Notes:
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This work is an Age regression
/Classification fic. So there will be things such as Diapers and their usage, pacifiers, cribs, bottles, exc.
But there will also be cursing and talking about sex when characters are out of headspace, and it also mentions some trauma. (Any future trigger warnings will be added to chapter notes if needed.)
Age regression itself is not sexual, it's a coping mechanism.
If you have a problem with any of this, you can click away.
"I'm just saying, the classification thing is kinda pointless, it has never benefitted anyone." Loona says.
"What about littles? They can't take care of themselves." Millie argues.
These two have been debating this since they got back from a mission. Blitzø had no idea what started it, but he was curious to hear their opinions on the matter.
"Who says they can't? Most of them aren't even like that eighty precent of the time, In fact, some of them are adopted by assholes who force them to be little all the time." Loona argues.
"That's actually true." Moxxie says. "I wouldn't say it benefits no one, but it doesn't really define who you really are or what you're good at. I mean, I was classified a babysitter initially. As you can see that absolutely determined my future." Moxxie says sarcastically.
"Well, I don't know, Mox. You certainly are good at stopping anything fun from happening." Blitzø says.
Moxxie growls at him while loona laughed.
"Well, I was classified a guardian with caregiver tendencies." Millie says. "I'd say that suits me pretty well."
"Well, yeah. But I was labeled a caregiver." Loona explains, which surprised M&M. "Yeah, exactly my point. The stupid center made me re-take it over a hundred times."
"I don't blame them. I've seen you kick a baby." Moxxie says.
"What was your classification, Blitzø?" Millie asks.
"Oh, I'm a Neutral." Blitzø answers softly.
"There's no way that's true." Moxxie says.
Blitzø raises an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It's just- that's too normal for you!" Moxxie explains.
"As hard as it is to believe, it's true." Blitzø says. "I can give you the stupid papers to prove it."
Millie looked over Blitzø suspiciously. "You cheated on the test, didn't you?"
"Oh please, why does everyone always assume that?" He asks. "It's not like i could've just found someone selling the answers outside the building or some shit, even if I wanted to. I wasn't exactly mr popular, so I didn't have a lot of connections." Blitzø explains.
Past, Blitzo age: 15
"Why are you guys so worked up about this? It's a fucking personality test. There's no right or wrong." Barbie, his twin sister explains as they're walking to the classification center. It was finally time for them to find out what kind of freaks they really were.
Blitzo scoffs. "Yeah, sure, just a personality test unless you're classified a caregiver and people think you're 'too soft' for jobs that make you any kind of actual money."
"I don't think YOU will have to worry about that." Barbie says, rolling her eyes.
"Yeah, and no one will hire you if you're classified a little." Fizzarolli explains. "You'd have to be adopted...and if you're like Blitzo, you just wouldn't get adopted at all-"
Blitzo punches his boyfriends arm.
"Hey!" Fizz shouts, rubbing his arm. "I meant IF you were a little."
"Bitch." Blitzo calls him.
"Is that any way to talk to your boyfriend?" Fizzarolli asks.
"Yes actually." Blitzo says. "It's the best way to talk to my boyfriend."
"Even when he has...this?" Fizzarolli asks, holding up a piece of paper.
"Oh...paper." Barbie hesitates. "Cool?"
"It's all neutral test answers." Fizzarolli explains. "I copied them on my arm so I can pass the test with no complications."
"Wow, that's impressive. I was just going to copy all her answers." Blitzo says, pointing to Barbie.
"You what?!" Barbie asks.
"Why would it matter? We're twins. No one would question it." Blitzo says.
"Listen. We share everything! At least let me keep my own personality." Barbie says.
"You don't want her answers anyway, Blitzo." Fizzarolli says. He looks to Barbie. "You know, you can use them too if you want, barbecue." Fizzarolli says.
"It's okay, I'm not really worried about it, I'll probably be neutral anyway." Barbie says.
"Yeah, cuz you're so basic." Blitzo says. Barbie punches his arm. "Ow!"
Fizzarolli laughs.
"Prick." Barbie calls her brother.
"Where did you get these anyway?" Blitzo asks, ignoring his sister.
Fizz shrugs. "I know a guy, had to fuck him to get it though." He answers.
Blitzo takes the paper and reads over the answers, not reacting to what Fizzarolli just said at all.
Barbie didn't either, just kept walking.
Fizzarolli waits a few seconds... "Oh my god, Blitzo! I didn't actually fuck him, I paid him! With money!" He explains.
"To be honest, I wouldn't blame you if you did fuck him." Blitzo shrugs.
"Well, it wouldn't kill you to be a little jealous, I can fuck other people, you know?" Fizzarolli pouts, arms crossed.
Blitzo takes Fizzarolli's face in his hands. "Oh, I know you can, but everyone knows you're obsessed with me." He says seductively.
"In your wet dreams, bitch." Fizzarolli and Blitzo kiss deeply, Blitzo sticking his tongue down the jester's throat.
"Geez, Come on, fuckbirds. We'll be late." Barbie says, rolling her eyes.
Fizzarolli and Blitzo agree. And the three of them head inside the building.
"Alright, here goes nothing." Barbie says.
"Good luck, sis!" Blitzo says.
Barbie nods. "You too, don't get caught." She mumbles violently at him.
Fizzarolli whispers. "At least change two or three answers, even if you get five present of something else, no one will really care in the future, we can't make it too suspicious."
Blitzo nods and gives his boyfriend a thumbs up before following Barbie to the testing area.
Present, Blitzø: age 35,
Moxxie checks the time. "Oh wow, we should really get going if we're going to make dinner." Moxxie says to Millie.
"Where you two going?" Blitzø asks.
"It's called none of your business." Moxxie says angrily.
Millie rolls her eyes.
"Wow, okay. Hint taken." Blitzø rolls his eyes.
"Is it?!" Moxxie asks. "You're not so good at taking hints."
"Come on, sweetie. Let's just go. See you later, boss." Millie says as she and Moxxie walk out.
"Well, guess it's just us then." Blitzø says to Loona.
"Yeah, sorry. Actually, I have to go too, Tex invited me to a party tonight." Loona says.
"Oh."
"Don't follow me." Loona warns. "I'll See you later, don't wait up." Loona walks out, closing the door behind her.
That was fine...Blitzø wanted to be alone anyway.
What was moxxie's fucking problem anyway? He defended their relationship at Ozzie's. If anything, they should be grateful that he followed them!
'Hey, everybody! This guy's a total disgrace! Some nerve you got to comment on a relationship Last I checked, your love life is a pile of shit!'
Like Fizzarolli was one to talk, when was the last time he was in a real relationship?
Blitzø drove himself home.
Maybe it's not such a bad thing that literally everyone he hangs out with is busy.
Blitzø goes into his closet to get out a box full of his little gear: Pacifiers, Diapers, toys, exc.
He could indulge his little self for a while.