I stayed awake, waiting for Greta. I wasn't entirely sure how much time had passed, but eventually the door to the room creaked open. Surprise filled her face when she saw me there, still awake and reading a book. Perhaps she had thought I would have fallen asleep by the time she returned.
"You're still awake?" She said as she shut the door behind herself.
I barely looked up at her and tried to seem casual.
"I couldn't sleep." I said and continued looking down at the page underneath my fingers without really reading it.
"Oh, uh— would you like me to get you some wine?"
I gave her a soft smile.
"Sure—"
She smiled back, though she did look uncomfortable. She shrugged out of the coat she wore and sorted through a few things before eventually returning to my side with a burgundy bottle in hand. As she leaned over to hand it to me, I caught her by the collar and pulled her in closer. She seemed willing, but unsure, though she closed the distance between us anyway.
I could taste the blood in her mouth— the woman's blood— and it made me feel sick. I winced as I pulled away.
"You taste like blood." I told her. "—And you smell like perfume."
She flinched away from me.
"I— I'm sorry. I was feeding." She said.
I raised an eyebrow.
"Just feeding?" I asked.
She frowned and sat down at the edge of the bed, placing the bottle of wine on the nightstand. It seemed that my words wounded her somehow.
"Of course. Judith—"
"I wasn't asking because I would be upset with you." I clarified, though my feelings were well and truly hurt. "I know you never said that you wouldn't take other women to bed. I have no reason to expect you not to."
She reached over and placed her hand on top of mine.
"Judith, I wouldn't ask you to stay by my side just so I could be disloyal to you."
"Loyalty is never something we have explicitly spoken to each other about."
In truth, there was a lot still that we hadn't spoken to each other about.
"I thought it was implied."
"I didn't want to get my hopes up." I said. "The last time I thought some sort of loyalty was implied, it turned out that was not so. I can't let myself get hurt again."
Dark thoughts started to creep up in my mind, like they still did every now and then. I found that, these days, it was much easier to push them away.
There was a long moment where she didn't say anything.
"Did you see?" She asked.
"I didn't want to interrupt you." I said. "You looked like you were enjoying yourself."
Her hand moved to my wrist, and she grabbed the other as well. She shifted her weight enough to push me onto my back, and linger over me. There wasn't any malice in it. She was gentle enough that I could have stopped her had I desired to do so. I liked the gentleness of it.
"Judith—"
She whispered my name. Cold fingertips ghost along my collarbone, down to the decorative edge of my shift. I tensed as she peeled it away from my skin, and slipped it off of my shoulder. It stung just a bit. Her breathing stopped, her pale eyebrows drawing into a hard line. I didn't have to follow her gaze down to the bite mark. I knew it looked bad. I felt it every day.
"Judith, I can't drink your blood in your condition. If I did, it might—"
"I know." I said. "I'm not stupid."
Just jealous.
On the side of her neck I could see just the slightest bit of pink left where I had bitten her just a few nights ago. I let my hand drift up, and gently traced it with the tips of my fingers.
"Well, I am sometimes." I hummed.
She caught my hand and gently pushed it back down to the bed.
"You're the only one." She said, "I swear it. Ever since the day you finally let me touch you for the first time, there's been no other. I chase the high that the taste of your skin brings me every day."
I pulled my hand away from her once again and flicked the tip of her nose.
"Watch your silver tongue."
"It's more than just silver."
"I am well aware."
"Perhaps I should remind you anyway?" She asked.
"Perhaps tomorrow." I said. I wiggled away from her, and she rolled over to lay beside me. "I'm tired. You shouldn't have taken so long feasting on that woman."
"Fine- But I'll hold you to your word." She said.
"Don't worry." I said. "I always keep my word."
The days stretched out into a week and I found myself feeling content for the first time in a very long time. Apparently festivities could last quite a long time here. Though I felt physically unwell, I found it very easy to ignore. The nights I spent alone with Greta eased my fears more than I ever could have imagined.
I couldn't have guessed that she would be so attentive to me.
Steam rose up from the iron tub. I watched carefully as Greta poured in another pitcher of boiling water, eyes attentive, watching the temperature.
There was skill in it, I thought.
