Yes, I'm going to a bunch of these with some specials peppered throughout.
(Also I completely agree with the image-)
-Ash
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TW: Mentions of assassination, anger issues, mentions of murder
Note: It wouldn't be my oneshots without some dark shit and little bits of cute stuff throughout-, maybe a POV change or two (?)
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I look out the window at the thunderstorm. Could've been a perfect day for sailing, had the weather not been a pain in the ass.
Night sees me staring out the window and asks, "Bored?"
"Yeah," I reply. "I can't go sailing with the thunderstorm."
"Why don't you write something?"
"Eh, sure. Why not." I reply as I go to my room to grab my laptop.
Timeskip brought to you by the writer's 3 hours of sleep-
I read over the thing I wrote, then go downstairs. That didn't really help. I couldn't really talk to Edward at the moment, he was out with Connor grabbing hunting stuff. Altaïr walks in, looking at my phone with a raised eyebrow. "What?" I ask.
"Is it a oneshot?"
"No, I got bored."
"Let me read it."
"No." I reply. I knew what I had written a mega lemon and I didn't want Altaïr to see it.
"MALIK!" he yells.
"Yes, Novice 1?" Malik says, walking into the room.
"Tell Ash to show me what they wrote."
Rolling my eyes, I hand my phone to Altaïr and wait for the metaphorical bomb drop. "Novice 2," Malik says. "D-Did you write this?"
"Write what?" I hear Connor ask. Clearly he and Edward had come back from grabbing hunting stuff.
"Nothing." I reply.
"Come on, love. You tell us, we won't judge." Edward says. I had a feeling he already knew what I wrote.
"I wrote a mega lemon." I say, pinching the bridge of my nose a bit.
"What's a mega lemon?" Connor asks.
"Not it." I say, glancing at Malik and Altaïr.
"You write and read that, I'm not explaining it." Malik counters.
"Edward?" I ask.
"He has a point."
"Please?"
"You do it."
"Fine."
So I begrudgingly explain what a mega lemon was to Connor who clearly never got this talk as a kid (Haytham just had to be an absentee dad-) and a few minutes later he was stunned into silence. Seemingly on autopilot, he leaves. Edward is still standing beside where Connor was moments before, laughing to death.
Altaïr and Malik just shake their heads and leave. And Edward comes over to the couch and sits next to me with a half smile on his face. "Want to go out again?" he asks me.
"After Celina? I won't feel as comfortable, but sure." I reply.
"All day breakfast?"
"Why can you read my mind, Kenway?" I ask with a laugh.
Timeskip brought to you by the writer feeling like merde while writing and listening to the Black Flag soundtrack album at 10:30pm-
I order an avocado toast and Sprite, just to keep breakfast light. Edward orders a meat lover's poutine and a Coca Cola. As I eat and look around the restaurant, I see a couple of faces that I definitely didn't want to see.
"Celina?" Edward asks as he sips some of his Coke.
"No," I reply. "Just...other people I harbor an intense hate for."
Ah, yes. Sara and Josh. Two of the most self-centered, egotistical, self-absorbed living stereotypes I've had the extreme displeasure of meeting. "I smell burning plastic." Edward mutters to me, gesturing to Sara.
I nearly choke on my Sprite, which causes them both to look at our table. A snort from Josh. "Wondering how you could nab a guy like that when he's probably wrapped around my finger just by the sight of me."
"I was reading a book with a gruesome murder in it the other day," I reply coolly. "The victim had acid poured down her throat and half her face was gone with multiple frantic stabbing wounds."
I could hear Sara's audible gasp from behind me and I knew I had pushed a couple buttons. "But here's the kicker: When that victim is in the autopsy room, she looks horrible. Now I'm going to bet this guy here-" I gesture to Edward sitting across from me. "$20 that the victim getting autopsied is uglier than your face."
"You do know that is called bullying-" Josh starts.
"Save your pathetic elementary insults for daycare Josh," I say. "If you want to fight me, take it outside so these poor people don't have to see you flat on your ass and bawling because I ruined your hair or broke your limited edition Ariana Grande perfume bottle."
"You know what?" Sara says. "I'll take you up on that offer."
"Wow, I didn't think plastic could burn so much in February," I say, kind of cracking up. "Are you a special type?"
