"I'm not quite sure what to do." Satoru huffed out in jest, but his words were riddled with introspection. In the middle of the training field, the strongest sorcerer stood 10 meters apart from the begrudging Nanami. Though he was meant to train his kouhai, Satoru was distracted. He brooded out loud as he occasionally glanced in your direction. "I wanted her to be dependent on me, but I'm scared of the consequences. What if I kill her? What then?"
Though the other students would have written off whatever Satoru had to say, Nanami had a feeling his words stung deeper than he led them on to be. Even if he didn't like the prospect of being Satoru Gojo's personal therapist, this wasn't something he could ignore. If it remained unaddressed, who knows what the strongest sorcerer would do. "Even in all of your idiocy, I can never picture you killing Y/n of your own volition. You're overthinking it." Nanami grumbled, firmly holding his blade in hand.
Satoru braced infinity for impact as his gaze landed on his foe. With eyes gilded in a distant azure blue, the atmosphere was chilled by the crude cut lines of his stiff facade. "So what if I am? Just because I'm overthinking it doesn't mean the possibility is ruled out. I can hurt her. I can kill her."
Taking a deep breath, Nanami jumped forward to land his initial blow. Of course it was no match, but he didn't expect it to be successful. "So then what are you gonna do about it?"
"I don't know." Satoru huffed, his body loosening as he flung his Kohai in the air. "I can't distance myself forever. She'd just be targeted by external forces anyways, and I'd be worried sick. But if I pull myself closer, I'd be her biggest threat. If there were people around that could stop me from going too far, I'd be more comfortable. But if it's just us two? Nanami..."
"And why would you want to hurt her?" The 7:3 sorcerer huffed, barely landing on his feet a few meters ahead. He seemed more annoyed that mud splashed all over his uniform bottoms than his inability to cut through Satoru's defenses. "Is there any reason you'd hurt her? Something you'd hate her for?"
"No!" Satoru exploded. Any semblance of lightheartedness was lost as the boy stood in a crater of his own creation. "I love her- I love her so much. I'd kill anyone before I had to kill her. I... I just want to protect her. I want to keep her safe."
As it died down, the two sorcerers exchanged a moment of silence. Satoru, having realized his affliction, tried to calm himself with a few deep breaths. But Nanami filled the void between them. "Would you kill her if it was the only way to protect her, then?"
Satoru's expression blanked. "What do you mean?"
"Let's say something happened, and her powers got too out of control where it was self-destructive." Nanami continued, raising up his hatchet to brace another attack. "Or if there was a malicious curse infecting her. Or if she was in a state of irreparable injury where she was suffering. Would you kill her if it meant protecting her?"
Satoru's mouth went agape. "I... I might." Shaking the thought out of his head, he continued completely forgetting what he was supposed to be doing. "But what if I'm selfish? Come on, Nanami. You of all people should understand how selfish I can be."
"There's a circumstance for everything." Nanami frowned, rushing the boy in a surprise ambush. Though he was almost successful, Satoru was able to snap back to dodge it. "Just because I'm overthinking it doesn't mean the possibility can be ruled out. But, it's just a possibility. If you want to know my honest opinion, the scenario where you and Y/n live happily together can only be possible when you're not distancing yourself from her."
"If you leave her right now, her blood will be on your hands."
The words of his future self echoed in his head. It seems Nanami, in all of his monogamy, was right. Here Satoru was focusing on the fact he killed her - but not the why. If he left her side, it's plausible something could have happened, leading to the one-in-an off chance he'd need to stain his hands with you.
Satoru stood in silence again, processing everything at once. Each minute detail, every interaction he had, all of it churned in his head as he organized his thoughts. Though, this was enough of a distraction for Nanami to finally get past his barrier. And so the blonde sorcerer stood with his cleave pressed against Satoru's neck.
"Thanks for keeping my head on straight." Satoru said without acknowledging the current position he was in. Winning or losing this mock battle was never a concern to him. After all, you were the only thing he really cared about.
And if he had to lose this small battle to be able to see clearly once more, so be it.
•~•
Days passed, and practice sessions were tossed around liberally. You were beaten up by some, but you were also able to defend yourself for others. The rate you were able to improve was quite impressive - even by Jujutsu standards. Though, this could also be because of the quality of training you've been receiving. From barely passable, Akio now has some confidence in you. Of course Special-Grade was out of the question, but you could pass as a solid second grade in all your progress.
And by your side stood Satoru. At first he was distanced, but he's recently gone back to being suffocatingly affectionate. Cheering you on, teasing you, smothering you, doing every little thing that made you fall for him to begin with.
