and then your grandfather, your dad was there to hold you as it broke you open and ripped out your heart. Everyone had someone.
Shane had a someone, and something concealed within him.
📝🌸💖 Hi everyone! I really hope you are enjoying this so far! I think things are going to get a bit interesting now that we've met both of our candidates, may your hearts remain still.
Toodles, XOXO 💖