There was skill in her attention. I could still remember what they would call such a gaze back at the convent.
A servant's heart. A deep, primal willingness to serve and please others.
I had just never been on the receiving end of the serving— until now, that was.
One more pitcher and the tub was halfway full. I stood and began to undress myself. She took notice, but not in the way I was expecting.
"Careful now." She said, "It's very hot."
"I know." I said, "But it's warm enough in here I can stand to be unclothed for just a little while."
I slowly peeled my clothes away from my body, and left them where they landed on the floor. Her breath hitched, and after a moment she started to undress as well.
I liked to see her. The expanse of her pale skin. The curves and the hard edges of her lithe body. It was delicate, but also dangerous.
I was a little nervous. I had never been completely naked in front of another person before- at least, not like this. She seemed to notice, and grabbed my hand.
"Are you alright?" She asked.
I nodded. "I am."
She let go of my hand, and climbed into the tub. I followed after her, enjoying the way the hot water soaked into my body. She leaned against the edge of the tub, and I leaned forward and pressed myself against her. As our skin made contact, I could feel the ridges and bumps from the scars that littered her body.
I laid my head against her chest, my cheek flush against her skin. I could hear the slow thumping of her heart, pounding in my ear.
It was nice.
I lifted a hand up, and lightly traced the shimmering blue Crescent moon below her breasts. The magic that pooled out of it was cool and serene. It made the tips of my fingers numb.
"Why didn't you want to tell me you were a holy woman?" I said.
"It's not something I like to talk about."
"Oh." I said, "Well I don't want—"
She cut me off.
"But I will talk to you about it. I don't know how I could ask you to trust me if I am not honest with you."
"I take it... you did not like being a holy woman?"
She shifted beneath me just a bit.
"I like it at first. I had nice things. I had plenty of food to eat, and I felt like I was important." She said, "But over time, I started to realize what sort of hand I was dealt."
"They started to treat you badly?" I asked "Your temple, I mean."
"Over the course of the decade I was there, things slowly started to change. They started to make us work even later, into the early morning. Our numbers started to dwindle, and those of us that remained had to take on even more patrons every day.
A pair of wealthy noble patrons killed my roommate one night. He had been fed off of too much anyway— we all had, really— but after they killed him, they just left him on the floor. I found him when I returned later. I can still remember the smell of stale blood sticking to the stone floor, and the way that his glassy eyes stared up at the ceiling."
"I thought something like that was incredibly amoral." I said. "Killing a priest or priestess, even if they are human."
"It is, in theory. I was sure the couple that killed him would be punished, but I was wrong." She said, "I'll never forget what the house mother said to me that day. 'It's alright. He can be replaced.'"
"I guess, no matter where you are, things are not so different." I said. "I saw people replaced as well. Probably not as much as you, but still. Is that why you ran away?"
"Not entirely. I ran away because I waited for those patrons to return to the temple, and I forced them to turn me." She said, "I told them that I wouldn't kill them if they turned me. After they did it, I... I killed them anyway. I thought it would free me from the pain and hurt I felt, but I was even more foolish back then than I am now."
"Are you... happier now? Despite everything?" I asked.
"I absolutely am." She said. "I'm free. What more could I ask for?"
"That's good to hear." I said. "It gives me hope for my own future."
"Judith."
The way she said my name was so unsure. I had never heard her sound so uncertain when she addressed me.
"Yes?" I whispered against her skin.
"You do... understand that I was a prostitute, right?"
"Yes." I said. "Why?"
"I— you're not upset, right?"
I pulled myself away from her skin, and looked up at her.
"Of course not."
She looked away.
"Alright."
I laid my head back down against her chest.
"Greta. If I—" I paused to swallow the sting that threatened to creep up into my eyes. "If I let myself love you, will I regret it?"
"I hope not." She said, "I don't want you to."
I glanced down, wincing at the golden shimmer that the mark of the Sun Goddess reflected into the bath. I closed my eyes, and looked away from it. Everything would be alright, I was sure of it. After all, Greta still had her blessing after all she had done, and that gave me comfort.
"Greta. I want you to turn me."
Hurray everything is fine (right now) ʘ‿ʘ