"You did great today!" Satoru cheered, opening his arms wide open. How could you refuse? With your last bits of energy, you dashed into his embrace for a hug. He followed suit, wrapping his arms around you before twirling you around in the air. "My little fiancé's really turning out to be a scary one, huh?"
"Satoru!" You chuckled, nudging your cheek into his chest as he finally put you down. "I'm not that strong. I've just improved a little."
"Oh?" Satoru smirked. "A little? Miss 'I had a teaspoon of cursed energy' has improved a little? If that's your definition of little I'd like to see what a lot looks like."
With a delicate kiss to your lips, he broke off as your face began to redden. He just had that effect on you. "Come grab some celebratory sweets with me. You've worked hard so this is the least I can do."
He always left you speechless with his flattery, and his abrasive affection. And this was no different, barely able to even look him in the eye. You followed his lead without hesitation.
The two special grade sorcerers walked out into town. There was something different about walking out here with sunset skies. In Tokyo, it was hard to see anything over the skyscrapers and traffic lights. But here, the chirps of the cicadas would ring as the leaves of mature trees reflected the fading blue sky.
"There's a really nice small bakery around here," Satoru hummed out, dragging you through the vacant streets. Keeping up to his long strides was a chore in itself, especially as exhausted as you were. It didn't help how close he wanted to keep you to his body. "I used to sneak out all the time to go after training. It should be..."
His eyes scrolled over to an older-looking series of buildings beginning to come into view. Old, rustic panels held up by aged wood. By no means was it perfect - but the structure was still sturdy. If Akio threw you into them, it would be able to withstand the force.
A chill crawled down your spine at the thought. Akio's training was borderline abusive the more you thought back on it retrospectively.
But unfortunately, the row of buildings didn't have much traffic. And the storefront Satoru was interested in a sign on the window that read 'FOR LEASE.'
With an awkward chuckle, the white haired sorcerer scratched the back of his head. You didn't mind, but a quick glance to your boyfriend would read that it bothered him. "It seems like it's been a bit too long since I've been here last, huh. Me-two didn't even warn me." With a hum of disappointment he continued, pulling you a little closer to his chest. "Let me think... there should be someplace around here with sweets."
Reading his uncertainty, you shook it off. "Maybe we should head back. I don't want to make your family worry about your whereabouts." You attempted to walk back, but Satoru stopped you in your tracks.
"No, no it's fine." He muttered stubbornly.
"You don't have anything at home?" You reasoned. "Maybe we can bake some cookies or together. Tomorrow's the Kyoto Sister School Exchange Event anyways, so it may be best if we stay in and relax."
"No." Satoru tightened his grasp on you before catching himself. Loosening his grip, he continued. "I mean...sure. If you're that exhausted, maybe we should call it quits for the day."
And so you both walked home together.
The sky darkened as the sun began to set. Amber hues filled the streets below, leaving speckles of sunlight to scatter across Satoru's face. The rising moon made the glow of Satoru's eyes more noticeable, twinkling to their own beat.
"Satoru?" You called, looking straight ahead to the streetlamps that were beginning to flicker on.
"Hm?"
You awkwardly gulped. "You're acting... weird." Your eyes were fixed forwards, ignorant to the reaction he was bound to make.
But there wasn't any. At least, none that you could discern. Satoru responded with a simple "How so?" With a calm, unwavering timbre it was too eerily neutral for comfort. It was almost worse than if he'd gotten angry or defensive.
This threw you off, so you lost track of what exactly you wanted to ask him. So, you walked in pensive frustration before you tried out something else. "I don't know. It just seems like there's something different about you after the star plasma vessel mission."
"Well, of course." the boy responded truthfully, raising your head in surprise. "After everything that happened, I have a new perspective on life. Or death, for that matter."
"A new perspective?" You were curious, sparing a gaze his way. He was deep in thought as if he was seriously considering your question.You'd admit it was cute; he's never been this pensive around you before. "Why? No one died, and the mission was successful."
"I don't know," Satoru closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I've just been doing some self-reflection. I've come to realize I don't want to outlive you. I don't think I can go back to being alone like that again... it scares me."
You tried look away as you blinked away your tears. Why you were getting emotional was beyond you, it was only hypotheticals after all. Right now, the two of you are together. Wasn't that enough?
"Hey, Y/n?" Satoru asked deadpanned.
"Hm?" You sniffled, looking back at him.
"What if we don't go back to the clan grounds?"
Before you could respond, you felt his hands grip your wrist like a vice. "What if we go someplace else, just you and me? Forget this sorcery bullshit, we just start a little family in the mountains. I get a job, you stay home to take care of the kids. We can have a happy family without a care in the world."