"I suggest you two back down," Edward says. "Ash has a way with words that can cut people down to their lowest point if they get pissed enough."
"This doesn't concern you, stay out of it." Josh snaps at him.
"Oh it concerns him alright," I say, starting to lose my temper. "You mess with him, you mess with me. Now Sara, you said you'd take me up on the offer to fight outside? Wouldn't you freeze and become so brittle in the cold you break?"
Edward knows instantly what's about to happen as we both wolf down our food and quickly pay the bill. The other two...beings-I refuse to acknowledge them as human beings-do the same and suddenly we're all out in the brisk-but not quite cold-February air.
"Who's going to hit first?" I ask, looking between the two beings that now were glaring at Edward and I.
"I told ya both, wrong choice," Edward says. "Last chance."
They don't back down. Sara swings a punch, but it's weak and the positioning is all wrong, so I just grip her wrist right where the veins of her arms met. And I squeezed them with all my strength. A yell of pain from her. From what I could see, all color had leeched from her hand because blood flow was cut off.
I release my grip and she staggers back, clenching her hand and tears free falling down her face. I crinkled my nose, still smelling burning plastic.
Josh throws a malformed and useless punch at my face, but I easily grip his shoulder and hurl him into the nearby tree trunk. I see his limited edition Ariana Grande perfume with a bright purple pompom on it-which I suspected he had on him all this time-on the ground and decide to hurl it at the tree trunk as well. I feel a sort of satisfaction as the putridly sweet scent seeps into Josh's hair and clothes.
As I also suspected, he started bawling. So I take one final look filled with hatred at Sara and leave with Edward. (Quick note: Just imagine Fight Club from AC3 playing in the background if you want-)
Timeskip brought to you by Ezio dropping Cesare off a cliff-
"Salty," I say. "Can you assassinate Sara and Josh for me?"
"You know how I hate being called Salty, Ash." Altaïr huffs.
"Thanks, Alty!" I reply, giving him a hug.
"Alty I can live with." the Syrian Assassin grumbles.
"You're going to survey them first?" I ask.
"Yep."
I nod. "Solid plan."
Altaïr leaves-presumably to survey and plan assassination-so I just go over to the couch and put on Jojo's Bizarre Adventure out of boredom and I'm so invested in watching it that I don't hear Edward sneaking up behind me. So I sort of jump a bit when I feel an arm loosely around my neck and fingers lightly running through my hair.
A chuckle. "Scared?"
So it was just Edward. "Right," I reply. "In your dreams, Kenway."
He chuckles again and continues lightly running his fingers through my hair. Rolling my eyes, I pull his face to mine by the collar of his shirt and give him a kiss.
Unfortunately for us, Jacob walks in and squeals. "No PDA!" he says like a stern parent.
I know it's all a joke, so I ignore him. After a bit, Edward pulls away to catch his breath. He gives me a slight smirk and puts his arm back to where it was loosely around my neck. Giving him a slight smirk in return, I ruffle his hair.
"Oh, go ahead. Pretend I'm not here, why don't you?" Jacob gripes.
"How is that Jacob's taken yet still acts single?" Edward asks me.
"He's an overgrown toddler," I reply. "Leave him be."
Timeskip brought to you by Leonardo translating Codex pages-
As I'm starting the first episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I hear a knock at my door. Rolling my eyes, I pause the TV and go open my door to see Edward. "What are we, sharing a room?" I say sarcastically as I move aside to let him into my room.
"If you want." he replies, catching me a bit off guard.
"I was starting the first episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer," I say. "Want to watch?"
"Sure." he replies, sitting on my bed beside me. After a little while of us just watching the show, I can't help but notice Edward doesn't really seem like his normal self. Like he was more...subdued than he usually was.
"You okay?" I ask him. "You seem more...subdued than usual."
"Aye, I'm fine," Edward replies. "Nothing for you to worry about, love."
"From the way you said that, it seems like something for me to worry about," I say, gently squeezing his hand. "You know you can tell me anything that's on your mind, right?"
He sighs and says, "I...I never expected to get stuck here and fall in love with someone new while I'm technically still married. Now don't get me wrong it's beautiful here, but...It's not like she loved me near the end anyway. Fuck, she could have remarried."