You paused, halting Satoru with you. As he snapped back to reality, you could see the realization strike his eyes as you were struggling to keep up.
"You... want to run away?" Was the only question you could ask in a shaky breath. Though Satoru didn't take it lightly.
"It's not running away." He defended himself. "It's to protect you! Do you know how many curse users will be targeting you now? Do you know how risky being a Jujutsu sorcerer even is? You almost died, and you still want to be a Jujutsu Sorcerer? Jujutsu sorcerers don't live long happy lives. But I want that for you, Y/n. I can give you a better life - a life you deserve. So please, come with me."
"We'll be fine."
You tried to stand your ground, but it didn't do much. Satoru was still as stiff as ever. "We can talk about this some other time. I get it's dangerous, but tomorrow's the Kyoto Sister School Exchange event. Nothing will happen until after it's over, so we can talk about it then."
"Who says nothing will happen?" Satoru snapped back. "You don't know for sure."
"Whether something happens or not, I've improved." You furrowed your brow. "Don't you trust me?"
"I couldn't even stop him!" Satoru's voice cracked. "How the hell can you do something I can't?! You're weak!"
Ripping your hand away from him, you speedwalked ahead.
"Y-Y/n wait I-" he tried to catch up, but you kept your distance. As his hand reached out for you, he noticed a trail of dots following you on the pavement... tears.
•~•
He fucked up.
He fucked up, but didn't know how to fix it. You locked yourself in your guest room, leaving Satoru outside. Of course he could force himself in - as the son of the clan head he knew where the keys were. Besides, it wasn't much of an obstacle for his teleportation. But even if he could get in, invading your personal space wasn't the best idea.
And so, he huffed out loud as he leaned against your screen door, sliding down.
"She hates me." He groaned, burying himself in his arms. "But she'd probably hate me more if I tried to kidnap or imprison her for the rest of our lives I guess? Maybe I could curse her some more, but that wouldn't be the same."
Grumbling in frustration, Satoru pulled at his hair. "God- this sucks! Why did he kill her? Why couldn't he just tell me why I'd have to kill her and run up all this mysterious bullshit?"
His words echoed in the hollow halls of the Gojo Clan Estate. Luckily your room was in a wildly underused location of the Gojo Clan residence, since it was the only spot where rooms were available. But even if it were central, no maid would dare approach Satoru in such a mentally distraught state. If it wasn't job security, there was a certain fear everyone held for the strongest sorcerer. As a young boy he had a reputation for sending clan members to the hospital at his own whim.
"How can I make you happy?" As his snow coated lashes fluttered up, a small whimper left his lips. "I thought you'd be happy just being with me. Was I wrong?"
Shaking his head, he pressed his hands into his knees to prop himself up. You were still locked in your room of course, your small sniffles escaping out into the hallway from under your door. He hates it when people cry, but he hates it more coming from you. People who cry are weak... but when you do it it's contagious. He can't help but feel an impending sense of guilt when you cry, almost as if it's playing the heartstrings of his own weakness. He hates it when people are weak, but most of all he hates feeling weak.
He finally made his way to the kitchen, spotting one of the Gojo clan maids trying to make a swift exit. Satoru grumbled before staring her down. "Hey."
"O-oh, Satoru-sama!" She squeaked her way into a bow. "I didn't notice you! Was there something you need?"
She definitely noticed him. It was hard not to notice such a large presence as himself, but he brushed it off as he lazyly hung his hands from his pockets.
"Do we have any cookies, or brownies, or anything of the sorts lying around?" Satoru asked.
"Satoru-sama, my apologies." The maid kept her head low, but darted her eyes to flicker around the room. "Your father put a strict ban on letting you eat junk food."
"It's not for me." Satoru rolled his eyes. "It's for Y/n-chan. You see, I promised her sweets but the place I wanted to take her closed down. She's really upset, so my hands are a little tied here."
The maid relaxed, but was still stiff returning from her bow. "We don't have anything, I'm afraid. But if you want, can I run to the grocery store to pick something up to Miss L/n's preferences?"
Satoru stood in thought, before poking his eyes around the kitchen. It was in its usual state, spotless from corner to corner. So, he perked up. "Do we have any milk? Cocoa powder, flower?"
"Yes, we keep a regular stock of those." She stuttered, turning around to fetch them before realizing the young master's intentions. "If you would like, I could round up some maids to make brownies for the missus! No need to get your hands dirty, Satoru-sama."
Satoru ignored her offer as he kept listing ingredients. "Sugar, eggs, vanilla extract, salt."
She quickly piled the ingredients on the counter. "Satoru-Sama, really. We've got it from-"
"I got it." Satoru was blunt. "Besides, I'm the one who fucked up. I should be the one to do it."
•~•
You sat, locked alone in your room. After what happened earlier, you needed space. Whether or not you were acting ridiculous didn't matter. All that did was all of your work and effort was null the moment he called you weak.
To think Satoru believed in you.
Of course you didn't want to cry or make a big deal out of it. But the tears couldn't stop no matter what you tried to do. Once the floodgates opened, you were at their mercy. So you were hoping to compose yourself in your room. You couldn't risk seeing Gojo-Sama or Akio-Sensei like this.
But just as you were close to calming down, you heard a knock at your door.
"Y/n-chan?" Your boyfriend's familiar voice echoed throughout the room. "Y/n-chan are you alright?"
You froze. Of course you wanted to seem alright, but your body wasn't letting you.
"Y/n-chan?" He knocked again. "Are you there?"
Again, you could barely take in a breath let alone respond. Satoru didn't take your non response lightly.
"Y/n?" He continued to knock, this time panicked. "You're there, right? Please respond - let me know you're alright. You ok?"
After hearing nothing, he sighed "I'm coming in."
Satoru teleported into your room, much to your surprise. You forgot he could do that, so the lock was useless after all. But just seeing you again was enough to calm his nerves. Even if you didn't look well, he was glad nothing happened to you. That's not to say he wasn't hurting from seeing you like this.
"I can leave now, if you want." Satoru pursed his lips together, awkwardly darting his eyes away. "I just wanted to bring you something."
As you laid down in all your hunched up glory, the faint aroma of fudge filled your nostrils. By the time you realized what it was, your head finally poked up. "Huh?"
Your tears were long dried up as you blankly stared at the tray. From the cocoa powder dusted over his uniform, you could deduce he baked them. You didn't know he was capable of using an oven, let alone making something that smelled that good. "Why do you have brownies?"
"They're for you." He simply responded, putting it down on the nightstand beside you. "I can even get you some milk if you want."
"No, no," you shook your head. "Brownies are seriously your solution? Do you think I'm just going to forgive you over some brownies?"
"No." He reaffirmed. "These were because I promised you sweets. I'm open to talk about the other thing if you are... and apologize. Look, what I said was stupid. I know I'm the strongest, but you're strong in your own ways too. Just because I'm better at killing curses doesn't necessarily mean I'm better overall."
In an awkward grumble, he scratched the back of his head. "You can do so much I couldn't even dream of achieving. Hell, your innate abilities cracked enough for the higher ups to put an execution order on you. But whatever flattery I've said aside, you are strong. I'd say you're tied for being the strongest in your class with Nanami. Considering you've only really started training a week or two ago, that's impressive."
As you started to loosen up, the boy lowered his head. "But that's not to say I'm not worried. The enemies you might encounter aren't in first year highschool. They're sorcerers with dozens of years of experience under their belt. Sure, you're strong for your age. But overall? You still have a long way to go. Hell, I'm the strongest of our generation and I still couldn't kill Toji, or stop him from almost killing you."
"I thought Toji was dead?" You looked up, dumbstruck. At least, that's what you've been told. Maybe the higher ups were hiding something from you? It wouldn't be the first time.
"I thought so too," he admitted, scratching the back of his head. "But I had my father source some help to confirm his status. And low and behold, he's alive and kicking. I don't think anyone else knows his status but us and him. Even the Zen'ins are oblivious."
"I see." You blinked as you shot your head down. "I'm sorry for taking it personally. It makes sense why you're so cautious, and I appreciate that you want to protect me. But..."
"I know." Satoru sighed. "I've been too overprotective, haven't I?"
You nodded. "The more you're overprotective of me, the more I hurt. I don't want to be strong for my age, Satoru. I want to be strong enough to stand beside you. I can't do that if you shelter me."
As you deliberated, the more antsy Satoru got.
"But I understand... if even you're afraid, there's something bigger at play here." Letting off a small grumble, you buried yourself deeper in your blankets. "It'll be a while before I can be strong enough to make you not worry about me. But like you said, I'm better at some things than you. My proficiency is out of the question, but my technique is pretty useful. If we can watch each other's backs - our blindspots - maybe we can do this together."
He stood, pensively sorting through your words in his head. It felt like hours, just watching him in complete silence before you. But he eventually conceded.
"You're right." As his eyes flickered up to you, a hidden sadness lurked beneath. But before you could do anything, he opened his mouth.
"I don't know what I'd do without you."
•~•
AN/
JJK chapter 212 has broke me in ways not even flex tape can fix.