"Caroline?" I ask. Edward nods a bit and his face slightly darkens. Everyone knows they're fictional characters here and are used to me knowing a lot about their stories because I'm a huge Assassin's Creed nerd (Note: I'll make a backstory on how the writer [me-] meets everyone later, also I'm actually a huge Assassin's Creed nerd which inspired me to start this oneshot collection-).
"Aye. She always hated me 'privateering'. But I guess she's just a three dimensional model of a person with pixels on a screen now."
"True," I say. "Look at the flashbacks in the game."
"Nobody I already knew before made it..." Edward says, his face looking a bit downcast.
"I mean you do have a son and grandson plus a distant descendant here."
"Haytham's a disappointment."
"Everyone agrees," I reply while wheezing. "Anyway, how are you finding Connor?"
"He's a really gentle and caring lad despite being so tall. And his sailing is impeccable for someone who has zero experience." Edward says.
"Maybe we should take him out on the Jackdaw, let him sail a bit?"
"Sure, at some point. But wouldn't you want to go sailing, just the two of us?"
"I'll think about it."
Timeskip brought to you by the Leap of Faith yet again-
As I look out the window when I wake up, sunlight assaults my eyes like lasers. It looks like Edward and I had fallen asleep cuddling again and I was trapped because his arm was coiled around my waist. So I just wait for him to wake up, counting the minutes by checking the clock on my nightstand.
After about 10 minutes, he wakes up and gives me a lopsided smirk. "Morning Sleeping Beauty." I say playfully. "Good morning to you too love, how'd you sleep?" Edward asks.
"Like merde (shit), as usual." I reply
"We need to get that checked out," he says, concerned. "But for now let's just get out of bed."
I nod.
Timeskip brought to you by Connor getting absolutely schooled by Haytham-
As I cook oatmeal, I hear Aveline walking over from behind me.
"Merde sleep?" she asks.
"Yep," I reply wistfully. "Edward says I need a doctor's appointment."
"At least you're eating a bit more," she points out. "But it's not enough, is it?"
"Not nearly." I reply. Just as Aveline leaves, my oatmeal finishes cooking, so I take it off the stove, pour it into a bowl and then drizzle honey and raspberries on it. Mixing the toppings in, I work out some soreness in my neck.
Walking to the dining room table-which was only really occupied by everyone for holidays-I see Edward pacing around. "What is it?" I ask him.
"Who took my rum?"
An extremely predictable question. Rolling my eyes I say, "It's 11:30 in the morning. And by the way, I took your rum. Drinking that much is extremely unhealthy anyway."
"Eh, who cares? Besides, everyone I know is gone, so the rum helps me forget that." he says.
I know you miss them Sharky." I reply, using a nickname I gave Edward. I then lean over the back of my chair and give him a kiss. Someone coughs awkwardly and I see Waffle sitting across from me.
"Sorry Waffle." I say with a chuckle.
Timeskip brought to you by the writer's attempt at trying this calming tea thing their grandma gave them but it's 11pm and they're writing and it didn't work-
As I'm reading, Jacob spawns in behind me. "Whatcha reading?" he asks.
"A Court of Silver Flames for the third time."
"The smutty one?"
"How do you know?"
"So I may have stolen the series and read it while you weren't looking..."
"JACOB FRYE!" I yell.
"What? They were immaculately written!"
Sighing, I shut my book and head to my room for some peace and quiet. As I'm walking up the stairs, I feel someone lightly grip my arm from behind me and I see...Shay?
"I was wondering, how do you read that unholy stuff?" he asks me.
I laugh. "You think this is unholy? You should see your fandom..." I had muttered the last part, but Shay seemed to hear it. "What do you mean?"
"I'll show you later."
"I'm scared."
"You should be."
Timeskip brought to you by drunk Edward singing the Spongebob Squarepants intro (I'll let you guys imagine that)-
I hear a clattering of pots and pans downstairs, presumably the chaos of someone cooking. I've honestly tried to offer to cook for everyone, but I always get turned down. A knock on my door.
"Come in." I say, setting my book on my nightstand.
"Hey love." Edward says as he opens the door.
"What is it?" I ask.
"I missed you."
"Why didn't you come to see me earlier?"
"I thought you were busy." he replies, pressing a light kiss to my neck.
"You should know I'm never too busy to see you, Edward. Cuddles?"
"Fuck yes."
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I'm so sorry I didn't update for a while school really wastes my time for updating- :/
-Ash